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In the Name of God بسم الله

Maryaam

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Maryaam last won the day on April 23 2014

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About Maryaam

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  1. Mainstream Iranian media ignoring her death and the circumstances around it, did not make public knowledge of it disappear. It only made it worse. This left the door open for anti-Iranian publications to have a field day as to the direction and content of the released news items. From what I read, the woman, who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, was held in jail for several days. Who knows whether she received her medication or any mental health support. Prisons are definitely not known as bastions of humanitarian response nor are they staffed by the the most enlightened individuals. I don’t believe the her suicide can be a sin, as it was known that she was mentally unwell and, therefore, she cannot be held accountable. Many people do not understand (nor accept without prejudice) mental illnesses and the fragilities of those afflicted. Mental illness is still, too often, backwardly seen as a character weakness (or even worse) - rather than a biological neurological dysfunction. Those who suffer from bipolar disorder have a 25 - 30% suicidal ideation rate and, of those with suicidal ideation, approximately 15% complete their suicide. That rate is 20 times higher than that of the general population. Her death should be followed up by an examination of how she was cared for while in custody, with the focus on how to make improvements in the system. Also, due to the, now, high profile status of her death, it could be beneficial opportunity for the media to create an educational piece for the general public - highlighting the serious nature, and the very real possible lethal outcome, of bipolar disorder. That would be the rational response.
  2. Maybe read a little more carefully… just some of the comments: She was “Wrong example.. for honour killings”. She would “Taint the perception... of honour killings” We "should talk about innocent women” - not her…. because she is guilty? She would (and did) ……. Get in trouble as an object of seduction…. "Her killing was wrong, BUT…. […..followed by lengthy ongoing repeat of former condemnations of her…..] Claiming she is not worthy of victim status due to her indecent behaviour. I agree with what was stated by a poster above: "I don't think it is relevant whether the victim was in any way "guilty" or not.” The issue is much much greater than one specific dead person who is very easy (so easy it is almost a cop out) to condemn as her actions were very in your face blatant. But - my main point is that condemnation of the victims is commonplace (and for some you would have to dig very deep to find something wrong with them on any level) within their community and is accepted with very little meaningful censure from the outside community. Seems that it is absolutely mentally and emotionally necessary to justify their murder, at least on some level, so people can feel comfortable about going about their day.
  3. I have not read one statement on here condoning her actions. 90% of the thread is doing just the opposite so I don't know how much more it needs to be clarified. However, there is a definite tacitly accepted link between her actions and her subsequent murder which very much serves to deflect from the seriousness of her being murdered by a family member. This is similar to the murders of other girls, in that they are shamed and vilified pre and post murder, to justify the actions taken against them. The point I was addressing is that these women are not responsible for their murders, their murderers are. Baloch can be criticized for a lot - and so can those who cavorted with her - but because of her high profile status, her murder was caught on international media. So instead of addressing the internationally raised issue of in-house murders of sisters and daughters, it is much much easier to condemn her actions rather than focus on her murder. It is much more comfortable than addressing the elephant in the room. The only reason there was talk of changing the law was because of the international media coverage of an "honour killing". I don't really care what this particular victim did or with whom, if coverage of her murder prevents even one young girl from being shunned, stalked, terrorized, possibly tortured and murdered and with the added insult of her murderer being hailed a hero.
  4. I find it interesting that this woman's life choices Trump her murder. Whatever this woman did or didn't do, the much bigger sin is her murder and the fact that it was considered a slam-dunk-freebie sin, if carried out by a family member. When her murder is acknowledged and then quickly followed by a big "BUT", it negates your previous statement. There is a much longer diatribe focused primarily on this woman's behaviour and how it is much more important to address and it as a lesson to other girls to not follow her ways ... or guess what could happen.... so, "honour killings" could be avoided if girls follow the community rules.... hmm... Don't think so. Some young girls have been murdered because they were victims of rape. The reason for that could be followed by a "but" as well. We could easily form another diatribe around how they were also responsible for their rape... and hence they could bear responsibility for their own murder. The murder of these young girls is a huge problem that appears to be, culturally, very uncomfortable to address. So much so that this cultural practice now (and has for some time but has been kept quiet) also occurs in the same cultural communities, but outside of Eastern countries - for example it is occurring both in the Muslim communities of the United Kingdom and in the Turkish communities in Germany. There are also numerous example in the US and Canada. Many women/girls live in terror that they will be caught and turned in by the community for transgressions such as leaving their assigned husband or even talking to boys at school. The consequence of defying the family leads to their all consuming terror while being monitored and stalked and then murdered. And the community participates with their silence and their excuses and covers it up for a variety of reasons.. Deflecting like this does not address the issue of outright murder of women. This is a big reason as to why it continues.
  5. We have to acknowledge, that although occurring in other cultural communities (such as the internationally famous murder of Du’a Khalil Aswad of the Yazidi community), these too-often—community-sanctioned murders, sanitized with the term "honour killings”, are most prevalent in the Muslim community. This could be because in Islam you can forgive the murderer of your family member. This has been used de facto to exonerate male member(s) of the family of the murdered girl. They murder, are arrested, then “forgiven” (as planned) and then released and completely free. In some areas, these men are often lauded and garner more of a star status reputation within their community. The entire institution of “honour killing” is sick one from beginning to end. I don’t think there can be a “wrong” example of these murders. A human is a human and a murder is a murder. Qandeel Baloch was over the top provocative and so was very high profile. An Islamic role model, she wasn’t, but in spite of whatever sins she committed, she did expose hypocrisy. Also, because she was high profile, her murder was high profile. I doubt very much that her brother thought he was going to get any prison time; her brother's proud, almost chest beating, interview after he had killed her gave the impression that he thought he was free and clear with the addition of a few brownie points. If she had not been high profile, there would have been no investigation and no follow up - the parents would forgive his killing of his sister and life would go on in the community…. Till the next killing. One thing that does separate her from the other killings of girls who are murdered for no other reason except to fluff someone’s twisted ego, is that it forced the justice system (because of the international light on this) to acknowledge that a murder is a murder and the killer needs to be held accountable. A draft law was recommended, that gave the justice system the right to prosecute and sentence the killer even if the family forgives their actions. I don’t know if that law has been put into place, but the accountability for “honour killings" would not have pursued if the case did not get international attention. Hopefully it was not just for show till the hype died down.
  6. I had home schooling for my grade 8 year and loved it. By necessity, I learned responsibility and goal setting and self motivation and self study techniques that I used throughout the rest of my schooling and university and that I still use today. My family moved around a bit and my father worked from home, so home schooling (they called it "distance education" though) was ideal. The next year we moved to Qatar and no one worked at home during the day so I went to an international (British curriculum) school there. Loved that too. Met many different people and was exposed to ideas and ways of life that I never would have known enough about to explore or to appreciate because of being at home limited to my parents ideas of the world. So…down side of home schooling is the limited pool of thoughts and ideas and minimal socialization with peers; the upside is enhanced self awareness with greatly increased metacognition and higher order thinking skills. When you are home schooled you need to organize and carry out your study yourself; in school you can choose to live in Lala land and someone else thinks for you. I remember when I first went back to school, the teacher told the kids to open their books to a certain page and then told them to pick up their pens and get out paper to be ready to take notes that the teacher had made on the section we were studying. I thought she was trying to be funny but looks like I was the only one laughing. Felt like I was in training to be a robot. BUT… they had great field trips, and sports programs and fun lunch times. Don't know about Islamic schools but am hesitant as I have heard some horror stories. Think I will send my children to public school as it is more carefully regulated and much more open to scrutiny. Anyway, kids are only in school 6 hours a day and my husband and I will have them for the other 18… think we can make our imprint and introduce all the good things of which they need to be exposed. Both can be good though. The one common denominator of the two is that the best chances for success depend on parent awareness and involvement.
  7. I read that the Amazon rain forest produces 20% of the worlds oxygen. That seems a little high if it is accepted that ocean phytoplankton are responsible for producing 70% of the Earth's oxygen. Not that specific numbers matter, just that both are important and both need protection.
  8. Just re-read this thread. In spite of the many authors of posts on this thread trying to protect this guy and make hm out to be Mr.. Halal-Pious-Plus by both male and, sadly, some female posters, he, as I said months earlier, has a very poor character/ethics/morals. He still has very poor character/ethics/morals. Character is bone deep and unless you have some means of renovating his skeletal structure, he will remain a malice-oriented, nothing burger. His family accepts him treating you badly and wants you to accept mistreatment too - which is probably why he is a nothing burger.. He will continue to mistreat you if you permit him to do it so the ball is in your court. I would let him keep the money and all things that are so important to him. He is swallowing up way too many years of your life. Move on. Money is replaceable - years of your life are not. The very most I would do is hire a lawyer on a recovery contingency basis to attempt to retrieve your portion of the downpayment. Tell the lawyer that you don't want to hear about it until it is resolved. And actively strive to never think about your former spouse, or his cruel actions, again. I have known people who allow ex-spouses to drain them to the brink of ill health and can’t seem to re-emerge into the light of day - it affects mental attitude towards themselves and others and can impact physical health. Best thing is to... Just... Move... On... with positive thoughts and goals. "Today is the first day of the rest of your life." Make it a defined moment. Embrace it.
  9. I remember agreeing with you on many things in the past. Especially posts from years ago.
  10. Really? What would the other things be?
  11. I have definitely not always agreed with sister Timeless, but have never gotten the impression that she thinks negatively of men. What a strange thing to say.
  12. Ummm.... exactly how many "second" wives did he have? As a teen, I saw a number of new subsequent (2 and more) wives and they were never a single mom, don't know if they were widows - guess it is possible, but subsequent wives were always much younger and attractive.... to please God I guess..... Great rhetoric about the "widows and orphans", but I have never seen it in real life. I know of one second wife here (in the West), and she is at least 20 years younger (no children) than the first wife. There was a poster on here who had 3 or 4 siblings (one had a serious mental health disorder) and a mom who had to work out of the house and a father who also worked. He had a second wife who he used to visit for months at a time (leave his work), as she was in Iran. Again, she was younger with no children. The poster and her family, along with everything else that goes with missing a supporting father, got hit with a significant economic blow. They really struggled financially and emotionally. Yes, I will agree that ego is definitely in play here.... just not the way you presented it.
  13. Polygamy is not for me; I would not consider it. I require a full time, devoted husband and my children deserve a full time, devoted father. Family stability is the first priority in raising emotionally healthy, confident children. I have seen, first hand, polygamist families in the east (as a young teen) and what I saw was family confusion, turmoil and disconnect. Some of my friends hardly ever saw their father and when he came to visit, he was treated with the utmost respect but there was definitely no sense of intimate familiarity or connection. There was no paternal confidant or a male role model in any sense for most of the kids. Usually the father chose one or two children that he favoured and gave a lot more attention, but the rest were given a cursory nod. In any case, there is no social need for polygamy with today's services and supports. It is permissible and it is available if required (lack of males from a devastating war maybe?), but unless there is a huge discrepancy in the numbers of women to men (which there isn’t - actually in some areas of the world there is a huge lack of marriageable women due to gender selective abortion), it is not socially just that some men have several wives (usually due to financial wealth) while some men, who are born into less, would have access to none.
  14. I agree. The need to be toxic transcends Muslim/non Muslim; that is, there are toxic people in all religions, positions and walks of life. I don't think it is a lack of morals, it is a mental health issue that is linked to a depressive life style caused by any number of precursors or situations. It is just best to avoid these people as their mental attitude can be spread - especially if you are feeling kind of down for any reason.
  15. In general, it is probably best to stay away from sites like that. It sounds like a site where people have to outdo one another (in this case, with their wedding stories); that is, they feel the need to be socially competitive. Not mentally healthy - leads to what you just described - aggressive criticism of others to maintain their sense of one-up-man-ship. Only embrace activities and people who will increase your adherence to your faith and will guide your actions towards yourself and others. That will give the greatest sense of personal security and peace.
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