irakiya_shi3iya

May Allah guide him and me...And all the troubled Muslims in this life. Thank you guys for all your help.

Hi again After three days of silence between my husband and I, I finally decided to txt him just to tell him I'm still there. The txt was more of a reminder of "how could you go that long without speaking or asking about me?" And his reply was why didn't you call instead...I said I'm the one who's upset, and he said I didn't do anything to you, so now I'm gonna be the one whos upset. Etc.... This is how the conversation goes Everytime, and I just compromise so the ship can sail. To answer your question about what I think an alpha male is: the type of man who thinks he has to be in complete control over everything, he is the man of the house, he makes the decision and his wife can say her opinion which he can ignore if he wishes. I think the majority of Arabs are this way. He can be manipulative, and he doesn't feel the need to compromise in difficult situations. I know I'm not discribing my husband in the best of ways, because he has a good side to him too. He is religious and he loves his family, he can be funny and he loves to help others at any cost, he is generous, and he has a good heart. But as one of your replies was, he can be emotionally unavailable, or he is emotionally unavailable. I can see why he has learned this, his dad is the same way with his mum. I want to break this cycle so bad. I want to make him believe in love. I have been gone for nearly a three weeks now, because of a family situation, I miss him, but sometimes I get the sense that he's too busy with his life to even appreciate to care. If there was a spark in the beginning, it was probably infatuation. I do sometimes think did I make the right choice in this marriage, this is going to be my life with him, like this, for years. I need more but he can't give me more because he doesn't understand what exactly more is, he has no feelings like this. Btw, 10 mins to him is nothing compared to how long he can talk to his friends or colleagues. When I confronted him about it, he said talking or hanging with his friends is different from me, he can't explain why, friends are different and I am different. The thing is, if I don't try to change this reality I will be depressed, because that's why I wanted to be married in the first place. I wanted this type of relationship. So what can I do?!

Salam, Thanks guys for your replies, this subject is always on my mind, constantly trying to figure out if it's just my problem trying to force love or force this attraction to happen. I keep telling him, but he's not understanding me. He tells me he's doing everything I want, which I'm thankful for, believe me, I am always thanking Allah in my heart for sending me a good guy, but there's always this desire that I want more from this union between us. I don't really want materialistic things, although they are a necessity in life, I'm just looking for more. Before we got married, he wanted to see if there was a spark between us, he said he found the spark but everything was so formal, even throughout the engagement, I still felt things was formal. I tried to express it but he said real love is after marriage, our religion is like this. Anyway, I have told my mum which she advised me to bare it till he changes, i think my dad is like this too. She said Iraqi men are this way. But I see different ways in other marriages, and can't help but feel this way. Thanks again

Hi Salam guys, After so long I came back to shiachat. I wasn't sure I wanted to come back, but I have been on here without logging in. So, I got married. It's been nearly a year and alhamdulilah Allah has sent me a good husband. He has his flaws like any other human being, but alhamdulilah I am happy with him. Sometimes marriage life can be very difficult, especially with his personality. He is an alpha male type of guy, and I can have difficulties dealing with that. Although I knew about this since we were engaged, I always was told that when we would start living together, when we have a family he would change. He is also spoilt by his mum, who thinks her son is an angel walking on Earth, which doesn't help his ego either. During the first year of marriage sometimes we would get into little arguments that would grow bigger because his ego doesn't allow him to apologise or to talk to me. I always have to approach him, sometimes almost begging for him to forget the argument. In which he can become cold and unapproachable. This sort of thing happens Everytime we argue. The other thing is that sometimes I really wonder if he truly loves me, I am an emotional girl like any girl, it hurts me to see that he likes to spend more time with his friends rather than me his wife. For example the first day we came back from our honeymoon, he went to see his friends. He then decided that three times a week is for his friends, and the rest for his family. Recently I have travelled somewhere away, he would call me for like 10 mins max, when I complained he doesn't see what my problem is, he says I nag and he stopped calling at all, he stopped texting. I don't want to be the one who is always approaching, his ego is killing me. Are guys like this? Is love fake like my husband keeps saying? How do I approach the situation, how can I change this behavior, or make him see there is no pride between a husband and wife. He has a good heart, but his coldness kills me and he doesn't realise. Sometimes I feel so lonely even when I'm with him. I also realised that I don't speak well of him to my close family, if they ask me how he is I just say he's ok, he's like usual. I don't want to be like that, indifferent. I want to be in love with him and feel like he is in love with me too. I have felt love before, nothing like this. Am I over exaggerating, nagging or over analysing? Please guys answer me. Those who are experienced. Sorry for the loooooong post! Ws

lool العرق دساس sooo Iraqi!

To Younis, its great that you're happily married but your assumptions of women living in the west is completely wrong.just like in iraq there are women that are very outgoing and think that they are living in the west, there are good girls here that grew up here and mashallah their families have raised them well. Its not fair to just make a judgement based on one or two bad experiences.

erm, sorry why in the world are you calling her spoilt and an attention seeker? this girl is facing problems daily from her mother in law, which we all have heard what they can be like. Its causing fights between her and her husband, I dont think you can even comprehend how tired a new mother can be, or how much she wants to take the time off and enjoy time with her husband to build the bond they have, for the MIL to come in when ever she wants is not appropriate since they dont even live in the same house. There is always a red line that shouldnt be crossed because it will create tension and unwanted problems. The MIL should appreciate that once her son is married, he is now building a new family, he has to look after it and nurture it, especially at the start of the marriage, time and space should be given to them, Im sure they will still maintain their relationship with the rest of the family, its not like shes gonna take him away from his mum!!! extremely childish and selfish. Third of all, she didnt say that there were compliments to both of them but she still felt angry, no, all the compliments were given to the son, as if her exsistance didnt matter. Let me tell you, a new wife wants to feel wanted and loved by her new family, she wants to feel like she was a blessing to them, complimenting her is the least the MIL could have done to win a daughter, she should have welcomed her into the family with open arms so that the wife would feel like her daughter....its so simple. to me the MIL is really jealous, feeling insecure about her son loving another women and a trouble maker who wants her to live unhappy days with her husband, simple. She has every right to buy shoes and a wedding dress, its not really any of your buisness to judge her and what she wanted for her wedding, if her husband was so poor that he couldnt get her those things, then he wouldnt have taken her to look at the shoes in the first place, I think his parents were being dramatic because they saw how much her parents paid and spent on their daughters happiness, why would the inlaws bother to spend anything when they can see her parents have done everything for her..... I know this situation because my a family member is going through exactly the same thing, at first they promised everything for the girl, now it ended up with not even a wedding. To the OP, be the best person you can by teaching your MIL her limits, not in a mean way, follow the ahlulbayt in their manners and kindness but make sure your family is not affected by this jealousy. your husbands love will only grow in this way, otherwise he will reach a level where he cannot tolerate the fights and nagging from your side, his mum will always be his mum. Be patient and respectful always, Im glad your moving away. good luck ws

S.A. everyone, I hope everyone is well. Recently I have been thinking about Issa a.s., how in the holy Quran in Sura 4:157- 158 Allah says "And [for] their saying, "Indeed, we have killed the Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, the messenger of Allah ." And they did not kill him, nor did they crucify him; but [another] was made to resemble him to them. And indeed, those who differ over it are in doubt about it. They have no knowledge of it except the following of assumption. And they did not kill him, for certain. Rather, Allah raised him to Himself. And ever is Allah Exalted in Might and Wise." Many of you are probably familiar with this sura, however I dont know if you know what had happened to the man that looked like Issa a.s., Allah has placed him there, many say that he actually survived and escaped, lots of places think that Issas replicate has lived and died in their country or village in hiding from peoples eyes. Did Allah swt lift him after the incident, or did he escape and carry on living? Did he have children? What really happened to him basically? ws

Salam alikoum dear sis, well I really like the way you put niqab on, although it limits you in someway because you say you want to show a lovable character like Zahra Alawi but it hides your facial expression, I dont think it will show even if you try so hard.... Please dont compare yourself to Zahra Alawi, you need to be your own self, have your own way, and that is the way to be successful. Be confident in what you do, everyone started in small steps, and success doesnt happen over night, you need to work for it to achieve it but also truly believe you can reach your goals. I dont understand Urdu, so I cant give a full opinion. I wish you the best of luck in helping to spread the messege of Muhammad and his holy household, you dont know who your messege is getting across to! ws

I cant believe this actually happens, what in the world is happening to Muslims? have they forgotten what Islam is about?!!!

Khalilallah, it is very distressing to read that because clearly you are not taking the whole situation from the sisters perspective. Having no parents for the girl is extremely difficult especially at her age, the girl needs a mothers guidance and a fathers support. Calling her a fornicator is so horrible in this case because she could be a great person who lost their connection with Allah or find themselves lost and disconnected from a deep wound. Prehaps shes the most one that couldn't get over her parents death...you just dont know. I rekon shes the victim and shes destroying herself with this guy without realising. She doesnt love him but is has formed an attachment that she herself doesnt seem to understand. One thing to keep in mind is that she could be a very stubborn person, the more you pull her away from him the more she will go back, even if she saw him with her own eyes cheating, she will forgive. Please please do not give up on her till your last breath, she is all you have to make her see the way again. Bring her back by reminding her how it was like before she met that guy. Donot feel frustrated with her, keep her on your side by being the good guy. InshaAllah Allah will guide her, i feel like she has a good heart but took the wrong direction somewhere. Show her that shes better than that. So your sister's equal is the man who is involved with her in her sins. You should try to get her married to her equal. When Allah leaves people astray, you can't guide them. The best you can do is make them recite a Nikah so they are married rather than fornicating.

Just Iraqi

I wish you luck sis....just be careful

I loved it, I was discussing this with a relative not long ago, and we were saying how incredible that day will be when we see the angel of death coming to take our soul. The thought gives me shivers, but more incredible is the day of judgment! may Allah have mercy on us and let the ahlulbayt be our saviours on that day salam

why?