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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. I would also like to add the importance of romance in the relationship. These are all the 'raw' or foundation aspects of any marriage relationship which is part and parcel of a good, healthy religious lifestyle.
  2. My two cents: From my understanding women also want fun and adventure to be part of the marriage or relationship, they dont want a boring life. Two years without doing anything fun or interesting in a marriage (or temporary marriage) can lead to this. Also women want their man to be confident, manly, be in control and have some aggression (in the positive way). Women dont want their man to be too soft. The Mutah part has been covered well by my bros and sis.
  3. Salaam alaikum all, I need some assistance regarding refuting the Dabiq magazine (the ISIL, ISIS mouthpiece magazine). I just flipped through the magazine and its a total nightmare, its surprising to see people fall for this BS. I feel really sorry for all those people who have fallen under the hand of ISIS/ISIL. It really pains me when I see the the Holy Prophet's (saww) names being used in the hadiths or whatever rubbish thats mentoned in the magazine. I am humbly requesting if someone can go through the magazine and refute all the points with clear hadiths and references. The Dabiq magazine can be found and downloaded directly with a google search. Shihab.
  4. I understand the points everyone is putting forth, and you're right as well. Having gone through these challenges I still feel that a better, simpler and more workable approach (as per my understanding) would be to be patient -because of the certainity that Allah will surely help soon, and to do something more useful with your time like studies, pursuing a career (this can certainly be enjoyable) and other more approriate enjoyments like outings, sports, safaris etc For those who are troubled, look at it in this way -you should consider that you're going to get married soon (InshAllah) and that you're going to have lots of fun in marriage (a good motivator). As the saying goes save the fun for when you'll get married so that you can have a good and fun married life :-) On the points regarding pornography and women's interest - women dont seem to have an aptitude for it, at least not like men (in my opinion). However women do like having lots of fun (at least based on my own married life experience), so that shouldn't be much of an issue. I am sure couples can always be creative and fun in marriage. Your Bro
  5. Salaam alaikum Bros and Sisters, Forgive me for briging up this post after such a long hiatus but there is some interesting info which I'd like to share that would help others in life. I gave Allah swt a promise that if I'd stopped masturbating I will also help others to stop and improve as well. I have stopped and have virtually left this behaviour behind me once and for all. I would like to start by thanking everyone for your much valued assistance. I would also like to clarify that I have essentially succeeded in stopping my problem through patience and getting married (which in itself has really been the one that helped most). Secondly, based on my understanding (and experience as such) its really good to have that desire (*sexual appetite*) as it really helps in making marriage intersting and fun. For this reason alone I request everyone not to suppress themselves but instead be patient till you get married (dont masturbate but just be patient and build up your career for the future i.e. do more useful stuff that will help for later). Thirdly, I sincerely asked Allah swt to help me in getting married by holding Allah swt to the promise he has made in the Quran (about getting married and freeing us -or me as per my request to Allah- out of His Grace). I held on it to this repeatedly, and susprise - all of a sudden all gears kicked into motion and one by one the problems began to sort themselves out, I got married a few years ago alhamd. Pornography is still quite addictive by its nature unfortunately but this is something I have been working upon and improvement is slow but coming neverethless. There is more I'd like to share if anyone is interested. Your Bro.
  6. Salamun Alaikum, I have a problem with pornography and masturbation. I cant stop watching porn and masturbating. I have tried to stop but to no avail. Can anyone give me TRUE and TESTED advice that WORKS to stop it? Pardon me for the caps, but I am in AGONY here. And my life is in shambles. Truly. Kindly, give me realistic advice, not half baked [Edited Out]. Pardon me for the words, but I feel bleak. Regards..
  7. Salaam Alaykum brother. I was just wondering, did you manage to cure your problem. Just a little concerned about your well-being. Wa Salaam.

  8. Persian Shah: I am installing the filter. However, to tell you the truth, bypass is easy anyway. If I want to it wont work. Link: Sir, I tried to the extent, that I am no longer disgusted with my whatever actions. I just want to stop. Sir, I have read, have understood, and still fail. Veiled: I just havent been able to. Still sortof "in the process" for years now. Doesnt anyone know of any approach that works 100%? Cant anyone recommend a good way with reasonable effort and pain? I just want to stop my bad habits and improve. Nothing else. Thats why I am here... Thank you.
  9. Maybe you are right. What can I do? I have come here with the intention of improving myself. I know others have this problem. If I cant ask advice here, what do I do? I am trying to exhaust all avenues in trying to stop. slowly707: I sent the mail. Check...... Bros and Sis, I know I am taking your forum time, resources and attention. All I want to do is stop. Once I succeed, I will stop posting on the p&m forum. Please bear with me, Thank you.
  10. I have added you.

  11. I am starting the fast today (Monday). Sundays and Thursdays is the plan. Nice advice from you all, but I believe that some serious pain is needed for improvement here. I am looking forward to it. Wasalaam..
  12. My friends you all have points. Yesterday, in a moment of frustration, loneliness, having all the difficulties of trying to study under my situation, of learning and anger (after being unable to get the laptop ;)), I just sortof went mad. All my weekends are lonely affairs, where the remembrance of what I do not have intrudes with me, times for relaxation, where I dont even get relaxation. Just have all the problems. In one moment when watching the porn, a thought came into my mind as to how it would be if I got my own wife, how I would go around doing it. Immediately, I knew, that it would never be like what I saw on my monitor. When I watch this things, I dont imagine doing them. I am just watching. Its dictating. When the thought came of me going around starting doing it with my wife, it was an alien thought completely out of the blue. Can you believe it? Not once did I truly think that I would do it with a partner. There is no bridge to me and what was on the monitor. In clearer words, I dont know how to do it i.e. I dont know how to have sex. I have never had it. Watching never brought me near to it, I dont know how to go around to getting it done to do it. I dont have much of an ego. I hardly have anything at all. All I want is to stop what I am doing. I just want to give Allah (s.w.t) my best. I am not truly interested in people. Other than giving others my help and support, I am not interested in them. I dont care about their wealth, women, children. If I do see these, it does cause some pangs in my heart, and reminds me of what I missed, and where I have come, actually increasing the pain. But I am more interested in someone else. Cause I actually understand the least bit of that someone. Unfortunately there is always one obstacle or other. I am living in the 21 st century. On one hand I am in one of the most difficult times in my life. I am surrounded with that which is wrong. I actually wish I were there at the time of the Holy Prophet (s.a.w.w). I would have had my problem solved instantly. Plus a lot more. Unfortunately I am here in a century, when the forces of evil have become so strong, that theres a war going on. I am under a unilateral assault, massive in nature. But I also do realise, that living in 21st century, that if on one hand, there is all the troubles and tribulations and difficulties, then on the other hand Allah (s.w.t) must have placed the antithesis of it. In other words, there is a way out. First I am going to the doctor. I know that the doctor had cured some people from masturbation. But the issue is that in my case its p&m. I was told that masturbation by itself without porn can easily be stopped, but after porn comes in, its something else. I challenged (yes, actually challenged the docotr ;) ) to cure a person off this p&m addiction. Immediately, without a pause, the doctor wold me he would do it, that he could stop anyone. He accpeted my challenge. One look at him..... and I am going to him till I succeed. He has the ability with him. I told Allah (s.w.t) that I would do anything to stop, even if it meant going to Jews or anyone for that matter. Even if I would hate that person. If the person has what I want, then I want it from him. I would put aside my likes, dislikes, I would humble myself, you name it. I would fast, recite Salatul Layl anything. Even not get married. Even all the way to death. I wouldnt care anyway. Well, I believe the doctor thing can work out. He is a hypnotist. He has helped many people. He has a tool with him. I have my willingness, the humbleness, and he has the tool. I will eat and swallow humble pie. This, brothers and sisters are the thoughts of your desperate brother, like a drowning man clutching at a straw to save himself. And there are many more like that. I am going to the doctor today afternoon. I am also going to borrow some computer games from my friend. I feel like playing something. Khudahafiz. Edit: Do you want know what I was writing just before I failed? Here:
  13. Abu Hadi, you broke me out in sweat. You arre right about the toxity of it. You are also right about the about it not having one step down approach. In fact one of the ways is to keep resisting with all effort. Which sometimes actually fails. Whenever weekend comes I get these empty feelings inside my stomach and my heart feels hollow. ;) . To me its a test. A consistent, repeating, long term test. I know a person who used to watch porn but stopped. I work with him. Hes my friend. From what he told me, and from what I gleaned of his personality and attitude, I got how he did it. The guy looks like the patient, quiet sort, who would try hard. At the points where I would be breaking into numerous tiny pieces, he would probably be standing and doing other work nonchalantly. He told e he stopped in 2006. And that, by Allah is a record. 2006 - 2008. Damn. He told me he once caught someone look at porn at work, and saw a brief glimpse. He turned his face immediately. I swear by Allah (s.w.t) that takes guts. I would probably see it for an instant longer before turning my face away, I dare say. And it would rank somewhere in my heart where it pains. Veiled: I know about that, but I dont intend to enter that state anyway. slowly707: Get those people to understand their problem. Its dangerous. Here is a good place to start as any. And I didnt last months. Actually slightly more than 40 days at max. Average round 2 weeks. Occasionally more. Occasionally less. Persian Shah: Ill have to do it gradually. I might be unable to do it all at once.
  14. I am thinking on it. I also have a laptop and if I wanted to watch the stuff it would be very easy. ;) I feel ashamed about this, but I find fasting hard. I normally just keep the wajib fasts and some of the recommended fasts. To fast outside these times would take some serious mental effort. I did mention somewhere than my work is pretty hectic. Ill try to fast but no guarantee that I can keep it up. Plus I do wanna body build :D . slowly2007: That may be the case, but I dare say, that everyone is truly trying to help a brother in difficult need anyway. But yes, priority should be given to answering those questions on Salat and Quran. Case Scenario: If a nice, religious, sweet woman cane my way and I was offered the opportunity to get married in lets say 3 - 5 months should I go for it? There is a reason why I am asking. Do you think there are any issues that would be obstacles on a happy married life based on what you know of me? Come on. Chip in and let me know. There just might be a possibility on a marriage on the horizon.
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