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In the Name of God بسم الله

Qa'im

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Qa'im last won the day on February 9

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About Qa'im

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    The Hadith Guy.

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    Islam

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  1. We should distinguish between which gendered behaviours are natural, and which are socially constructed; which are religious and which are cultural. When it comes down to it, every man does some form of house work. I don’t have sisters and I’m not married, so I didn’t grow up in a house where women did the housework. But even in the house there are jobs that are culturally more associated with men (mowing, shoveling, roofing, taking out the trash, fixing), and in my experience, men have a physiological advantage at these physical jobs. As for aesthetics, generally women have a better eye for it. Again though these are just the general trend. To reiterate though, I’ve seen my own feminist acquaintances call men “toxic masculine” for wearing SWAT or UFC shirts. Yet at the same time, these women absolutely hate harmless men and want to claw them apart. At least in my experience, so much of the machismo that feminists decry is just men trying (and sometimes failing) to be appealing to women. In my casual marriage counselling, I’ve met so many wives that simply cannot tolerate their husband’s insecurities and weaknesses, and yes I have advised those men to try to express those insecurities to others and to be more confident and reserved with their wives (who need them to be a strong pillar in the house). Maybe that’s toxic, but those couples are doing much better now.
  2. So the appropriate response to “toxic masculine” behaviour is to mock those who “pretend to be more masculine”? I’ve seen this male fragility insult used not just against those who are blatantly sexist, but against people with which they have mild disagreements with (like about a man’s personal preferences in a woman). Im not at all a fan of gendered insults, as all toxic behaviour is simply rooted in hard-heartedness. It’s only a matter of time before people turn it around and start saying “toxic feminine” behaviour. The seeds are there — women manifest aggression differently than men, but they can still be aggressive. Abortion, paternity fraud, false allegations, gold digging, princess mentality, and gossip are just a few examples. But the root issue is not one's gender. Hard-heartedness and ego are the root, even if the physiological outcomes are different. Unfortunately, I’ve noticed that simply many of these groups have been infiltrated by man-haters. They are legitimized and empowered by the rest, and there is a lack of self-assessment and critique from within the feminist movement. The root issue may simply be a bad ex or a bad father, but it manifests in these gendered insults and outbursts. We should also assess *why* men supposedly pretend to be more masculine or less insecure than they are. Is it entirely because of socially-constructed patriarchy (as feminists would claim)? I would argue that the primary motivator for machismo are women themselves. Women simply do not tolerate harmless, "fragile" men, and we need to be honest about that.
  3. It is interesting how feminists, on one side, are sympathetic to men who fail to meet gender norms of masculinity; but on the other side, mock sensitive men by using phrases like "masculinity so fragile" and "I drink male tears".
  4. It is a sin. I can say that virtually every man struggles with it at some point. It is better that he acknowledges the sin than being in denial about it. Not just the masturbation, but the gazing at strange women and the normalization of zina. It is an industry that destroys lives, so it’s hardly “harmless.” It is in no way the wife’s fault. But if you love your husband, there are ways of helping him wean off this sin. The first is having him acknowledge that it is indeed a sin. Then he can find ways to limit his alone time with such devices (leaving computers/phones in common rooms). Some men masturbate to fill a sexual void — the primary reason for nikah is to exit the state of sin that bachelorhood naturally creates, so regular sexual relations would be a function of marriage, and it is a wife’s duty to not deny her husband’s advances (unless there are extenuating circumstances). Even mut’a would be preferable to masturbation, but I’m not necessarily recommending that as the solution (as it can create other problems). You should encourage him to open up about what he wants, and try to be patient with the answer. It could be a superficial problem, or it could be a foundational one.
  5. I suppose there are many factors here. How long have you been teaching elementary school? I taught elementary for about 3 years full-time, and I've had classes like the one you're describing. But there were many classes where I had to go at the speed of my slowest students, to make sure that everybody was on the same page. A classroom with several behavioural children can also eat up a lot of time, especially if the administration is understaffed or ill-equipped (classroom management techniques only go so far with some groups). The "no child left behind" model can be good in the sense that it gets the entire study body (and thus, society) above a certain minimum threshold, but students who lack learning disabilities, behavioural issues, and family problems are often not challenged enough. If you look at exams or textbooks from the early 20th century, grade 8 students were doing basically high school / college level work. Even interviews with kids and adults in the 60s show that they were noticeably more articulate yet humble: Of course, they were more of a two tier (or three tier) society, and that has its own problems. These were basically aristocrats, accommodations were minimal, and many children were simply sifted out. But I firmly believe that the proliferation of family issues is producing adverse results in the education system. On top of that, my last school dedicated a ton of time to lining up, assemblies, drills, disruptions -- adding this to recess, lunch, the occasional work period and the occasional film, that is a lot of fluff. I'm not saying that these are unnecessary: these are good learning opportunities for children, and there are many teachable moments in these. But it is no wonder to me that many children don't feel engaged or motivated at school, especially adolescent boys. The ideal school experience is still preferrable to me than the ideal homeschool experience. There is value in getting up in the morning, dressing up, going to a public community and interacting with a diverse group of people. Public/Catholic schooling worked out very well for me alhamdulillah. But I genuinely feel that the system now is broken, at least over here, and a proper homeschooling curriculum could be a temporary solution until something better comes up. But I also know that homeschooling can be done terribly wrong by coddling, psycho, or lazy parents. I also believe that the teacher-student relationship is a sacred one, and that it is important for students to develop this skill with others besides their parents. This is why I advocate that parents should not be the sole teachers of their students, even when they are homeschooling. Here is an article I wrote about Muslim schools: https://themuslimvibe.com/Muslim-lifestyle-matters/5-problems-with-Islamic-schools-in-the-west
  6. We had halal Popeyes here. The sandwich for me was hit or miss, because it is not standardized. The fillets differ in size, so sometimes you get a bigger, meatier fillet, and other times it's small and bready. Different workers seem to put different sauce quantities as well (I don't like when too much is put). Though a "good" Popeyes is hard to beat.
  7. Homeschooling is not as terrible as many people think. The main criticism of homeschooling your child is that it will limit your child's interactions with the outside world. This is true if the parent is doing the teaching one-on-one, and the outside activities of the child are limited. One way to overcome this problem is to find another few homeschooling families in your area with children in the same age group. The children could rotate doing their studies at different houses, and the families could split the cost of a private tutor. This approach is actually far cheaper than most private schools. Tutors can focus on the most essential subjects (English, Math, Science, etc) and work comfortably in extremely small "classes" -- that means more one-on-one time with your child. It is also far more time-efficient. As a teacher, I know that a big percentage of elementary schooling is basically glorified babysitting. It's a way for parents to get a 6-8 hour break from their kids (to work or live lol). But just because your child is at school, it does not mean he/she is learning -- so much time is spent at recess, lunch, assemblies, drills, music class, work periods, movies and disruptions. On most days, in my experience, the learning can be condensed into 2-3 hours, and the rest is fluff. With all of the free time, kids could be enrolled in many extra-curricular programs: sports, arts and crafts, languages, religious, camps, conferences, hobbies; and regular visits to the library, community centre, or gym. A curriculum personalized to your child's needs. With class sizes reaching 30 in Ontario (where I live), a teacher can only realistically spend 1-2 minutes with your child per period. Actually, so much of class time is dedicated to disruptions and behavioural kids, that it's likely that a public school teacher won't know more than your child's name. If your kid is succeeding in the public system, it is likely that they are not being challenged, and that the teacher is focused on the kids that are struggling. If your child is struggling, then they already need 1-2 hours per day of tutoring and help from a parent/sibling; and the 6 hours spent in school is not helping them much individually. If your child has a learning disability or an attention disorder, then a more personalized schedule and curriculum would be better for them. The most intelligent person I know was homeschooled, then went on to do his Masters and PhD. If done right, homeschooling can be very advantageous; so long that it is designed to get your child ahead, and not just motivated by an urge to coddle him/her.
  8. I believe the first book to come up with this basic idea was Patricia Crone's "Hagarism" (1977). This thesis was routinely criticized by academics, and I've heard (?) that Crone later retracted this conclusion. The mihrabs of early mosques were often inaccurate because precise mathematical and geographical methods had not yet been invented. Read World-Maps for Finding the Direction and Distance to Mecca by King. He argues that folk astronomy and geography of the 7th century accounts for these qibla errors. It is strange that Dan Gibson would try to resurrect this theory in 2017, as much evidence in recent decades (especially the discovery of many epigraphs in and around the Hijaz) confirm the traditional view. And of course, to say that the Kaaba and Masjid an-Nabawi were moved 1,300km, without any explicit references in the vast Islamic tradition, is coocoo.
  9. Maybe he didn’t know Surat al-Jumu’a and Surat al-Munafiqun. Though according to Sayyid Sistani, those are not a requirement for jum’a.
  10. I should note that you can always request your local library or university to order the book. Such requests are usually free, and they can benefit multiple people and not just yourself.
  11. The Mahdi will appear in Mecca, and the Dajjal cannot enter Mecca. Enough said.
  12. Has anyone looked at the Younger Dryas Impact hypothesis in possible connection to Noah’s flood?
  13. عدة من أصحابنا، عن أحمد بن محمد، عن ابن أبي نصر قال: سألت الرضا عليه السلام قلت له: الجاحد منكم ومن غيركم سواء؟ فقال: الجاحد منا له ذنبان و المحسن له حسنتان. Several of our companions from Ahmad b. Muhammad from ibn Abi Nasr. He said: I asked ar-Rida عليه السلام; I said to him: A disbeliever from you (I.e. the children of Fatima) and one from other than you – are they equal? So he said: A disbeliever from us, for him are two sins; and a good person [from us], for him are two good deeds. (al-Kafi, Volume 1, hadith 975) (sahih) (صحيح)
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