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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About Love4the14

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  1. We have not had our nikah. We are engaged in the sense that he proposed and I accepted. We have yet to plan the nikah day which is at least a few months away iA. My problem is I don't know how to politely tell him it makes me uncomfortable bc I don’t want to hurt his feelings or make him feel bad. He is just a very expressive person with his emotions, that’s who he is. But I’m sure if I set a boundary he will understand the hard part is finding the right words
  2. Salaams I recently got engaged AH to a really sweet guy who cares about me a lot. Sometimes though I feel like the conversations are getting too emotional ie he tells me he misses me, he adores me, he can’t wait to spend every day with me. These are all innocent sentiments and not anything inappropriate but I just want to get some opinions on how you know you’re crossing the line and having a haram conversation ? I am more conservative than him and don’t know how to respond when he says these things. Though the feeling is mutual but I prefer not to express it till after the nikah
  3. If we say that getting to know each other in a public place is halal then isn’t that like saying dating is halal? It’s not any different than what the non Muslims are doing..
  4. https://www.Sistani.org/english/book/48/2352/
  5. I know it’s a no brainer that dating is not allowed in Islam but I came across this fatwa on Sistani.org 2454. It is haraam for a man and a woman who are not Mahrams, to be together at a private place where there is no one else, if it is feared to lead to immorality and scandal, even if it is a place where another person can easily arrive. But if there is no fear of any evil, there is no objection. isnt that basically saying you can be out alone with a non mehram if you have no bad intentions? For example if I am engaged do we really need to have a third person with us at all times? Confused by this fatwa
  6. Sis we’re specifically talking about Sayyid Sistanis fatwa that there needs to be a receipt from him for validity. I don’t know if other marjas require such receipts or if this even applies to fitra or just sahme Imam
  7. No he has permission from two other marjas. I didn’t think it was a necessity to give khums to someone who also does taqleed of your same marja. Esp since this Sheikh knows that I do taqleed of Sayyid Sistani and assured me he could still accept my khums. Of course it sounds fishy now that I’m saying it but I would love to know the actual fiqh rules regarding that Hopefully everyone will pardon my lack of knowledge, khums is not something that my parents discussed growing up so I have had to learn about it on my own. I learned about the basics and of course keep finding out new details as time goes on- which is kind of getting me down bc now I have thousands and thousands of dollars that I have to pay again. Guess I was hoping He might be forgiving on this one but no such luck? :((((
  8. Salaam I do taqleed of Ayatollah Sistani and I recently came across a fatwa which states that one’s khums is not valid unless the person you gave it to gives you a receipt from the marja’s Office. This was actually posted on the website of IMAM which is the US representative office of Sayyid Sistani. The post even went so far as to say that if you had not gotten receipts in the past then you must pay khums again even if it was out of ignorance (although that part was not specifically mentioned in the fatwa itself). Which I thought was a bit extreme but who am I to question. https://www.imam-us.org/khums-receipt-authorized-agent/ I had been giving my khums to a local mosque (I trust the imam) but when I asked him about it, he sort of brushed it off and said that was not the Ayatollah’s fatwa but was just something put out there by his office. He told me not to worry about it and I was fine giving khums to him. Also said that he could theoretically get the receipt for me but then the marja office would keep half the money. Mind you, I don’t believe this Sheikh is a Sistani follower. So I wanted to get others’ opinions or experiences. Is it common or even possible to get these receipts. I know if you pay thru IMAM website they will get you the receipt but obviously not everyone pays through them. And what if I want to give to my local mosque? Just because they don’t get receipts I can’t give it?
  9. As bad as it sounds, your parents are not being logical if there are clear problems with the guy and you have made them aware. Like most desi parents it sounds like their goal is just to get you married as soon as possible. If you cannot see yourself being happy with him then don't marry him. You will regret it. Your parents will accept your decision with time inshallah and you deserve someone better
  10. Salaam what you are describing is frequent doubts since you are 'not sure' water has reached everywhere. In reality this is impossible bc standing under shower/running water and simply using your hands as is recommended to wash the body is more than enough to ensure water gets everywhere. It is impossible for any part of your body to still remain dry after being under the water ten or fifteen minutes (though some can do it faster than that) i suggest reading al falaq and an nas prior to taking your showers and hopefully this prevents waswas. And I agree with islands, this is obsessive compulsive disorder but I don't think you need meds if you just say to yourself that you are making your own life more difficult which is pushing u further from Allah. That in itself is a reality check. If you don't get a handle on this soon, you may start to hate Islam astaghfirullah or stop doing your obligations altogether. To expand on the above persons timer idea, set a timer and only allow yourself five min for each part of the body; ie 5 for head, 5 for right side and five for left side. When the timer is up, regardless of how unsure you feel, ignore the doubts and force yourself to move to the next step. This will take some time but ia you will get used to it. Also, are you sure you are not doing extra steps? From childhood I was taught that each part has to be washed 3 times, but then later I found out that head and each side is only washed once since shower water is continuously running. This saved me a lot of time.
  11. I agree with the intent of OP's original post, it is not fair to bring up your child in an Islamic environment where they don't understand the language being spoken at the events. In fact it's downright illogical. How would desi parents feel if you asked them to go sit in a two hour majlis conducted in German for example. Allah has placed the responsibility for teaching religion squarely on the shoulders of parents so how will we answer to him about this one? I especially get depressed about this topic during moharram when I see my nieces mindlessly doing matam to nohey they don't understand. How will they possibly develop the same love for Imam Hussain (as) that we have?? In the defense of parents, it is not always practical to have English speakers bc not every center is able to get them. But in that case they should go the extra mile to be active parents and have discussions with their kids- and not just rely on the center to teach their kids everything. I for one rely on YouTube for English lectures during Ramadan and moharram if my local center does not have an English speaker. I think I'm getting more thawab from understanding and learning from what I'm listening to, rather than sitting there in the majlis and being zoned out during urdu Moulana. This will def be a challenge for the next generation.
  12. There is no such thing as 'halal' friendship. Marjas have said that friendship between na-mahram is haraam
  13. Why is everyone using the term repressed. You realize that we only consider ourselves 'repressed' when we compare ourselves to the rest of the non Muslim world which is loosey goosey and has no limits or respect for their body or heart. Following Allah's rules does not make u repressed, it makes you guided and keeps you out of trouble. I get that it's frustrating but life is full of trials and the whole point of Islam is to fight our nafs to please Allah. He doesn't just hand us reward if we don't work hard to submit to His will. Patience is about being content even when we don't get the things that we want. Also to the person who said they think kaafirs are 'lucky' for being able to date and do what they want , please open your eyes to all the harms of dating. This is a really basic part of our religion , why would you say that others are lucky for being allowed to sin, it means you have no appreciation for the wisdom behind Allahs laws. Sorry to be critical but it's a very ignorant thing to say.
  14. @strawberry Sister strawberry if you are still active on here could you post a link for where you got those Ay Sistani fatwas? I tried googling and couldn't find it
  15. I'm sorry but how is it 'not acceptable' for a surgeon for example to earn 3-400k? The guy spent years in training, performs 8-12 hour long surgeries, to replace a human being's joint or transplant an organ and let's say he does that a few times a day, most days out of the year? I would say its unacceptable for him to be paid any less than that. I kind of resent The phrase 'raking in' which makes it sound like the money is coming for nothing when in reality they are providing a pretty major service to someone. Why am I even trying to prove that doctors work hard for their money?! I don't want anyone to think I don't sympathize with the struggles of working class families, but you are almost implying that doctors are profiting off the overinflated cost of healthcare, when that is not really where most of our salary comes from.
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