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In the Name of God بسم الله

Love4the14

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  1. Is there a specific reason for your anxiety? Did you see any changes in him or did something specific happen in the relationship to make you question things? sometimes we dismiss our gut instincts as anxiety. If everything was going well why would you have any concerns that things won’t go well? Try to get to the root cause and pay close attention to your feelings. Don’t disregard them because this is a lifetime decision. It is normal to have some worries before a big life event but if you have specific concerns about the relationship you should take more time to figure it out and feel more confident before the marriage.
  2. Followup: I did contact another scholar who said it was fine so long as hijab is maintained and the conversation remains appropriate
  3. If you can’t understand what’s being said, listen to a lecture online in a language you can understand. There is no point sitting thru a majlis for 1-2 hours if you don’t get anything out of it and are spacing out. On the other hand many of us space out even if it’s a language we understand, esp if the speaker doesn’t deliver a focused lecture.
  4. With all due respect I completely disagree about putting talks off for another two months . We initiated the process before moharram and all parties agreed it was fine to continue getting to know one another. Perhaps you are speaking from a cultural perspective, because I don’t feel I am disrespecting Imam Hussain. And from a shariah perspective there’s nothing wrong with taking to a prospective spouse during these months. You can check that with an alim if you don’t believe me. How about people who speak for several months to a year before deciding? You think they didn’t talk during moharram? let’s add in the fact that I am almost 40 and every month or two that I put off the marriage process, is a delay for me to potentially have children. If I had the luxury of being in my 20s then sure I’d have all the time in the world.
  5. A lot of ppl seem to think that but I don’t think meeting up with a non mahram at a restaurant for example is ok. That’s essentially the same as dating.
  6. Everything you said makes sense. The problem is that the discussions started right before moharram and there wasn’t time to plan a meeting as we live in different states. And we wouldn’t meet for the first time during moharram or safar obviously. So now all we have is phone conversation for the next two months which is fine for me provided it stays halal. He already spoke to my parents so I know he’s serious and I have no problem being abrupt with him about not doing video calls lol. I know Syed Asad Jafri had told me once that video should be avoided before nikah —but I didn’t know if any other scholars had weighed in.
  7. I had the same rationale but I guess the difference is that a face to face halal meeting usually requires a 3rd person in the room while a video call is between 2 people. Many might say it depends on intentions but I’m not sure the rules are that liberal. Hence looking for some fatwas or something. A few Sunni sites say it’s haram but those are Sunni sites.
  8. Salaams all, wanted to get your opinions on the permissibility of video calls with a prospective spouse. Basically we were in a situation where we were not able to meet in person prior to Moharram so we did a few video calls. I already feel like I’m satisfied w his looks and I have been told by an alim in the past that video calls should be avoided. Makes sense to me esp if you find the person attractive. He seems fairly religious but I don’t want to do any haraam as I continue to get to know him. We’ve been talking by voice call as well but he sort of indicated he prefers face to face calls. How do I tell him I’d rather do regular calls without making him feel like he did something wrong? And is there anything official in terms of marjas commenting on this? I wear hijab but I’m pretty sure that doesn’t make it ok lol.
  9. Salaam alaikum could anyone please translate this into English for me??
  10. This is an over generalization- there are plenty of us who have self control and are able to avoid dating and wait until permanent marriage. You are basically saying that mutah should be allowed since apparently we are animals and can’t control ourselves . Why would you consider a father delusional, strict or abusive if he expects his daughter to exercise self restraint and remain chaste until marriage? It’s a basic expectation of our faith - unless of course your child is completely sex crazed and influenced by the wrong people. I would never allow my kid to do it because a guy would prob just use her and move on to someone else. The fact that it is ‘halal’ is not going to undo the emotional damage.
  11. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the best judge. If he thinks he is qualified to charge that much, he is free to charge it and as we all see the centers continue to invite him and are happy to pay. The centers that are opposed to it don’t invite him. So what’s the issue? I’m sort of neutral either way, but if there were something morally wrong with this setup then I would say the ‘problem’ is the centers that continue to invite him. But clearly there are ppl out there who want him and don’t mind paying. why does a diamond ring from Tiffany’s cost more than a ring of comparable quality from Kay? Because you’re paying for the brand and the famous name.
  12. @hasanhh It’s not appropriate to make light of a serious situation that someone is going through. Sarcastic comments are not contributing anything useful to OP.
  13. Salaam, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way sister. it sounds like you may have clinical depression. Feeling disconnected from your family, not motivated, crying spells and feeling guilty are all typical symptoms. It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time so I would encourage you to see a doctor to at least discuss options. Unfortunately in most cultures there is a stigma with seeking assistance with mental health issues, it is not recognized or discussed in our communities. This might feel like a big step but talking to a counselor or doctor will help. Here is a link from another thread which might be helpful https://muslimmentalhealth.com
  14. Some families are really traditional. My dad used to be that way. If he was not familiar with the family he wanted to talk to the guy first before just giving him my number because let’s face it some people just want to use others to ‘pass the time’ so you shouldn’t take it personally. Realize that some families have been through very bad situations with their children where someone may have used them or hurt them so the parents want to ‘pre-screen’ candidates for their own comfort. It’s nothing against you. It’s just that certain guys have given the male species a bad name and some families are overprotective of their daughters so they choose to do it this way. Like anything with marriage it’s not a foolproof strategy bc a lot of ppl put on an act for the parents. My two cents: if a guy gave some resistance with talking to my parents it sends the signal that he is either nervous or isn’t ready ready to get married, either case is a turn off. So my advice is to just respect those requests if you really want to get to know someone. Or, find someone with the same expectations as you who is willing to talk without much family involvement. And don’t forget you are going to need daddy’s permission to marry her anyway .... so what’s the issue with talking to him from the beginning?
  15. I’m not an alim, but a Sheikh told me that if you dream about a dead relative you should take out some sadaqa on their behalf.
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