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Everything posted by Maryaam

  1. Definitely the $$$ run the decisions on YouTube. Negative press is indirectly converted into $$$ value, but it would take an immense (and unlikely) amount of public pressure to trump the direct profits from the videos.
  2. Just watched all the extensive Turkish surveillance videos of the body double and his partner in crime from when they left the consulate to when and where they dumped the clothes and became themselves again... Pretty grotesque. Bringing in a body double (complete with fake beard) is further proof of the premeditation of the murder. However, clothes are intact and no obvious blood spatters... Hmm..
  3. +1 I agree. The most constructive thing to do in this situation is to have a petition to remove her videos from YouTube - they are very harmful. It triggers actions in people who have similar psychiatric conditions. Eating disorders are very complex and have high co-morbidity rates (which means that they have other co-existing diagnosable mental health disorders) which further complicates the diagnosis, treatment plans and prognosis. I did my internship in Adolescent Psychiatry. Patients are not forced into treatment; the patient units are not locked down. These complex psychiatric patients have to be ready and willing to commit to treatment. Otherwise, it just makes it worse. This girl needs help but she needs to be accepting of help. Her videos quite possibly are validating her thoughts and actions (that is, they are harming her) - but the even greater harm is how they can influence others.
  4. If Saudis are now acknowledging that Khashoggi is dead - killed in a fight in the embassy - they will have to now have to come up with a body... or a story about what happened to the body... That should be interesting.
  5. I think the scary end of this #metoo movement is that an accusation is now an instant guilty verdict and sentence. This puts a lot of power into the hands of the accuser. The hype in MSM is beyond compare to anything I have ever witnessed. They are totally out of control. Ford never claimed rape - she claimed sexual assault. The MSM turned it into rape. Then Stormy Daniel’s sleazy lawyer came up with someone who said she, herself, was gang raped at a party that Kavanaugh also attended. She did not claim he was one of the people who gang raped her but claimed he was at the same party. MSM then used Kavanaugh and gang rape in the same headline that indicated that he was also a gang rapist. A video tape emerged with a variety of individual clips of “celebrities" claiming that they believed Ford (this is the new American jury I guess) with seemingly not a clear idea as to what they were agreeing. Who needs a trial? He was judged and convicted by MSM as a rapist and many in the American populace now go along with that…. Keep in mind he was never ever accused of actual rape….but even in this thread he is being referred to as a rapist. I don't believe Ford's testimony. I do believe that she is not a stable person who was manipulated by people with a very strong political agenda. She appears to be a woman who is very hurt by something or someone and emotionally damaged. But her story is just as shaky. She did not know when or where the assault happened or how she got home. She was probably very drunk. The witnesses she named all denied they were there - including one of her best friends. As a teen, she bragged about drinking and blacking out. She claims to have fears that her ex-husband has said he had never witnessed - including a fear of flying and enclosed spaces. He says that they island hopped over islands in Hawaii in a small plane and she loved it. He never saw these fears. Her story has zero support from anyone. Even her report to a therapist a few years ago does not align to her current story. She is not credible. Nothing was proven other than people believe the trash put out by media and the Democrats are total hypocrites. Hillary Clinton (touted as a supporter of women) has been accused In public, by many credible, seemingly sane, stable women of “cleaning up” Bill Clinton’s alleged sexual assault (and actual rape) very lengthy history by her threatening and undermining the women he allegedly attacked with loss of jobs (including present jobs and blacklisting for future positions) and that she would “ruin” them if they dared to go to court. And she had the power to do it. Some of these women had come forward and had approached Dianne Feinstein (the one who brought Ford into play against Kavanaugh) and she would not acknowledge them or their accounts. This was successfully buried and had hardly a word in the media. Women who have known Kavanaugh over decades have said that he is respectful of women and is a guy's guy and not a chaser of women in any respect. This does not fit a sexual assaulter profile which is one of ongoing and increasingly more extreme aggression with passing time. Sexual assault has the highest recidivism rate of any criminal behaviour. He has no history of this behaviour. However, they did say they knew him to drink to excess especially at university. Kavanaugh’s possible out of control drinking is what should have been focused upon, especially since he denied it. If he had a drinking problem that he had overcome, it is more likely that he would have said that he was a sober alcoholic, or has overcome errors in judgement in the past, or something of that nature. Someone who has not acknowledged a harmful behaviour could indicate that this is a still a problem but the person is in self denial. Kavanaugh was able to get top grades even with the drinking at university so if he is still drinking, he may think he has it under his personal control, which is not uncommon with professionals who are substance abusers. However, people who drink to excess, over time, become increasingly impaired even when sober, and make increasingly poor choices. This position he is undertaking requires someone to make the best of choices. I believe that they should have explored his background in ways that are more impactful to his required abilities on the bench. But everything was clouded by this expose of something that was supposed to have happened when he was 17. I don't live in the US, so don't have a complete handle on the ways of politics there, but I used to think that the series House of Cards was fiction. It is really scary to think that destroying someone and their family in an ends justifies the means mentality, is an accepted method of campaigning against someone.
  6. In mut'ah there is greater freedom of choice for both the husband and the wife. A couple of these choices that may apply here are that: The man does not need to provide clothing, housing, and other expenses unless stipulated in the contract. He is also not the head of the household unless stipulated in the contract and the wife does not need to obey him in family interests unless stipulated in the contract.
  7. I forgave easily, (or so I thought), because holding on to past harms in my head would only hurt and haunt me. Seemed logical. What I have come to discover is that I do not clear of the harms as I thought I did. I was just very good at tricking my mind into thinking that I did. Pretending something is ok does not make it ok. I think now, that forgiveness is a process that takes time and focus. It is not a one step choice to forgive. This just buries it and leads to misplaced anger and misplaced mistrust which seems to emerge, without much notice, in unrelated placements and situations - especially in times of stress.
  8. It is usually hard to know if a drug has actually killed someone as you have no control situation to compare it to, but drugs can be harmful and are being administered way too often, especially by too many physicians who have limited education in pharmaceuticals. I don't know if I would ever refer to Prozac as being in any way similar to a sugar pill in any circumstance. It has caused an increase in suicidal ideation to the point where it is considered unsafe to administer, to adolescents in particular. Many drugs have adverse reactions but this one has been documented as being pretty significant. A much better alternative for mild to moderate depression is St John's wort. It has been very effective and with few adverse reactions, esp for adolescents. It can have adverse reaction though so should the patient should be monitored. Herbal remedies can be potent and even though they are quite safe, they should never be dismissed as being safe for everyone. Anyone can be allergic to any herb. Also, mixing herbs with medications can lead to issues. ______________________ Another area that does not seem to be addressed as part of natural remedies is is the effectiveness of exercise. It does not have to be wild kick boxing! .. just getting someone to walk around the block every evening for 20 minutes can have an enormous effect on mood and ability to cope with mental and disorders. Our grandparents and on back, use to walk many kilometres a day out of necessity and thought nothing of it.
  9. Kind of a clinical behavioural approach but maybe it will work.... Try and break the cycle with a highly structured alternate activity that has nothing to do with the activity that you are trying to end - that is, your alternate activity has nothing to do with eating. The idea is that you are in charge of this activity; it is not in charge of you. An alternate activity could be completing a physical activity twice a day at the exact same scheduled same time for the exact same scheduled duration. For example, going for a walk for 20 minutes at 9:00 and 4:00 every day. Doesn’t matter what you are doing. You stop and go for the walk. If you can take normal paced, but deep, breaths during that time - all the better. This will help to mentally focus you. The extra oxygen is a bonus! Choose a doable time and duration and make it a goal for the day to do this alternate activity, and then make the same goal the next day to do the alternate activity and so on. Make the goal for each day when you wake up. Kind of like you have a goal to make the goal! This breaks other patterns as this activity becomes the primary activity in your daily plan. It is very important. It has to become very much more important than your other cycle activities. You are focused on maintaining your new activity and you have to plan how you can rearrange everything else in your life to successfully complete it everyday. Other behaviours in your life will become secondary to this commitment to your alternate behaviour, and you should be able to manage them better as they don't have the same hold on you.
  10. No message - just the line in the address bar goes about 2 cm and stops. Blank screen. It must be my computer.
  11. I cannot get it to load. Is there something wrong with the address or is it my low level computer...???
  12. I am not a business person but this is what I would think of - maybe some of the ideas will be helpful.. dunno…just disregard the rest My idea of halal is actually tayyib. Personally, I am really really picky as to what I eat and what I serve others in terms of tayyib, halal, local sourcing (100 mile rule) and sustainable packaging. This pickiness provides me with nutritious, tasty food that does not involve waste or a huge carbon footprint. The downside is that it can be more labour intensive to find these products and the cost can be substantially more unless you are willing to invest time! Help in reducing cost: Being a loyal customer to food providers, buying in bulk (with someone else if need be), being willing to advertise the source of your product in a subtle sign by the dishes, and purchasing in-season food stuffs can all reduce costs. There is lots of competition in the catering business - you need to provide something that clients will see as different, special and that they eventually search you out for their special occasion. With my ideas the service would cost more but it would be known to be consistently good quality with reliable service. That may not be what you are looking for but here are the basics of what I would consider: Food Sourcing: Accessing food sources and securing a reliable provider who will consistently give you a quality product would be the first thing I would do. Halal meat is more than “bismillah" and a cut. The animals should be raised humanely, fed quality food with no additives of any kind, and be given a relaxed outside grazing area that is clean... so... go to the farm. Search out farmers who are passionate and extremely knowledgeable in the feeding and treatment of their animals. If you go to the source and avoid the middle man, you can reduce cost and have a more tailored approach to what you want. Find a dairy (for me it would be organic) and again find out their products and see if you can get a discount for being a loyal customer. For produce you would probably have to find a middle man who collects (again for me it would be organic) vegetables and grains from good sources. If you are a loyal customer and they are clear as to what you want, they will provide it. Dishes: Choosing dishes would be hard unless you are catering to a specific ethnic community. I don't know what would be considered a “Muslim" food. If I was starting out, I would have 6 or 7 main meat dishes that people could choose from that could be done well in large quantities (like chicken biryani), can be kept warm without diminishing their quality, and then vary the side and vegetable dishes with the season - this is healthy but is also very bright and colourful. Appearance is important. Hygiene: Make sure you and all handlers of food have Food Safe Certificates, find out the licensing requirements for you, your staff and your kitchen, etc. Sometimes these things take more time than you have anticipated and can be a source of frustration if you have not planned for it. Transportation: Lease or invest in a truck that has a cooler and a warmer. This would be a big cost investment. You would probably also need a smaller van. Determining Client Base and Marketing: Determine your customer base and market, market, market - both online and directly in the community. Have an office/kitchen area where you can provide people with tasters of your dishes - be exceptionally pleasant and relaxed - your customers come in very stressed with the enormity of planning their event.. go out of your way to put them at ease. Be clear on cost and get a cheque for half the cost before they leave the room! Don't limit yourself to Muslim clients only. If you are providing a quality food product, you will have people that will search you out. There is a huge market for quality food and people are willing to pay for it. Service should be super reliable. Money management If you don't know how to manage business finances, hire an accountant - it is a business expense and is deductible. Make sure your accounting practices are audit ready - for obvious reasons and also so that you always know where you stand financially. I do know that people who go into first time businesses often fail to separate their personal income from the business income and expenditures. You need to draw a formal salary from the income - there are lots of advantages to this and will also prevent you from losing your personal assets if there is a problem with the business. This is not the place to cut corners as many people lose their business due to financial mismanagement. I have never had a business, but this could be a lot of fun and very rewarding. Good luck!
  13. There is a recent article here that explains the difference and why it costs more. https://www.soundvision.com/article/it-is-time-to-be-organic-and-natural There are places that sell both and, also, some organic free range farms, will allow Islamic hand slaughter. You just have to buy the whole animal but you can have it cut up and wrapped and frozen. You can share with another family or use it all yourself. You also get to see for yourself how the animals are treated which is just as important as to what they are fed, and where the animal grazes etc. The article above your quote is kind of a wake up call to really be aware of what we are actually eating when we eat meat products marked halal from the market..
  14. IA It is important to monitor your kids but to “cage” them is asking for problems. Might make the parents feel safe and create a head echo that they are doing the right thing - but it is the easy road and like all things easy, it too often does not give the best results. The kids will either become very talented at being sneaky, deceptive (and all that entails) and engage in what they originally asked of the parents only now with added experiences to tack to the agenda….. or they will tow the line and robotically accept the boundaries placed upon them. This can develop an unhealthy relationship with their parents who control them with dependency. Neither path leads to self confidence and stability. Both are rocky tilted roads to traverse. Young people need opportunities to appropriately explore their environment and to self manage their lives to some extent (increasing with age and development) to become competent adults. They need guidance and overseeing, not complete parent-comfort restriction. Nothing like real world practice in critical thinking, in making and in living by the results of their own choices and in problem solving life’s issues to develop a sense of self understanding, ability and competence. We all are faced with difficult issues no matter how protected we have been. We need the opportunity to develop these tools to overcome these obstacles or we become emotionally stunted and vulnerable to the control and possible exploitation of others.
  15. I find often that it is those who have left their home countries that are caught in a time warp. Citizens residing in their former country advance in understanding and acceptance but those who have left remain firmly rooted in the culture of the past.
  16. The ummah consists of exceptionally warm, caring people and they reflect emotional needs and responses if it falls within accepted cultural attitudes. Emotional intelligence is present; it is not lacking; it just has limitations. Many seem to have the ability to accurately perceive other people’s emotions but within certain stagnating, cultural parameters. These individuals are unable to reflect a normal emotional response themselves as it has never been taught nor modelled outside these parameters. This response is a complete unknown. So within these boundaries, emotions have been stunted and not given opportunity to develop. For example, culturally, mental illness does not exist for the uneducated and, very surprisingly, (as Sis Hameedeh just mentioned) for many of the so-called educated. As it does not exist, there can be no reaching for understanding or empathy or engagement. Culturally, any symptoms, displayed outside the accepted ideas of the traditional health model, are seen as behavioural and, therefore, within the ability of the person who displays these symptoms, to change them. It is firmly believed, if the afflicted do not change them, they did not try hard enough, committed too many sins and are being punished or are just generally weak in iman, and in peity. They are then judged and condemned by the self-appointed (and often well supported) righteous, who have not an iota of concern for the extent of the damage and pain that their vilification is creating for others. The only thing that can change this is awareness of the problem and education - to promote understanding and to model engaged, empathetic real-life supports to those who are marginalized and dismissed.
  17. No girl should be going to school in mini skirts. If she feels comfortable like that; there is a lot of work to do! Say you know it is important to her to be current and fashionable. If you give her a lecture on how that should not be important to her she will totally turn off as you do not "understand her”. As wrong as it may seem, peer pressure is huge (often bigger than family advice). You need to work with it, not against it. Keep the channels of communication open by being as non judgemental as possible. Not saying that you do this but many do.. - If you will not actively listen by interrupting or saying “but” all the time, to what is important to her, she will not listen to you without saying “but” all the time, to what is important in general. There are clothes that are both modest and fashionable. If you can, help her to find something, she likes, that is both. Work on one thing at a time. Make subtle positive comments about how nice she looks when she chooses something more modest. Not over the top comments as she will think they are fake, and not backwards compliments like “at least you are wearing something less trashy” or something like that! Always be supportive and understanding with no put downs. She will trust you and know you have her best interests even if she makes missteps. She will respect your thoughts and recommendations although not always seem to openly follow them. A strong, consistent male family member in a teen girls life is like a solid, unmoving, rock and provides an incredible sense of stability and self confidence. She will know that she is unconditionally loved and protected and that she does not have to turn elsewhere for acceptance. This can prevent her from making some really bad choices and not just in clothing.
  18. Sadly, the US still out BMI's them. The US (mean BMI is 28.8) still has a higher mean BMI than any European country. The only European country that comes close to the US is Ireland (mean BMI of 27.5). However , it looks like the the South Pacific, Middle East and the Gulf have greater BMI's than the US. Didn't realize Kuwait was so high (mean BMI of 30). This is according to the World Health Organization (WHO) data on mean BMI (2014), https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_body_mass_index If you click on the top of the 3rd column (overall mean BMI), you will get the list of countries' BMI's in order of magnitude.
  19. A big fear is eventually turning into one of those meddling, accusatory, old aunties at the end of the hall, that every one tries to avoid.
  20. Don't know how much I would go by BMI as it is not really an indicator of fitness level. Men with well developed muscules can have very little fat on them but because of their muscle weight which is heavy compared to fat, their BMI will be in the overweight range or more. My BMI increases when I am active and fit from when I am glued to my work and physically lazy and not taking care. This is probably due to increase in muscle mass as well. I personally don't find skinny bodies attractive - especially skinny male bodies - what kind of protector is that?? Well toned bodies and glowing skin are the most attractive, but you don't get either by starving yourself trying to reach a BMI magic number.
  21. LOL. Even cooking with canned food requires some level of expertise. One of the girls I lived with while going to uni, brought out a can of spaghetti and dumped it in a pot. The sight of that was bad enough, but then she added a can of water. Greasy reddish white strings, of whatever that was, hung vertically in the water. Every time I see canned spaghetti on the shelf in the supermarket, I re-live the experience.
  22. Corruption is rampant and sometimes the offenders are, in a confusing way, inadvertently protected by the well-meaning but limited, formal legal system of the country. Hence, not all formal laws are perfect, and consequently, may need to be tweaked to be socially just. Using that line of thinking, the language used to describe the event, citing the person involved in the event, Mr, Hood, as a robber, is pejorative. Mr Hood's actions were moral and just. He merely was acting as an agent to redistribute funds that had previously been redirected from innocents to a corrupt holder of these funds, back to being used in the employ of a more worthwhile endeavour. The greater good prevails!
  23. Dear Sis, This man has literally rejected you (using his "family's lack of acceptance" as a shield and sword) and you are hurt and bewildered. You are trying to make sense of it, as his actions do not match his words, and so have blamed yourself.. However, the problem is not your level of “religiosity” or piety - nothing you do will make you more acceptable to him. The problem is with him - his character. He is an opportunist and a coward. He is not worthy of being compared to the dirt beneath your feet - and I am sure you are recoiling as you read that as you have built him up in your mind as a "good" person. BUT... "Good" people do not treat you like this. I know I sound harsh, but you, like most women who find themselves in this situation need to face reality or there is a good chance that you will repeat this. You need to see it for what it is. He is not interested in a long term relationship with you and is treating you with enormous disrespect and undermining your self confidence in the process; it does not matter what he says, it matters what he does and what he selfishly asks of you. You are loyal, caring and thoughtful, bright and accomplished, and deserving of so much more. Gather internal strength, focus more on your own self-worth, self confidence and self respect, beginning right now - as you literally run from this situation. Not all is lost. You can learn from this. Make a promise to yourself. Don’t allow anyone to treat you this way again. Ever. You will learn an invaluable to skill - to recognize these lacklustre blobs of undefined protoplasm at first glance, at first utterance, at first whiff…
  24. The above article makes sense in terms of social drinking being interpreted a sign of a successful life. Sometimes we have to remove the fluff to see what is really going on: A few years ago, I went to a conference on Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FASD) and learned many things over the course of 3 days. One of thing (of many) that surprised me was that the highest risk factors for a mother giving birth to a child with FASD were that the mother: was White, was age 30 or more, was married and living with their spouse, successfully employed and earned in excess of $55,000 a year. At first, I found this totally confusing as most of the kids I came across in my work who were diagnosed with FASD definitely did not fit in that category - the majority were usually in a low socio-economic group, the younger or youngest of their siblings and whose mother was single, unemployed, and known to have a long history of substance abuse . The keynote speakers at this conference were two professional women (a medical doctor and a sociology prof) who had bravely come forward to acknowledge that they had each given birth to two children with FASD - they stated that they at first could not acknowledge that their first born had issues connected to their drinking (as they only drank after work and only bought the best brands). This was nonsensical even to them but they ignored it as they felt their social status made them impervious, and so had to have yet another child to "knock it home" - pretty much what they said. However, their children were not originally diagnosed with FASD by the medical system. Instead, they each had about 8 - 10 other (more socially acceptable) diagnoses. But, the symptoms of this cluster of diagnoses were clearly descriptive of the syndrome attributes of FASD . When the keynote speakers listed these diagnoses, I immediately connected that some of the patients that I was working with (I was working in adolescent psychiatry at the time) had a very similar list of diagnoses. These patients also had parents who were considered highly successful and professional and who you would not even consider FASD as a working diagnosis as it did not seem possible. The actual FASD diagnosis of these select patients was effectively hidden (due solely to socio-economic status) and therefore not included in any study of FASD. The keynote speakers were trying to change that with their own stories of their children, but I still haven't seen any successful movement forward in this area.
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