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In the Name of God بسم الله

sa110

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  1. salam If a moderator could please delete this subject thank you wasalaam [MOD NOTE: Salam. Members have spent their time and effort to reply to this topic. Topic will not be deleted.]
  2. Salam ok thanks for all your opinions... I wish to delete the subject and if any one could advice me how to do that? wasalaam
  3. salam, in regards with my thread pervious, yes i had problems, but alhamdullilah its all fine now, but my new posts to zanjeer it is not relating to me, I am talking about someone i know off, but would not liek to mention any names. so please dont try assuming anything. I have brothers who all are engaged with zanjeer zani so I personally have no problem with that. Khojas also do zanjeer zani. But I just felt for the someone i know very well for long time, and wanted to know what would be a decent islamic ruling regarding the issue. wasalaam
  4. Salam I havent really dissapeared, I have just been extremmely busy with work and all. However I have come online reading to what you all have had to say. The only reason I touched on this topic here was purely due to the fact I felt it had made a major affect on her. I wanted to see what everyone of you opinions were. She is not somewhat a monster trying to controll her husband at all times. Shes very down to earth, very religious and she does a lot in the name of Imam Hussain. She is strong follower of Ahlulbayt so please dont get any wrong ideas. She has never controlled him as to what some of you say. But this zanjeer act has given her an effect and she has never nagged on him either. I felt that yes Ashura is extremely important. Its Highly needed, its to really guide us to the right and remind us of what took place and why we're here. But nowhere does it say that relationship is not important. Every act a husband does for a wife is a blessing! is it not? if he knows that its affecting her then maybe he should think about it, rather then saying or commenting " the scars will be lifetime and you're a temp in my life" This is a very hearltess very shallow thing to say to a wife. I mean its not her fault shes feeling it big time. We all are human beings arent we? " he also said hes zanjeer is more important to him then her" is this what shia is about? mustahab act becoming soo important then the wife who is always there for the husband, always supports the husbands. this is all I have to say. Its sad how he has made zanjeer important then her! nothing is important between husband and wife but them!! And ofcourse all the wajib acts.
  5. Salam Alaikum Its more the marks and the sight that is left on his back, I mean she cant bear to see his back or anything. and due to that, her Intimate relationship is shattering. I do not wish to talk about this openly, but i hope you all understand what i am trying to say. But she has adviced him to many alternate, ofcourse but he argues and tries to win over her that shes wrong and hes right in everything he does. The upseting thing is he is doing something and her relationship is destroying. It feels as if he cares nothing about the relationship, as long as he gets to do what he wants. wasalaam.
  6. Salam Alaikum Warahmatullah I would like islamic advice regarding the follwoing issue. A married man who has engaged in zanjeer zani for many years on the 10th of muharram and arbaeen. He has just recently got married been a yr and a half or so. His zanjeer is having an effect on his wife in a way that her intimate relationship is being destroyed. She cannot deal with this, somethign happens to her the moment she knows he will be performing the act, its a bad effect. her relationship is shattering due to this act of his. She has tried telling him, but he refuses and argues saying 2 different opinions and that she cannot stop him from doing what he has the passion for. Nothing can interfere with him and his love for Imam Hussain (A.S) but this is leading to problems. Her relationship is destroying. Its a matter of personal feeling. however she has tried telling him to give blood and save peoples lives or give tabaruk in the name of Imam Hussain, and he would get the same blessings from the family of Ahlulbayt, but he enjoys the zanjeer zani and says he feels good after performing the act. The act that the wife cannot live with. Should the husband stop knowing that this is destroyong her from her relationship with him. Is the Imam to be considered as more of importance then his wife? Ofcourse Imams are Important but what I say is this tragedy is there to remind us of what took place, but that does not mean that wife should be ignored and not looked at. please advice wasalam
  7. Salam Alaikum brothers and sisters in islam I would like to ask, well first of all, I am sure everyone is aware of the bollywood music or song and I dont really know the words, but all I know is it goes something liek "subhanallah.. subhanallah" now is this song considered haram? if yes please give reasons, and if no please give reasons. I personally dont listen to music and am against it but i would liek to clarify this by your opionions or facts.
  8. salam I never tried to start an argument. But i'd hope that they'd be a little understanding. Also, his family members have been very inturrepting in our married life. we do thigns togetehr and they interfeare a lot. at times they occupy him for a whole day and i would be left aside, at times when we're out they call him and tell him to go back home as another family member needs help with something. They do not realise we are married and out of the house. How can they interfeare with our lives? it frustrates me a lot. I have tried to make him understand that this is not on its not right, but he refuses to listen. H e believes that these interfearances are normal and fine. but it is not once couples are married they have the right to chose and decide how to live their life. He only thinks i am worng and hes family members are right, when they are not. I have tried a lot to explain but it is not helping as he is not understanding me. wasalaam.
  9. Salam You know there was a tragic that took place recently, in their village in pakistan. So i was downstairs with my hubby and i was giving him my sympathy and re-assured him that inshallah they will all enter jannat for sure, and not to be too upset as they have now gone to a better place. He lost his uncle and cousin. I was wearing my jeans and long beggy kurti top. very modest. Guests started entering the house for absos, so his dad from upstairs told my hubby to tell me to dress up wearing shalwar kameez. so i said to my hubby this is what i mean when i say i feel very controlled, as there's no such thing in our khoja. clothes is clothes. and they made an issue like i commited a sin. started saying i am making myself an outsider. i look liek an outcaste. this was not soemthign a daughter in law would like to hear. i was hurt. expecting my husband to support me he spoke the same. supported family and against his wife. is this fair? wasalaam
  10. Salam If i never had any problems, then i would have obv worn what they wnated me to, however i refused as i had reasons. I never felt comfortable in it, and it made me feel liek trapped with them. I feel free with my social clothes. i tried to tell them that and i had to hear " practise makes it perfect" and other harsh comments such as " how can a girl move to another heritage and keep her heritage" indirectly, its like they're expecting me to change and forget my heritage. I tried to talk to my husband but he refused to listen as he was supporting his family. shouldnt a husband try and be a little understanding. wasalaam
  11. Salam Well, I married a pakistani, and I am a khoja. I am living with his family, now being a khoja I have my style of dressing, which is trousers or jeans with long beggy kurti top. So it is islamically modest dressing. Them being pakistani they wear shalwar kamees, in the begining i wore and never said anything as I was new in their living, but i then said i do not like it, i do not feel comfortable i only wear this style when i go to mosque, but i am into my casuals. now personally clothes for me is clothes. if i wore something un-islamic then yes ofcourse they have every right to say and speak up. But i am very religious and have my imaan in me. they had relatives coming home and they told me to wear shalwar kameez, i refused saying no.. i do not liek it. and they created an issue. they started syaing " i am making myself look like an outsider" " i look like an outcaste" which i was extrememly hurt. Now i hoped my husband would understand me, and speak up for me and support me but he supported his family and spoke agasint me saying have you not heard when a girl comes into the guys living she has to adapt, and also not everything has to be comfortable. sacrifice! is this right attitude? shouldnt the husband be supportive and speak out for his wife? he also said why cant you keep peace and harmony in the house. so this means i have to do what his family wants me to do. He knew who i was and what i was. I am really hurt with this attitude and behaviour. he also made a comment by saying " how can a girl move from 1 hertitage to another but keep her heritage" yes i married him, but does that mean i should change my heritage and become what they are? wasalaam
  12. Salam Alaikum I want to know what you guys all think in regarding the marriage between panjabi pakistani and khojas. do they last for a life time or no? Do you agree that the girl should sacrifice what she is and whom she is to keep peace in the pakistani living? as that is what the husband tells her to do. shouldnt anythign be between the married couple and for each other? It's all what the family want! Wasalaam
  13. is there a written fact that a daughter in law has to abide by the rules and adapt to the husbands family living????? is it said in islam that this is suppsoe to happen? form where im coming form.. im not heard of this and therefore dont belive in it... but i need to know or want to know is theres such a fact???? or is it a pakistani mentality
  14. it is a love marriage... but it wasnt a quick thing... he started coming home every wekends.. and thats when my whole fmaily started to know him... infact my daadi and naani. liekd him sooo much she said to me.. where did you find this man?? family really liked him too.. the way he respected them and all.. and ofcourse.. family did the checking of his family and himself..and then it was approved. othewise being the only daughter my family wouldnt give me to anyone just like that. family also started to know his family.. and everythign was fine. i had asked him everything... and he understood me.. who i am and what i am.. and my beliefs.. and alll.. and that was most important.. other thigns as well..it all seemed fine.. and we went for it. all of a sudden hes changed. its not about what i want and how i feel.. its about what his fmaily want. and a loving husband who turns around and says " it does not have to be comfortbale" "sacrifise" when i say i dont feel comfy in this or that... is not really a loving husband at all. he should more like say well in that case lets not do this at all. not... go agasint me. i try to back myself up and he shuts me up by saying.. have you not heard that when a girl comes into a guys family she has to abide by the rule??? if he did tell me that before the marriage i wouldnt have got married to him. i dont like to be controleld. i didnt marry his culture.. i married him.. for hwat he was and who he is. and i have his sister saying to me.. marriage isnt easy.. so relax.. NO EXCUSE ME! thats their concetp! yea marriage isnt easy.. but that doesnt mean they turn me and make me do thigns im not into! and dad in law says... well now you are our daughter so you do what we want you to do... i have not heard anythign as such from my dad to my brothers wife. we accpet ppl for who they are and what they are.. we dont change... at the end of the day i will die i will have 1 white cuffun wrapped around me.. and my religion and belief will be there to help me out... not CULTURES and SHALWAR KAMEEZ... i dont wear shalwar kameez... i wear beggy clothes... and i do not lsiten to music at all.. they wear shalwar kameez and think theyr all better and top notch then me.. but listen to music and all.. what is that aout? and wearing black when some1 passes away??? im not into it.. but i do feel the giref and i do pray for them and all... material stuff is not what coutns in life.
  15. * the times he has asked me out.... im never agasint.. im always up for it. and i have never said not to spend time.. as yes goign out with him is also spending time.. sis i think you might have mis-understood.. what i did mention is the fact he wnats to stick to his hobby he has said come and watch us play... the fact i dont lik staying home.. and thats what i have not been happy about.. im not into sports and to go and watch guys play crikcet for hrs is a bore for me. i cant sit and watch the game like that. thats what im not for it. and iv lost.. he's won. the week he works.. sat and sun he'l be out playin cricket.. i dont know what my life is anymore... also... shalwar kameez at home... as dad wants to see me in that just liek his daughters.. not just outside occasions.... im casual.. and there had been a death in pakistan.. relative passed away.. so we had ppl coming home for absos.. and family all wore black... now i have been taught and have haerd from scholars that... you only wear black for imams.. you dont do that for humans.. ocourse you feel the giref and pain.. but you dont do that.. it only depresses the family more.. not only that.. you;re equalising the imams to humans... and us humans are nothing compared to our imams.. so i wore black trousers black scarf and a decent normal top.. and i was told off.. again family complaied to my hubby.. and hes like.. can you respect the death.. this is tooo wild what you're wearing. i do not belive in wearing black for 40 days... but i do feel the grief.... and again i lost.. and i have been wearing black shalwar kameez last few days.. and will have to until the 40th. they dont want to understand my facts... we have shahadats and wildats.. when we have imams shahdats they're only 1 day... thats it.. why do we not do 40 days for the imams shahadats??? if we did we would be living a life of depression and blackness... we only do 40th for imam HUSSAIN.. and ofcourse.. 40th for the deceased.. but not to an extent of wearing black for 40 contious days.. if we dont do that for other imams then why should we for humans?
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