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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About keys2paradise

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  1. Salam brother, From a female perspective, no you should not go about it that way. It is important to be proactive in finding someone suitable, but it needs to be done appropriately. Respectable muslim women do not appreciate men they do not know chit chatting to them randomly when they are out and about. It's very awkward and embarrassing. It seems like you need to get connected better to other communities, do you drive? Can you travel to another Islamic centre that's not too far away? You say you travel alot with your job. Can you make a point of visit other shia Islamic centres when you go on these trips to widen your network of contacts? Would you consider relocating altogether and seek out another job in a different city, or another European country perhaps? For instance the UK has plenty of young ladies who are devout shia muslimas...and single :) Wasalaam
  2. So what does a career in serving ones husband look like? In practical day to day terms I mean?
  3. I like my job but at the moment I work out of necessity. I am supporting my husband start up his own business, and as you can imagine, the income stream is not exactly stable on a monthly basis in the initial phases of going self employed. So my job is to be the stable provider for now so that I can sleep easily knowing that we can pay our bills on time. I hope inshallah that this is just a temporary phase because I would like to have a baby soon and to look after my dad who has a terminal illness. So I am praying hard that in the near future his earnings become consistent and that I can have the choice to work or not to work. My husband tells me not to let our current situation stop us from starting a family, but I think most women need to feel like they have a certain amount of financial security before adding to their expenses! I don't at all think that 2 people need to work if they are skilled at living within their means, but I do feel like one of us should be bringing home that regular pay check! Did any of you sisters here just decide to go for it anyway and have a baby, even if your financial situations were not ideal? And did a baby provide you with rizq that you did not have before?
  4. Couples should take as much time as they need to know one another and to achieve a feeling of certainty before making a decision. There should be no set time by when they have to reach a decision, and no pressure from parents or each other. Honestly I believe it to be a huge misconception that unmarried people should not interact with each other for long. It can be done respectfully and appropriately with clear boundaries and parental guidance. I would also strongly encourage, that where possible, couples should not just get to know each others as individuals, but each others families as well. People are far less likely to lie or put on a front in front of their parents and siblings. I spent a lot of time observing how my husband interacted and treated the women in his family, how he spoke about them in their absence. I believed it would be the best available way of predicting how he would treat me if we were to get married. I would encourage the brothers and sisters to do this when considering people for marriage.
  5. 9 months. We were introduced through a mutual friend, we spent a month exchanging e-mails with the consent of our parents. The rest of the time was spent with lots of meet ups between our families and telephone conversations. I was young, and he was the first person to show me any interest so I wanted to really get to know him and his family.
  6. Salam Alaykom, Some of you have asked about the table that summarises the probable ethnicities of the Imam's using modern racial categories. To put this discussion into context, thought I should let you know where it came from. Sister Amina Inloes recently gave this talk in London entitled "Race and gender in how we portray Karbala". It was her that came up with the table based on her own research of the most authentic historical narrations. It was a really interesting discussion and I encourage you all to watch it in full here. She explains her ethnicity table from 44minutes onwards. Wasalaam
  7. I'm guessing that your opinion is skewed because people who are happily married don't post about their happy marriage. There are more happy couples than you probably realise.
  8. The OP said she is intimate with her husband about twice a week! That sounds pretty regular to me for a couple who work full time and she is heavily pregnant. She does not sound like a wife who is denying her husband. So why are some brothers on here acting like he is sex starved and needs to run out and get another wife, just when he is about to become a father? Perhaps when he impregnates that women and the same issue occurs, he can arrange for another wife yes? This is really poor and impractical advice. The OP sounds tired and stressed which completely kills libido. She needs to relinquish some of her responsibilities to other people so she has more energy for her husband. Her husband needs to help her more around the house or a family member. They should come to an arrangement that they both agree on to give her more practical support so she does not over tire herself and keep well. Men need to know that women generally like to be intimate with their husbands. But its usually a lack of energy from stress and tiredness that kills their mood, women tend to take on more responsibilities than men. So if men practically help out more this will help keep their wives energy levels up and stress levels down and she will be in the mood more often....a holiday away for a few days can do wonders too for reconnecting with your spouse.
  9. Salam and thank you for your reply. So, imagine if the bad person is your sister or your father. Do you think it's acceptable to just have a telephone relationship with them once in a while? And what about the innocent children of that bad person who are still your blood relatives, how to interact/behave with them? Wasalam
  10. Salam alaykom, We know that it is haram to break off relations with our blood relatives but Islamic guidance also tells us to distance ourselves from the transgressors. How does a a believer strike a balance between keeping ties with a relative that has openly transgressed and shows little desire to change their character anytime soon, or little understanding of what they did wrong. For example, imagine a close relative of yours openly drinks alcohol, is a proven thief or has had a baby out of wedlock. How do we maintain a relationship with these relatives and/or how much "cold shoulder" do we give them to show our disapproval of their lifestyle and to protect ourselves from haram. Wasalam
  11. As a general rule, yes looks are as important to muslim women as they are to men when choosing a spouse. It's silly to think otherwise. Women are put off by the men they don't find attractive and will reject his proposal. Same way a guy would. One girl may find a "little chubby" perfectly acceptable, another may not. It entirely depends on what else there is about you and the individual you are getting to know. Another general rule, Islam encourages physical compatibility between spouses. So whether a girl is pleased with your appearance is likley to depend on what she looks like herself and whether she thinks you match each other well appearance wise.
  12. I'm happily married. For the sisters, be prepared to be patient in the early years of marriage when it comes to your material wealth and help your husband by working together to build the lifestyle you both want. Do not expect to be living at the same level as your parents when u first get married, it might take years of hard work and saving to get that three bedroom house that u both want. It probably took your parents a while. Reduce your expectations early on and be content with whatever your husband is able to provide for you at a particular time. For the brothers, your wife will most likely take on most if the household chores even if she goes out to work, but she is not your maid and does not treat want to be treated like one. Show regular gratitude for the things she does at home for you because no one else will. Even better, help her with chores when you can and follow the example of Imam Ali (as). This will increase her love for you and she will definitely boast about you to her friends :) For both brothers and sisters, never compare your spouse to other people who seem to be happier/ appear better off than you in someway. For those people, you have no idea what goes on behind closed doors, the challenges that they face that you don't or how they truly feel. You may think you know, but you don't. Make yourself content with each other, remind yourself of the good in each other and the blessings that you have, other couples may not have the same blessings. Try and work through disagreements yourself, don't involve family members for every small thing. Be adults and manage your relationship sensibly and maturely by maintaining some privacy. Don't encourage others to interfere and pass judgements on the state of your marriage. Wasalaam
  13. Alaykom asalam, Keep checking najaf.org, looks like eid will be Wednesday. The khoja community in the UK who follow Sistani have announced the following on their website: Ayatullah Sistani (May Allah SWT protect him) A rationale for beginning of Shawwal 1435AH agreed by the Hilal Advisory Team has been forwarded to Najaf for guidance from His Eminence. HAT will publish the statement upon receipt Insha'Allah on Monday, 28 July 2014.Expect 1st Shawwal 1435AH on Wednesday 30 July 2014. http://www.coej.org/secretariat/crescent-sighting/announcements/2864-shawwal-1435ah Wishing you all a blessed eid.
  14. Firstly, the sister said she was unaware of the problem with making good deeds public and secondly, your post implicitly assumes she is intending to "show off" about her good efforts. She did not say that in her posts. Do you claim to be aware of her intentions? You should remember our default position should be to think the best of fellow believers until proven otherwise, to make 70 excuses for another believer. It's a very different thing to be intent on showing off around other people in the real world that know your identity, versus coming on here an anonymously and posting a record of your efforts during this special month that others can benefit from. I see nothing wrong with it if the intention is to encourage ourselves and each other whilst being careful to remain anonymous. If no one knows her true identity then she is not in fact making her good deeds public We should all be very careful about how we warn others. And Allah knows best.
  15. All females need to be accompanied by a male mahram according to the saudi version of islamic laws. When you apply for a visa, you need to declare the name of your mahram relative on your visa application. His name will appear on the hajj visa that is issued to you. You should try to go with a male mahram relative so that 1) you have someone to protect you during your time there and 2) so that avoid lying about who your mahram is. Many ladies choose to travel for hajj without a mahram, and the group you go with pairs you up with another male in the group and pretends he is your biological brother for the purpose of getting you a visa. You will stand next to each other in the airport as you enter KSA whilst your visa is being checked. Once you are in the country, you don't need to associate with each other. I would strongly advise all women to wait until they can go with a real mahram, it's ever so helpful to have a male relative to protect you. You will also have alot more freedom and can do your own thing more if you are accompanied by a male relative, if you are a woman travelling alone then you should stick with your group for your own safety.
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