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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. Ahsant. Very well said. Essentially, that is as on point and as close to the bare truth as anyone will ever get with you, brother Khalilallah. Also, I feel that women need to take heed as well. There is plenty of staying halal that is just as much our responsibility, and each one of those factors as mentioned by brother dragonxx apply to us in much similar a fashion.
  2. Or even Sayed Ammar — actually, I have seen almost every age bracket of women cry when he gets up on stage. Or for that matter, Khalil Jaffer, Sayed Mahdi Modaressi, Sheikh al-Hilli, Hasanain Rajabali, etc. A most desirable trait is a combination of their love for God, their understanding of His essence, and most importantly, the conviction with which they stand by and are able to speak to these beliefs. I believe this applies just as well to men who are not scholars or speakers, and of varying physical appearances. Something else I'd like to add to this is with respect to the evolution in our preference, along the course of time, and an increase (or decrease) in our understanding of religion. For instance, a well-built physique may evolve into as trivial a factor when considering a prospect for marriage as becomes food, in one's journey towards Allah, taking on a very basic, almost irrelevant role as our spirit becomes stronger.
  3. great posts sahar!! keep it up

    1. SaharZainab


      JazakAllah khair, my dear sister. It is all His grace, alhamdolillah. I only hope I can do justice to whatever truth I have come to learn so far.

  4. Thank you for the kind words of advice. May Allah keep you in His protection, brother Wasil. And in His grace, may you continue to find ease and strength. Sending your way many du'as. All you need to remember is that Allah's love and mercy far far surpasses anything His creation could ever be capable of, as is evident in this passage from Hadith al-Qudsi, 'I am as My servant thinks of Me: I am with him; if he mentions Me silently, I shall mention him likewise, and if He mentions My Name before a crowd of people, I shall mention him before a better crowd; if he gets closer to Me as much as a span, I shall get closer to him as much as a yard; if he gets closer to Me as much as a yard, I will get closer to him more than twice that much. If he comes to Me walking, I shall come to him running'— so try and pay no heed to any negativity here or elsewhere.
  5. Ahsant. Very well said, brother. As well, I'd like to just add to the point in bold — both men and women really need to be honest with themselves with respect to physical desire, when getting to know a prospective spouse. No amount of piety can undo the harm that is a result of the lack of sexual satisfaction in marriage. There is absolutely no justifiable reason to hold oneself to any (spiritual) standard, by silencing basic needs that quite simply beg to differ. You are doing no one any favours by being polite now, and making the significant other suffer later. If you are old enough to identify the need for companionship, and baaligh enough to seek it within Islamic parameters, then you are old enough to recognize your own, individual capacity for desire.
  6. SubhanAllah, may Allah bless you for sharing. Interesting (although, not surprising) how just looking at the pictures of our blessed leaders can bring one so much comfort.
  7. Alaykum salaam. I came across this explanation of the ruku' by Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq in Lantern of the Path (s. 11, p. 52), and thought I'd share. The bondsman (abid) of Allah does not truly bow (in ruku') but that Allah adorns him with the light of His radiance, shades him in the shade of His greatness and clothes him in the garment of His purity. Bowing is first and prostration (sujud) is second: there is courtesy in bowing, and in prostration nearness to Allah. Whoever is not good in the courtesy is not fit for nearness; therefore bow with the ruku' of one who is humble to Allah, abased in his heart and fearful under His power, submitting his limbs to Allah like one who is fearful and sorrowful for what he might miss of the benefits of those who bow. It is related that Rabi' ibn Khuthaym used to stay awake all night until dawn, in a single ruku'. In the morning he would sigh and say, 'Oh! The sincere have gone ahead, and we are cut off!' Make your ruku' properly by keeping your back straight, coming down from your aspirations in standing to serve Him which comes only with His help. Let your heart flee from the whisperings, tricks and deceit of Satan. Allah will elevate His bondsmen according to their humility to Him, and will guide them to the roots of humility, submission and abasement according to how well their innermost being is acquainted with His immensity.
  8. Ahsant. Beautiful beautiful advice. I'd like to add to this something, bits of which I wrote to a sister in distress in another thread here. Grown men are very different from boys that are just much older, in that they have a clear understanding of what their expectation is from a life partner, what they wish to accomplish in the long term, and of course, what there is absolutely no room for in their prospective family. Their approach to everything comes from a concrete life plan — whether that plan is for this life, the Hereafter, or for both. I feel that women need to consciously determine what this life plan is, and how they can contribute to it within the boundaries of Islam (and without compromising on their own physical, mental, and spiritual health). Equally important are the rights that Allah expects both to fulfill within the parameters of marriage. Is one falling short, and if yes, then why, and how can it be worked out together? The Ahl ul-Bayt; Ethical Role Models is an excellent resource on matrimonial rights and responsibilities, and can be found on Maaref Foundation’s website, under the Library tab (Library > Ethics > first book on the left). One thing to also bear in mind is with respect to parents (on the woman's side) — that even the slightest discomfort on the daughter's part will leave them at their wit’s end because they expect the same level of love, respect, attention, and lifestyle from the husband as they would have provided for her before him. But what they may not understand (and certainly not for lack of trying), are the sacrifices and compromises that you may have made for the sake of your marriage, moments of both love and of mutual kindness, or even even the intimacy that you share with your husband under the blessed protection of this sacred union. Please forgive any lapse. I hope and pray that Allah continues to guide us in this journey towards a better Hereafter.
  9. Ahsant, brothers. Very well said. As well, I'd like to add to this the following saying by Imam Ja'far al-Sadiq as quoted in al-Kafi, 'A believer is a brother to another believer like one body in that when one part of it suffers, the pain is found all over the body, for their souls are from the Spirit of Allah. The soul of a believer has a stronger bond to the Spirit of Allah than the bond of the sun rays to the sun.'
  10. Yes, I have heard there is one located in Windsor. Of course, my sister. I will be happy to hear from you, inshaAllah.
  11. Peace be with you, dear sister Anisa. I think it is highly commendable that you have acknowledged the presence of anorexia, and are seeking treatment. Really, that one refuses to be in denial of whatever struggle may be holding them captive is a most important step towards healing. Perhaps looking into its beginning in your life might shed some more light on how to move forward. Healing is a process. Some days are good, others extremely bad. I don't think there is a formula. At least not one that I have come to a conclusion on. I have been struggling with body image issues most of my adolescent and adult life. A major factor that served against any progress I had made along the way, was an abusive and demoralizing ex-husband. I went from a size 15 to a size 6, losing almost 60lbs altogether through a healthier and more active lifestyle, but there was no pleasing this man. Also, I married young, so a scholar I spoke with regarding this matter advised that since my heart was at its most impressionable, it is hence having a hard time letting go of the image that I have of myself as a result. There is a beautiful tradition by Imam Ja’far al-Sadiq in al-Kafi (v. 2, p. 74, no. 13), 'Persevere in this world, which is in fact equivalent to no more than one moment, for that which has passed of this world has neither pain nor pleasure for you (for they have moved on), and that which is yet to come is unknown to you. Rather, the world is the very moment that you are in now, so persevere in that moment in obeying Allah, and patiently refrain from disobeying Him.' I am only sharing this because it helps remind me of the certainty of death, and renders some worry (if not all) useless when I take account of just how much my soul is at the mercy of both my thoughts and my actions for purification. I beseech Allah to heal your soft, beautiful heart. In His grace, may you find ease and strength. Du'as always.
  12. No, brother. My query was directed at 'notme,' and was concerning a few posts of the same nature, the last of which was the one I quoted originally. Alaykum salaam, brother. Yes, that is exactly the kind of person I meant with respect to being self-centered. I agree, but I also think that there are many societies, which encourage such injustice. I am confident that this doesn't apply to the predominant culture among adult males in our communities in North America, but there is still a huge immigrant population that would address this issue with genuine nonchalance. This also brings me back to the original post. In some cases, with both man and wife, I find it is a matter of feeling secure. If a woman feels secure that her needs will be taken care of, that her presence in a marriage is valued, and likewise, if a man feels secure that caring for the needs of his wife does not undermine his place in marriage, and that his wife has faith is his ability to put family first... there is very little room left for either spouse to demand or usurp unjustly anything for themselves.
  13. Salam alaykum, I am looking for information on the Hawza (for sisters) in Mashhad, and would really appreciate any direction, contact, or blog that can be provided in this regard. JazakAllah khair.
  14. Salam alaykum, I am genuinely curious about this very ideal picture that you have been painting of self-respecting, adult men. Have you never come across a self-centered, self-obsessed and indifferent man who could care very little about the comforts of his wife (and any children)? Who could buy himself two, even three winter and fall coats, yet cringe at the wife wishing for one herself that was at least warm enough? Who could invest plenty in hobby equipment, but play the savings card when it was the wife who needed something that would take a while in yielding return? Who could sleep afternoons away, however refuse to forgive his wife an overdue nap after a long week at work, and an even longer weekend running errands and doing chores? I don't believe this man thought of himself as any less adult or any less self-respecting. And please accept my apologies in advance for any lapse in my query.
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