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In the Name of God بسم الله

Liggel

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    Lahore, Pakistan
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    Islam - Shia

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  1. In this situation, what a man can do is to have hope in Allah and pray that somehow his wife changes or he is able to find some other source for halal sexual relations.
  2. Anyone going to Hajj this year? Inshallah I am.
  3. I think this isn't as uncommon as one might think. Sometimes, there are couples who stay together for years and years, but do not have any physical relationship. They are still happily married and they aren't fulfilling their desires elsewhere, neither halal nor haram. Some couples even wait for many months to even consummate their marriage....they remain virgins sometimes till their first anniversary. The longest duration I have heard for a couple to stay virgin after marriage is 18 years! The marriage was consummated after such a long time. As long as the couple is fine with it...there is no legal issue either, because having sexual relations within marriage is a personal choice. The issue that is problematic is when one partner persistently denies sexual relations while the other wishes it. This is not uncommon either. In this topic, the blame often is put on the man that he denies sexual intercourse to his wife. But there are also some wives who categorically refuse any sort of physical activity with their husbands. Such wives can stay without any sexual interaction for their entire lives without getting frustrated or feeling any need for it. It is like these women are asexual, just like a baby has no desire.....they too are devoid of any sexual needs. Not just that, they find sexual activity a huge, tremendous burden...the biggest hardship of married life and without any pleasure. Such wives run away from any sexual interaction and even the thought of such activity makes them uneasy. They may find sex as shameful or disgusting and an unnecessary activity which has no pleasure in it and is just a cause for physical hassle and something which makes you exhausted for no reason. Such women will come up with 100 excuses to not have sexual intercourse with their husbands...I am tired, I am not in the mood, I can't take a shower at this time, I have to wake up early...etc.. etc. As long as their husbands do not ask them for any conjugal rights, they are fine and enjoy their married lives...they even like and respect their husbands otherwise, but when it comes to physical intimacy...they will do anything in the world to run away from it. When a man has a wife like this, who is otherwise religious, decent, humble, respectful, caring....but she is completely asexual and has absolutely zero sexual needs and will not agree for any sexual interaction with her husband.....then the husband has the right to divorce her. But in reality, it may not be easy to divorce. The man may have to spend his entire life with such a woman and may not get any opportunity to marry another woman in nikah or Mutah. In such a case, where a man cannot remarry and his wife will categorically refuse any sexual interaction for all times to come.....can the man be allowed to satisfy his needs through some forbidden act, eg, masturbation ? Ofcourse not. The man is obligated to not fall into any sexual sin even if he has a wife like this who will never ever agree for sexual relations. This shows that no matter how extremely difficult the situation may be, a man can never be allowed to sin even once. But what can a man do in a marriage like this where the wife is otherwise perfect but gives a complete refusal for any sexual interaction? If the wife does not have any medical condition which is disturbing her hormones but she is just not fond of sexual interaction...what can the man do? If he is unable to divorce her....and he is also unable to do another nikah or Mutah....then perhaps he should lower his gaze from his own wife all the time, so that he does not get aroused by her and then end up sinning. When couples like this exist in this world....then one should not take it for granted that marriage will automatically bring about sexual comfort......rather, if someone is married and sexually satisfied, they should consider it as a special blessing of Allah because not everyone can be like that.
  4. Salam As per Ayt. Sistani, one of the recommended ghusls is : 19. the ghusl for shaving one’s hair (ḥalq); https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2190/ Like Friday ghusl, this ghusl suffices for wudhu. But is this talking about halq after umrah/hajj, or is it just any shaving of head?
  5. Ws. If you have gloves on, then ghusl is not required. If you are only holding bones, then again ghusl is not needed. If the ghusl does become wajib, it would be Ghusl mas-e- mayyut (touching of dead body), but this can be easily avoided.
  6. بِسْمِ ٱللَّهِ ٱلرَّحْمَـٰنِ ٱلرَّحِيمِ Get the point ?
  7. The Quran is not silent about the successor of Prophet. In fact, it is not silent about anything at all. It is a detailed explanation of Everything (including succession to Prophet): لَقَدْ كَانَ فِى قَصَصِهِمْ عِبْرَةٌ لِّأُوْلِى ٱلْأَلْبَـٰبِ‌ۗ مَا كَانَ حَدِيثًا يُفْتَرَىٰ وَلَـٰكِن تَصْدِيقَ ٱلَّذِى بَيْنَ يَدَيْهِ وَتَفْصِيلَ كُلِّ شَىْءٍ وَهُدًى وَرَحْمَةً لِّقَوْمٍ يُؤْمِنُون "In their history verily there is a lesson for men of understanding. It is no invented story but a confirmation of the existing (Scripture) and a detailed explanation of everything, and a guidance and a mercy for folk who believe." (12:111) I'm surprised how someone can believe that Quran would remain completely silent on a matter as serious as the topic of succession to Prophet ! A better approach for Sunnis would be to see if they can find any explanation in the Quran to back their argument that Prophet (s) didn't appoint a successor, rather than accusing Quran of being silent on this very important matter.
  8. Again, I am not disagreeing with you. There are other very high ranking Islamic personalities who chose to remain single and never got married, but they all had justifiable reasons. A person imprisoned for life in a jail with no possibility of marriage or mutah has a valid reason to be celibate. Imam Musa Kazim (عليه السلام) was in dungeon for years and they tried to seduce him with a beautiful woman. Instead of sin, he could have married her or did mutah with her, but he chose to not even look at her. Maryum (عليه السلام) was unmarried. Masooma Qum was also unmarried. Amongst other people, Bint-ul-Huda of Iraq also remained unmarried. List goes on.... The point is intention. If the reason why a person choses to remain single is valid, then it is not just acceptable but he may also be greatly rewarded for showing life-long patience.
  9. I understand and agree. Some people may have valid and genuine reasons to remain unmarried for the entire lives. Prophet Isa as. is an example from Allah himself. I was only talking about people who remain unmarried without any reasonable justification.
  10. I think marriage is not entirely about what we feel about it or how much we need it or don't need it; I believe it is mainly about how would Allah view us if we intend to stay unmarried. I think deliberate intention to stay unmarried without a valid reason may be considered as an insult to Allah (naoudobillah). The reason for this I believe is that being "single", "alone", "independent" are specific characteristics of Allah himself. He has not chosen a spouse for himself and He has no children and He is so proud of being single that He wants us to repeat this concept in our minds and say it from our lips and read it aloud many times in a day in surah Ikhlas and also in prayer standing before Him in Salah. He is proud of having no need for a spouse and He considers this as His purity, His greatness, His cleanliness, His independence. Now there are some traits of Allah which He wants us to develop in ourselves too, like Allah is generous and forgiving and He wants us to be like that too. But there are his other traits which He does not, at all allow us to develop. He is independent and in no need for a partner/spouse and He is so proud of this that He does not allow His creations to feel the same way and become partnerless. That's why Allah says He has created everything in pairs, but He himself is not part of a pair. He is One and does not like that His creations try to mimick him and stay single. He is pure and clean because He has no spouse, but for us humans He has chosen the opposite. i.e, a person becomes pure and clean when they get married. Allah says: And indeed We sent Messengers before you (O Muhammad (ﷺ)), and made for them wives and offspring. It is reported the Prophet said: 'Whoever wants to meet Allah pure and purified, let him marry free women." "Holy is He Who created all things in pairs, of what the earth grows, and of themselves, and of what they know not." (Quran 36:37) So I believe the issue with staying single is the fear that Allah would consider that you are trying to copy Him in his majesty and cleanliness and independence. He does not permit this, rather He has chosen the opposite for us, to show us how different we are to Allah in his purity. Perhaps that's why He allows multiple wives for men, and also allows women to get new husbands if they get divorced or widow, so that nobody other than Him can claim to be so pure and clean, that they have no need of a spouse. In short, one should get married if he can, otherwise Allah might consider his unmarried, partnerless, celibate life to be an insult to himself, as if one is trying to copy Allah in His unique characteristics.
  11. BBC News - Coronavirus: Saudi Arabia bars international pilgrims for Hajj https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-53140914
  12. I make these decisions sometimes twice in a day.
  13. This is an issue I face every single day of my life. Not a day goes by when I have to think about what is the right answer to the questions you have asked. I see dying covid patients almost daily. It is an extremely complex issue and just like you mentioned there is not much input from marjas. I have to make End of Life decisions myself and many, many times I wonder what is the Islamic rule for the scenarios I came across as routine in my work place. When to stop antibiotics, when to deny NG feed, when to stop checking obs (bp, temp, heart rate etc) for a patient when he is dying, but might survive for a few more hours if the treatment is not stopped. Unfortunately, the British medical practice is based on quality of life rather than longevity. If the doctor feels a 90 years old woman with dementia, bed bound, nursing home resident, very poor baseline, does not converse, might live for a few more days if antibiotics are given but will most likely die on this admission to hospital, they would stop the treatment and let her die early because they would feel her quality of life is so bad that early death would be in her best interest. So we do "best interest" meetings with the family and the final decision about treatment is decided. I can talk on this for hours. I wanted to start this topic myself...I can actually write a book on this topic and my experiences with dying patients who have been started on comfort care pathways only and made palliative. It is a very dangerous profession to be in, when your decision may be considered by Allah as murder. There is no easy answer and no clear guidelines from marjas, just vague rules. I only rely on the rule that treatment can't be de-escalated if there is even a slight change that giving treatment will prolong life even for one hour, even if that prolonged life means the patient will physically suffer more, will be in pain or have difficulty breathing etc. Ofcourse, palliative / anticipatory medications to help with these End-of-Life symptoms are there, but may not be sufficient. What should I do if family insists that no IV fluids are given to their mother who is in coma, when you know that the fluids will improve her hydration and protect her kidneys and may lengthen her life by a few days, but she will nevertheless not come out of unconsciousness before she dies? I have tens of questions like these, situations which I face daily. In fact I have to get ready for work right now, otherwise I can continue on this for on and on. May Allah guide us.
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