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In the Name of God بسم الله

Photi

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Everything posted by Photi

  1. this calculation is a bit wrong, you are adding 622 hijri years when you should be adding 622 gregorian years. 1 AH was 622CE, so 622 solar years in the Common Era (CE), right? at any rate, you can get B.H. calculations on the online calculator by entering in gregorian dates. the 25th of Dhulhijjah 640B.H. fell on August 4, the year 1C.E. wikipedia says Jesus (as) was born from between 7 and 2BCE. Assuming there was no year 0 and further assuming the hijri calendar is 11 days shorter than the gregorian calendar (and not allowing for leap years), then: 25th Dhulhijjah 647B.H.==20th May, 7 B.C.E. 25th Dhulhijjah 642B.H.==14th July, 2 B.C.E. So, it looks like Nabi Isa (as) may have been a summer baby! allahu alim.
  2. how does one meditate, in the islamic sense? i came across another thread about zen meditation and david lynch, and in that there were comparisons to islamic mysticism, but no instructions on how to meditate. i have read a limited amount of material on irfan, meditation is brought up as central to spiritual enlightenment, but no instructions are ever given. how do i meditate? do i need a dhikr? if so, how to i get one? the various stations visited by the spiritual wayfarer have an appeal, but how many of us have access to a teacher that can lead us on the way? what are some techniques of practical irfan that can improve the spiritual well-being and enrichment of an ordinary muslim like myself? is there such a thing as practical irfan? is meditation the answer? i can say that i have a constant monologue going on in my head, and i perceive that mostly to be a conversation with Allah (swt). how do i change that conversation with Allah into a yearning for Allah? How do I pine for Him in the way that Rumi or someone else might?
  3. salams, thanks everyone for the interesting debate. i am relatively unschooled on the subject of falsafa. i had no idea that everything was so unsettled. i thought all the shias supported irfani concepts. the debate here has tossed me from one side to the other multiple times. i don't know that anyside won, it seems at an impasse at this point? a couple of questions. first to whizbee and macisaac. when the wayfarer annihilates his ego, merges with the Divine and declares "ana al-haqq," what exactly is going on here from your perspective? what is this psychological/spiritual state that the wayfarer is experiencing? i have read light within me and some of the other titles, the journey of the wayfarer does not seem to be one of deviation. to the contrary he seems to quite thoroughly cleanse his soul of all the wicked impurities and desires that afflict ordinary humans. at the same time he cultivates in his spirit a desire to be close to Allah (swt) and to love Him deeply. From the Islamic perspective, what do you think he is doing here that is haram? from my understanding it is this purification of the soul and this constant meditation on the love of Allah that causes the annihilation of his ego. why would Allah lead him astray after such sincere devotion? the shia urafa do not neglect their prayers or the other wajibats like the sufis do, so why, at the peak of their devotion, would Allah give them falsehood? i don't think the 'successful' wayfarer claims full comprehension of Allah (swt), doesn't he (or she) just claim total submission to the Will of Allah, experienced in the form of energy and merged consciousness? the description of the annihilation of the ego comes across as total submission. to the persian shah, khadim and i think cyan something or other. what about the statement about mansour hallaj from Imam Zamana (as) that whizbee posted? the one that came from the THE TAWQEE OF IMAM-E-ZAMANA (A.S.) wherein he curses al-hallaj: at one point in this debate the pro-irfan side made the claim that the anti-irfan side just misunderstands the claims of "ana al-haqq" and the concept of 'wahdat al-wujud.' we are told more or less that ana al-haqq simply means that the wayfarer perceives himself to be a wave on the ocean of existence, not the ocean itself. we are told that wahdat al-wujud does not mean that God is everything, it only means His Essence is behind all things (maintaining the separation b/t Creator and created). Wouldn't the Imam be privy to al-hallaj's precise meaning of ana al-haqq? why did Imam (as) curse him? why did khomeni (ra) liken himself to al-hallaj? is Imam's (as) statement not authentic? as for mulla sadra (ra), he seems to clearly argue for a pantheistic conception of the universe, *or* a universe where creation is mere illusion. his statement is fairly absolute, there is no room for other than God, so it is not a matter of his creation being so insignificant as to not really count. we either don't exist, or we are part of him. [from whizbee]mulla sadra says: how does Mulla Sadra's idea coalesce with the hadiths brought up many posts ago that said something like this: and this: and this: sorry to merely re-post what whizbee has already posted, but i think in light of these ahadith, it appears mullah sadra's conclusion that there is no space for anything other than Allah is in contradiction to the teachings of the Ahl al-bayt. isn't the limit of philosophy or irfan supposed to be what can be reached while still attached to the rope of the ahl al-bayt (as)? if i remember correctly, in the beginning of LWM, i think mutahari's (ra) section, doesn't he use some of the writings of Sadra to describe the various stations of the wayfarer? i thought he said something about Sadra not diving into irfan until late in life, and i am just wondering if his late-life irfan experiences significantly changed his falsafa. it would be interesting to read the before and after. anyway, i am still a novice student on the subject, but this thread has been educational and these were some of the questions that i feel have been left unanswered on both sides. fi aman Allah.
  4. the most terse statement yet about politics in 20th C arabia. the purchase of individual short term security in exchange for giving up the claim to long-term national sovereignty. there are166,000,000 arabs in Egypt, KSA, Jordan, Syria, Iraq, and Lebanon. there are 7,300,000 israelis. that's a difference of nearly 160 MILLION! if everyone could just get on the same page... if israel were not having it's existential crisis, the US would have no need to fully and completely dominate the middle east. if oil was the singular concern, there are ways other than domination to continue its free flow. afterall, the middle east needs to sell oil every bit as much as the world economy needs to buy it. therefore, israel is THE concern. israel's power is inversely related to iraq's power. the USA will not intentionally act in a way that will negatively effect isreal's relative power (the emergence of the so-called shia crescent was an unintended, even if predictable, consequence). therefore SOFA in some way benefits israel or in some way buys time for israel. ironically, i think it also buys time for the solidification of shia power in iraq. let's pray to Allah that they (our shias) are responsible with that power. the iraqis need to look at everything with an eye towards a broader middle east strategy that will favor the muslims regardless of nationality, and this necessarily entails looking beyond the regime's or even the nation's interest. this is where hizbollah has a legitimate right to interject. let their voice be heard.
  5. yep and a quick google search suggests it has been in the offing for some time now. congrats to the new mikhaeel. maybe he will come out with some good islamic pop.
  6. everything is soooo interrelated. it is about domination and controlling the middle east and every single one of us regardless of where we live have to see the zionist enterprise and the american enterprise as two fangs of the same beast. robert fisk has the discourse down. he sees through the ruse. below is an excerpt of an interview he gave. you will find this interview here: here is some more fisk. fisk's address starts aprox. 1/3 into the program. this is really good, he gave this address at MPAC a couple years ago. iraq certainly needs to act in its self interest, but you can hardly look at it in isolation. here is an excerpt: absolutely hezbollah has something to say about iraq.
  7. pent 4 2.2 GHz from 2001/2002 512 MB RAM NVIDIA GEForce 7300 GT 128bit i upgraded the video card once a couple years ago, my current one is much quieter than the nvidia i had before. the performance-to-value ratio was impressive at the time, i think it was around $80. is my processor that upgradable? i have noticed the speeds are not much different these days, is the new architecture significantly better? i figured i could increase the memory for cheap. the computer is fairly old (jan 2002), but it was relatively fast when i bought it. it is a dell and i have been real impressed. never had a hardware problem, and even now i would consider it an acceptable speed. that new video card really increased my comp's performance against CivIV. this game believe it or not demands everything from your system (according to forums, even high-end systems get a workout), especially in the late game with modern megacities and modern warfare. so what do you think, ram or processor for playing that new farcry?
  8. here is some of the movie, retitled as "the battle of Khaybar." it is good video quality and has good english subtitles. quite enjoyable.
  9. i don't play many games anymore, but i am a long time fan of the civilization series. addictive replayable gameplay at its best. some of those new fps games look incredible. time to upgrade my ram.
  10. H.E. Sayyed M. H. Fadlullah: this is from his most recent friday khutba. i looked up banj and it is the arabic for hashish. (must be lebanese dialect? i though 'hashish' was hashish in arabic) that's pretty heavy. he didn't reference the hadith, but who am i to argue that.
  11. i remember when i first converted i had to ask the shia alim if shias even wanted converts. i contacted him, and i was expecting a christian-like experience where i make the first call and then he would start inviting me to all these events and such. not like that at all. he was always available when i wanted to talk to him, but he never called me. this is exactly what i needed. i didn't want to be proselytized, i wanted it to be on my own terms and at my own pace. i went to both sunni and shi'i events, my inner experience was that i felt more welcome by the shias.(resident alim Molauna Syed Abbas Aleya has very good english and gives his sermons in english and has no problem talking with non-muslims; we have a nice community in seattle; we have politics, but who doesn't?) also, whenever i asked the sunnis about the shias, they lied to me and took on this patronizing attitude about wanting to protect me from their (shia) wrong beliefs. if i wanted to be treated like an irrational non-thinker, christianity does ok with that. if one's beliefs are so true, why should he have to lie to defend those beliefs? the sunnis need to seriously analyze why they make up so many lies about the shia beliefs. finally muharram came along at just the right time. after hearing about Imam Hussain (as) and the Human and Divine Justice i was permanently drawn into Islam. in the West we have machiavelli, but i never agreed with the 'ends justifying the means' as to my intuitive logic the 'means determine the end.' i knew that long before i was shia, so once i heard the genuine Islamic concept of Justice, i knew i was home. the key fit the door. i converted a few days after Ashura. May 18, 1998.
  12. i don't think she sees me as her uncle. i am friends with her dad, but the connection was through her cousin, him and i were best friends for years. the cousin is more like an older brother to her. her dad is like 15 years older than me. as i said above, there are not many options here in this town. we can talk about shiamatch or whatever, but that usually involves someone uprooting from a place they are already established. with this girl, we are from the same hometown, and there is tremendous practicality to that. rhizome, i don't know what your problem is. you have some serious emotion in your response. i mean a 'real angry' emoticon. you are kidding me right? maybe you are some girl who has been pressured into something you don't want to be a part of, whatever, don't project that onto me. you make so many assumptions about me in your post it is ridiculous. you act like i haven't actually thought the age thing through or that i am following my lust. this "fun" you say she is having, she has followed this not-so-christian christian guy right out of islam. we can choose to get all arrogant about that and say that that's her fault and let her deal with it, but i am not like that. i have more loyalty to the people i care about. we are an extreme minority in this town and if you turn your back on one person, you have turned your back on a big chunk of our muslim population. our main concern right now is trying to convince her to abandon her "fun" so she can make a serious unbiased attempt at finding Truth. She has only an inherited religion at this point, her present emotional attachment is precluding her from Islam, you (rhizome) may call that attachment "fun" but we think rather that the shaitan is sitting in her lap. do we turn away meekly or do we try to give her a flying chance? without her emotional attachment, at least she looks at Islam unbiased, and when she learns the soundness of our Faith, when she discovers the Prophet's loving and lovable nature, she will be moved inside and she will feel the Truth. at that point we have a righteous believer, at that point she turns her eye towards the akhira and at that point age disappears. that is who i want to marry. i don't care how old she is. i know for a fact that i would have married a woman 10 years my senior, i would marry a black, american or african, and i would marry a mother. i would never expect my would-be wife to be a virgin. i would evaluate who she is in the present and who she wants to be in the future. i would care to know of her past, maybe not the details, but in general so that i could help her and support as she prepares herself for Judgment Day. there would be many benefits to marrying a girl my own age. is my marriage any safer from divorce then? i don't think so. i have thought about the pros and cons, from her angle and from my angle, and compared that to a hypothetical scenario where i was marrying someone closer to my age and she someone closer to her age, and have come to the conclusion that all marriages regardless of age have their trade-offs. i choose to marry a Muslim. that leaves me one option in this town. her. why shouldn't i pursue that? should i remain single? it leaves me wondering how you would react to our holy prophet as. He was old enough to be her grandfather. or she was old enough to be His mom and He (as) loved her dearly, non-Virgin though she was. rhizome, i don't know what your issues are, but you have some serious anger that has been provoked here, maybe you need to analyze that? i don't know if you are a brother or a sister, regardless, akhlaq is not what you want it to be, it is how the Prophet and the Ahl Bayt (peace be upon them) have shown us it is. age is only one consideration among many. salam alaikum.
  13. ^^^^that's just it. people make all these statements that are entirely untrue. the only harm marijuana brings is the legal issue. you cannot smoke enough to kill you, there is no such thing as a 'marijuana overdose'. marijuana smokers who do not smoke tobacco do not have higher rates of cancer than non-smokers. we accept caffeine, why is that? some doctors say too much caffeine is not good for a person. i'd like to see the marjas cancel tea. the air pollution in india will kill you. is it haram to live in india? afterall it causes people harm. in islam we are not supposed to come to conclusions without thinking about them.
  14. props bro on the well thought out argument. for me, i don't feel in a position to argue the marjas. that said, they have not put forth a compelling argument as to why marijuana is haram. they say it is an intoxicant, but to anyone whose ever enjoyed the herb, calling it an intoxicant is a load of b.s. an intellectual stimulant and a relaxant, that is how i would describe it. i am a convert, i used to drink lots of alcohol in my initial college years before i was muslim, nothing like marijuana. alcohol you lose control, you make horrible decisions, you endanger yourself and others, and many many many lives are destroyed. even if you can "handle" your alcohol, you still get wasted and you still make bad decisions. i knew alcohol incites people to evil even before i became a muslim. to put marijuana in the same group as alcohol is an exercise in absurdity. the only lives marijuana destroys are the lives of the people who are unfortunate enough to get persecuted, excuse me, prosecuted by the authorities because for some incredibly big money reason it is illegal in the US. i don't smoke it anymore. i have sort of sought forgiveness from Allah because i have smoked it even after i was muslim, but the problem is that i have been unable to accept it as haram. so i don't know exactly what i am seeking forgiveness for, i am honestly unsettled by it. i cannot seek forgiveness for something i don;t think is wrong. the only thing that i see wrong, from the islamic angle, is that i smoked it in a country where it is illegal to do so. i understand, we have to follow the law. regardless, to that i say disobeying the law is part and parcel to living in a democracy. civil disobedience has its place when resisting laws that are absurd. you don't have to convince me alcohol or gambling is wrong, that is self-evident. crack heads and tweekers? crystal meth is a thief that will rob your life. i used to drive a taxi cab at night, i saw the ruined lives. marijuana in that same category? i don't buy it. islam is supposed to be rational. this taken from here: nothing is clear about the prohibition of marijuana. why does the best 00hash come from the muslim countries? i seriously consider myself a decent halaal abiding muslim. i just don't see this on the rational level. on everything else in islam, i get the argument. but with this marijuana thing, it's like it is just stapled onto islam because the scholars never actually wanted to put any time into thinking about it truly. what about a person like me whose intellect developed on marijuana and who sees marijuana as a supplement to my mental activity? an added neurotransmitter if you will. islam wouldn't ban me from serotonin would it? it has been a long time since it was in my life, but without it i feel like only a portion of who i could be. you can argue addiction, but it isn't about addiction, it is about creativity and letting the ideas, pure and very nice ideas, letting those ideas flow and develop. and then i get this guilt because they say it is haram. so i stopped. i dont want to go agaist Allah. but i feel like i am blindly following a principle without any evidence.
  15. this website looks like you could find yourself some good attars. i have not yet purchased any from there, but i am intrigued by a number of products they are selling. as far as what i wear, the new axe chocolate smells pretty good. it smells reminiscent of a "golden sandlewood oil" that i bought for cheap once in an indian novelty store. it smelled great, but its cheapness suggests it wasnt' acutally sandlewood oil. i have not been to jannat, but if and when i get there if it smells like genuine "mysore" sandlewood oil, that's a-ok with me. here in the dunya it is expensive and getting even more expensive as the trees are endangered and the indian government is regulating it heavily. it smells good anywhere, on the body, as a car freshner, diffused into the home. you will notice that depending on its temperature its smell has different hues. especially when you use this in the car you notice this (place some on a tissue or whatever and place on heater vent). it smells good as a cologne too, and increases its liveliness as you heat up. it is musky with a woodsy overtone, almost like wet cedar trees but slightly sweeter. nothing at all like patchouli. it might be like $50 a dram now or more (in the USA), and that is a small quantity. if you can buy it in quantity, it betters itself with age.
  16. no, that is not it, but that is nice and i have a feeling that the information in the essay about the cat was taken from this. is this a hadith? i remember that part about the sleeve. at any rate, the cat was only one portion of the story. it was more like a snapshot of who the prophet as was, a few facts of his virtues put into prose form.
  17. salams all, about 11 years ago i read a little anecdote on the Prophet Muhammad(as). it was not so much a sirah as it was a short little essay (<1000words) about the character of the Prophet. I am a convert and I read this a few months before I converted. That was the first time i remember having genuine affection for Muhammad. If I recall, it was written by Dr. Hassan Hathout. I have done a google search on his name, and there is a guy by that name who is pretty active in the american muslim community, but i couldn't find the story. like i said, it was a short anecdote. the english was simple but elegant and eloquent and to the point. if i recall, there was something in there about the prophet's affection for cats. does anyone know what i am talking about? i wish i would have saved it then, but my university email expired and now i cannot find the story on the net. if someone has it or knows what i am talking about, i would love a copy. or any other short essay about the prophet or the imams, may Allah's peace and blessings be on them all, that is effective on the level of love and affection. ps, i put this in sunni shia dialogue because I think professor hathout is a sunni. i thought some of the sunnis who frequent this site might know what i am talking about. please move to the proper forum if necessary.
  18. that's just a cut and paste from above. i am a convert and have sorta christian parents. it is hard enough to turn down the meat offered when i am home. i couldn't imagine turning down everything else my mom offered, that would be such an insult to her. if it is not haram, don't avoid it, people get very touchy about food they make and offer. it is an extension of their soul in a way.
  19. i was not raised muslim, so i don't know what it is like to transition into adulthood as a muslim, i was 25 when i converted. How do you go from being Muslim because that is what your family wants, to be being Muslim because you see it as Truth? Is that a gradual process, or do young adults who are Muslim wake up one day and say "wait a minute, i never decided this for myself, let me investigate it."? Allah wants us to believe for Allah and not for our parents, but kids are seriously not like that. they don't have aql like that, Mom and Dad determine Truth in childhood. in a sense, then, all muslims, even the raised Muslims, have to convert to Islam at some point in their adult life. i think this has to be conscious, doesn't it? If a raised Muslim doesn't ever ponder that, then it is like he is not really Muslim in the eyes of Allah. He submitted to his parents will, not to God's. i guess i saw the purpose of the discussion as partly dealing with that, how to make that transition from believing for the parents to believing for Allah? in that discussion i thought maybe something could be applied in my situation. it would be easier to be chill and sabr about everything if that guy wasnt in the picture, but with him in the picture it seems like the shaitan has his foot in the door and is waiting for the right moment to steal her away. thus the other question, is there a way to convince one person that another person in her life is unhealthy? is any attempt to do this going to feel patronizing to her? the more i think about it, and considering what some ^^^^up there have said, i think this is a closed door. it is important to focus on islam with her, but she is not really open to me at the moment. that leaves me with dua, but i find myself resisting the urge to 'do something.' probably not much i can do unless she chooses on her own to turn toward me. at what point do i forget about the idea? there are seriously no other muslims around, so even if i forget about it, i am still single.
  20. istekhara is not a bad first step. it is good for those things that are neither wajib nor haram. because a decision like this will effect the rest of your life, it is quite useful to receive Allah's wisdom on the matter. afaik, you should have someone who knows how to interpret qur'an do the istekhara, like a trusted alim. as a guy, i can say that there are many reasons why a guy might be quiet around you. it could be that he has been interested in you for awhile. in my case, for my own reasons, i get very apprehensive when in the presence of a girl i might be interested in, very counter-productive. women easily detect apprehension. if they don't know the cause of that apprehension, it can be kind of scary for her. and you just proved that. there is no reason to believe he is anyone to be afraid of, especially if you know he comes from a compatible family. definitely investigate it further, take a little time to get to know him, exchange a few emails. if you don't make any promises, then he should have no expectations. if you are clear and straight forward with him, he won't have to guess how you feel, it will be apparent. remember that for most men it is at best difficult to approach a woman, even if that approach is in an honorable way as you have described this brother's approach. be thorough in your consideration but don't let it drag on. maybe consider it in three steps. the first step should be you deciding on if it is a possibility (a few emails should tell you this). if it is not, quickly but graciously let him know. if marriage is a possibility, let him know, and then see if you can make it a reality. that's a delicate process where rights and responsibilities and life goals are discussed. probably a lot of negotiation. if that is successful, seal the deal. don't see it so much as a marriage proposal as 'an investigation into the possibility of marriage.' EDIT: i didn't realize this was the sister's forum, i was in active topics.
  21. really, you think it is mean spirited to pray to Allah to remove from her life someone who might be taking her away from islam? wouldn't this be praying for her to be protected? i agree with you, it would be wrong to force myself on her. i only want to marry a free thinking individual. or rather i want to marry someone who has freely chosen islam. right now, i think the last thing she needs is an emotional attachment, neither with the other guy nor with me. what she needs is to figure out her beliefs first before she can decide who would be a good life partner. her dad and i are worried that her attachment to the other guy means she will not give islam a fair chance. i thought i was going to walk away and look elsewhere. then i thought that if it could work out it would bring practical benefits to the both of us. we have the same hometown and muslims are quite sparse here. i had the istekhara done for me today and it came back good for focusing on this option at the exclusion of cultivating other options. it is 'wait and see' at the moment i suppose. i guess what i was hoping to find out is what can be done to help her see that this other guy is not healthy for her. like, does her dad have any options? he is quite stressed over everything. i don't have an emotional investment in her, so it is easy for me to stand back, but for him, he has no clue what he should do as her father. he is charged with protecting her, but if she doesn't listen to him, what can he do? personally, i like her approach to faith. when and if she ever accepts islam, it will be because she knows it is true. that's attractive. the other guy is the pressure point.
  22. i studied a lot of evolution and sociobiology in college. certain aspects of evolution are impossible to deny, namely genetic phenotypic variability and the natural selection that acts on that variability. the rest of the theory is quite compelling. to dismiss it outright makes us seem ignorant. i am interested to hear what mutahari says on the subject, could you point me in the right direction? thanks. one question i have. adam and eve. is it possible that the human biology evolved to its current state and then at that point Allah gave our biology a human soul? so we wouldn't actually be human before that time, just human-like. without the soul we would still be animals. highly intelligent animals, given our brains, but still not human, given the lack of soul. does this contradict with what the quran says? do we have to believe there was no human-like creature prior to adam? could the time of adam a.s been a couple hundred thousand years ago? it seems like with knowledge and with religion, something that supposedly adam brought with him, with these things come civilization. the first evidences of civilization are Sumeria or the Indus river valley, but that was only like 5 or 6 thousand years b.c., so 8000 years ago. according to wiki, the dna evidence indicates human like creatures existed as long as 200,000 years ago. if that is true, how do we resolve this with adam a.s.?
  23. This is my first post!!! Salam Alaikum, I have a dilemma right now with a girl that I am pretty sure I would like to marry. I've had an alim do istekhara for me, and it comes back good that I should pursue her despite all the things I am about to tell you. I have known her a long time as I am good friends with her father. Her dad is older than me, and I am older than her. She is still young, 19. Six weeks ago I told her dad that I was interested in seeing if something could work between his daughter and I. He was pleased at the idea. A week later or so, he brought it up to her, and at first she seemed to seriously contemplate our compatibility. When I would come over, she would make an effort to sit down at the table and join in on the conversation. The problem however is that she has this non-Muslim boy friend (two words or one?). She says she is 'very good friends' with him, but everyone around her knows it is more than that. Her (Sunni Muslim) dad is quite upset at this friendship, but every attempt on his part to persuade her that this guy is no good for her is met by her with the need to defend the guy. The likelihood is that the dad has inadvertently strengthened his daughter's relationship to this boy. Her upbringing has been anything but straight forward. Her parents divorced when she was still a toddler. Her mom has now passed, but only very recently. Her mom was Christian and wanted her to be a Christian. Her dad is Muslim and still wants her to be a Muslim. In a reality almost hard to believe, somehow her dad got custody of her and her sisters. I think that had to do with some serious problems on the mom's part, as if she was normal any American court would have given her custody. For all of this girl's life up until now she has considered herself Muslim. Then she met this non-Muslim guy, and as she started to explain her beliefs to him, she realized she actually didn't know too much. She came to the conclusion that the only reason she is Muslim is because her dad says so. So now she has her mom's legacy and side of the family who wants her to be Christian, and she has her dad and his family who wants her to be Muslim. In her mind, neither of these options are satisfactory. If she says she is Muslim because her dad says so, she is not a true believer. If she says she is Christian for her now dead mother, then she is not a true believer. She wants to follow Truth according to what God says it is, not because someone said so. Isn't that how Muslims are supposed to believe? I don't have any direct quotes at the moment, but I seem to remember in the Qur'an, especially when Ibrahim a.s. is being talked about, where he says 'Do not follow the religion of your fathers, follow the religion of God.' or something to that effect. So as Muslims, it is not good enough to believe because that is what our family wants, we have to see it as Truth. There is a dilemma here. We raise our children to be Muslims. When they are children, they don't really know right from wrong, they believe whatever their parents tell them and their parents tell them they are Muslim. For a lot of people, they take these parental "truths" for granted into adulthood and don't ever question them. Even if a Muslim's beliefs are correct word for word, if he believes for his family and not for Allah, then he is not really a true believer, right? The girl in question intuitively understands this, so it is hard to find too much fault in her thinking. She is being honest and sincere with herself, and she believes these qualities will allow God to lead her to the Truth. From a rational perspective, it appears she is on the road to True belief. It also gives me hope that she would be open to the Shia side of things. how does a person make the transition from being a child to being an adult? isn't there a lag time of uncertainty? I am a convert, I was raised for the most part without religion, but I remember searching for something since before puberty. I don't know the experience of a raised Muslim when his or her own 'aql starts operating. Did any of you wake up one day and realize that the only reason you are Muslim is because your family is? how does this girl switch from believing for her dad to believing for Allah? This is a very critical time for her. The problem is confounded because of this other guy. She says she is just friends with him, but her emotions have definitely developed. Although she says she is in control, i don't think she is. Even if not on the conscious level, I think she understands that the question for her right now is "is it going to be this guy, or is it going to be Islam?" If the guy could be removed from the picture, then at least her emotions are not getting in the way. What are the rules here? Can I pray for Allah to drive a wedge between them two, or does that violate free will? Is there a dua that might be effective for this purpose? When all is said and done, if she is honest to herself and if she gives Islam a fair chance, she will not be able to turn away from it. She is still relatively young and right now it seems the most important thing is to get this guy out of her life. Her dad has tried, but in his disliking of the boy, the girl is forced to stand up for him, and I think this only strengthens the bond. The father-daughter relationship is at an all time low. I look at it, and definitely the loyalty towards the boy is attractive, it is just misplaced. If we can get her to place that loyalty onto Islam, and eventually onto a legitimate husband (i still hope that is going to be me), then I think we will gain a strong and rightly guided believer. how does one go about convincing a person that another in her life is unhealthy? from her perspective, she never had an identity outside of her family until this boy came along, now she is starting to think for herself and so she probably feels that she owes a great deal to him. from a cognitive psychology perspective, my guess is that it was only a matter of time before she started to question her beliefs, the boy got lucky by being in the right place at the right time. She may or may not be in love with him, but regardless he does not give off good energy to the rest of us and it seems he is just waiting for her to abandon Islam. I think her and I have a subconscious understanding of each other that will be conducive to love and a healthy marriage, however it will be impossible for her to see this until this other guy is out of the picture. Even then, she will still have to explore her beliefs so she can arrive at the Truth herself. I would love to help her with exploring Islam, but after writing me one fairly informative email she has decided to stop writing to me. basically, i think in order to protect the relationship she has with this other guy, she has said she does not want to get to know me (we 'know' each other, but we don't really know each other). i don't have much room for manuever. if her heart can be detached from him, i am pretty sure she will change her mind about me. at least i think she will take the time to get to know me better, if not actually marry me. I would especially like some comments from the sisters on here. Any ideas on how to detach her heart from this spiritually unhealthy relationship? I do believe Allah wants me to pursue her, I had a Hujjat al-Islam do the istekhara for me. Should I just take a step back and wait for that other relationship to run its course? From her immediate family's perspective (the immediate family is the Muslim family), this guy is leading her somewhere she should not go. if her emotions were not involved she would be able to see that. from the girl's perspective, the guy is the only one in her life that is not telling her who she should be. She is spiritually ambivalent at the moment and so his sentiment is exactly what she wants, affirmation that it is ok not to be Muslim. He has the freedom to say to her "be whoever you are, don't stifle yourself and your spirit because of what your family wants. find the truth and bloom and then tell me what it is." probably for her he is the only "true" friend she has. I understand the need to find True belief, but it seems like she is not giving Islam a fair chance. In her mind i think she is experiencing it as a distancing of herself from Islam or an aversion to Islam, but in reality maybe this drama is more of a rebellion against her father. Her dad was/is the primary caretaker, the primary love object, and so as she starts to become an individual, the boy is providing the new object on which to place her love, opposite the dad, thereby giving her space to grow and to become independent. any ideas? action on my part seems like it could backfire. thanks and salams.
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