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In the Name of God بسم الله

emerald

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  1. There are many other type of posters and people and their personalities on here, but does that reflect who you are outside the forum as well? like some of us joke and are more frank and easy going online, some are serious, some prone to get into arguments....... how does your online personality compare with your offline line? are you same or different in real life?
  2. salam...... how do you cope with failure and loss, exam, job interview, failed marriage .. after having tried your best and praying as much as you can? how do you learn to pick up the pieces and try again , or move on with your life?
  3. salaam brothers and sisters, 1.Is it necessary/ recommended to do istikhara before making the decision to divorce spouse ??even when the reasons for divorce are pretty clear like abuse, adultery, one spouse's consistent irresponsible behaviour which is harmful for the whole family and which they fail to correct?? all possible efforts have been exhausted..... 2. shall the divorcing spouse still do an istikhara even if he is or she has developed a strong disliking/repulsion for the spouse and is sure in his/her heart that he doesn't want to continue.sometimes, good lies for us in apparently difficult uncomfortable things..... if the divorcing spouse is absolutely sure that he has given his/her best and now lost all trust, respect, love for his spouse , is it still possible that could be some good for him in this marriage? more importantly, if he/she does istikhara and it comes in favour of continuing marriage how does one go about fullfilling the marital responsibilities if he/she feels repulsed by his/her spouse?? 3.Al- Imam Sadiq(a.s) said that Allah, the glorious and high has said: "Of the reasons for the misfortune of my servant is that he performs an action but does not seek the best from me". if the divorcing spouse does istikhara, can the purpose of isikhara be just to seek 'khair' from Allah in whatever decision he/she has already taken based upon his own logic and understanding and not to reach a decision? P.s ;I know divorce is the most disliked halal action.a decision not to be taken lightly, I would appreciate if the posters just answer my questions and do not inquire about/ judge the reasons of divorce..... thank you :)
  4. its endless.............. halwa puri...... french toast pancakes with honey, cream or maple syrup waffles.. 3 egg omlette with mushrooms and sausages, and fruits, paratha with cheese or butter and a steaming cup of chai chicken cheese omlette with has browns english muffins, scones and eggs.......... i love em alllllll.............. :P
  5. salaam, I think you should have a straightforward discussion with your parents telling them you want to marry a shia person..... while searching for a spouse one should try and find one who would help in grow in faith, and that clearly won't be the case if you end up marrying a sunni....... I have come a crossed mixed marriages and the children are mostly confused and in most cases end up following their father's religion. meanwhile pray to Allah and masoomeen (a.s) for a good shia husband..... :)
  6. Thanku bro/sis jihadi and mkazmi, there were sum really helpful points in your posts, thanku for understanding my situation and being supportive, bro/sis ali saleh and zee : yes, wht they do in there house is their business and i m by no means trying to interfere/stop them, but even if i did that wont be wrong, they are family indulging in haram so as conscientious muslims we should be doing ''Amar bil maroof'' and not just looking the other way or just stop seeing them. Anyway, my husband handles the ''subtle advices about islam'' part very well MA, so for the time being i dont want to get involved in that for certain other reasons too. Mkazmi they r very much like your cousins, v nice people with who do their best that we enjoy our visit but unfortunately certain things have become a way of life for them and dont even think they are doing any wrong. I grew up in the sub continent and all my close relatives, the people i saw while growing up were practising muslims,the closest i have been to alchol before marriage was seeing it on the TV sumtimes.when looking for my husbnad the foremost priorty was islam so quite naively me or my family never thought i could ever come across a situation/people like these, hence they never taught me to deal with situations like these.people who live in west are better prepared to deal with situations cos they have to interact socially with non muslims on a regular basis. Hence ,i came here for advice cos there isnt anyone else i could discuss these things with. Please give me some nice responses for the situations like these 1. Friends of those relatives come over and my relative goes like '' that great aunt she was saying this and this and preaching about not wearing sleeveless dress, spaghetti tops, OMG how can we dress like that'' they carry on for sumtime and suddenly realize, i am sitting there in full hijabi outfit,they get embarrased everyone goes quite, i try to smile and say its okay????? 2. People get together for dinner, one of them is a manager of some famous singer,everyone talks passionately about concerts, songs, music,i try my best not to look awkward, just sitting there,one of the guests trying to be polite asks,have u listened to xyz song, i blurt out.... I dont listen to music..... ,better reply??? 3. Guets arrive wearing, capris, sleeveless tops, low cut dresses, everyone there,namahram men and women kiss each other on the cheeks by way of greeting,i stand there, only one saying salam without tring to make eye contact with men, my four yr old gets curious about the people's attires and manners of greeting, i get really tense lest she give some comment aloud and try to leave as soon as politely possible,start thinking excuses about emergency exit in case alchol appears on scene 4. While on visit there, husband strts zuhar prayer, relative announces lunch is served,husband tell me to go and says will join after namaz.... Relatives declares to all present on the meal that Allah ordered namaz just to punish the human....... Gasp.... Well i know they arent BIGGGGGG problems, have been living with them,but as my kids grow older and relatives more and more unislamic in their ways, i dont look forward to the visits anymore... Thanks for being patient througj such a long post
  7. How does one go about socialising with relatives who drink, listen to music, dance, dont pray??? they live in another city so when we go to see them we have to live in their house while we are visiting. The atmosphere in their home is very unislamic....... Mixed gatherings, with namahram people kissing each other.They might not drink in our presence but sumtimes they are in the living room drinking while we are in they bedroom where we are staying. I cant try telling them they are doing wrong, not even gently cos they are from my husband's family and so i dont have a choice even if i dont want to visit, i have to because my husband is close to them. They are nice people otherwise.visiting them for a few hours would be no problem but i seriously dislike staying there, am always fearful that they might start serving alcohol in their dinner parties etc. while i am there.i would NEVER sit at a table where alcohol is being served,leaving would create a scene and might turn into a bigger issue as they are my inlaws. No, dont tell me to talk to my husband. Any other suggestions please
  8. By friends.... I mean people u closely associate with outside home.... I have 2 girls at work with whom i have started to develop a friendship.one of them, whom i thought she is just a sunni, turned out to have very wahabbi beliefs..... There was a group of us chatting and saudi arab' role came up, thats how i got to know, she was all praise about the saudi govt and their king and the 'true' islamic system they have in their country. I was surprised how strongly she felt about following the wahabbi path.anyway now i feel a tad bit uncomfortable being friends with her.....i dont feel like associating with her anymore...... But there arent any shia girls where i work.... Just ranting
  9. i agree with bro Haider husyn..........while ray of light also gave some good suggestions in her post...... the thing is one should try removing the cause and not the effects.......also do those duas and you will find many more on duas.org and BTW its good book.......... i am reading it right now............ how come i never knew of it before thnx bro haider....... i am sure other ppl will benefit from it too
  10. personally....... i have never been able to understand the logic behind an adult sane muslim women needing her father's permission to marry a muslim man............wahts the advantage behind it........ why this ruling isnt applicable for boys. too......???why for girls only.........?
  11. like the other posters i do have some questions.......... 1. why dosent your family care about your wife??? how is her behaviour towards them? 2. do you care about your wife?? no where in the post you said you did....... you said you cared about your children and you yourself didnt want to be miserable....... what about her???? 3. the same Q another poster asked....... was she like this from the beginning??? if not then maybe something happened after you got married ,like your family not caring about her, that caused her to be this way and finding away around that problem might be the solution hope you will answer these questions....... meanwhile i will pray for you :)
  12. thnx sis jay, iraqia amd your best friend.......... i am grateful
  13. i am not going to reply........... i dont think the argument u r trying to start is worth the time and effort if a bro or sis muslim says that he or she is in deep difficulties and wants you to pray for him /her................??????????????????????????
  14. in islamic rulings there is no fixed amount and no minimum or maximum amount for mehar........... it can be money or some object........ even some flowers.........its upon the mutual agreement of bride and groom....... in the nikkah the groom 'offers' the maher and the the wife has to accept maher if she is willing to become that person's wife......... i m sorry i cannot quote it exactly but in times of Rasul Allah (s.a) a person said to Him (s.a) that he couldnt get married becuase he had nothing to offer in terms of maher and the Prophet suggested that even if doesnt have any money he can offer to teach his wife to read Quran and this could be her meher i am sure the bro and sis here can give give a more accurate account of the incidence
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