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In the Name of God بسم الله

imconfused

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About imconfused

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  1. Can you please delete/unregister my account? Thanks.
  2. S/a again, ok so I got my replies from najaf website, and this is it... My first question was in regards to engaging in a temprorary marriage with a kafir (non ahlel kitab), I wanted to know whether you could get a different marjas ruling on this matter.. The reply was, ---- n the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful A Muslim man is not allowed to marry, neither permanently nor temporarily a non-Muslim woman who is not among Ahlul Kitab. Based on obligatory precaution, a Muslim man must refrain from marrying a Zoroastrian woman, even temporarily. Wassalamu Alaykum ---- My second question was... --- Salaam Alaykum, If a non muslim, kafir woman recites the shahadaytn, is she qualified to be in a mut'ah temproary marriage with a muslim man, even though she doesn't practice the religion of Islam, but solely recited it to be in a mut'ah with the man? Thanks In the Name of Allah, the Beneficent, the Merciful Yes, the Islamic treatment would be applied to her as long as she does not say or do something that would contradict [her declaration of the faith]. Wassalamu Alaykum --- So where does this leave me? Apparently, according to this, iif a kafir recites shahada, even without like practicing the religion, but just to be in mutah with me, the mutah is allowwed... Secondly, whether I still need the parents permission if I know they are going to refuse, is still under question (because I think that's when I can refer to another marja) Now, this is my concerns: - is this right? Asking her to recite shahadat just for the mutah? - what does contradicting decleration of faith mean? - am I allowed this? - do I get gunah if I know she isn't really gonna follow the religion but she just said it and temprorarily believes in Allah and the messenger for this mutah? - does she get a lot of gunah for this? Do I have to worry about this---? - so many questions...
  3. S/a Thanks for the correction, and thanks for the reply too. I have been trying to contact the website for my question, I have not recieved an answer but thank you very much for taking the effort. Many people think you can, it seems that they are misguided. So there is no way, unless I change my taqleed, but changing my taqleed for one law doesn't seem to be allowed, and I also heard if you change it, you can't change back.. Plus you have to seek the most knowledagble, and I don't believe there is anyone more knowledgable than seestani, so I'm guessing all I must/can do is avoid the harram (only real option). W/s
  4. Im just scared that when i inshallah one day stop for good, like.... would the wise choice have been engage in mutah earlier the better --- or learn to avoid it and stopp it once and for all... one is like running away, and the other is liek fighting it... and suceeding after a very long time... Future, i want to have a permenant wife in the future.... this.. imagine how bad my future wife would feel if she knew i did mutah with another girl, it kills the experience for her.. :/ agreeed.. mutah-ing, that too with a kafir just makes you seem so much weaker.... its a worst case scenario, im not an addict... i mean.. its hard to not but... like.. you can always try harder? there is no DOUBT id LOVE to have it all halaal...... but. thats not an option.. yet.. and i dont want it to be..
  5. S/a all, I heard that one can engage in a mut'ah contract with a kaffir, provided they recite the shahada (even if they don't mean it or become a proper muslim or anything, for the sake of the mut'ah if they recite it, then they can be 'muslim enough' for you to be in a temproary marraige with, is this true? I dont think it is, it seems like total rubbish. Secondly, because ayatullah fadhullahs mut'ah rules are more lenient, than ayatullah sistanis, people are like 'oh just change your taqleed and do mutah without asking the parents permission - easy, done straightforward. However, is it allowed just to change your taqleed, because of one rule just to satisfy your desires? I fully believe that ayatullah sistani is the most knowledagble marja, however in order to prevent myself from doing haraam, and 'date' a girl in a halaal manner, is it possible to change marja for this reason.... however i intend to come back to ayatullah sistani, after the temporary marriage is over. I hear you can do that, but that too sounds lke rubbish. So can someone clarify what is right and what is wrong? thanks!
  6. Thanks for the replies... ill individually thank everyone whenever i can... But marriage and conversion are not an option... please dont take these two options any further, rationnaly they arent and i would like advice on how to help my current situation rather than planning or worrying about the future..
  7. This reply is to everyone who's posted about my taqleed.. I follow ayatullah sistani because I believe he is the most knowledagly from what I have researched and I also know his rulings of mutah are only allowed, if the girl is ahle kitab... unfortunately, this girl is not jewish or christian or muslim, therefore this is not permissible.. I do not intend to change my marja, just for the sake of this girl, because once I have completed the mutah or, whatever you may call it, I will naturally change back to ayatullah sistani --- and I believe this is not 'allowed'.. or like, you can't just jump around different marjas just to satisfy your wants and needs.. I stick with ayatullah sistani.. I know I should have thought about this problem before getting anywhere with this girl, but please understand I.. I didnt know it would be this serious... I was decieved by how good and attractive it loooked... :/ Will I be able to be of the good ranks of Allah... I feel that this has made such a mark, that is like... it's always there in the eyes of Allah, even if I ask for forgiveness... someone who has commited what I have, compared to someone who hasnt... someone who has is like, on the ground in comparison :( I will try cutting off 100% communication again..., please pray for me that I don't give in, it is.. really...hard. It's the only advice infront of me. Even if there was a way of mutah.. I don't think its right just to satisfy my sexual desires and all, because in the future I am gonna get a real like long term wife, and i don't think shell appreciate my past so much... or it would sting her a little.. Furthermore, I am not like this :( this is just one aspect of me... that I fail at.. Lastly.... how bad is the sins I have commited? :( I swear it's the most unethical thing ever...... and my parents don't even know... and I'm in my, madressa i'm known to be a 'good boy' :( It sucks when you know who you are and what you really do... It's ... and who do I have to tell in the future? :( Please and thank you for the replies.. and bless all those who have contributed to this forum... it's made me calmer and given me hope ... I want to be happy, I want to move on instead of dwell in today's mistake... Can I be happy? I'm sad sometimes for so long I feel that my mouth will stay like this forever :( Life sucks, regardless of how satisfying those small moments of haraam are, the long term depression kinda of feeling just... kills it! :(
  8. What about my past? How do I bury that? I didn't want to have such an unethical past, it just... I end up giving in :( its not fair, why do I have to have such a hard jihad, women is the most difficult to avoid :(
  9. S/a.. I need help, I will be brief and detailed. Please don't laugh. Last october I got into a relationship with a kafir girl. It ended in december because I felt guilty as muharram was approaching. The worst things I've done with the girl during that time was, be almost without all clothes in my room, and masturbation with her.... I cried, bucket loads, when I broke up with her, for Allah to forgive me. I cried. And cried. And cried. Becuase I am generally a good ethical boy, but.. I cried so much. I couldnr believe it. I couldnt believe i did this.. Come january, she was still my friend... We had other haraam moments, randomly, they'd come up because we still liked each other. Masturbation kind of stuff occured. I felt guilty. I think 90 percent of the time I came back home in tears... I cried. I tried breaking all contact, I thought it would work, 20 days later (during january holidays) it didn't work, first day back we did haraam.... Ever since january I've tried so much to get myself out of sinning with her. I've tried fasting (for few days) - failed. I tried not talking to her, I couldn't. I tried fighting with her, I couldn't. I promised to Allah so many times about not repeating, I broke all my promises. I promised to the girl id try not initiating any haram, i couldnt keep them.. After I turned 17 I made a resolution to Allah, or oath, to stop sinning, that didn't work (it made me feel so bad..). I went to school with tasbeeh in my pocket, that didn't work. I sometimes recited dhikr all day at school, but wen I asked her about anything haraam I usually stopped my dhikr and gave in to the gunah. Even tho she's kafir, I've explained to her that it is unethical. She agrrees, she doesn't like to do it, but she has not much fear of Allah as she is kafir and therefore sometimes gives in more often than me.. her parents don't agree with relationships, nether do mine, the parents, we told them the whole story uptill we broke up. But they are unaware that stuff still happens... :'( i feel so bad for lying to my mother. The girl usually tries to stop me from commiting haraam with her, cos she knows I cry after, but I always give in and cnt control it... i dont like to.. its the moment i cant, its so hard to control :'( It is now may, almost 8 months, today I did haraam with her. I hugged her to the extent that I ejaculated. (I did this type of haraam the most, on average once a week, I can't avoid it.. My highest time avoiding it was 3 weeks, I want to avoid it for 40 days because prophet said that after 40 dayr you will be able to stop forever. This week, I have hugged her in such a way that I have ejaculated, It has happened twice this week. :( I don't masturbate with her anymore... I stopped that atleast.. I don't kiss her either any more, since january.., and I try avoiding complimenting her and I'm trying so hard to get over her. I have cried so much, so much, so much, I have recited dua kumeyl so many times, long sajdahs... Nothing has worked. I recently tried cutting off communication but I can't! I always end back communicating.. I'm luckty school year is almost ending 3 weeks then its summer break, so inshallah all of this will end after that break.. but this just shows my weakness, i had the oppurtunity to stop for 40 days during the school year and im so weak that ive waited till the last few weeks of the school year, and am literally relying on the summer break to help me stop.. astaghfirullah.. I sometimes want to die, kill my self, thoughts, because there is no point in living if I have sinned so much. I hate my past. Its unerasable. I have lost hope, literally. I feel weak that I have had to wait till summer, to get away from her for 2 months.. I know my post has been extremely detailed and dirty and I know Allah says to not tell others your sin, but I need people to know the seriousness of the situation. I have lied to myself, Allah and my family, her family, everyone that I have told that i have ended this relationship, when really it has but it hasn't. I try limitting my convo with her but it doesn't help. I always cry.. I am living a very sad life, whenever I remember anything with her, the haraam past, I cry... I have not had sex with her, buts been as bad. crying is interfering my education, but I HAVE TO CRY. I CANT AVOID IT SOMETIMES. I WANT TO SO BAD RIGHT NOW BUT BECAUSE I HAVE a family at home I can't... I have lost hope, I don't think I deserved to be forgiven... I will always be one of the lowest people in the eyes of Allah, I will never be able to come back up, I will be whipped and lasshed so bad on the day of judgement :'( .. i will never be at the same as my, for example reach the goodness of my brothers level. I am probably the only person in my family to have done such a sin, no one except I, Allah and the girl know the details.. I have seen stuff I am not spose to.. I feel ashamed and when I write this I want to cry but my eyes burn because I cry so much. Plesse no1 insult me or laugh, I've had enough guilt..it doesn't feel nice. All I want is to end this sin, once and for all, but I don't have the internal strenght to end it. I wish I could just erase my past.. I dont know what to do... Iit makes me want to cry when I think about it.. its not easy to accept, swallow, and ignore... I CANT AND MY LIFE IS GOING TO SUCK FOREVER BECAUSE OF A STUPID CHOICE TO DATE A GIRL :'( ! ! This is the most difficult desire to get away from in my whole life.. I cn avoid music, drugs, other girls, pornography but I can't avoid the physical temptations I can have with this girl.. I feel like I'm swimming in hell, and I feel like there is no way out. I feel like my life is over.. I feel so guilty, yet I'm probably gonna commit this sin again...astaghfirullah.. I infact I felt so guilty in january... I used to listen to many songs.. But I limited it to almost nothing.. :( Im trying to respect my parents more, and try do other good things to replace this bad i do.. i cant control this one :'( Will Allah forgive me? Is there hope? Who am I in the eyes of Allah? :'( Somebody please addvise me on what to dom... I'm tired of pretending to everyone tht I don't do [Edited Out] with this girl when I do :'( please help... How do i get over my past? is this normal, what i am going through? PLEASE HELP ME I AM A MUSLIM BROTHER WHO IS DYING SPIRITUALLY AND IS ON THE WAY TO HELL :'( I try going to mosque mroe often, thoughout the last 8 months i have become much more religious, yet I cant avoid doing this with this girl! :'( i.. shes a good person at heart too. I just want to have her as a halaal sister in humanity friend. :( I dont want any future with her, mutah is not possible -- shes kafir, i dont wany anything.. I JUST WANT TO LIVE A GOOD MUSLIM LIFE :( In the moment of the sins i do with her, i give in... I cant stop myself... I just.. :( :( :( :( I dont know if this makes any sesne, but this is my biggest weakness..... when Allah looks at his servants sins, does he take into account what they can avoid and what they cant... i think i can avoid music pretty well compared to my friends...but my friends can avoid girls better than me.... ;( Also, it was all because i said yes when she asked me to date her... one stupid choice! so many ppl arent even confronted with such a choice in their teen years, because i was, and i foolishly said yes, i hve gone through so much pain.... I am going through the most important education years.. i need to do well, but I CANT WITH THIS ON MY MIND :( I WANT TO GO SLEEP AND FORGET ABOUT TODAY AND CRY. SOMEBODY PLEASE GUIDE ME HELP ME !!!!!!!! :'( IM SORRY FOR WRITING SO MUCH DETAILS, I FAILED AT LIFE, Allah PROBABLY HATES ME RIGHT NOW TOO AND.... :'( :( ... :'( please help... thank you Allah for giving me the oppurtunity to post this on this forum... :( Thank you.. and bless all those who give me advice.. :( :'(
  10. dont get, why she cant be just an ordinary trustworthy friend noow ---- past is past --- mistakes happen? im pree sure this is allowed, as long as her rents know that we talk, (and my rents know), we talk as freinds then... it isnt wrong, yes? mutah is temproary marriage--- this is not a solutin cos the person is not someone you can do mutah with, neither do i have intentions to engage in such a contract now or ever. the thing is; its really easy to break contact with her for ever and ever and ever. like.... im not gonna die without her -.- all im saying is that, she is an interesting friend, even though i dated her, shes smart, helpful, talkable..... do i feelings for her? well, i keep them to myself. bright side: I can just walk away any time BUT, i want to talk to her cos usually its gonna help me out in some way, sometimes academic, sometimes morally(ive been told to improve cerrtain things bout myself), sometimes socially.... , my intention has nothing to do with --- i dont talk to her cos i LIKE her, i try to have the intention, of talking to her, cos her company is appreciated.. (this is so debateable -- im gonna gen nailed for this... so before that happens, appreciated meaning -- generally itneresting..) i talk to her cos, she can sometimes be the more understanding/better person in many ways last time i checked, im allowed to have a decent friendship going on with a girl.... can anyone present me some hadiths/fatwa on needing an objective to talk to a girl? <---- maybe this is not that bad, but the way it sounds is like... im talking to a girl for my own benefit. or a hadith or something on not being allowed to talk to her, unless i wanna marry her? coming back to the point. can i still continue conversation with this girl or is it completely weird considering i and her spent time in a haraam way? as long as the convo is halaal, is it okay to ignore and bury the haraam past? and im human!! i make mistakes! its called, developing liek you learn from your mistakes so can you guys stop with the shame on yous and all -.- like i get it.
  11. oh my god i dont want any temproary marriage.... and all these ansswers are irrelevant except the first :/ breaking contact completely is out of question, cus its just dum.. if you can control it then.. my problem is different... i jst dont knw whether its okay and al..
  12. S/a all I had a haraam relationship with a girl for about 2 months, and then I ended it... however even though the 'relationship' ended, physical stupid things still continued... In the end, it continued for 5 - 6 months (the physical stuff that 'happen' ) and the last time I did anything with her, was like 3 weeks ago.. ish.. (It was hard, because I still kept the girl as a friend, and that same time tried to avoid any physical contact) (neither of us really want to -- its just hard to avoid) Im in high school and I try my best, so does the girl, to not 'mess up physically'... and well... I'm trying (is all I can say). 'not mess up physically' not do anything relationship kinda thing, for example, hug or worse. Anyways, the emotional attachment to the girl has lessened, and It's more of a 'best friend' if I may use that term, or good friends.. yes there is closure however, im trying to make sure its halaal.... the current way we talk is; well friendly, its like, i use her as a counselor sort of, talk about personal things, I try avoid flirting or haraam convos... though I dont know hwo you define a 'haraam convo' Ive gone through, A LOT, of crying for tawbah...Im still working on my mistakes... so far Ive been 'clean' for 2 and half weeks... please don't laugh, it is hard to remove a physical desire that... used to occur much more often... But yeah, so I try, hard sometimes... I used to do a lot of things with this girl, not sexual intercourse, but definitely a lot of sinful things (for this post, just put worst case scenario in your head) I think the prophet said that if a sin can be avoided for 40 days, it can be avoided forever... or something like that.. I hope to, reach that after being clean for almost 3 weeks.. My problem is, that okay I done mistakes with this girl in the past, I am willing and am moving forward with life... often doing tawbah for it.... thats okay. But, is it OKAY to continue talking to this girl, considering all the haraam past, I mean, it doesnt feel awkward ONLY when thought about.. and when brought up.. but, like, only me and her know our past, to everyone else its just a past relationship, is it okay for us to still be friends, or should I disconnect with her for a long period of time, until all is forgotten (which can take upto a year or 2) so my questions: Is it okay to be friends with my ex, even though I have done all that haraam with her, as long as I am ready to ignore it.... is there anything wrong in that? I feel that I dont deserve her friendship and she doesnt deserve mine.. and that Allah would be displeased and its not a human thing to do. But, if weve both matured and developed, and are getting better in this aspect, then... is it okay to stay as friends? when I think back at it, im like.... aite yeah we done mistakes, lets be friends now and ignore the past - it happened moving on..... (Is that okay, or am I spose to be different about it liek ---- no I cant be friends with her, we have done too much wrong its just, we should be ashamed to talk to each other, bla bla bla...) so far we've been friends... its just somethign at the back of my head that bugs me... as to hwo I should tackle it.. and secondly, how do you define a haraam conversation? Please can no one laugh/insult me... It's not a nice past to have, I know I was stupid to have gotten into it in the first place...already.. response on how to, move on is much appreciated.. Thanks
  13. s/a I do not eat haraam food (or best try to avoid it) The quran is 100% correct, and if it says fish with no scales are haraam, there MUST be a reason for this.. It says pig is haraam - this can scientifically be supported with the fact that pig has so many harms.. What about squid? How can science support the quran on this matter? Im not saying the quran is wrong, im just wondering, is there any scientific support for squid being haraam? or extremely unhealthy? or more harmful than beneficial... Prawns are allowed - so... why not squid, is the question.. response is appreciated, thanks
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