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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Posts posted by forte

  1. On 2018-03-19 at 10:48 AM, mz*questions said:

    I am so confused and torn right now. I dont know if I should leave or stay.

    This is currently not a good marriage and it does not seem to be headed for a bright future.

    Focusing on whether he has other wives or is allowed to have wives, etc, is not addressing what is really going on here.  It is just a distraction.  

    You are not being treated as a wife.  You are being disrespected and hurt and told that your unhappiness is not worthy of addressing (biggest red flag).  You are emotionally and verbally abused, his parents don't like you and it seems your husband doesn't either.  Your husband does not appear to be concerned about the deterioration of your marriage. He is actively avoiding addressing these issues. Marriages are not one sided. Apparently, as he has a life that meets his needs outside of his marriage to you, he is fine and has no incentive to change things. However, it is his responsibility to care for your well being, and he is not.

    What are the positives in your marriage? Are your needs being met in any way?  Can you focus on the strengths of your marriage to help you through this situation?

    You say you are working.   Keep and save your salary.  It is your right and he cannot deny you this.  Could you be self supporting if needed?

     Is your family supportive?  Do they know of the situation?

    It is important to recognize that you have options. It lessens the fear of assertively addressing the issues with him. Let him know that you will not be ignored.

  2. 15 minutes ago, Mohamed1993 said:

    It's fine to admire someone's brain and also to admire his commitment to what he did despite all the challenges he faced with his disease. How many of us would have given up and resigned ourselves to doing nothing? 

    Most of us.  

    His fortitude and perseverance alone are beyond admiration.  He found optimism and humour where others would have found hopelessness and despair.  

    He told his kids to "remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet".

    There are more than a few feet gazers among us!  

  3. 10 hours ago, baradar_jackson said:

    Of course we wouldn't know! That's not my point. My point is not that we should act superior to this person, it's just that we shouldn't elegize him.

    God's judgement is supreme. God gives us our just desserts. Everyone (rational) knows this. What is Hawking's standing with his Lord, I don't know and it serves no purpose to speculate. However, his ideas and the impact he has made, these are things which we know because they are tangible. And they are not worthy of elegy or praise.

    I disagree.   Aside from the obvious:

    Stephen Hawking developed a mathematical proof for black holes. He proved Einstein's theory of general relativity, redefined the Big Bang Theory, and he also proved the universe has no boundaries.

    He won many awards and honours such as Pius XI gold medal for science, the Albert Einstein medal, the Order of the British Empire, and the Presidential Medal of Freedom from then President Barack Obama.

    He also was a guest in four episodes of the Simpsons!

  4. 12 minutes ago, Mohamed1993 said:

    Man a whole load of holier than thou attitudes here, leave God's job to him, there's a reason you are not God. 

    No kidding.  Lets just remember this guy for his contributions to science and humanity without condemnation or rush to judgement.

  5. 8 minutes ago, King said:

    Bernie wasn't going to transform Washington anyway.  He was going back policies that are a little to the left of what Obama had carried out domestically.  Nothing too radical but still a huge upgrade over what has transpired behind Trump.

    As for him backing Hilary, who knows, he is a politician after all and his record is not squeaky clean.  I still would have voted for him in that climate.

    Yep, looks like Bernie would have retreated and caved in office as he did when he embraced Clinton even after her undermining of him .  I was, and am. disappointed.

  6. 15 minutes ago, Rayhana80 said:

    What I think it’s not fair to judge a woman based on the fact whether she’s observes hijab or not. May Allah subhanAllah grant everyone insight to think above just the appearance and focus on the character more than what a woman chooses to wear. 

    I agree with this.  A woman with a scarf on her head can pretty much get away with a lot of questionable behaviour in the community, but a modestly dressed woman with no scarf is open for judgement and censure based on a mere suggestion of equal or lesser behaviour.  

  7. 3 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

    Mutah has been abused by many as an excuse to date and get into relationships, which is not the purpose of mutah.

    It’s not used for true commitment and marriage. If mutah was used for marriage and true commitment, I would have no problem with it. 

    You don’t need to do mutah just to get to know someone and their basic personality, which again, is why people abuse mutah and think of it as a relationship, not a marriage.

    there are some scenarios in which mutah could be acceptable. Let’s say you know someone for quite some time and are interested in committing your life to this person and you’re long distance and can’t get an Imam to do the Nikah. You would do mutah, then permanently marry once you are together.

    Mutah just to get know someone is wrong. You can keep it halal while getting to know someone. Islam doesn’t say you can’t talk to the opposite gender at all if you are trying to get married. 

    Mutah means pleasure. Nikah mutah is temporary pleasure marriage.  

  8. On 1/19/2018 at 5:39 AM, Abu Hadi said:

    They will find some poor guy who is not connected and who may live or was in the area at the time and frame him up for it. Hopefully that won't happen, but that is most likely what will happen, May Allah(s.w.a) give us patience to deal with the trials. 

    Looks like it already happened to some poor guy who was killed as a suspect in the killing of another child that is now thought to be linked to this case.  http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-42742980   

  9. Kind of confused about your post.  You are not sure if the man is guilty due to valid reasons to have doubt but still want to go ahead with extreme public punishment.

    There is no evidence over many studies (from the 1950's) that public executions (or any executions) reduce homicidal criminal behaviour in others.  However, public executions encourage exactly what you stated in your first statement, to occur.  The authorities, due to extreme public pressure, have to come up with a culprit.  Because of this, there is appropriate hesitation as to whether the man arrested is actually guilty. This whole situation is so extreme that I think that pulling a "guilty" suspect out of thin air is more than possible. Does the public need to have a sense of closure or safety worth the killing of a potentially innocent man?  

  10. 1 hour ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

    What about females? Because in islam it is mustahab for a female to attend a mosque

    I don't get it, how are people still considered najis even if they still pray in their homes? Shouldn't a person be called najis if they don't pray at all???????

    Fee- amanillah

    Issue 903: * For women, it is better to pray at such places where they are best protected from Na Mahram, regardless of whether that place is her home, a mosque or anywhere else.    https://www.al-islam.org/islamic-laws-ayatullah-ali-al-husayni-al-sistani/rules-salat-part-ii-iii#mustahab-places-offering-prayers 

  11. People with even a basic sense of humanity will have a problem understanding and easily accepting the extreme punishments for homosexuality, especially since we probably know functioning, contributing people in our lives somewhere, who are gay.  It is something that is real to us, not an unrealizable story used to illustrate a moral or spiritual lesson.

    Punishment for Homosexuality:

    Since sodomy is a greater crime than adultery and its evils are worse, the punishment for sodomy is also more severe than that of adultery according to the Islamic law. Islam prescribes capital punishment for the active as well as the passive partner in the crime. If both are major and sane, both of them have to be killed. The active partner is beheaded with the sword or killed by stoning or burnt alive or thrown from a height with the hands and the legs tied. These are the ways prescribed for punishing the criminal, but it is at the discretion of the Judge to determine the method. Similarly, the method adopted for the death of the passive partner is also determined by the Qazi. https://www.al-islam.org/greater-sins-volume-1-ayatullah-sayyid-abdul-husayn-dastghaib-shirazi/eleventh-greater-sin-sodomy

    According to Amir ul-Mu’minīn ‘Ali (a.s.), a person who has committed this sin must also be burnt after being killed.

    It is natural for someone to question this; there would be something wrong with someone who would not seek further explanation.  It is important to question and critique anything in our world, including Islam, that appears to be cruel.  Trying to shut someone up who is confused by this by implying or stating that they are less of a Muslim will make things worse. By demeaning that person and talking about them in a harmful way, we have created our own sin. If teachings about homosexuality practice and punishment are clearly just with a complete explanation, why the animosity towards someone questioning this?  

  12. 2 hours ago, rkazmi33 said:

    I also live in west and I am worried because I feel like west is turning into east. The biggest change I have seen is that women are turning into baby-making machines, meaning people are choosing to have more kids. This is a major life-style change which will cause many other changes. It will be harder for women to balance kids and work, so they will disappear from work force gradually. This may also lead to less education for women and earlier marriages. Around 30% of female and 50% of male millennials live with their parents which means they will adopt joint family systems.  They inequality is increasing between rich and poor and injustice is also spreading very quickly. These are all eastern values which we see now in west, and still eastern people keep complaining about their culture. What more do they want? 

    I see what you mean in that having children is becoming more popular now and it is being led by those who are high profile.  But I also see in the professional sphere that some women are choosing not to have any which may balance this out(?) 

    Also, there is a developing trend for couples with a combined income to each work shorter hours per week so that family issues can be better addressed, and so that both men and women can have a better quality non-workaholic life. 

  13. On 2017-11-11 at 3:39 AM, modaoudi said:

    Cuz lately I've been trying to understand "white supremacists" and even though their idea that whites are superior to others are total nonsense, the fact that races/cultures/ethnicity are starting to disappear sounds kinda logical doesn't it. 

    The end of the White race is a cultural and demographic inevitability probably within some of our lifetimes.  I think at this point it is pretty much a non issue other than it will hopefully bring about a post-racial age.

  14. It is inevitable that any blending of cultures will bring change. People are social and will inter-relate and develop strong bonds due to learned respect and new understanding of each other. Children attend the same schools and develop friendships that will in some cases be life long. Intermarriage is becoming more and more common.  This is not necessarily a bad thing as perhaps the good from both the West and the East may emerge. Tribalism is pretty much over. 

  15. 1 hour ago, King said:

    You missed his point.  No one here implied faith is useless or you shouldn't be making dua.  What was clearly said was that people suffering from serious mental issues do require medication, at times just to be able to survive.  

    You cannot assume someone suffering from mental illness is deficient in faith or character, and this is exactly what was implied in this thread. That is holier than thou attitude that almost turned members like Afsanah away from Islam. There are other members here who also recommended dua but also told the OP to seek professional help if required, did anyone call them holier than thou or judgemental? No.

    I agree. 

    Also, sometimes people choose to "miss" the point for whatever reason and that is OK. 



  16. @starlight

    Regardless of people's choices over their own lives, it does not give anyone the right to evaluate and judge. There seems to be an unquenchable need of some people to tear apart those who are vulnerable and struggling to cope with basics in life (that most of us take for granted) with condemnation, rebukes and unending commentary on what they SHOULD be doing - because they are doing it WRONG. "Shoulding" on others is the hallmark of people with weak character and an avoidance or fear to address their own issues.  They don't realize that they are the actually the ones with the crippling results of their own self imposed limitations.  So many comments on here from a select few about how people with chronic illnesses and how they choose to address and deal with them, are obviously weak in strength and character and worse.  Perhaps members of the coven of those with "bitter auntie syndrome" - an ugly but, fortunately, curable disorder - could examine and adjust the person in the mirror first by finding some beauty and love in their own life which will lead to the ability to recognize it in the lives of others.  Most people do pretty much the best they can with their given abilities and situations.  Support and recognition of their successes with their challenges goes a long way.    

  17. 22 minutes ago, starlight said:

    I would really like to know how you reached this conclusion when I am not even talking about the psychiatric patients, rather I have been emphasising on mental health professional injudiciously prescribing the drugs.

    I meant to quote the post and didn't for some reason.  I was referring to your judgement of your cousin with Rheumatoid Arthritis who only "popped pills" and is now in a wheel chair due to her decisions.  Intimating that it is her fault that she is in a wheelchair..  I know that that disease is incredibly painful and debilitating.  For myself, I am not in a position to judge someone trying to relieve excruciating 24/7 pain when I am relatively pain free. I don't walk in their shoes. We have no idea as to the degree of her pain, degree of fear to move certain ways that will cause even more pain or her rational to do what she does.  

    As for over medication:  Anti-depressants and stimulants are grossly over prescribed because they are prescribed by GP's who have few tools at their hands to get people moving in a positive direction and it seems like a quick fix.  It is not OK.  However, I am more concerned about the stimulant prescriptions to young children who are misdiagnosed with ADHD than I am about the anti-depressants although they too have many negatives.  Over prescribed medications are a huge problem but that is a separate issue.  We are talking about people who are competently diagnosed by certified mental health professionals, not with your 15 minute visit with your GP - that is not a diagnosis of anything.  A lot goes into a competent diagnosis and it often takes several weeks of in-patient tests and observations... as the two members here who have spoken out to repeatedly defend themselves (!) have had done.  I am not talking about the actions of some GP who is at a loss to know what to do when their patient sees them due to some home or work environment issue that is upsetting them.  I am talking about diagnosing a true chronic illness.  

    Anyone who is diagnosed by a certified mental health professional with clinical depression is not just going through a rough patch in life; it is a pervasive condition that may ebb a bit but does not go away and is not dependent on specific incidents in their life.  It is organic and ongoing.  Most people with clinical depression that I have come in contact have had  a family history where they have at least one relative who has committed suicide or has become incapacitated due to their illness.  Anyone with a psychotic or mood disorder (very rapid and dangerous mood swings such as bipolar) are at the mercy of their brain chemistry.  No gym membership is going to fix that.

    We ALL can do better by proper diet and exercise and seeking opportunities for personal growth and achievement. Including those of us who hunch over a computer all day. Practicing our tolerance, acceptance and love of others is one of those ways. Not submitting to prevalent cultural practices that demean others is another.  Mental health patients do the best they can with what they have.  As we all do.  Support and acceptance goes along way to giving someone the confidence they need to be the best they can, and to try new avenues of care consistent with the strengths and limitations they were given.


  18. 8 minutes ago, Afsaneh14 said:

    Some of the healthiest people in the world, like athletes for example, can get heart failure. Obviously, by being healthy, the risk is reduced immensely, but it can still affect anyone. Just like mental illness.

    Absolutely!  Actually, there are many cases of athletes in prime condition suffering fatal heart attacks due to the fact that their congenital heart conditions were never diagnosed but became apparent due to the extra stress on the heart...  so much judgement here to do with illness.  I am really surprised!

  19. There is no cure at this time, and so, of course, there is no reduction in morbidity or mortality with those who use psychotropics.  Medications for people with serious brain chemistry abnormalities (and there is a ton of literature on this), have significantly improved the ability of those afflicted to live a somewhat normal (and often safe) life - what we nonchalantly take for granted is a daily painful, struggle for others.  To stigmatize (and yes, these judgemental and arrogant comments are stigmatizing) people who need these medications is exceptionally cruel. I am a mental health professional and have seen, first hand, those who are literally imprisoned by their illness be able to have a functional status when successful titration of medications is achieved.  The co-morbidity of depression and other  life impactful disorders is significant.  Often, one cannot be determined and addressed without treatment, first, of the other.  Bipolar, schizo-affective bipolar and schizophrenia should not be left untreated - and to suggest to people to go off their meds in favour of some arrogant faulty based ideas is grossly irresponsible.  When untreated, for mere bipolar alone, suicidal ideation and attempt is 25% or greater with completed suicides around 14 - 15%.  

    Many in our community life a life of hell - they are hidden, chastised and demeaned due to lack of education and understanding.  It is incredibly sad that this goes on, but it is even more upsetting that these ideas are being promoted and fostered. 

  20. 1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

    I posted this link before on here in another thread but I thought I'd post it again...

    Mental Health Stigma in the Muslim Community

    This is an excellent, resourced article.


    Mental illness stigma continues to be a major barrier for individuals with mental illness. In this paper, we

    1. define constructs that comprise stigma (e.g., attitudes, stereotypes, prejudice, discrimination),

    2. discuss the harmful effects (e.g., label avoidance, public stigma, self-stigma) and

    3. present factors that may influence them (e.g., concealability).

    In order to better understand mental health stigma in Muslim community, we

    4. focus on intersectional stigma and present literature on the complex relationships among race/ethnicity, gender, class, religion, and health status among Muslims. In addition, we

    5. include literature highlighting culturally specific presentations of symptoms and mental health problems. 

    Thank you for posting this.  

    Unfortunately for those who are suffering, it will take a long time for centuries-old, culturally based prejudice and discrimination to be overcome - just like any negative, harmful attitude and stereotype. Intolerance, ignorance and fear of the unknown continues to impact many innocent people who struggle for basic mental health survival and community acceptance, sometimes with devastating results.

    In addition, the silence from those in our community, who are educated and knowledgeable, is deafening.  I am not sure which behaviour is more harmful.

  21. It is all too apparent that stigma continues to be a huge problem for people living with mental illness - it is an unnecessary and cruel burden to add to someone who, as it is, lives life in a constant struggle. Ignorant attitudes undermine a person's sense of self, relationships, well-being and as well impacts prospects for achieving an acceptable quality of life.  I can't emphasize enough the importance of education and awareness.  All of us should take some time to educate ourselves about mental health diseases and their etiology...  making sure to resource from an accredited source. 

  22. 1 hour ago, Dhulfikar said:

    No one mentioned this:


    Lol Houthis offer saudi princes political asylum in yemen. I wonder what next...

    I thought it was funny that those reportedly being detained were being held in 5 star hotels.. :D  Wonder what Yemen can offer..

  23. 2 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

    @King and @forte

    Thank you so much for your responses, because someone like me, who needs to take medication for life, is constantly fighting against the stigma for Bipolar Disorder and the stigma against mental illness. Thank you both for explaining what I’ve wanted to say regarding the matter. 

    And as a Bipolar Disorder sufferer, it’s hurtful to see the backward thinking on mental illness. Inshallah the few who oppose medication at all costs will come to their senses. 

    @Laayla Btw, Starlight did mention in her post that medication is necessary for some individuals. In case you missed it, re-read her post. 

    Congrats to you for having the courage to stand up against this cultural stigma.  Thankfully, this ignorance is slowly but surely waning.  

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