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In the Name of God بسم الله

BintAlHoda

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Everything posted by BintAlHoda

  1. I dont think it's good to theorize about this stuff, when you get married you marry a real person not just some idea, and theorizing "i wonder which is better" is not really helpful Yes it is much harder for women to marry after the age of 30 and I imagine it is a must bigger adjustment to have a first marriage after the age of 30, however I do have (Shia) friends (ladies) who were around 35 who got married (not married before). Of course it's not desirable and it wasn't their choice to wait that long but sometimes that's how life happens. So anyway don't give up hope but yes it is prudent for women to try to get married before that if possible. Anyway the biological clock usually kicks in and offers advice at that age so no one really needs to give advice from the outside.
  2. among the hadiths that say this, some are stronger than others, but there are some reasonably sahih hadiths that say that the dabbah is imam ali (A) and the Prophet (S) called him that, in fact if i recall they have chains of narration that say they are directly from the time of prophet (S)/imam ali (A) (instead of many of our hadith which come from the later imams relating back to the time of prophet (S) due to issues of hadith transcripton - not that it matters of course since the imams are absolutely credible, but it is just different) - but i suppose i could be not lazy and look it up. or... better yet, you can be not lazy and look it up! bihar al-anwar dude... somehwere near the end of kitab al-raj'ah. :) the details (like what exactly the dabbah will do, etc) are mentioned in a number of hadith but they aren't as strong, of course that doesn't mean they're wrong, allahu a'lam
  3. according to shia hadith, the beast (dabbah) refers to imam ali (A) returning at the end of time and marking the believers and disbelievers. dabbah means creature not necessarily a monster. it is said that the Prophet (S) referred to imam ali (A) as the dabbah. you can find these hadith in tafsir al-mizan on this subject but it is in arabic. the sunni view is different as much of sunni ideas are more similar to what christians say about a horrendous beast coming back. anyway we will find out when it happens lol.
  4. Seriously... 12 pages on this now. Allah says in the Qur'an: "Whoever seeks another religion other than Islam, it will not be accepted." There are a million and one views on homosexuality among people today. However, Islamically, there only one. There are some other topics which might be vague or arguable in Islamic thought (for instance, how to find a spouse, or whether women should work outside the home). This isn't one of them. There is zero ambiguity in Qur'an and hadith about homosexuality. Public homosexual acts or promotion of homosexuality is condemned. We aren't supposed to spy in people's houses to check up on what they're doing, but blatant homosexuality and gay rights has no place. Why? Just look at this discussion. I bet that if we were talking 100 years ago, we'd all agree (especially those of us without homosexual tendencies) that this is antisocial, unnatural, and immoral behavior. However, we've been assaulted with 'gay rights' propaganda, like the poster on the bus that says "Some people are gay. Get over it!" (Really, if it were that natural of a thing, would they still have to be putting out propaganda saying that it's ok to be gay/lesbian/bi?) Some of us are obviously responding to that propaganda and now thinking this is ok or excusable. This is exactly why promoting sins is condemned in Islam. It is said in hadith that a society that does not do amr bil marouf will die. We need constant reinforcement of good ideals and condemnation of bad acts. These are some fundamental religious principles, and if any practicing Muslim is even remotely justifying homosexuality (either for Muslims or for others)....... that is just plain wrong, and there is nothing else to say. That is following something other than Islam.
  5. Because it is being transferred through having multiple partners not a 'monogamous' relationship. If a man and his wife are sole partners and they don't get HIV through other means (such as needles, blood transfusions, etc), it's not an issue. If they are married to each other and having a normal relationship and one has HIV, it's going to transfer sooner or later anyway regardless of what actions (makruh actions) they engage in.
  6. Salaam You shouldn't marry someone incompatible. I wouldn't personally choose to marry a Sunni either due to religious differences. Babybeaver, it sounds like you are still having trouble finding a spouse... maybe you need to look into more ways to increase the pool of potential Shia husbands around you Take care
  7. Salaam While there are some people (who are not really basing their opinions on Islam) who argue that hijab is unnecessary, to my knowledge there has always been a consensus among Shia (who are basing their opinions on religious sources not just sayng their feelings) that hijab is necessary as part of the religious law. In any case, I've never seen anyone use Shia hadith to argue against hijab. I'm not sure whether the lollipop picture was meant seriously or as a joke; however, as a female I personally find it in bad taste and I think there are better ways to do amr bil ma'rouf.
  8. you paid $22 to have fish eat your feet? no comment........................................... btw the ocean is free
  9. Although marriage is intimate, marriage is much different than an 'act of intimacy', whcih seems to be what you're describing. If someone is out to have an 'act of intimacy', their standards are usually much different than the standards we uphold for a husband/wife - that is, life partner, family partner, and parent of our children. In fact, non-Muslims have done some research on standards men and women have when looking for a 'one night stand' versus a marriage and their findings were the same - that the 'rippling muscles' and 'revealng clothes' don't mean nearly as much when someone is actually looking to make a life commitment, although they might have some effect. I am uncomfortable with your post because part of our morality is to encourage permanent marriage and healthy families and not just to take intimate encounters. Much of religious law is aimed at discouraging casual intimate encounters (even if one legitimizes them by fiqh), such as wearing hijab, avoiding gender mixing, and lowering the gaze. I would be more comfortable if the discussion were regarding what factors would convince a man or woman to marry someone, not simply to get intimate with them
  10. Whatever their intentions... especially if they are married women (and married to someone other than you), if you see them wearing makeup and you feel it is too attractive, your responsibility is to lower your gaze and not continue to look. We can never really know other people's true intentions, sometimes people do not even know their own intentions themselves and/or are not honest when they tell people why they do things. Another hadith says that it is best for a mu'min to occupy himself with finding his own faults and fixing them so that he doesn't have time to look for faults in others. That might be a better thing to do, unless it is women you know closely (such as your sister) whom you might offer your brotherly advice to. Otherwise just looking and judging is not going to change their actions.
  11. As a female, I'd say that, most of the time, when adult women wear make-up in their daily life (for instance, to school or work), it is to please themselves and to 'feel better' about how they look, or because they think they are not pretty enough and need to look presentable. (Even if they are beautiful, this is how women think) And also because everyone else does. Some employers who have female staff who interact with the public (such as some airlines and grocery stores) also require that female employees wear makeup (although hopefully they would be reasonable if a lady had religious reasons not to). Sometimes, yes, it is also to please her husband because a lot of men like other men to think their wives are pretty (whether that's right or wrong, it is how some men think) as a sort of status symbol. It is a big sin to adorn one's self (with makeup, perfume, whatever) in the attempt to seduce a non mahram man (especially for a married lady to do that) as you mentioned above in the hadith. The hadith you mention about perfume are in cases where women wear tons of perfume (Arab perfume is often very strong and can be smelled from quite a distance, or if someone sprays half the bottle of perfume on) and this attracts the attention of the men around her. (Especially when this is intentional) A tiny amount of fragrance which might be concealed by one's clothing and which doesn't attract the attention of men as they walk down the street is not a fiqh problem (unless one is doing it for the wrong reasons) and many scholars will say that.
  12. It really depends, what type of work are you looking for? Different industries are prevalent in different states. If you are just living off of savings you are going to be able to surive a lot longer if you get out of California due to the rent costs there. I think you're doing better than most other people if you actually have several months of rent saved. Have you tried Texas? There's a lot of relatively cheap housing and Houston has a reasonably good economy, plus there is a big Shia community and you could contact them at the IEC Islamic center in Houston (google it) and see if they can help you with the job search. They are good at giving practical help to community members there.
  13. The book _Combat with the Self_ is translation of a book of hadith from Wasail al Shiah by al-Hur al Ameli and it has some excellent hadith on the effects of our sins as well as jihad of the nafs. (Which is the topic of the book) You can buy it from Amazon. There are many hadith about the effects of our sins, one of the most common is that sins shorten our lifespan such that (it is said) more people die early because of their sins than live out their full lifespan. I read a commentary on dua kumayl recently that did give some hadith on the types of sins mentioned, it was not in depth but you might enjoy it http://www.al-islam.org/kumayl/ You know the part to read
  14. Guys, this thread is stll going on? First of all, homosexuality is absolutely and unequivocally condemned by Quran and hadith and nothing will changes that. Don't make excuses. Second....... doing the deed with DOGS? Can we please use some values here and clean up the discussion a little bit? Seriously, this is not an issue you guys need to talk about. Let's have some human dignity. What would a relgious Christian (for example) who wanted to learn about Islam thnk if they started to read this thread? Would they get a good view of the akhlaq and ideals of the Prophet (S)? (Incidentally, physical relations with animals is absolutely haraam too, so don't get any ideas here)
  15. i am responding to what you began on this thread and what you said. if you feel there is a more respectful way in which i can phrase what i said, please do so. 'those who hear the word and follow the best of it' (as the qur'an says) (macisaac please don't post now that i am taking the verse out of context, i am pointing to a principle here - if my usage of hadith or verses is disliked i can simply explain the principle in words but this is shorthand as it is something commonly understood among us)
  16. The primary knowledge of religion is not about natural flavors. It is about ma'rifah (recognition) of God and of the akhirah, and of ethical principles. The Prophet (S) said "I was sent to perfect good manners (akhlaq)." Yes we follow fiqh as part of our submisson to God, but knowledge of what natural flavors are halal or not is not "knowledge" in the Islamic tradition, it is "a collection of facts that one should act on". There is a vast difference between understanding and facts, in that understanding changes and guides the soul, whereas one can still have a bunch of facts and be misguided (for instance, Kharijites, or Bin Ladin). To my knowlege, I am not naive about these issues, nor am I encouraging blind following of peopl ewho call every which way. However, it's not naive for me to respect people who have dedicated their lives to the study of religion who appear to be sincere. I dont have to agree, but I respect that, and I respect that other people do choose to follow their considered opinions. And I respect that they know a lot more than me about a lot of issues. There may be one or two areas of study which I have genunely investigated in depth in which I could claim to argue on, but as a whole I know enough - as I said above - to know the vastness of I don't know, even when it comes to shariah law, and especially when it comes to spiritual and moral ideas. With regards to the issue of natural flavors... the role of the ulama is to tell us their understanding of what is halal and haram according to religious law. (For instance, pork) Not to tell us "Flavor X is halal and flavor Y is haram." They aren't chemists. They may answer questions on natural flavors based on their awareness of the ingredients - but they aren't specialists in the food service, and virtually every country has different legislation and labelling on packages. If you feel one of the ulama is mistaken about a particular natural flavor being halal or haram, and that you feel it has a haram ingredient - then don't eat it and feel free to send them a letter why you think X Y or Z is haram. That's not a question of religious knowledge and how to answer shariah questions, that's a pratical issue. Your awareness of the actual contents of ingredients does not mean you have superior religious knowledge, it simply means you are more familiar with the food labelling practices in your country and know more about the chemical composition of these ingredients. Hope you can distinguish the two.
  17. yes like maybe on the internet

  18. This is a very arrogant statement, not to mention needlessly cynical. I doubt whether you have ever personally met more than a handful of ayatollahs in your life (even if that many) to make a judgment about the group. Have some humility, and also some respect for people who dedicate their lives to religious studies. Statements like this generally come from people who have so little knowledge that they do not know enough to recognize what they don't know.
  19. When I posted this, I thought to myself, "I bet that people will start arguing about what is being said here even though the words are very well spoken." Prophecy fulfilled! It is disenheartening that sincere advice becomes a source of argument. Surprising? Not really, given the types of arguments on other threads. But I think if we are going to argue about the text of what I posted... we had better look into ourselves and see what is wrong with ourselves, rather than take stabs at it. I mean, 'Fruit cocktail has alcohol but regular fruit juice does not.' Come on! If you have a comment for Shaykh Razi, he's easy enough to contact - direct it at him personally. AFAIK he's not here on SC. Incidentally, "diversity" is not nonsense, Rasul Allah (S) said that diversity was a blessing for his ummah.
  20. That certainly is a dubious blessing! In any case, please do keep in mind that even if you hadn't 'held out over years and years'... there is no guarantee that the bright and attractive young ladies you worked with would have been into having a relationship with you... it's not personal to you of course, but they might have had their attention elsewhere. Just because they smile in the corridor doesn't automatically mean they want anything outside of a work relationship with a colleague. Thinking 'I'd like to approach that girl', dropping subtle hints that you'd like to have a relationship, or actually approaching a girl is much different than actually having some sort of tangible relationship (a two-way thing versus just something in one's mind). I have noticed that some of the guys on here don't always distinguish between the two! Yes ... and I do have to say, it is really refreshing to see some good, old-school Islamic values here. (Such as the idea that non mahrams don't socialize unnecessarily under normal circumstances) Sorry I sound like a grandma I know!
  21. really nice! can we share it and if so who should we credit as author?
  22. ^^^ Maybe they're just trying to get more hits on their thread :angel:
  23. This was posted on Facebook - some wise words about working together despite marja' differences - from Shaykh Safdar Razi (for those who know him). I felt the message is good so I am sharing.
  24. He's just preaching to the choir. Of course they'll be happy with what he's saying, because he's saying exactly what they think. If he said anything else, they'd get mad. (Like most folks, I suppose) This is really tame though. I've seen fistfights over these issues. Simply for being a muhajabah, I had one couple yell at me 'Go back to the Islamic Republic!' and a couple men threw rotten eggs at me once. And then there are just the oddities - I recall once a lady in a skintight, sequined, sleveless cocktail dress came up to me and told me, 'You are a Mozlem? I need to tell you that it is Ramazan and you need to fast every day in Ramazan' etc.............. Of course these are generalizations; you find all types of people among that group just like anywhere else, and a lot who are lost and confused. But I guess what I'm saying on a more general level is that one shouldn't comment about people (either individuals or groups) without being well acquainted with them, because we might not know what we don't know and have incorrect assumptions or ideas. Our own personal experience is often limited and we draw mental pictures to fill in the gaps.
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