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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. (salam) I want to comment about charity being an indignity. I received financial aid during my undergrad and I am not at all ashamed of it. I tell everyone about it and I don't consider it a disgrace for me. My father works hard and it's not fair that he doesn't get paid as well as some other people who don't work so hard but still they get high pay and can afford to pay their children's tuition. And if someone suggests, I should have worked part time to pay my fees, no way. Education is not a luxury, it's a right of every citizen. If a poor country like Pakistan can afford to give free education to its students until masters level, USA can do so too. If it doesn't do it, it's because it has a messed up system and very unfair distribution of wealth. Also, in USA and especially in pakistan, you really don't have to do anything if you get education. Educated people work so few hours and get ridiculously high pay while poor people work all day and get paid just enough to get food. They work in low and high temperatures, difficult conditions while people getting high pay work in comfortable conditions and temperatures. So when I see people asking for charity, I don't see it as degrading for them. I always feel guilty, because I know they have to ask because I have more than I need or deserve. I am rich at their expense and I will have to pay for this some day, if not in this life, then may be in after life. Anyway, I agree that every woman should work part time. If some woman doesn't want to do it, I think it's because she is naive. House wives are mostly taken for granted by their husbands. With work comes a little independence, appreciation, excitement, confidence and all these things actually make women happier and more energized. Being a house wife is the toughest job in the world. Better than working part time is studying. Of all the married couples I have seen, I think women who was the happiest was the one who was a student. She completed her degree in many many years but both she and her husband look happy. Yes, I think the solution is that women should keep studying, one class per semester. Khuda Hafiz.
  2. (salam) LOL, marriage hall or lawn is liyay khali nahee milta because population barh gaee hay. I want to make clear that my analysis may not be correct for entire pakistan. I am talking mostly about my family and friends, middle class, syed, shia, urban population, people with most complicated lives. Anyway, I am trying to day dream and I need help. So come on people, give me some positive answers.
  3. (salam) I have noticed one thing in Pakistan that many girls are choosing to remain single. From my parents' generation, there were only 1 or 2 women in my family who remained single but in my generation there are many girls in late 20s or 30s who are still single and they don't plan on getting married soon. Sadly, I see this as a positive sign of women empowerment. In my parents generation, many women did not want to marry their husbands but they were forced to marry. They regret it and openly say that their life was good only before marriage, I am sure if they have to choose today, they will choose to remain single rather than entering a forced marriage. I think it is important for girl to be picky when choosing a husband, because in Pakistani culture, a girl leaves her house and starts living with her in-laws and she has to change herself and adapt to the life-style of her in-laws. She cannot expect her husband or in-laws to change. A husband is basically like a boss. He has power so he can make his wife's life hell or heaven. I am really glad to see that women are getting empowered and at least the practise of forced marriage is disappearing in Pakistan. Girls are choosing to remain single because of the way most men and mother-in-laws treat girls in Pakistan. Of course, it has a lot to do with financial position also. When there are financial difficulties, men lash out at their wives. Thus, girls look for rich or financially stable husbands, who can afford some help with house work. This made me think, since there are equal number of men and women, therefore, if so many women choose to remain single, does this mean that many men will also remain single and in turn women will get more power. In the next generation, men and their mothers will think about their behavior and change? Or they will always find younger girls to get married with and not change their behavior? What do you guys think? Khuda Hafiz.
  4. (salam) I have noticed it too. People are always calling other people muslim or non-muslim based on how many islamic events these people attend. One more thing which absolutely disgusts me is people talking about girls' character. It seems like it is the favorite subject for both men and women and I cannot find any girl who is not loose character according to these people. I had a cousin who was always criticizing other girls when she was around 16-18 years old, now ten years later her younger cousins say the same things about her that she used to say about other girls. I sometimes wish I could tell her this. I remember, it was a long time ago when people used to be nice to me when I was 16 years old. I think people become mean to girls when they are around 20, especailly to unmarried girls and women only get some respect when they are 40 or so, because then they are in a position to be mean to younger girls.
  5. (salam) I used to think so that going to weddings will help with rishta, but I have been to many meelads and few wedding, and it did not help at all. All the aunties just start talking about, Why are you not getting married, if you get old, you won't find any rishtas, you should not do so much nakhray, you should try to become more pretty, more social, more presentable,why didn't you become a doctor, it's just torture. Of course, when you hear such comments, it lowers your confidence and self-esteem, and it is very hard to remain cheerful, so I end up looking sad and mad and I probably scare away any prospective proposals. In the past year, I have noticed that there are so many young girls now, there is no way I will get a proposal in their presence. If I go, I will only make married girls and their mothers happy and they will just feel better about themselves and look down upon me. So I don't go anymore to even meelads, I know my community will probably label me as a non-muslim, but I don't care anymore.
  6. (salam) I think about this very often. It will be a big relief for my parents, they will stop worrying, but the problem is that I know my cousins, I have seen how they treat their mothers and sisters and I know that their treatment will be worse with their wives. Then I think that a person whom I don't know might be worse, at least I know the negatives about my cousins. But I feel resentment towards them because they are all male chauvenist and it is not healthy for a marriage. My parents were male chauvenist and feminist and it is a very lethal combination. So Yes, this option is a last resort for me, when I turn 35 or 37, then may be my ego won't be so big and I will consider it but I pray to God that day never comes and I win a lottery or get a good paying job before that.
  7. Oh MY GOD! that's me. First time when I read it, I was offended, second time I was glad there are other girls like me. But I will not get out of the house more often, and schizopharenia is hereditary, my mother has it so IT'S NOT MY FAULT.
  8. (salam) Wow MashaAllah sister you do a lot. I guess it depends upon circumstances also, when I was working, I had so much energy and I worked so hard, I even surprised myself. But after loosing my job and failing at interviews, I don't know where all my energy in gone. You are lucky to have a husband who appreciates you, I don't see many husbands like that in my community and I also see many depressed housewives.
  9. (salam) Someone mentioned "she doesn't want anything to do with her life except being a housewife". I was working for about 3 years and now I am unemployed and I am not married but I can tell that being a housewife is the hardest job. At your job, you learn some skills, then it's basically the same thing over and over again. But in house work, there are so many different skills involved and a new challenge everyday. when you work, you get a break at the end of day or on weakend, for a house wife there is never a break, plus the lack of appreciation. When husband comes home, he feels that he is boss for his wife and he wants to treat his wife the same way his boss treats him. Whatever she does, it's not enough. I am seriously thinking that if I ever get married, I will continue to work part time, even if I have small kids, because it will give me an excuse for not completing all the million things I am supposed to do and may be some appreciation from my coworkers. Sorry for going off-topic.
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