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In the Name of God بسم الله

Abu Hadi

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Abu Hadi last won the day on July 16

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About Abu Hadi

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    Dearborn, Michigan, United States
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    Shia Islam

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  1. Yes. I just want to clarify that I have been actively working on this project for a while. It's been kind of stops and starts. For most people who are born into Islam, it's been difficult, at least for me, to convince them of the value of such a project. When we live in a world where there are Muslims and followers of Ahl Al Bayt((عليه السلام)) who are Yateem (orphans) with no means of support at all and others who are dying of hunger, it's a 'hard sell' to convince people to divert money away from these obviously urgent needs to support a project for Reverts to Islam who are not Yateem and not starving. When they tell me, 'Why should I give money to this project instead of helping the orphans and the indigent in Iraq or Yemen or Pakistan?'. I honestly don't know how to answer that one. My niyyat is still there. I am still working on it. InShahAllah, if Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) gives me the taufiq.
  2. It requires money and support. I don't have the funds myself, and up to this point, haven't found other people who are willing to support this project. InShahAllah, this will happen someday. I am still hopeful.
  3. You also have to understand those hadith about women in context. Many people, when they just revert, don't understand the context in which those hadith were said. They also don't understand Arabic, so the hadith might have been mistranslated, and they don't understand the concept of Ilm Al Rijal, so they think that if someone tells them a hadith, it must be authentic, and the translation must be correct. So if they are around a crowd of muslims who are also misinformed, and those muslims try to 'shove the hadith down their throat' without understanding those other issues, this person will either leave the religion of Islam or have very wrong ideas about the religion or both. I have referred to this in the past as the 'Revolving Door' of reverts. This is mostly the fault of those so called 'muslims' who force hadith on , especially newly reverted muslim/a, which they themselves are ignorant about hadith. For example, the hadith about 'women are like scorpions, ...'. This was discussed on ShiaChat back in 2006, https://www.shiachat.com/forum/topic/234915615-why-does-imam-ali-compare-women-to-scorpions/ The best answer was given by Br. Ali Zaki (salam) This issue is very simple, and clarified by a simple question. In this saying, is Imam Ali (عليه السلام) talking about women IN GENERAL, or a PARTICULAR TYPE of women. It is very often the case that both the context and the subtlty of a particular saying of Imam Ali (عليه السلام), who was well known for his elequonce, get's lost in translation and publication. Is it possible that ALL WOMEN are like scorpions? If that was the case, then we would have to include the Sayedina Nisa al-Alimeen, Fatima Zaharah (عليه السلام), whom both Imam Ali (عليه السلام) and the Prophet (عليه السلام) have praised in abundance. We would also have to include Sayidina Bibi Khadija al-Kubrah, who sacrificed everything in her possesion (including her own life) for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). We would also have to include Sayidina Asia, Sayidina Zainab (عليه السلام), Sayidina Sakina (عليه السلام), etc., etc., etc. So IF the statement was a general one, it is not possible that it was meant to point out a genetic "character flaw" in women. If one reads the commentary for this Khutba, one will see that it was in a spech given after the tragic Battle of Jamal, in which Aisha led the an army against Imam Ali (عليه السلام). It is possible that, because of the fact that she was a wife of the Prophet (عليه السلام), Imam (عليه السلام) did not want to name THE PARTICULAR women (or category of women) that he was refering to. It is likely, however, that the intended audience for the speech (because of the context and subtlty which would have been apparent to them) got the point, which may have been lost on readers of Naghul Balagha. (End of Quote) For those who know Arabic, they know that it is a common rhetorical device in that language to refer to a specific individual or a small group of individuals by using a general term 'women', 'men', 'companions', 'those guys', 'those ladies', etc, on occasions when it would be problematic to refer to that individual by name. Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) did this in other places in Nahjul Balagha, specifically in the speech of Shakshakiyya, speech No. 3. There is a good possibility that this is the case, since Aisha was the wife of Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) and thus direct criticism of her actions, by naming her, would have created a great fitna in the community which was already reeling after the battle of Jamal. At the same time, Imam Ali((عليه السلام)) always spoke the truth, but to understand that truth, you must also understand other subjects that are related to it. Understanding the truth sometimes requires you to understand the subtleties of what is being said. This is why understanding hadith is not a simple thing. All hadith must be judged against the Holy Quran. If the hadith contradicts the Quran, throw it out, full stop. If it doesn't contradict the Quran, then do further investigation to see whether it is true. This process requires, at least, a basic understanding of the Quran and a basic understanding of the Formal Arabic (fusha), which is the language of the Quran. Unfortunately, most reverts, when they first revert, don't have this knowledge so they have no way to discern whether a hadith that they heard is an actual saying of Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) or one of the Imams or if the translation is correct and / or if the proper context for the hadith is given. They must rely completely on those muslims who happen to be around them at the time. This is a very unfortunate situation to be in. My dream in life was always, and is up to now, to be involved in creating an institute or school for newly reverted muslim/a where they school would pay all their expenses for a year, food, clothing, etc. If they had minor children also for their children. They could spend this year completely focused on learning about the religion (basics of Fusha, Quran, Salat, Saum, Hajj, Zakat, basic concepts of Ilm Al Rijal, biographies of the Prophet and Imams, etc) without having to worry about surviving and paying bills. One year of intense study would at least give them enough of the basics so that they would not be susceptible to being the victim of ignorant muslims.
  4. https://www.buzzfeednews.com/article/meghara/china-camps-prisons-xinjiang-muslims-size There is definitely something extremely serious and evil going on in Xinjiang and it is being carried out by the Chinese Govt. Maybe not all the details are clear at this point, but we can for sure say that.
  5. I'm not saying this isn't true, but you do know RT is sponsored by the Russian Govt. Not exactly the most objective source of information on Russia and Russian Technology
  6. I think the are a few rules that work pretty much everywhere and will make the environment less 'toxic' at least for you. Obviously if the 'toxicity' of the environment is affecting your mental or physical health you should look for another job. 1. Focus on doing your job well. This should be your main focus at any job, and it sounds like you are doing that. If you are the kind of employee that creates value for the company by doing your job well and meeting or exceeding the expectations of your direct supervisor, then you have alot of leverage when it comes to things like time off / vacation time, and not participating in the social events that usually involve alcohol. If you are consistently performing well in your job but do not participate in the forced 'socializing' that involves alcohol, this will not effect you much and you can still advance in the company, though maybe not at the same pace as those who also perform well in their jobs and participate in these activities. You are trading part of the dunya for your akhira by doing this. It is a very good trade you are making 2. Don't get involved in gossip, petty disputes, office politics. These things go on in every office, and this is usually the main component of the toxicity. Try your best to stay far away from it and if someone asks you your opinion about a person or something like that which might draw you into a 'faction', just play dumb and pretend you are ignorant. You can even specifically say, 'I don't want to get involved in this'. Most people will respect that and keep you out of it.
  7. According to Shia Fiqh. For those who don't know, Qat is a leaf that is chewed. The leaf gives a stimulant type effect. I've never done it, but it's popular where I live and I've heard different opinions on whether it is considered an intoxicant (and thus haram) or just a mild stimulant, like coffee and halal.
  8. Red Bull has alot of caffeine in it, also other mild stimulants (non haram) like Taurine and Guanine. You put all these together, and they do give you energy, but then your body gets used to it and you have to drink more and more to get the same effect. So as addictions go, it's not one of the bad ones but still annoying, especially during times like Ramadan where you can't drink them and then end up having a huge headache from caffeine withdrawal.
  9. They tell you to look for someone with good character, because this is what Rasoulallah(p.b.u.h) said. There are many famous hadiths about this, but they basically all boil down to look for 'Deen and Aklaq, Deen and Aklaq, Deen and Aklaq'. Make sure that the person you are marrying has good Deen, i.e. they do the wajib and avoid the haram, and if they do the haram, they ask for forgiveness and make a strong intention never to do it again. Also, they treat others with kindness and respect and don't violate the rights of others. The irresponsible thing would be to not emphasize this, since the religion of Islam so strongly emphasize it. This is going to determine the felicity or misery of the marriage for both people. If you have two people with good deen and good aklaq, you will have a happy marriage. If you have either one or both people with bad deen and or bad aklaq, you will have a miserable marriage, and probably the marriage will end at some point. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) doesn't want us to be miserable in our marriage, so this point is emphasized. They speak about not having an extravagant wedding, because most sheiks know (because they've done alot of weddings), the more extravagant the wedding, the shorter and less happy the marriage, and especially if the couple doesn't have the means to do this kind of wedding and are responding to community and family pressure and have to go into debt in order to make their wedding extravagant. Also, I have been to more than a few weddings in my life and I have found this to be true. The bigger and more extravagant the wedding, the shorter the marriage. The smaller and less fancy the wedding is, the longer and happier the marriage is. I would say the one exception to this is if the man or the couple is actually very wealthy and so having an extravagant wedding will not harm them financially. But pretending you are wealthy in order to please parents, family, or the community is a recipe for a short, miserable marriage. I agree with your other points, especially about how a toxic marriage is not 'part of life' and people should not accept to be in a toxic marriage. They should try to find the root of the 'toxicity' and attempt to reform themselves and sacrifice in order to solve it. If one or both partners and not willing to do that, then divorce should be an option at that point.
  10. So there are basically two kinds of Arabic. First is called 'Fusha' which is the language of the Holy Quran and Hadith. This is sometimes called formal Arabic. It is also the Arabic that is used on t.v. programs like the news, because all native Arabic speakers understand this, to a greater or lesser extent. Most understand the basics of it. The other kind of Arabic is the dialects, or the lingua franca of the Arabic world. I say 'dialects' because there are many of them. There is the Lebanese/Syrian/Palestinian dialect, the Egyptian dialect, the Iraqi dialect, the Hijazi/Gulf States dialect, the West African, Moroccan dialect. There are also other smaller, less common ones This is the Arabic that most Arabs speak to each other, and absorb thru the media. There is some overlap between the "Fusha' and the dialects but not much. They are basically two different languages. If you want to learn Fusha, the best place to start is by learning basic Arabic grammar. This might be painful at first, because it's just a bunch of rules for verbs, nouns, tenses, etc, but this is the quickest way to get a handle on the basics of the language, since the grammar is the thing that is common to all forms of Arabic, both Fusha and the dialects. The Arabic grammar was formalized by Imam Ali((عليه السلام)). There are many book on Introduction to Arabic Grammar. I would suggest doing a google search or browsing Amazon to find one you like and can understand For the pronunciation, I would suggest you listen to Arabic being spoken as much as possible. With the Internet now, this is pretty easy to do, not like the old days. Listen to Arabic news and t.v. programs, Islamic lectures in Arabic, etc. At first you will understand almost nothing, but if you do this in conjunction with your study of grammar and syntax of Arabic, your knowledge and skill will increase little by little. You will pick up a word here and a word there. If you know grammar, you can tie these words together and put them in a context. The key is just to keep up with it. If you want to just learn how to pronounce the Holy Quran, there is a site I use with my kids, tanzil.net. It is good for this. It also has English Translation but no tafsir. BTW, I when I reverted, I was like you. I didn't know one word of Arabic. Now I am teaching Holy Quran and I can listen to a religious lecture, khutba, in Arabic and understand about 75% of it, in Fusha or Lebanese dialect, because that is the one I am most familiar with since my wife and her family are from Lebanon. It takes time, it is possible.
  11. This is a common reason that stops men from getting married but it shouldn't. Islam is against being paranoid for no reason. I have never heard of a case where a lady who comes from a good, truthful family, shows no signs of deceit in her own behavior before marriage, then suddenly years later you start finding out all these horrible things she did in the past. That is an extremely unlikely scenario, so uncommon it's not even worth thinking about. Its like, well there is a possibility that you could walk outside and get hit by a falling meteor. If you don't go outside because you're afraid of this extremely unlikely thing, then that's being irrational. What is common, and what you should watch out for is marrying a women who is apparently beautiful (because that's what men fall for, most of the time) but you see signals and things that are 'not quite right' about what she says or what she does. I will use the British word here because it's appropriate. She acts 'dodgy'. You tell yourself, 'Oh, it's probably nothing, she's probably just....'. Then you fail to ask around about her, fail to make the necessary inquires that you're supposed to make, fail to do the 'due diligence' when examining her character. If you act that way, then yes, there is a good possibility that you will find out things after marriage that will destroy the marriage relationship. I think one of the big things nowadays is social media. Alot of girls, even muslims women, are having intimate relationships, sometimes these don't involve physical intimacy, sometimes they do short of intercourse, with lots of different guys. This would be easy to find out from their social media. When they meet a guy that they are interested in and who they think there is a strong possibility they are going to marry, then they do the 'social media cull' where they delete or block anyone they might be involved in 'dodgy' relationships with (guys) so that when their prospective husband asks to see their social media, all they see is their messages to their mom and dad, siblings, and some religious posts they might have linked to. Sometimes they have a separate account for the 'dodgy' stuff that they don't share with their prospective spouse, and this is even worse than the first one. That is not a true representation of who they are, which is why the guy asked in the first place, because he wanted to see this true representation, not a fake one. So if I met a lady for marriage, and I found out she did a social media cull right before the wedding or after we seriously started talking about marriage, I would take this as a huge red flag. BTW, the opposite is true of men also. If a women was going to marry a man and he did this right before the wedding, it would also be a huge red flag. She / He is trying to hide who they actually are from their perspective spouse, which is dishonest.
  12. Yes, my current marriage has 'worked out'. I only take partial credit for this. A marriage (or anything else) working out is a blessing from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). People get blessing from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in one area or another (like work, looks, sense of humor, good personality, intellect) and other areas are test for them. It's not the same for everyone. In order for a marriage to work, both people must be dedicated to making it work. If both are not dedicated, it won't work. Plain and simple. The fact that I am dedicated to this and my wife is also dedicated to it, and it is a blessing from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for me and my wife are all essential factors. If any one of those was missing, I would be in the same situation as you. I do take credit for the things that I did in order to make the marriage work, but I don't take credit for the ultimate success or failure of the marriage, as this is out of my hands. Also, my current marriage began when I was 27 years old. I had other marriages (temporary) and relationships (before I became muslim at 21) that didn't work out, including a few that ended very badly in a spectacular fashion. So I understand how this goes, although I'm glad now, Alhamduillah, that everything is working out in this area for me. I wish the same for all brothers and sisters what I have myself, and especially the mumin/a. That is why I try to give others the benefits of my experience, and the mistakes I made in the past, so they can avoid these mistakes. I don't know everything about the subject, but I know more about it than many young brothers and sisters on the site. I am not the smartest person in the world, the most good looking, the most wealthy or the most religious. I think the one thing that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) gave me is being tenacious. I don't give up when things don't work out the first time. I keep trying and I know that with time and effort, things will work out with the help of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Maybe that's my only good quality, Allah alim.
  13. Salam. I wasn't saying this to criticize you personally. I hope you didn't take it the wrong way. I was only speaking in general But this is why I advise brothers and sisters not to do these 'oceans between us' marriages unless you have the ability to check out the reputation of the potential spouse in their local community. If you can't do this, it's almost like you have a huge blindspot, which is very far from ideal and can open someone up to being tricked. At the same time, I realize that many times there is no choice but to go in with this blindspot because of circumstances. Had you been able to do this, you probably would have found out things that would have been helpful for you in deciding whether to marry the person or not. It is general advice for others who are looking to get married.
  14. The 'bad boy' thing I think is not that relevant to muslim women / girls. This is more for non muslims. What is true, though, about muslim women and women in general is that they are much more attuned to the 'social scene' around them vs men. They are very aware of who is around them, who they are, what they are saying, what they are thinking about and they will try to conform their own behavior, even their own thoughts to what other people and other women around them are thinking. They do this, most of the time unconsciously, i.e. they are not even aware they are doing it. Men do this too, but to a lesser extent. So, as a consequence, women want the man that other women want. If a man is seen as desirable by other women who are in the group they consider to be 'their' group, whatever that is, then they will also want him and be inclined toward him. If you look in the Quran at the story of Zuleykha and Prophet Yusuf, this was illustrating this point. This is an absolute rule which is almost never broken. So if a man wants to get married, he can use this to his advantage. Some men already know how to do this. It might seem a little 'fake' or 'inauthentic' at first but it works. It is a 'life hack', if you want to put it that way. Find a man who is being 'talked up' amoung the women who are in your community and try to take on some characteristics of that man. Of course, the characteristics that are halal to take on. Not become a clone of him, but try to figure out what are the characteristic that make him attractive, then try to emulate as many of those as you can. As an example, I can tell you that Sayyid Ammar Nakshawani is a man who is very much 'talked up' by the women in our community. If you look at Sayyid Ammar, I think there are two things that make him this way, in reputation. First, and most importantly, he has confidence. He knows who he is, and he is not shy about telling people about it. He doesn't apologize for who he is or try to be a 'Western muslim' or 'modern muslim' whatever that is, by compromising what he believes in to pretend to be something that he is not. As the famous hadith goes, 'Whoever fears Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will make everything afraid of him and whoever doesn't fear Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will make him afraid of everything'. The second thing is that he speaks to people on their level and tries to communicate with the society based on what they understand. Some people say that it's because he's Sayyid, good looking, wears fashionable cloths, etc. Those things don't hurt, but there are lots of Sayyid who are good looking and wear fashionable cloths who don't have the respect and admiration that he has. There are many Sayyid, ulema, probably many even in London who are more knowledgeable than him, maybe taller than him, etc. The problem is that many of them go to the hauza, then come back and just sit in their masjid or their center, and pretend like they are living in Iraq or Iran, with no regard for the society around them that they are living in, and make no attempt to communicate with them. So because Sayyid Ammar is knowledgeable, and he doesn't do this, I think this is also why he is more widely respected. I am not sayying 'become Sayyid Ammar' because you are not him, but be 'who you are' to the maximum level and try to have an effect (good effect) on the society around you. This good effect will translate into marriage prospects, eventually.
  15. No, you're right you can't peek into someone's heart. What you can do (and I am not saying you didn't do this) is look at the evidence that is right in front of your eyes regarding a man's character. Also, you can inquire about the person in the community where they live. Getting information about a prospective spouse is the ONLY case in the religion of Islam where you are allowed to disclose someone's bad points to a third party. This is a major sin (Gheeba) in any other situation, but in this situation it is allowed. There is a reason for that, and the reason is that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knows you cannot look into someone's heart to see what their true intentions are and once someone commits to a marriage it is very difficult to get out of this commitment. Most men are not that cleaver in hiding their current or past behaviors that are unIslamic. So there are going to be clues around. At the same time, like the sister said, most women (and most men) are blinded by their infatuation for the person and ignore these clues. If you look at the discussions about marriage given by the ulema (at least the English speeches), most of the ulema talk about this and warn brothers and sisters against doing this. I have said this many times, and I will say it again, if you only look at one thing about your potential spouse, look at his / her relationship with their immediate family (mother, father, brothers, sisters). This is a preview of what you will be getting in the marriage. If they are kind and respectful to their mother and father, brothers and sisters, and the relationships within the family are based on kindness, deference, and mutual respect, then this is a huge positive sign that the marriage will be this way. If the man, or the women is unkind or disrespectful to their parents or siblings with the excuse that 'Oh, they did this and this or they are not good people, etc, etc', then I would suggest marking this spouse off for consideration rigth then and there. They might not be lying (i.e. their mother and father, sisters and brothers) might have done some things to them that were bad, but if they don't have the wisdom and maturity to attempt to do 'Islah' (mending relationships) with their own close family, you can almost 100% guarantee that they will not try to do that with you and this disrespect and enmity will be part of your marriage relationship The other major red flag is if they try to keep alot of basic things secret from you (their finances, what type of job they have, their past friends, or their immediate family, etc). In almost all cases, this is because there is something extremely negative in their past that they don't want you to find out about. If they are in the habit of keeping these secrets or lying about major things (like the above), then this is another huge red flag. If you see this you should not go forward with the relationship. If people would stick to a few basic guidelines, 99% of these marriage issues would not ever happen. There are some cases where a brother or sister never saw any of these red flags (actually didn't see them rather than just ignoring them). In that case, the marriage was a test from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and we are sometimes tested by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in the marriage relationship. If fact, we are almost always tested by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) thru marriage, even if the spouses stay together there are still tests.
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