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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by forte

  1. I would be lost without it. No matter what I am reading or trying to write, there is always a word to look up for meaning or spelling. Def like the online dictionaries.
  2. Yep. There are some pretty gruesome stories out there, including where people have actually chewed the flesh off people's faces.
  3. It is easy to sit in an armchair and judge a situation that we will never have to deal with, but people on some of these drugs are insanely strong and can be nearly impossible to stop. Even ramming his car into a tree and being hit by a car and being tased did not stop him. If that man had reached the policeman (whose backup was not quite there) he would have hurt or killed him with physical force or by grabbing his gun. Or he could have hurt anyone in the area, especially if he got the gun and was armed. I think the policeman tried his best with patience and waited till the last second. I
  4. No one in their right mind would have knowingly handled smallpox infected blankets. There was no basic concept of aseptic technique and the infected blankets would have wiped everyone out before they were able to distribute them. I don't know how this myth started but it persists even though there is no logical basis for it.
  5. Good point, I am glad you mentioned this. Yes, what you have stated is true if there is a will. In the west, in your will, you can leave everything to your cat if you want - and people have! However, if there is no will, the court determines inheritance base on closest family tie. A second wife would not be considered "family", but her children proven to be fathered by her husband would be in the running. I don't know about US laws, but in Canada, the husband's work accumulated pension, if he dies, will automatically go to the first wife and when she dies, the payments end. Ev
  6. Polygamy is technically illegal but rarely prosecuted. Usually, the legal system gets involved when the wives are under-aged or if they have immigrated as a spouse (when the man already has a wife or wives), or there are social welfare payments applied for fraudulently, etc. There is even a show on TV about sister wives, so it is pretty much open as long as nothing else illegal is going on. The biggest legal downside to polygamy in the west is that the second marriage is considered null and void for legal purposes such as family inheritance, legal consent in cases of injury, etc. The husban
  7. No one knows how many wives, temp or permanent that this man actually has. If he is a keeper of secrets, then it is quite possible it does not end there. In this situation though, the best thing for you, the OP, to do is to strictly stick to issues to do directly with your own marriage and your own marriage only. Getting involved in another of his marriages is not helpful to anyone (including you) and most likely, quite harmful. Keep your nose in your own home and affairs, regardless of the "I am so helpless" pleas from your husband to get involved in his and his wife's affai
  8. It is understandable that you would want to shield a person you obviously care a lot for (the father) from any discomfort or difficulty. It also seems easier, at this time, as you have so much to think about, to just let it slide and hope he does the right thing. However, this is not going away and secrets create more harm than good. This may sound harsh, but he has had several months to get it together and his action of choice is to run and whimper. And, you are unknowingly enabling it. You may have done the same in other situations over the years and not realized it. However, in three m
  9. This guy needs to be held accountable. Too many men get the "oh well" pass. That is why it is such a huge problem.
  10. It is not about the glowing heap of a coward. It is about the child, an innocent child. Children have rights; they are human; they have the right to be treated with respect and dignity. They should not be cast aside like an unwanted of some animal litter, with numerous apologists supporting the toss so as to not cause discomfort... If the father's family choose not to have anything to do with the child, that is on them and potentially a great loss. At least the mom tried, and she needs to try. Too many children in the west have few to no connections to families; they deserve better, a lo
  11. If you remain child focused, it is clear what to do. You need to tell his parents. Your child deserves the opportunity to be connected to his or her grandparents and the grandparents deserve to know that they have a grandchild and they deserve the opportunity to be part of the child's life. At this point, you are the only one that can make that happen, or not happen. The grandparent/grandchild relationship should not be contingent on the decision of the father, who has made it clear that he is more concerned about his own issues than the needs of the baby. Always do what is in the best
  12. There are physiotherapists that specialize pelvic floor dysfunction. They can pinpoint and address the exact area using various biofeedback techniques. Just look up pelvic floor physiotherapists in your area. See the information here: http://pelvichealthsolutions.ca/for-the-patient/ Totally natural solution - no wine, no drugs, no directionless self attempts.
  13. This is a common issue. Redirect your mothers comments about why you need to be with her, to when you are planning on coming. So you could thank her for her concern around whatever it is that she comes up with as a problem that would be solved if you lived there. And then, to shorten the calls with her over unending pressure, validate what she says (in other words, that you hear her so she won't repeat endlessly) and say I have to go, but we can talk further when I see you on Wednesday evening (for example). Always end with the note where and when you will see her next. It changes the focu
  14. Talk to your husband about adoption. Find out what his anxieties he has about adoption and then find resources in your community to allay those fears. If you make it really clear that is what you want to do, he will most likely go along with it. I cant believe that he would agree for you to divorce him rather than to adopt a child. If he does have a problem with exploring this option, then that would be closer to a reason to divorce. He needs to acknowledge that he is to be part of the solution to his infertility. And if the OP were a man, we would all be telling him to get another
  15. You are most welcome! My apologies, perhaps I was not very clear as I wrote that very fast while working. The strategies outlined in the book are to deal with symptoms of BPD or other disorders or issues that demonstrate similar presentations. That would include a number of disorders including, as you mentioned, PTSD, as well as destructive mood disorder swings, etc. They are kind, caring, and easy to implement. These strategies are taught to family members who live with those who have mental health challenges. They address the behaviours that significantly impact family members.
  16. OP's living situation: "Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel as though you are constantly trying to avoid confrontation?" The quote on the first line above is some of what it is like to live with someone who demonstrates Borderline Personalty attributes (there are a few different 'flavours'). The more you give in, the more challenging their behaviour gets as you are emotionally bled dry and your own basic functioning becomes a sought after dream. That is, their behaviours become increasingly contro
  17. The driver was Alek Minassian from Richmond Hill. https://everipedia.org/wiki/alek-minassian/
  18. The mom could possibly be upset that the girl is leaving as she is her stress release. Who knows why she is upset and behaving in a way that sounds like a kind of BPD but it is not for someone who is struggling so much internally to have to deal with. Making nice does not usually improve the situation. The girl needs to gain control of her life and her reactions to life and relinquishing control to an unstable person is not the way to go. She has to gain some strength and be able to separate herself from someone else's crazy making. You are assuming the mom is just a little out of sorts.
  19. Really disagree here. This is not about mom. Walking on eggshells around someone like that (Mom) to try and curb their behaviours toward you is not usually effective; in fact, it often encourages the very behaviour you want extinguished. And, it is a big enough job to try to develop individual strategies to cope with OCD. At this time, Mom is a clear bonafide part of these OCD cycles, given, at the very least, her reaction to the OP and then the OP's consequent reaction to her mom. To encourage (which is what "make her life easier" does) Mom's dysfunctional part of the OCD cycle can se
  20. I was not trying to call you racist as I said the commentary was stereotypical. You referred to race not culture. I was trying to help you understand. There are definitely countries that you should be careful in travelling. It is usually based in politics though or the color of your passport not the color of your skin.
  21. You make an unnecessary negative stereotype of a race. I tried to show you how it was negative (racist) by giving a different racial stereotype. Hence the dark skinned people being associated with crime etc. It was an example of a negative racial stereotype to help you understand. You actually just repeated in this post the same stereotypical assumption that if you are dark, the pale people will not warm and welcome you because they are pale which is an assumption and negative stereotype. Negative stereotypes based on race are racist.
  22. It is akin to saying "For darker skinned people though, it is a very safe and crime free country." A negative generalization about a race is racism.
  23. She is planning on suing the hospital and I think she has a very good case. The man had just been discharged (he was known to the hospital) and had been harassing and accosting other patients and people in the hallways (demonstrated mental state) and security had called the police (so security was aware). He should not have been around other people, but kept isolated with security until they came. Everyone was put at risk. Don't think the ethnic attack route would go very far as he was harassing anyone around him. The hospital liability route is pretty clear cut - it definitely appears tha
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