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In the Name of God بسم الله

Love4the14

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About Love4the14

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    USA
  • Religion
    Shia

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    Female

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  1. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is the best judge. If he thinks he is qualified to charge that much, he is free to charge it and as we all see the centers continue to invite him and are happy to pay. The centers that are opposed to it don’t invite him. So what’s the issue? I’m sort of neutral either way, but if there were something morally wrong with this setup then I would say the ‘problem’ is the centers that continue to invite him. But clearly there are ppl out there who want him and don’t mind paying. why does a diamond ring from Tiffany’s cost more than a ring of comparable quality from Kay? Because you’re paying for the brand and the famous name.
  2. @hasanhh It’s not appropriate to make light of a serious situation that someone is going through. Sarcastic comments are not contributing anything useful to OP.
  3. Salaam, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way sister. it sounds like you may have clinical depression. Feeling disconnected from your family, not motivated, crying spells and feeling guilty are all typical symptoms. It sounds like you have been struggling for a long time so I would encourage you to see a doctor to at least discuss options. Unfortunately in most cultures there is a stigma with seeking assistance with mental health issues, it is not recognized or discussed in our communities. This might feel like a big step but talking to a counselor or doctor will help. Here is a link from another thread which might be helpful https://muslimmentalhealth.com
  4. Some families are really traditional. My dad used to be that way. If he was not familiar with the family he wanted to talk to the guy first before just giving him my number because let’s face it some people just want to use others to ‘pass the time’ so you shouldn’t take it personally. Realize that some families have been through very bad situations with their children where someone may have used them or hurt them so the parents want to ‘pre-screen’ candidates for their own comfort. It’s nothing against you. It’s just that certain guys have given the male species a bad name and some families are overprotective of their daughters so they choose to do it this way. Like anything with marriage it’s not a foolproof strategy bc a lot of ppl put on an act for the parents. My two cents: if a guy gave some resistance with talking to my parents it sends the signal that he is either nervous or isn’t ready ready to get married, either case is a turn off. So my advice is to just respect those requests if you really want to get to know someone. Or, find someone with the same expectations as you who is willing to talk without much family involvement. And don’t forget you are going to need daddy’s permission to marry her anyway .... so what’s the issue with talking to him from the beginning?
  5. I’m not an alim, but a Sheikh told me that if you dream about a dead relative you should take out some sadaqa on their behalf.
  6. Is controlling desire ‘near impossible’ if you avoid temptation? if you are lowering your gaze, avoiding places where women are underdressed, avoiding haram images on tv and internet? And most importantly avoiding friendships with the opposite gender which we all know is a recipe for disaster? is it still near impossible if you refrain from all of that?
  7. Exactly!! This thought is the only thing that gets me through sometimes lol. Suppressing the desires is only one part of it, it’s also patience in loneliness and in not being able to begin a family and just that general feeling of when is it going to be my turn already.... you single people feel me right.... ok, done complaining
  8. Maturity and level of standards is a huge factor - also realize that if a woman is successful in her career there are certain qualities that got her there- being assertive, standing up for her opinions and thoughts, etc and there are many men that don’t grow up around women like this. They are used to being in control or seeing marriages where the men are in control so they don’t mix well with these types of women . Just my personal experience though
  9. The requirement is to try to keep oneself pure and free from haram acts if you are truly in a situation where you ‘cannot’ get married. Its amazing how many ppl tell themselves they ‘cannot’ Get married when they haven’t seriously tried. I’m not referring to OP, just speaking in general terms. That being said, I do believe that being single is a way of God testing our patience, because he has promised to fulfill our needs and answer our prayers. How we choose to deal with the test is the key. Agree w above posts about focusing on other activities to stay distracted
  10. I would be honest with her about your intentions and that you don’t have much to offer her right now and if she’s still willing to consider you then go for it. You will need the support of her family though so you should clarify whether they are ok with your financial situation before you get too involved. Is there a third party that could gauge her interest on your behalf? Do you trust her friends to do that for you?
  11. We are encouraged to speak to the Imams and use their waseelah for whatever distresses us. It is not a waste of their time, they love us similar to the love Allah has for us.
  12. It doesn’t sound like your standards are ‘high,’ they are reasonable. We all have to have some basic standards when it comes back to looks, personality, religion and what we feel is right for us- not what others tell us is acceptable. (So what if he does this, he might change later! For example) youre not being too picky like I said there have to be some standards. only you have your best interests at heart. parents have a desire to marry us off as soon as possible even to people with major flaws and they struggle in the patience department unfortunately (ie trusting that there is someone better in the future) . And trusting their children’s judgment is not something they are good at , since in their generation they usually had no choice and just blindly went with their parents’ arrangements without too much thought
  13. He’s probably bitter about the breakup and is doing it on purpose to taunt her and mess with her brain. If he had really moved on he wouldn’t still be messaging her
  14. It’s not your job to help him change. It sounds like he is expecting you to fix him and then he is manipulating you emotionally by telling bc you that you need to support him this way. There is no question about ‘if’ this is toxic. The fact that you’re now afraid to communicate is a big enough sign!! You will always feel like you have to turn your unhappiness inward instead of feeling free to discuss it with him. If it feels like the relationship is turning you into someone you don’t want to be... then you should run and don’t look back. Just remember broken engagements are painful but it’s only temporary....the pain of an unhappy marriage is worse
  15. Thank you for your prayer and kind words...What you have said about losing respect for him really resonates with me, bc that is EXACTLY how I felt and I realized that the ‘love’ I had for him slowly went out the window bc there weren’t many positive things left to respect about him. Also, lack of trust essentially broke my deal as well - I’m sure married people can weigh in on trust and respect being the basis of a good relationship. Respect goes both ways, so if you feel he is hurting you and disregarding your feelings, then he is not showing you the respect you deserve. And in turn that’s why it is difficult to respect him. It hurts to know you’re not getting back what you’re putting in. Also if you’re feeling like things are getting harder and harder now.....the stresses after marriage are even harder!! Do you really want to start off fighting an uphill battle? Is he really worth it? It’s important to pay close attention to your feelings and how he reacts to you and it sounds like you have good judgement of his character so far. I know it can be hard bc most ppl around us have the ‘just make it work’ mentality. But you can only make it work if the other person has proven they are willing to work as hard as you and it sounds like this isn’t the case. Personalities are extremely difficult to change. I hope things get easier for you soon iA and you are guided to the right decisions.... feel free to PM me if I can be of more help ...
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