Anonymous-Male

Bismillah and Salam, I have recently found out that for the past many years, I have sometimes been doing ablution(wudhu) incorrectly by moving my head instead of my hand during wiping of the head. At other times, I have been doing it correctly. I'm not sure how many times I have done it incorrectly. I will repeat my prayers but my question is....I went to obligatory Hajj last year and I'm not sure if the ablution I did there was correct or incorrect. But I think there is higher chance that it was incorrect. Does it mean that my Hajj is invalid and I need to repeat it? Thank you. Wassalam

If you have never had a relationship while being unmarried, that's not just the right thing, it's the best thing!

Can the second surah be surah Fatiha again ?

Whether someone can do mutah or not often depends on which part of the world you live in. For people living in non-muslim Western countries like US, Europe, UK, mutah is very much easy because there is full liberty for men to interact with women with no restrictions of any sort from the society/families etc. But in eastern, Muslim countries for example Pakistan, mutah is virtually non-existent, almost unheard of , because the society does not accept it and it is next to impossible for any man to find any woman who would agree for mutah. In fact, often men just simply do not have any means or method or opportunity to interact with any women in the first place, let alone find a woman who would agree for mutah. That is something unimaginable in this culture and extremely unlikely to happen in reality. It just doesn't exist in these societies. People living in west or Arab countries or Iran where mutah is so easy usually take it for granted that it is the same everywhere. But unfortunately it is like mutah is almost like banned in Pakistan because you would almost never hear about anyone who has done it. And if someone does somehow manage to do mutah, the family / society will make his life living hell for engaging in such a firbidden, unacceptable action (according to them).

Although this is a good advice, it cannot work for people who live in certain countries where it simply isn't possible to "find" someone from the opposite gender. That's because there is no opportunity for men to meet any women in their societies and social circles. There is no interaction of men with women. It isn't like the western countries where it is so easy to find any person of the opposite gender. That's why people who live in Pakistan for example usually have to rely on their parents to arrange a marriage for them because it is not possible for them to meet any women at any place.

I think the women cannot put in the condition that the man cannot marry any other women. But I think a woman does have the right to put in the condition that if he marries any other woman, she would get divorce.

I understand what you mean but if a young man is unable to get married for a very long time, it is obligatory on him to battle with his urges and suppress his sexual needs and curb his desire to the lowest point. Otherwise he will fall into sin and that is not allowed under any circumstance at all, even if someone is forced to stay unmarried for ever. It may sound discouraging but we must remember that Allah doesn't test anyone with a burden greater than what they can carry. So, if young men are required to stay chaste without getting married for extended periods, and have to battle with themselves, they cannot claim that it is a burden greater than what they can carry (otherwise sinning would be halal for those who cannot get married). Imam Ali (عليه السلام) punished the man who masturbated. This means that it was expected of the man to have not masturbated while being married (regardless of how long he had to stay unmarried). Imam Ali (عليه السلام) got him married off. He didn't ask the man to go and get married himself. This shows that the marriage of young men is (usually) under the control of others, not in their own hands. If others don't fulfill their duties, young men are forced to stay unmarried but still this is not a good enough reason for them to indulge in any sexual sin. So, the discouraging point is the role of others who prevent young men from getting married. But asking these men to battle with themselves isn't discouraging because this is what they are expected to do Islamically. All of this is easier said than done. I'm not preaching holier than thou attitude here & I don't claim infallibility for myself. And Allah is most forgiving and can change sins into worship. But I just feel that young men should be told that since it is not permitted to sin at all while being unmarried, it means that unmarried men should not feel discouraged if they have to go on battling with their urges for very long times because this is obligatory for them Islamically.

Of course. But the issue is that many people do have to go through this incredibly difficult time because it isn't possible for them to get married early and they have to wait for years-decades. Even though marriage does exist to satisfy urges, but it just simply is not available to many young people because their marriage is not in their own hands. It is incredibly difficult to get married early because the timing of your marriage isn't in your own hands....it is the family, the society, the community as a whole which plays it's part in deciding when some young man will be "allowed" to get married. So when marriage is something which is beyond the reach of a common young man....then mutah becomes almost next to impossible. So the end result is that young men have no choice. They cannot get married, cannot do mutah and must also not satisfy their urges in Haram way. So the only option left for them is to stay chaste, patient and not indulge in sins because even the thought of sinning is forbidden. The man was lucky that the Imam arranged his marriage. In today's world however, the parents, the society, the community will not arrange the young man to get married. So he will be left with no other choice.....he would be Islamically required to battle with his desires because no matter how long he may have to remain unmarried, he would still be required to be chaste and avoid all sexual sins. Even Allah addresses the public in the Quran to "marry off" the singles which indicates that marriage isn't something which a person can do on his own, rather others have to "marry him off." If they don't, then yes.....the man must battle with himself. It isn't easy at all.....but it is compulsory, obligatory and absolutely wajib to not sin. And there is no time limit after which any leeway is given.....so, if a man has to spend 15 years staying unmarried, then he must at all cost stay chaste and patient and avoid each and every sexual sin for this entire period. Even if he commits a single sexual sin, he cannot justify it or give any excuse for it. He cannot claim that because he couldn't get married, that's why he had to sin. This shows that it may be "incredibly difficult", but it is still obligatory and has to be done, for as long as marriage remains beyond reach. "Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you....." (24:32) This shows that other people have to get the singles married off....they cannot get married on their own.

These days boys start to get sexually mature at very young ages, like 12-13 years. On the other hand, marriages are getting more and more late with many people getting married at around 28-30 years. So I think the 5-10 years is not the actual representation for majority of men for the time period in which they have to be patient.....it is more like 10-20 years. Of course, men should attempt to get married as soon as possible but it may be beyond their own reach and they may have to remain deprived of halal outlets for one to two decades.

Actually, I have read that although he used to greet women with salaam, if he noticed that there were young women, he would not greet them at all. He himself explained the reason for this that when young women would greet him back, he would be hearing their voices and that could entice wrong emotions in him as he might get attracted to their voices. He could thus end up angering Allah more for feeling attracted to their voices than pleasing Him for saying salaam to them (Not his exact words but this is the jist). That's why not only did he lower his gaze, he even avoided talking/speaking to young girls. Shows the height of modesty and decency. Following his footsteps, if a man today wishes to avoid looking at women or even listening to their voices, he should be appreciated.

Assalamualaikum Consider a situation in which a young man and a woman get married. They are happy with each other and are fully satisfied with their marital relationship. After some time, the wife becomes pregnant and this is the start of some serious issues in their marital relation. The wife develops hormonal changes in her body and these have such a great effect on her in general that she develops complete lack of sexual desire. This is so intense that she starts having complete aversion to the act of sexual intercourse. She does not wish to engage in any type of sexual activity in any way at all right after the start of pregnancy. She understands this is not normal, but she categorically refuses to have any sex with her husband. The husband is very understanding and cooperative and gives his wife a lot of leeway, but he finds it extremely difficult to be denied sex on a long term basis. The wife says that as long as she is pregnant, she would not like to have sex even once because she feels disgusted and repulsed by it during pregnancy. The husband tries to explain to her that this is a very wrong and unislamic way of thinking and the wife acknowledges she is wrong, but she isn't willing to change. In fact, the wife even does not wish to be hugged or kissed or even touched during her pregnancy. The couple agrees to go to doctors and sex therapists etc, but none of this has any benefit for the woman and the end result is that the couple lives a sex-less life for the entire 9 months of pregnancy. During this long period, the husband remains patient and doesn't fall into any sin, but becomes extremely frustrated by his wife's intense aversion to sex due to hormonal issue. However, the man is still hopeful that once the pregnancy ends, the hormonal changes will fade away and the wife would develop renewed interest in sex. Unfortunately, this doesn't happen because although the pregnancy has ended, the wife is now a lactating mother and the hormonal changes that come with this are so intense for her that instead of developing any sexual urge, her libido goes down even further. She experiences such an intense lack of sexual desire that she tells her husband to just forget about sex and demands that he should not even talk about it. She gets angry, frustrated and tearful everytime the husband wishes to approach her for intimacy because she has zero interest in sexual intimacy and it is just an extremely difficult burden on her to even imagine having sexual intercourse. For the entire duration of pregnancy and for the two years that the woman breastfeeds her child, her libido remains non-existent and she denies sex to her husband by claiming that she has the Islamic right to deny it as she is not well, she is not healthy (although the doctors have ruled out any physical illness). During these three years, the husband lives a sex-less life despite living in the same house, same room with his wife. The torture that he goes through is unimaginable but he still remains patient. He has no means to do mutah (although his wife says she cannot stop him, he himself has no way to engage in mutah). After three years, when she stops breast-feeding, the woman's sexual desire gradually and slowly starts to rekindle and she then begins to allow her husband to engage in limited sexual activity at first and then over weeks-months, start full sexual intercourse. After a few years the husband wishes to have another baby. However, the wife warns him that if he wants another child, then he should be prepared to live without sex for at least three years from the time she becomes pregnant. In this situation, what should the husband do? Islamically it is highly recommend to have more children. The wife also wants to have more kids and she has no issues in staying sexless for three years but she wants a guarantee from her husband that he will not frustrate her by demanding sex even once in the three years of pregnancy+lactation. What should a man do in a situation like this? ...... sacrifice his sexual needs to have more children...or....lead a sexually contended life but have just a single child. The man is not in a position to divorce his wife and also not in a position to do mutah or second marriages. So that option is out of the question. He must select between a sexless 3 years period or a being contended with a single child.

I understand your point of view. But another point is that both mutah and nikah are marriages. If a woman can stipulate that she will not (ever) have sexual intercourse in Mutah, can she also not stipulate the same in Nikah? Theoretically, suppose a man and a woman enter Mutah for 100 years duration and the condition is no sexual intercourse. This would be Islamically valid. So...can the same not be applicable to nikah which is a permanent marriage but will not last a 100 years? Can a woman put a condition in nikah that she will not have intercourse for a set duration...for example, the first month...or one year...or first five years? If the man accepts this condition, is there Islamically any problem... because after-all it is not obligatory for a couple to have sexual relations in nikah. The question only is that if a woman puts this condition at the start of nikah that she will never have sexual relations and the man accepts this condition and they get married....and a few years later, the husband demands sexual relations.....who will be justified then ?....the woman who is refusing (as stated in the contract which the man had accepted)...or the husband ?

Most men have thoughts about doing zina..... but do men with the highest level of Taqwa also have such thoughts? Is it even permissible to have thoughts about zina in the first place ? I heard there is a Hadith on the lines that if someone thinks about zina, it is filling the brain with smoke (something like that). Ideally a man should have his sexual desire lowered to such an extent that even if he is unmarried, he should never ever even think about zina, because as per the Hadith...it is a highly unacceptable act. Not many men can be that pious that despite being unmarried, they never even think about sex....but at least one should be aware of what is allowed and what is not.

Although voluntary celibacy is frowned upon by Islam, celibacy before marriage (irrespective of the duration of unmarried life) is not just a great virtue but also obligatory and absolutely compulsory. Ideally, nobody should have to remain celibate unintentionally. But people face different situations in lives and some are unable to get married, ever, for one or the other reason. Irrespective of the reason for their inability to get married, they are required and expected to remain celibate, regardless of its duration and if they don't remain celibate, then they would have crossed the limits.... because sexual desire is never ever meant to be satisfied outside marriage. Prophet Isa (عليه السلام) is a very good example of a man who had to live a life of unintentional celibacy. He was never able to get married and yet he remained absolutely celibate. This also shows that outside of marriage, fulfillment of sexual desire is never justified, even if one has to stay unmarried for ever. If someone does it, then he has artificially and unnecessarily increased his sexual urge to an undesired level. People who are unable to get married for very extended periods should look at Prophet Isa (عليه السلام) and feel motivated that celibacy (even lifelong) is not a humanly impossible task to achieve - rather it is obligatory, if one has to stay unmarried.

Consummation is not required in permanent marriage. A man and a woman can be married without ever consummating their marriage, if they have stipulated this as a condition of their marriage. ---------- Ruling 2436. A husband cannot refrain from having sexual intercourse with a young wife of his for more than four months unless sexual intercourse is harmful or excessively difficult (mashaqqah) for him, or the wife consents to it, or he had stipulated a condition in the marriage contract regarding this. https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2333/ -------- So, if a man says that he will only get married to a woman if she agrees that he will never have sexual intercourse, and the woman agrees, then they can get married and never consummate their marriage and it will be a valid marriage. Similarly, if a woman agrees to marry a man only on the condition that he will never demand sexual intercourse with her, and the man agrees, it will be a valid marriage.