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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Posts posted by hijabikel

  1. (salam)

    I'm not quite sure where you're going with this topic, but I will try to answer your questions as best I can.

    Do women in general fear a man who loves them?

    Fear as in be afraid of this person? Or fear as in fear losing them? Generally, if a woman likes a man she will not be afraid of him - unless he's given her a reason to be, or she's incredibly shy.

    Why do women play ''hard to get''?? Does this even exist? Or is it just a myth?

    I don't think women "play hard to get". Some women simply are hard to get and some women just don't want to be got!

    What possible reason could there be for a girl to say ''I dont want to hurt you'' as a means of rejecting you??

    Gosh, the possibilities are endless. It usually means she's just not that into you and wants to move on before too many emotions are tied up.

    I hope that helps in some way!

  2. (salam)

    I have spent much time considering whether I should reply to this topic and decided that I have a few things that I want to say, even though they are extremely personal to me.

    Whether the OP is right or wrong to remove her children from their father is not for me to judge. There is only one judge and that is Allah. I am here to post, albeit very briefly, my experience.

    I was abused from the age of 6 to the age of 14 and there were three perpetrators, all living under my roof and one who was not. I showed no outward emotional signs and there was never a mark on my body to show what was happening. I spoke once to a friend about it when I was about 9 or 10, who then spoke to my school principle, who then spoke to me - and I denied anything was happening (as is the case for a lot of victims). And that's where any intervention stopped.

    My mother tells me she had absolutely no inkling of what was happening and, I like to think that if she did she would have taken all measures humanly possible to protect me. Proof or no proof.

  3. Eyebrows, nail polish and makeup, among many other things, have been done to death on this forum.

    Sister Strawberry answered this question here (hope it's okay to cut and paste... thanks Strawberry!)

    Ayatollah Syed Sistani:

    Q: What is the ruling for plucking of the eyebrows in general, and what is the ruling if it is just to clean, and is it obligatory for a woman after plucking to cover her plucked eyebrows before non-mahram men?

    A: It is permissible and covering is not obligatory.

    Q: Is it permissible for a woman who does not cover her face, to remove hair from her face and style her eyebrows and apply makeup that isnt obvious, and is marriage makruh from a women who uses makeup on her face, even though she adheres to the proper Islamic dress code?

    A: It is not obligatory to cover the face merely for plucking and the decreasing of the brow hair, although it is for the use of makeup, and it is not makruh to marry a woman that uses makeup, although it is obligatory to do amr and nahi if there is a chance that it will have an effect, and as a precautionary measure, if it doesnt, the husband is obliged to prevent her from revealing her face.

    Q:Your emminence has answered my question which was - Is it obligatory to wear face veil when a woman plucks her eyebrows? - Your answer was "in itself it is not haram", What is the meaning of that and can you elaborate?

    A: The answer means that it is not obligatory, rather is it permissible for a woman after covering her body to uncover her face and hands if her intention is not to make others fall into forbidden glances.

    Q:What is the ruling for eyebrow plucking for women and what is the veracity of the hadeeth, "May Allah curse the 'mutanammisat' (women who pluck or remove hair from their face)? and what is the ruling for the visiting of graves for women, and what is the veracity of the hadith, "May Allah curse those women who visit graves?".A: There is no harm in both, and the two narrations have weak sanad.

    Q: What is the ruling for eyebrow plucking for both men and women?

    A: It is Permissible

  4. (salam)

    In my humble opinion, people need to realise that social networking sites are just like walking outside. If you don't want people to see you without your hijab, don't walk out of the privacy of your own house without it. You have your "privacy settings" when you walk out of your house by covering to whatever extent you choose. Think about your own personal "privacy settings" when you post pictures on-line and you won't have to worry about networking sites and their own complex little rules.

  5. ^ Is taking Metformin and Birth Control pills together okay?

    Yes, there doesn't seem to be any reason why you cannot. But, again, I'd consult with a reproductive endocrinologist to get the best regime to suit your situation.

  6. I DIE for pasta, some weeks i can eat it everyday of the week without getting sick of it. If i ever need to go on a diet that is helpful for me it it would probably be the hardest thing i've ever had to do!

    Potatoes are my weakness. I sympathise!

  7. I had a few side effects from the Metformin - one major one that surprised my endocrinologist was that I put on 10kg in 2 months, with constant tummy upsets - so it didn't make sense! I had major headaches and lots of dizziness. Have a look here; http://www.drugs.com/cdi/rosiglitazone-metformin.html Side effects aside, I agree, it does make more sense to fix the problem than mask it.

    Asalam o Alaikum Hijabikel and all other sisters,

    Hijabikel, were you ever referred to a dietitian? Also, could you share the adverse effects you experienced from taking Metformin? x

    Wasalaam x

    Salam Alaykum Pomegranate - hopefully my previous post answers your question about the adverse effects I had from Metformin.

    Yes, I have seen a few dieticians. All of them have told me my diet is perfect and they can't really help me. The only thing I have found to really benefit, not with weight loss but with how I feel, is cutting out starchy foods (crisps, potatoes, pastas etc) and eating lots of legumes. BUT, PCOSers tend to crave those starchy foods, so it's not an easy one to go with!

  8. Thanks a lot for that link it was very helpful. That actually sounds like something i would rather do directly, rather than waste time taking pills and such to get pregnant when the time comes and i intend to, i just think its worth not going through all the hassle.

    Yes alhamdulillah it is mild compared to many cases i have seen (including yours, which has made me really sad for you) but it has caused me depression on and off when i think about it too much and worry.

    And yes, Metformin, that's the name. I haven't had that specific test done, that is why i want to talk to my doctor and see if it would be good for me, i like the idea of that much better than birth control pills, but could you tell me what side affects you had when you were taking these drugs?

    I am very interested in the ovarian drilling, but i am very very terrified of surgery no matter what it is for, even the most minor type that has a 99% success rate. Illogical fear i guess, but it bothers me to be in the hands of doctors that could mess up that one time and that's it for me, dead. I think i would rather go through emotional counseling to accept surgery and go through with the procedure than completely avoid it because of my fear, i like it that much.

    I'll check out the link you provided now :)

    The test for insulin resistance takes an hour or so, and your general practitioner can order it for you. They do a glucose tolerance test (or GTT). They take a fasting glucose blood test, then give you a glucose drink (mine tasted like liquid jelly beans - way too sweet!) and then wait a period of time and retest your blood to see how your body processed the glucose. I had a few side effects from the Metformin - one major one that surprised my endocrinologist was that I put on 10kg in 2 months, with constant tummy upsets - so it didn't make sense! I had major headaches and lots of dizziness. Have a look here; http://www.drugs.com/cdi/rosiglitazone-metformin.html Side effects aside, I agree, it does make more sense to fix the problem than mask it.

    There is a risk with any surgery. I have had more than I can remember (I just did a quick scar count and got 12 - some of those have been re-used for additional surgery and some surgeries produced no scars!), so even though I still get nervous about it and all the things that could go wrong run through my head, well, I know that I have made a well informed decision, picked a surgeon who is comfortable doing the procedure and that is where my faith has to kick in and all I can do is leave it in Gods hands. Pray, help some poor people, and remember that you can't control everything!

    And please don't feel sad for me. God does not burden us with more than we can handle.

  9. ^ I also have PCOS, and i was actually on the almost-underweight-but-not-quite-there stage for a longgg time, until i took 6 months off school and sat at home all day eating junk food, so i gained 20 lbs and now im at a really healthy weight =D

    Both my older brothers began balding at like 17ish btw, and my oldest is now 24 and almost completely bald, second is following.

    You should check out this amazing book made specifically for people with the disease, http://www.ovarian-cysts-pcos.com/pcos-book-res.html .

    Alhamdulillah I don't have it bad with the disease, i don't have a completely absent period, im not overweight and stuck there, im not overly hairy, basically the only sign that anything is wrong is skipping periods when im not on birth control pills.

    There are other options that i want to discuss with my doctor soon though, a pill that is usually used for diabetics but that controls insulin levels in the body, causing for the high insulin rate to decrease, thus not having excess insulin turn into testosterone and thus, not affecting the ovaries in ovulation. There have been many success cases with that pill and i would rather have my ovary be ovulating an egg every month than on birth control pill and it pretending to.

    Also, how do you feel about the drilling that has proven (for some strange reason) to allow the body to act in a normal way? Have you heard of it?

    It sounds like you are fortunate enough to have a fairly mild case of PCOS, but I am sorry that this is something that you are dealing with, at whatever level.

    Metformin is the diabetes medication you are thinking about. Have you been tested for insulin resistance? This is a good indicator as to whether Metformin will be useful for you. I would highly recommend that you see a reproductive endocrinologist before you start this medication. They will assess your exact situation and make sure that you are closely monitored. Like all medications, it comes with side effects. I was on Metformin for a time, however I had some quite adverse side effects and had to stop taking it. But, at least I gave it a shot.

    Shay is right about ovarian drilling - they laser 10-20 holes into the ovaries. They are not sure why this works, but hey, if it does work who's to argue? I have had ovarian drilling. It is only a temporary measure and is generally used to assist in infertility. I can't say whether it worked for me because at the time of my drilling is when they discovered my pre-cancerous condition and I am on a whole lot more medication to counteract this, and am not allowed to get pregnant. Drilling worked for a friend of mine, who like you had very mild PCOS symptoms but had a very hard time conceiving. She had drilling, 2 months later was pregnant and her son has just turned 1. So, yes, it can work. They do drilling via laparascopic surgery, under a general anaesthetic or a spinal block. It is not something that should be taken lightly and also comes with it's risks.

    Thanks for the book link - I will definitely check it out. This is another great resource: http://www.soulcysters.com/

  10. (salam)

    As a sufferer of PCOS for 20 years, I would like to express my gratitude to the OP for wanting to raise awareness of such an awful disease. I have experienced everything PCOS could possibly throw at me, and am currently dealing with being pre-cancerous, as a direct result of the PCOS.

    As for these ridiculous comments that should not come from a ShiaChat Admin...

    Lack of exercise, living in a polluted environment, surrounded by EMR, eating of inorganic food and being unmarried is the main cause of this !!!

    ^ blah blah blah :P

    "it's genetic" is the excuse everyone gives today to hide the real causes and to make ppl feel hopeless and believe that it was just fate. :huh:

    How insensitive! I lived a very healthy childhood, in a healthy environment, eating healthy food, exercised regularly, and was married young. So throw that theory out the window. Yes, PCOS is genetic. Perhaps this genetic "excuse" is because we have now got the technology to identify genes and the causes of peoples illnesses in life. Fate? Yes, to a point. Is it your fate that you end up with that bad gene, yet others in your family don't? Absolutely. It's in God's hands, and He knows best.

    Do a little research before you slam genetics. We have another disease in our gene pool (yep, I'm so lucky to be born from this blood line!) that is called Hereditary Spastic Paraplegia. It has rendered my grandfather a paraplegic, my uncle is on his way to becoming a paraplegic, and we are currently in the process of using genetic testing to see if any other members of our family will be destined for the same path. Genetics are an important part of health care - they help identify problems, allow early interventions and are not an excuse for feeling hopeless. I'd rather know what I've got, why I've got it and how I can treat it.

    Sorry to go on, but this has got me really mad. :mad:


    There is another theory as to why PCOS is out there, and when you think about it, it is another one of those amazing things from God. This particular theory is that in times of famine, women with PCOS have enough fat stores to outlive the slim women - starvation makes the overweight women slim and reverses the problems of PCOS and allows these women to bear children to ensure the continuation of the population. It is prevalent in the Australian Aboriginal communities (which is where my blood lines originate, so thanks again for that Dad!), which supports that theory. Oh, and yes, that is how hard it is for a PCOS sufferer to lose weight - the only time I've lost more than a few kilos is when I went through a very stressful time in my life and didn't eat. I don't recommend it, but again, supports this theory.

    So, enough of my ramblings. One last thing - if anyone wants any information (I am a health professional, but not a doctor) from someone who has been there done that, or if you need a supportive ear, please don't hesitate to send me an IM.


  11. (salam)

    My daughter is 7 and has been wearing hijab for almost 2 years now. I spoke to her when she was small explaining to her that when she was a big girl she would need to wear hijab, so when she started school she decided she was a big girl and that was it! She has been wearing hijab ever since and hasn't faltered a day. I had no plans to start her wearing hijab until she was obliged to, however this was 100% her choice and I certainly can't complain about that!

    Now that she is getting older, some of her friends are starting to ask her questions about why she wears a scarf - she tells them that she is Muslim and it is part of her clothes. Kids seem to be pretty accepting of this (it also helps with those overly curious children who want to see what is under her scarf - the teachers remind the kids that it is not okay to pull off other peoples clothing!).

    As to how I explain to her why she needs to wear hijab, I explain to her that it is to protect herself, so that people know that she is Mulsim, so people treat her like a person rather than someone who is just pretty to look at, and I also explain to her that it is written in the Holy Qu'ran and that it will make Allah happy if she wears hijab. At the moment, I keep it very simple and as she gets older I will explain in more detail. I always answer her questions as honestly and simply as I can and she seems confident within herself and with talking to her peers.

  12. (salam)

    Does anyone know of a hijabi-friendly hairdresser in the eastern or south eastern suburbs of Melbourne? My previous hairdresser sold her business (too many babies!) and now I'm getting desperate.

    Thanks in advance!

    Just thought I'd give a quick update - I've found 2 hijabi-friendly hairdressers. If anyone wants contact info, just PM me. :)

  13. Thanks for the information.

    My review - not my style, however prices are fairly average for an online shop. Not too keen on the non-hijabi model. If you're selling Islamically appropriate clothing, surely a hijabi or a mannequin would be better suited. Anyway, check it out for yourself and form your own opinions. These are just mine.

  14. (salam)

    Personally, I could never abort an unborn child - I could not kill it when it was outside my womb (no matter how disabled), so what gives me the right to kill it when it is inside my womb? Yes, raising a disabled child is difficult, heart wrenching and, at times, beyond painful. However, when you see that child you will do everything in your power to protect it. That child will teach you more about yourself than anything you could experience in life.

    From an Islamic point of view...


    Q141: In recent times, due to modern scientific instruments, it has become possible to know the situation of the foetus, whether it is suffering from any physical deformity or not. If the foetus is confirmed scientifically as being deformed and afflicted with maladies or a malady, is it permissible to abort it?

    A: Deformity of the foetus in itself is no justification for aborting it. Yes, if its presence in the mother's womb is harmful to her health or causes her difficulty to an extent that cannot normally be tolerated, then it is permissible for her to abort it and that is before the soul enters it. After that, it is absolutely not permissible to abort. (FM, p. 432)

    Q142: In some situations, the physicians can confirm that the foetus is afflicted with serious physical deformities which will not be treatable after birth, and it may not survive after birth, except for a short while in pain (for the child), causing toil for the parents. Then he will die. Is it permissible for the mother in such a situation to terminate (the pregnancy)? Does it make any difference if it occurs before or after the soul enters? And with the supposition that it is permissible, is diyah obligatory and who pays for it?

    A: Abortion is not permissible in situations similar to the one mentioned, even prior to the entrance of the soul. (MMS, pp. 30-31, Q60)

  15. This isn't much help with where to locate Shia books, but maybe this will help with the credit card thing.

    Banks like ANZ and Bendigo (not sure of the others that do this) have a Visa Debit Card. This means you can use it like a credit card but you are using the money in your account - no money, no transaction - and you don't pay any interest. I've had one for years and would be lost without it.

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