Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله

Akbar673

Development Team
  • Content Count

    2,797
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

Everything posted by Akbar673

  1. How old is your husband? How old are you? How long have you been married? As far as the Ex goes... How long were they dating? What is her current marital status? Was she someone he could've married? How did you come to know about her? How did you come to know they were talking? As far the online Prostitutes go... How did you come to know that he was talking to them? Define talking Was he soliciting them for sex? Were they reaching out to him? You have to understand that they are in "business" as well and that they have to "approach" potential customers to make money. Regardless of whether he wanted them to contact him or not. Was he just talking to them flirtatiously? What did he say when you approached him about it? So, if I'm correct, it sounds like you had a knee jerk emotional reaction. Did you ask him about what was going on before you did the Istikhara? Who did the Istikhara for you? How soon after you found this out did you do the Istikhara? How much time? So clearly he realized what he did and regretted it. Sounds to me as if he was just having fun on the internet, in his opinion. I'm not defending him, nor condoning what he did, but based on what his reaction was to it, it sounds as if he was just stupidly searching the internet for women. He's probably got an addiction to online porn too BTW. Sounds to me that he has an internet addiction to Porn. You clearly still have feelings for him. What do you know about him regarding how his childhood was like? How is his Parents' marriage? What other addictions does he have? Smoker? Video games? I would have to say I completely agree with him on this. A divorce is something which is damaging on so many levels to both people. It should always be a last case solution. I'm not saying that divorce doesn't have its place in the grand scheme of things, but often times people take that route based on their emotions, while ignoring their logic. Again, not saying it doesn't have a purpose, but there are certain steps that need to be taken before making that determination. Different people think on different frequencies. Just because you won't take steps along those lines, doesn't mean that you will not, intentionally or unintentionally, at some point do something that is equal in proportion to this. Well, that's just stupid to begin with. I'm assuming they were reaching out to him as well? There's some accuracy to what he's saying. If he's got a breast fetish coupled with a preponderance towards addictions then yes, that is exactly what he would've been doing. Firstly, he clearly has an addiction to porn but most people don't understand what causes people to have an addiction to anything. Its mainly a result of his brain searching out things which stimulate the pleasure center of the brain when the brains feels it is not feeling enough in that part of the brain. An addiction to porn is no different than an addiction to smoking, drugs or gambling. In fact, that is the exact reason why we have a generation of kids growing up with an addiction to video games. It provides them with a pleasure stimulation which they are not achieving otherwise. The "Devil" he is speaking of is a layer of depression. See above as to my question how he feels his childhood was, how his Parents' marriage is, etc... So what you're saying is that you made him become something he wasn't? That you pushed him to fit your definition of how he should be vs. how he was already? So what you're saying is that you know that he wasn't planning on cheating on you? If you knew that then why proceed towards a divorce? Your paranoia is what's causing you to not trust him. You said yourself that he hasn't, nor was planning on cheating on you. You are letting your emotions guide you at the expense of your logic. Use both in equal measure and then see what decision you arrive at. How often do you feel this type of anxiety? How long have you been having anxiety? You said you were anxious before this even happened, what was the cause of that? Perhaps its undecipherable for a reason. Also, are you familar with what the purpose of doing an Istikhara is? Its not to tell you what to do, its to help you aleviate doubts when you can not arrive at a conclusion on your own. Seems to me these Istikharas should only be done by select people who are qualified to do it, not by random people. It doesn't work like that. Based on what you've mentioned I don't think taking a path towards a divorce is warranted at this time. Too early and not enough evidence to support the belief that what you're doing is accurate. I'm seeing a lot of emotional reactions from you, but not a lot of logic being applied. As such, divorce is not the path to take at this time. Need more info as well as a continuous pattern of behavior which supports your opinion by him. He, to me, sounds like an immature kid who wasn't emotionally ready to get married. I would dare say the same for you. The level of maturity (based on what you've written) makes me think you are overreacting emotionally. I'm not reading much logic and maturity in what you've explained. Again, I'm not condoning what he did nor defending him. However, as I mentioned above, in my opinion you're letting your emotions guide your actions. You yourself admit that you overreacted, but even after that realization you're still staying in an emotional place. Also, you've consistently mentioned how you resent what he did to you, that's an opinion that is forumlated by becoming upset at being a victim and not having control. Are you sure that's not what's truly driving you to act this way towards him? That you were put in a situation you could not control and ended up being a victim of sorts? Is it what he did that's driving you, or the fact that you weren't in control to prevent that from happening? Well, no one is a saint and while you may not have done anything wrong as of yet, trust me there will come a time where you will. I've been married for almost 20 years and beleive me there will come a time where you'll look at yourself in the mirror wondering what made you do what you just did. I've been there, my wife has been there, my father has been there, my mother has been there, and I'm willing to bet that there countless people who have and will. Well, where's this coming from? Sounds to me as if you have a fear of abandonment and that drives how you view a relationship as tenable or not. You seek control, because you want to avoid being hurt. Paranoia is a manifestation of fear, which would explain your anxiety as well before this event even happened. Many questions that you would need to answer before any proper advice can be given to you. This isn't something that valid advice can be given based on one post.
  2. I highlighted specific descriptions in your post. The fact that you have immoral people pushing an alternate definition of the term "Assimilation" confirms that it is doomed to failure. Add to that the fact that the very people that they are accusing of not assimilating properly (note: that a lot of those Muslims are there due to the actions of the Western govts is the true irony in all of this). Agreed, and that's how the vast majority of immigrants have acted. However, the immoral racists have chosen to only highlight the actions of a small subset of those immigrants and are manipulating the mindset of so many because of their agenda. That's what has always happened on both sides of the equation for decades. Its only recently that the agenda has been pushed which is causing a small amount of people to take a racist tone. However, it is to be noted that there are a still a considerable amount of people who are open minded to immigrants coming to their countries and welcome them. However, as time is passing the number of those open minded people is not increasing. All of the new people coming of age are being fooled into this concept of racism/religionism disguised as Nationalism. You can easily maintain a level of follwing Islam while coexisting in the West. Its not easy but it can be done. It just requires a level of intelligence, Islamic education, open mindedness and common sense. Not everyone has that however. Not all Europeans, nor all Christians. It was moreso the Americans and the Evangelicals. Christianity in Europe was more moderate until the end of WWII, then the Americans infected Europe with their brand of Protestant Evangelicalism and its all been downhill ever since.
  3. Define assimilating. I view it as adopting to rules, laws and cultural ways of the land in which you live, while staying true to the rules and laws of Shi'a Islam. if it isn't haram then adopt it Why do you need all of that, when common sense dictates to avoid what is haram and to embrace that which is halal? Now, which propotion that halal and haram exists in the West is quite different than what it is in a Muslim country, but times are evolving and as time passes there are a great many things increasing that previously were not available. Nope, not at all. Always stay true to your Islamic principles. Its learning how they fit in with Western life that requires a level of intelligence and knowledge. Embrace what is Halal, and avoid what is Haram. Its in the gray areas in between that requires a level of cunning and intelligence.
  4. I replaced the terms "Shi'a" and "Sunni" in your post and replaced them with the bold terms below. When I reworded your post, it made things a lot more clear to me as to the nature of your question. Apologies for altering your post, but this is how I worded it in my head. As you can see...when I replaced the terms "Shi'a" and "Sunni"...it made your question a bit self-answering for me. Your thoughts? In answer to your re-worded question, I think the answer would be that he would consider them as those that did not listen to what he told them to do.
  5. Beautiful pictures !!! If the majestic brilliance of the building is that awe inspiring, then imagine what the majestic brilliance of the ones buried within there must be.
  6. That's a factor but not the only factor. Many other things come into play. Parents play the biggest role and it is their action which is probably the key factor. While enviornment plays a factor, it is still what happens at home which drives this. Again, if the parenting is adequate during childhood through education and exposure to counteract any outside factors then its not a problem. You can have the most pious Muslim living in Las Vegas, while you can have the most irreligious person living in Medina or Karbala. Its all about what's going inside a person that determines their piety, not so much the enviornment. If a person is put on the right path from early on then there is no chance of a coincidence. A person of weak faith will fall apart at some point, a person of strong faith will stand firm regardless of what comes along in life. This is why the responsibilities of a parent are so highly defined in Islam. If the early foundation of life is solid, then the strongest structure can be built upon it. Coversely, if the foundation is weak, then regardless of what you build the structure will eventually collapse, or at the least become damaged. If one is strong in their faith they don't see anything convincing in other religions. Even if they find something desirable then they will come back and search for it in their own religion. At the end of the day, it all comes down to parenting ultimately. If a parent takes the proper steps to ensure Islamic education while taking the steps to explain to their children why something is the way it is clearly then they are only building a foundation which can not be broken. If they lack the proper Islamic knowledge to teach the logic of Islam then there are more than enough resources or people out there that can do it for them. Its all about the end result.
  7. Who's the author of this? Most boys hit puberty around 12 and most girls hit puberty around 10. Based on this statement he is advocating that since a 12 year old boy and a 10 year old girl have an active libido and can conceive a child that they should be married. How many 12 year old boys and 10 year old girls are capable of engaging in a marriage are there out there? Not many I would say. Its desirable based on their hormones increasing their libido? How old were the members of the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام), as well as the ages of their children, when they married? Wasn't Imam Ali (عليه السلام) near the age of 30 when he first married? What about Imam Hasan (عليه السلام)? Imam Hussain (عليه السلام)? How about Imam Hasan Askari (عليه السلام)? You'll get your answer to this statement by finding that out. Keyword is Maturity. The author is negating his previous statement here by now adding maturity to the equation. Seems his opinion is evolving as the paragraph goes on. Originally, the author stated that when puberty hits that marriage is desirable, now maturity is added. The author then further negates the original statement by saying immature people are like "unripe fruit". So the author is making the assumption that people lack the ability to control their libido? I would disagree with that heartily, every unmarried Muslim in the world isn't constantly absorbed by a need to have sex. Even the ones that are growing up in the West where they are constantly bombarded by sexual imagery are not that way. (I was born, and grew up in the U.S., so I think I have some validity to my opinion). and those are not legitimate things to take into consideration before stepping onto the path towards getting married? I would say that those are things which need to be determined first, ahead of one's libido in fact. Those are the things which will play a much greater role in the success of not only the marriage, but also life in general. This extends not only to the spouse, but also onto children, parents, etc...as well. I'm not talking about being rich, I'm speaking of the ability for a husband to be able to stand on his own two feet financially while maintaing a respectable standard of living for his wife and childre, as well as supporting his parents in their elderly years. This outweighs libido by a wide margin in my opinion. Not condoning those items, but again the assumption is that all people engage in that before they are married. I would disagree with that statement on principal. Yes, the temptations are there but not all indulge in that. Also, can one not ask for forgiveness if they have indulged in those sins? Not using that as an excuse, a person shouldn't indulge in sins to begin with, but lets say they have...can they not beg with sincerety for expiation of those sins? That's not a result of not marrying early enough. That is a result of him not being attracted to his wife anymore. Why that is needs to be determined by speaking to that youth. He may have made the mistake of marrying simply for the sake of marrying. He didn't marry a wife he felt a physical attraction to. We also don't know the nature of their relationship. I can speak from being married for almost 20 years that after an argument or some equally emotional negative event that the last thing a couple wants to do is have sex together. Further more, if the marriage deteriorates then sex is definitely not desired amongst the couple. Wow, this author is certainly full of themself. I'm really curious to know who they are as well as what qualifications they have Islamically. The author's framing their personal opinion in the cloak of making it appear as fact. Who is the author? This has all the soundings of a person who has an overactive libido. If the author is a man, which I'm suspecting because women normally don't talk like this, then I'm curious how many mutahs and/or wives he has. He sounds like a skirt chaser. He's talking about sexual desire as if there is nothing else that drives a person's mentality. People are not animals that lack the ability to use logic as well. No one denies this, however the author is using the rizq that Allah provides as a weapon for furthering his own opinion. That's dishonest and misleading. That is the equivalent of me sitting around preaching that education and a job is unnecessary because Allah provides everything that we need or will need or to go ahead and have as many children as possible even when I don't have the means to feed and clothe them because Allah has promised rizq to all he brings into this world. Well, yes Allah does promise us that but at the same time he has also imbued us with a level of common sense and the ability to analyze things on a practical level. He gave us the intellect to identify between what is practical and what is impractical. To use Allah's words to further a personal opinion is a sin. Now, the author is using fear as a means of pushing their personal opinion. To scare people into thinking that if you are too old no one will want to marry you. Not questioning what Allah has promised us and guranteed us in relation to rizq and a partner in this world. Also, not questioning that Allah has made things haram and that he made those things haram for a specific and valid reason. However, I do take exception when the words of the Almighty are twisted and weaponized for the purpose of convincing others to believe your personal opinion. I'm really curious who the author is and what, if any, are his qualifications to be speaking on Islam.
  8. Thanks for the info...so if my math is correct then based on this hadith the soul enters the Fetus at 120 days from conception. Would you say that this is the same across all 4 Sunni fiqh? So interestingly enough we can now say that the Jafari fiqh and at least one (perhaps all four) Sunni fiqh match in determining when the soul enters the unborn fetus. How about that...something that all Muslims potentially agree on? Unfortunately, I haven't been able to really research this into the 4 Sunni fiqhs myself but that is definitely on the agenda. However, if someone can provide that info before then it would be greatly appreciated. At this point, based on the info we have on this thread, that Islamically an abortion can be performed at any point from conception through day 119 of the pregnancy. (I'm only speaking from a substantiated perspective, I know its near impossible sometimes to determine when conception actually happened, unless you are actively planning for a child and/or keeping a record of when the Husband and Wife engaged in the act.) Am I correct in making this determination at this point? Thanks.
  9. Ideally, I'd like to have Shi'a sources. However, I'd love to hear what the Sunni perspective on this is as well. I'd love to see which (if any) Sunni fiqh matches the Jafari fiqh on this issue.
  10. Source, please. The verse speaks about the developmental process but does not speak about at what point the soul enters the fetus. Sorry, but that verse is not accepted by Shi'a due it speaking on Predestination. Shi'a reject the concept of predestination of whether a person is determined to be "blessed or wretched" in advance. If his piety is already determined or decided by Allah in advance then why is he/she held accountable for their sins? good deeds? If he/she has already been decreed that they will end up in Hell or Heaven, then what is the point of choosing to be pious or sinful? We have hadith from the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام) which speak specifically against the concept of predestination which forms the basis of the Shi'a opinion on it. However, back to the topic of this thread...where did you get the 120 days number? Neither the Verse nor the Hadith states that number and the link you provided doesn't really give a clear explanation as to the 120 days number.
  11. I would say the logic and maturity of all 3 people since it involves all of them. Initially, all 3 but later extending to children. Also, it can not be understated as to the importance and acceptance of the parents and families of all 3. I can just imagine one of the Mothers-in-Law creating subtle ripples that could turn into tsunamis potentially. I brought that up once (and ONLY once) with my wife on a hypothetical basis a long time ago...let's just say she made her opinion on the matter quite clear......lol
  12. This is why myself, and many others, always said to not take drastic steps like leaving in the middle of the night. Also, this is why everyone keeps saying to keep in touch with your Mother and not be rude or harmful to her. Regardless of what she may have said to you, she's never stopped loving you. That's not so much her fault overall. Being a desi myself I know very well how important it is in that culture to be cognizant of what the opinions of others are. I'm not defending it, nor am I condoning it. I'm just speaking on the cultural status of it. Couple that with the fact that desi women love to gossip about things like this. However, this isn't a situation just of social standing, this is a life and death situation, or at the very least a permanent physical injury situation. I won't even comment on the mental damage situation because that's already happened for all involved. As such, you need to find a solution that works best for you. Desi culture is just as toxic as your Father's mentality. See above. Are they making a mockery of her being a victim of physical violence? If so, then they aren't the people who's opinion should matter at any degree. However, I doubt that they are aware of the physical violence. I'm pretty sure that the story being put out by your Father's family is that you overreacted to a simple argument and had him thrown in jail. They would never allow the fact that he beats his wife to get out to the public, That would destroy their public image. Don't worry, in time the truth always comes out. Well, that's unfortunately the damage that your Father's actions wrought upon his family. Not only did he damage them physically and mentally but financially as well. Not sure how to respond to this issue, but perhaps if you spoke to someone at your shelter they might be able to route her towards a charity organization that would help out. Doesn't hurt to ask. Best thing right now if for you to reply to your Mother with potential solutions. Her list of worries is quite extensive at this point and since she is your Mother you need to speak to your Shelter's staff and ask them how they can help. Allah does not place an obstacle in front of you which you do not possess the ability to overcome.
  13. The wife's full support defines this debate. If he did not have that, then it would've been an entirely different debate. Is there a victim in this scenario? Home's not wrecked if everyone knows about beforehand and agreed to it. Wife #1 knew in advance and agreed to it. Consent was given. No home wrecked in my opinion. Well, with today's weaponization of social media that is not outside the realm of possibility. However, what Islamic rule(s) were violated in this situation? Well, again which Islamic fiqh was violated by this? Also, what social or cultural laws were violated? If nothing else, how was the relationship between the Husband and Wife #1 damaged by this (if at all, since he had her approval and consent to marry Wife #2)? I just hope she knew what she was getting into. Not many people would do that. I'm just wondering if she conflated Islamic permissibility with her own personal opinion? Just because Islam allows her husband to take another wife doesn't necessarily equate to Wife #1 always being happy about it. I can't help but think that at some point there are going to be problems. How will Wife #1 react when she sees her husband showing affection to Wife #2? Will she feel threatened, or disapprove on some degree? Same applies to Wife #2, how will she react to seeing her husband's love towards Wife #1? What happens when children are born? Will Wife #1 have any affection towards the baby of Wife #2? Vice versa? Islamically, who holds legal superiority, Wife #1? So many Islamic fiqh issues, as well as social, personality, intimacy, etc...as well. You know the husband? Literal interpretations aren't necessarily a good thing. Can't say its always a bad thing either. Logic of the reader is the key factor in whether it is good or bad in that particular situation.
  14. My question is Islamically at what point does the soul enter the fetus in a Mother's womb? My reason for asking is in regards to an Abortion. I am well aware of the Islamic ruling on the when an Abortion is permissible and at what point it is not. Also, I am not interested in starting a debate about the morality of an Abortion. I have a opinion on Abortion, as I'm sure many of you do as well, nor am I interested in engaging in a debate about women's rights. I am fully aware of those as well. https://www.al-Islam.org/Islamic-edicts-on-family-planning/abortions Please see my question as to when exactly the soul enters the body of the unborn child? Thanks in advance for any info that is provided !!!
  15. Say that to the Sunni who accuse Shi'a of attacking Sahaba. So you're arguing in favor of just taking the Hadith at face value without stopping to analyze what it means, right?
  16. To tell me all of the mistakes I made over the last 10 years, so I could avoid them. Also, tell me what all the best stocks and business to invest in are, so I could invest in them. As well as to tell me what the critical events were over the last 10 years that caused a negative outcome to world events, so I could prevent them from happening.
  17. We can't go by guesses or personal opinion when dealing with this Hadith (or any other Hadith for that matter). but then wouldn't the Hadith have mentioned that then? Wouldn't it have said that the "Muslims" of his generation, or his Companions, or something like that? According to the Hadith he specifically mentions specific generations with no further clairification. Based on the literal sense of this Hadith, it says that people like Muhajirun and the Ansar are better than the Tabi'un and the Tabi al Tabi'in, right? So based on that logic then Abu Sufyan or Amr e Aas (sahabi by Sunni standards) are greater than Jafar e Sadiq (عليه السلام), Zayd ibn Ali or even Malik ibn Anas and Ahmad ibn Hanbal for that matter (Tabi al Tabi'in by Sunni standards)? Would you agree with the statement based on the Hadith? I would agree with you on that in the sense that earlier generations overall can be considered better than later generations. That's just how Humanity works. So the generations of later Muslims like 3rd or even 4th naturally deviate from earlier generations simply over the passing of time. Agreed, because you can't argue the validity of some of the men that are considered Sahaba by Sunni standards. For example, by that logic then the words of Abu Huraira need to be accepted as more important than the words of Imam Muhammad Baqir (عليه السلام) or Imam Jafar e Sadiq (عليه السلام). That doesn't make any sense to me on any level.
  18. First one that comes to mind is Imam Hasan (عليه السلام) and how they degrade him by saying he had countless divorces. If that isn't an insult to a member of the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام) then I don't what is. Next one, that I used to hear a lot was when a select amount of Sunni use the term Abu Turab for Imam Ali (عليه السلام). They have a different reason for using that title for him. When a Shi'a uses Abu Turab (Father of the Soil), its meant as a compliment towards Imam Ali (عليه السلام) for his vast knowledge of agriculture. However, when Sunni use that its actually a back handed insult to him because they connect it to the story of Imam Ali (عليه السلام) and Hz. Fatima (عليه السلام) having an argument when the Imam (عليه السلام) supposedly approched her to let her know that he wanted to marry a second wife to which Hz. Fatima (عليه السلام) proceeded to kick him out of the house apparently. The only place he could find to sleep that night was the open air masjid in Medina. At Fajr time supposedly the Holy Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) found him sleeping in the dust and then called him Abu Turab sarcastically because he was sleeping in the dust. Thirdly, how they belittle Imam Jafar e Sadiq (عليه السلام) by saying he was just one of the many teachers that Abu Hanifa learned from. They do this to dilute his status as a high level scholar by turning him into just another jurist amongst several others, some of whom are of a higher knowledgable status than Imam Jafer e Sadiq (عليه السلام) (as if that were even possible for the era of his Imamat...). I'm sure we can all come up with a greater list as time goes on. Just the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام) alone should be quite lengthy. Leave alone Shi'a sahabi. Of course, you'll hear the standard Sunni response of that they don't place the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام) on the higher pedestal that we do and that due to that its not an insult from their perspective. However, while there are many Sunni that approach it from that perspective (which in my opinion is a somewhat valid point), we can not use that same excuse for Sunni that do indeed harbor malice towards the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام), specifically Imam Ali (عليه السلام) & Imam Hasan (عليه السلام) due to the fact that held the position of Caliph.
  19. Does he mean the entire generation of Muslims? or is he speaking about the pious of his generation? Is he speaking about everyone in Medina, or is she speaking of specific pious individuals like Ammar e Yasir, Salman e Farsi, etc...? Again, is he speaking of everyone that was in Medina of the next 2 generations, or is he speaking of specific members of the pious? True, but those people were there in Medina at that time as well. Sounds to me as if he is not speaking of the entire generation of Muslims, but he's speaking of leaders and prominent individuals who are well known. We need to first make the determination of whether he was applying a blanket statement to all Muslims in regard to the generations he was speaking of. Converesly, we also need to make the determination, if we determine he wasn't applying a blanket statement, then who exactly he was speaking of? Community leaders, scholars, famous Muslims, etc ? Once we determine whom he was speaking of then we can determine the hadith's validity regardless of grading in Bukhari.
  20. Despite everything that she is doing and saying to you she is still, and always will be, your Mother. Just let her know what your position is on all of this is and that enough is enough for you. Let her say what she wishes to say, that is her right, but you have to speak on your position and why you are doing what you are doing. Its not easy, but if you wish to escape that life it is the step that you need to take. Just keep in touch with her by letting her know that you are fine as well as any other things you would like to talk to her about other than this. Don't stop that at any point. Always maintain contact in a decent and respectable manner with her. Tell her everything that you have said to the Police and leave it at that. She doesn't understand the complexities of the law and how it works. Many Desis think its how the Police work in India/Pakistan. That if you just go talk to the Police they will let them out. Doesn't work like that in Europe. Just explain that to her and leave it at that. Well, does she realize what is coming her way after your Father gets out of jail? Unfortunately, she is about to get a massive beating. She might want to go somewhere else before your Father gets out for the sake of her own safety. Well, you have to understand that her Mother is also a victim. She's had to develop surivival instincts on her own and since she can not appeal to his logic or physically defend herself from him, she has had to develop a way to manipulate him mentally and emotionally. You can't fault her Mother for developing those skills, because it was what she had to do to survive. She's employing those same tactics on her daughter because that's become second nature for her. When someone is trapped in a dangerous situation like her then you have to do what you can to survive. Its either that or get battered by her husband more regularly. Unfortunately, your Ex was not only a manipulator but he was also a schemer. He would lay the foundation before he would do something to make sure he could say that you were the one who made the scene. People like that are usually the victims of a childhood in which someone taught them that technique because they were the victim themselves. Again, this is usually the Mother who does this due to her being in an abusive marriage. Not defending your Ex by any strectch but there is always a reason why people like that do what they do and why they do that. I would also assume that his Mother was very much involved in your marriage by manipulating your Ex to do things which were to her advantage. Again, this is his Mother's survival instincts kicking in because she viewed you as a threat to her relationship with her son. A threat because he was probably the only one she felt she could rely on. Only reply to the ones that do not have her saying things like that, or the ones that ask questions that are relevant. If you don't acknowledge her emotional words then eventually she will realize its not working and she will stop.
  21. What med was it ? Was this intentional? Diphenhydramine (the most common ingredient in Allergy meds, specifically Benadryl) affects the areas that are responsible for learning and memory. Cetirizine (Zyrtec), Loratadine (Claritin), and Fexofenadine (Allegra) affect the area which regulates cardiac and pulmonary functions. Do you know what she took? I won't comment on this, but if I did you most certainly wouldn't like what I have to say. What are they saying exactly? They must be attempting to either neutralize the meds or flush them out. Inshallah, she will be fine. Thoughts and prayers for her. Well, here is my opinion, for whatever its worth. If this was an intentional overdose then she needs to be put on suicide watch at an inpatient Mental Health facility. This type of thing doesn't happen randomly. This is years of despair and depression which push a person over the edge like this. She is a victim of either genetic hormonal imbalance which led to her current Mental state, or she is the victim of consistent and continued abuse which has destroyed her Mental health. Its not a mystery as to what leads people to attempt suicide. Its despair and feelings of hopelessness as a result of Mental trauma. Either way she needs to be at an inpatient Medical facility and placed on suicide watch. She can't be left alone.
  22. You need to go to the Police and tell them the truth. They will understand that your original statement was made under duress and hightened emotions. Also, tell them who told you to lie about and say the things you did. The absolute truth needs to be shared. Yes, it would be because you are ignoring your Mother's attempts at contacting you. I'm not telling you to agree with what she is saying, I'm saying do not end contact with her. By being in contact with you, its allowing her as a Mother to know that you are safe. Don't add more problems to her already emotional state by ending contact with her. Its torturous for a Parent to not know where their children are and not knowing if they are safe and sound.
  23. What did you lie about ? More emotions from someone that lacks inner strength. Its not her fault, its the culture that she was raised in.
  24. At this point, you have to take your Mother's feelings into consideration. I know that she is most probably not thinking on the most practical level and she's clearly letting culture and emotion guide her instead of logic and common sense but you might want to speak to the Police and convey this to them. I know in the U.S. if the wife (the victim of the violence) refuses to press charges then the Police have to release him. Not sure what the legality for this is in your country, but at the very least they will become aware of what is going on. Mention your Mother's messages to them and explain from a cultural standpoint what is going on as well as what you are going through as well. Not only from an emotional perspective but also from a cultural and Islamic perspective. The Police have access to resources that you may not even be aware of. This isn't the first time they have come across something like this. You have to understand one very important thing. Your Father will continue to be violent. He will continue to beat your Mother, in fact he will probably do it as soon as he and your Mother are alone. He will beat her in a rage and it will be brutal. He will also probably beat your sister as well. He will also search you out for the purpose of beating you mercilessly as well. He's full of rage and anger and that's pent up inside him. In men with psychological rage like this their intensity and rage rises to inhuman levels at times like this and he will stop beating them only when his anger subsides. He'll probably do some damage to the house as well (smashing things and putting holes in the wall, etc...). He will then do the same thing that others do when their rage subsides, after burning off the hormones in his head that fuel his rage he will then slip into a major depression. After the rage goes away, feelings of guilt and regret come on in equal measure of the rage. This is a result of the hormonal imbalance in his brain. When he sees the damage he has done to your Mother and Sister he will become suicidal, if not then he will be consumed with regret which will cause him to act irrationally. He will be consumed with feelings of "Oh no, what have I done ?!?!?". The Police and psych team that have interviewed him already will already know all of this. This will be a factor if they deem him able to be released or not. I sincerely wish none of this would've happened to you, I really mean that. As a Father myself just thinking about what you are going through shakes me to my core. I spoke to my wife about this and she was visibly shaken as well. If there is anything I can do to help in any way possible send me a PM. All the best to you. My family is praying for you !!!
×
×
  • Create New...