zizi_00

@notme I don't think that answers my question though? And I don't think bringing up more metaphors or proverbs/sayings makes up for a sufficient answer either. My question isn't that weird or odd for it to be answered like this. As long as it's not immoral, why can't I wish for such a thing? Cause again, what can your possibly do in jannah? Yes we will never get bored and we'll never feel unhappy or dissatisfied. But if it is nothing like this life like you say it is, no wordly ambitions or certain things you'd like to try that's impossible right now, and instead we'll basically just eat, drink and whatever normal activity in Jannah... what's the true difference then except for peace and eternal life? It would be quite boring if all of our desired and minds get erased and think all the same, dress/act the same and speak the same languages... basically no individuality. Even if it's still beyond our comprehension of what heaven entails like our books say, it is quite odd to say that my proposed ideas of what I'd wish to do there are... not what's gonna be out there. That's probably not what the masses want but that sure is of mine. I'm not asking for things like idk... consume alchohol or do drugs to try and get intoxicated for the first time, for such "desires" to be removed from our minds in jannah. Obviously not, that's common sense. I'm not gonna go into detail of EVERYTHING I wish to have in jannah, but I can assure that if jannah is everything we ever desire, where we don't have to follow rules anymore like we do now in this world, that I doubt I'll not get what I want. Especially if let's say I'd die one day after all of my bad deeds were cleansed, yet my head still full and hopeful of the things I can finally receive in the afterlife as my reward. It may all sound like I'm worrying for nothing... but knowing that my life will play out quite uninteresting, following such a bleak routine of just working as a doctor, with no time to either explore more of the outside world, my hobbies which will probably never become more than just a part-time thing after work hours, since I still need to make hours of worship given how I'm just filled with sins from within, this is not how I wished my life to play out. Cause imagine if I don't receive the things I want jannah, which I once thought will be the place where I could try EVERYTHING that's mindblowingly impossible here... and it will just be the things everyone is telling me it is... I fear I'll get too attached to this Dunya and the things that seem insignificant, useless and a waste of time. Leaving mustahab acts to spend hours on my ambitions and interest if I knew they'd dissapear in heaven. If that's not the case and I can TRULY do whatever I want or wish for in jannah, and I mean literally everything one can imagine... I'd happily spend more time on worshipping and become a better muslim. I'll not have the fear of missing out on these wordly desires if I could first pass the test and have all of it back in heaven, but a thousand times better in experience and joy. I could maybe finally simulate a "life" where I'm living as a world famous artist or author? I'm dying to know what that feels like. Cause it for sure is too late for me to pursue that career. If others would like to find out about some mysteries about this world or unsolved cases in heaven like I've heard some Muslims say, then why wouldn't mine be answered? That's what I mean. That's what I'm trying to say by this scary description of limiting the heaven I have in mind and what i have thought to be like. I want my sacrifices to be answered... I do not want them to be altered or removed. Not if they're unharmful, and even "stupid" to others.

So by your logic... what is there to do in heaven then? If not for the things we think of now? Honestly for me, I crave for the early years when I was a kid. When I didn't need to taste the adult life yet and be completely guilt free of fantasizing and playing around. Now life seems so bleak and depressing to be honest. I'd be completely fine to die soon if I were to make it to hajj, umrah and other ziyaret first. The mundane life like marrying and settling for kids means nothing to me at this point because of the state of this rotten world and the fact that we'll see WW3 soon. And again, who knows I'll die much sooner than expected. Surely Allah knows why I've been crying lately: I don't wish to reach a certain age of adulthood in case I'll die in disbelief or doubt because of how overwhelming my life as an adult is beginning to look like. Sure I'll become a doctor soon... but that was because of my poor upbringing and that I won't be able to make a living if I won't make myself independent. But I'm growing tired... and the things I desperately want in jannah are nonstop in my head. And tbf, Ramadan was never easy for me. I can't do anything because of chronic fatigue to the point I either travel far away so I wouldn't fast or call in sick because my body just won't move. Even such obligations are weighing heavy lately the older I get... so I don't get to have the same type of reflections like other Muslims and haven't been able to for years. It's because of that that Ramadan is actually one of my least favorite months because I can't get myself to do any good deeds that require some kind of effort. Maybe and hopefully that'll make it all clear to you why such "limiting sounding" comments regarding jannah scare me. It won't motivate me any better in my worship.

I'm not thinking it'll be like life. It's just that I wish to do such things. Wanting to find out the different timelines if I had made different choices in life. A sense of pure curiosity to be honest. Cause with the career and personal life I'm gonna lead from now on, I won't be able to do other things beside them just because of the sheer lack of time, money or opportunities and circumstances. I personally do not have the same type of wants like wanting to try wine, have as much intercourse or anything like that like its written in ahadiths or the Quran. If heaven is described as anything my heart desires, then surely I'll get anything I want minus all the bad memories or emotions that come along.

Ngl, that doesn't feel like a good answer to me. No believer has gotten the same desires as everyone else. Especially if those desires are haram for them to be forfeited in the after life. Genuinely, what's the point in erasing your desires in the afterlife after making so many sacrifices in the Dunya? I'm not sacrificing my time and energy for worship just for the sake of it. But because I realize that I may do them after my death so I'd make enough room for worship. That's the type of sacrifice I'm striving for. Not wasting my time and energy on things that may not mean anything religiously, so I could worship Allah. And if that pays off I can do them all in the afterlife. If there are no such things as languages other than Arabic in jannah, does that mean I'd need to learn every language humanly possible given how they'll be basically gone later? Just write my novel stories and draw everything I could do in case that desires may dissapear?? Or even fantasize my days away which I so much treasure because I won't be doing that anymore?

Just to correct or add something: I mean a second life where I was able to pursue anything I could ever wish to do or accomplish had it not been for the grey reality I've been living in. Like I'm studying medicine at the moment even though I never liked it and would've rather imagined myself a traveler, a successful author or artist. You know? Ambitions and hobbies manifesting into real life? I'm not exactly very *sane* since I do have something called chronic daydreaming where I'd rather daydream my days away with the stories of my worldbuilding and characters I write. Something that genuinely brings me more joy than real-life? Id genuinely be upset if that wouldn't be granted to me in the hereafter. Especially if I do my obligations and sunnah. Why else would I sacrifice my own joy?

Alright I'm definitely late to this reply given circumstances... but I kinda feel like the more the world of jannah gets explained by people or ahadiths, the harder it gets for me to motivate myself to do better. Maybe it's just wishful thinking that whatever I wished to have achieved in this life, I hope to perhaps simulate or imagine a second life in Jannah. One I could entirely build myself. That's probably really weird for other members to imagine what I mean, but the things I've heard thus far to the point where it kind of makes it out to be that we are gonna change completely. Our minds our desires... the fact that we will only speak Arabic in jannah or that we still have to obey by some rules there. It's strange and very limiting. Cause let's say I'd die tomorrow at a young age. When my mind and soul are still immature, why wouldn't I ask Allah to at least not make Jannah the way that I want? I've got a lot of silly and childish requests, even other worldly desires... then what? Who says I'd want my heaven to be full of people who once lived in the same Dunya as I have? Maybe I'd rather want my stories, since I'm an author to functional stories, to come true as well as it's worldbuilding I've made. And maybe I'd just want to roam around an empty landscape without a headscarf where no former Muslim is present? I could practically make my own husband there if I never gotten one in this life? Other than wanting to worship Allah, and follow islam (which I've been struggling to hold on to lately the more I read about all sorts of topics), I do not wish me and my wishes to get altered in the afterlife. If that happens that means the person I currently am never existed... they'll forever dissapear. And that's terrifying.

Ive been lurking in the shia subreddit for some time and came across this post which had the same thoughts as me https://www.reddit.com/r/shia/s/Cb1N0eq5HA I've always been taught that jannah will have literally ANYTHING we'd want and desire. Everything we couldn't have done here in this Dunya will come true in Jannah. Whether it's creating your own world, reliving an alternative life you wished to have done on earth, or as silly as wishing for a chocolate fountains like kids would sometimes joke about for fun... But in those replies when someone mentioned whether women could walk around without hijabs, someone else tried to refute it by saying that because jannah is preserved for the righteous and religious Muslims or mumineem that no woman shall walk around without her hijab among non mahrams. The link under has got a sacred who said the same thing. https://al-islam.org/ask/can-men-and-women-be-friends-in-heaven-or-is-it-still-prohibited-if-so-would-women-still-be-required-to-wear-hijab-in-heaven Now here's my problem... why is it that we've been taught that jannah is pretty much unlimited and a realm which is just beyond the imagination of any human being... sounds so limiting with rules such as these? If I've got my own spot in jannah, why wouldn't it be possible to wish for something along the lines of "Oh Allah, I wish to roam along the lands with my hair and limbs feeling the air, but look modest with a hijab in the eyes of non mahrams"? Or even better... summon a world of my own with my own rules? A simulation or even asking for a piece of land where there are no man to worry about. See what I'm getting at? I hope it's true we'll still have all of our memories of the dunya in Jannah too. Because I've got like a whole wishlist of things I'd want to do in Jannah. Endless things even that are not meta physically possible here, or even trying alternative life choices or stories I've made up and wanting to come to life as an artist and writer. And these comments of other people unfortunately make me a bit anxious by how jannah still supposedly has "rules". Maybe it's because everyone desires a different type of jannah, with different goals such as meeting the ahlulbaty ((عليه السلام)), unraveling Islamic histories or other wonders... perhaps that's why they say these things. I've got my own set of desires and it makes me feel kind of guilty and weird to admit that my desires aren't in line with whatever other musslims say. Cause in all.honesty, I try to do as much good and hold up my obligations so I could end up in jannah where following the sharia, hijab, and other rules and obligations won't be needed anymore. I can not and will not believe that I'll be a totally different person in jannah (except for feeling happy and at peace at last for not wanting to worry about the dunya anymore) who'll still need to somehow uphold Islamic modesty in a world where I could pretty much shape it however I like... because it's literally jannah lol. Idk, I know I should be focusssing on the present instead of the akhira like that, but I'm allowed to know if my sacrifices will eventually pay off right?

Uh... he lives like a city or two away from me. Which is like half an hour away from my home by car. Plus it's a Sunday so... no don't worry about that. I wouldn't have married someone that far anyways. I'd have to reject them from the get go.

Quite honestly, with Sayeds I feel more pressure in how I perform and act around them and their families to be honest. Being a wife to a syed comes with responsibilities and a certain image you know? Especially when it comes to having kids to keep that bloodline going since he's their only son. And I'm not necessarily here to ask for help. I just seek if whether it's wrong of me to do this or not and if there are things I should make up for in case I turn down such offers. I'll of course turn them down with grace and politeness. I'm getting told to just accept whatever bachelor there is cause they think having a spouse is better than having no spouse at all. But I for once feel content staying single than marrying someone whom I'm not sure about and end up in a divorce because of it. I'll have sabr and strengthen my belief and submission to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to help me find someone I'm truly sure about without pressure. I probably also just needed to vent considering mostly my mother urges me to like them since she's especially good friends with them. I need to safe face for her sake then.

I'm very much aware about your point, yes. But once again like I said, I've once seen him in a majlis and quite honestly didn't care about him. He probably once saw me at that time as well and contacted my family about it before I could even say yes or no to it. And then yesterday I only gotten his picture and was quite shocked to see it was him who'll come and talk to me. He also happens to be a Syed which is like the third time that happened to me and I'm quite honestly done with that. I already know I'm not gonna agree to it cause I really have a standard type that's consistent and which my family's aware about. They really just want me to go accord with it from the get go cause their family happens to be friends with them. This brings extra to me already and like I said, he's still quite hard to look at in my opinion. I bet there are other women who'd prefer his looks more than I do and that's okay. I just don't see myself with him and intimacy is something I already dread since physical attraction plays such a big role in determining whether I can see myself in that scenario. I was once obese as well, but due to much reflection and dread about my looks I lost all of the weight until I got skinny, knowing very well that most men prefer a more skinny woman who takes care of her health. It wasn't my main motivation of course, but I sure wouldn't want to settle with someone who's not of that same mindset and terms of attraction. If I want to have a man who's good in terms of weight and health then I should put that same effort. That's my personal philosophy. Thats how I go about. I mean women are expected and even encouraged to look at their best for men in an islamic marriage, so why cant we women receive the same treatment? I mean if I can't picture myself with him and it's considered taboo from me to suggest to him to lose weight (his family pretty much looks all the same I've heard so it's probably just genetic to look like that) then why should I go forth with it? He also happens to have different colored eyes which also really isn't my type. I find such men hard to look at to be quite frank. I'm far from a mo'meen, so I don't think I'm ready for marriage anyways. I've got much fixing to do before I'd even consider marrying a man. With the amount of pressure coming from my family and their friends it has already put me off immensely. So it's pretty much already ruined combined with the lack of communication with me and how they're not considerate of my wishes such and such. I couldn't care less if I get married at this point honestly, I think my parents just want me to get married off because they want to get rid of me as their last daughter.

Assalamu alaikum, I'm gonna meet a potential man in a few days time and it's been unfortunately arranged without me agreeing to talk to him and his family. In fact my parents have pretty much told me that they've said yes to his family to come and speak to me, I just said okay let's just do it cause well... I can't say no anymore since thats rude to do. And I've unfortunately only gotten his full body photo and let's say... he's far from my type in terms or attraction. I'm told he's about my height, which is isn't too tall but I normally wouldn't mind that, but he's quite overweight and chubby from the shoulders up. Now I genuinely understand that Deen and akhlaq are the most important ones and I've yet to meet him, but physical attraction is something that's just way too important to me. Especially when it comes to intimacy which is like half of what makes the marriage going. I've been very vocal how important looks are to me to my family, and I generally mean someone who goes to the gym and takes good care of himself. But he doesn't look like that at all... he's quite hard to look at. I've told my parents that if I don't feel confident in marrying him even if his Deen is good and such that I'd probably still reject him cause I just don't feel comfortable and confident marrying someone whom I'm not attracted to. And they pretty much guilt-trip me saying that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will punish me for rejecting a good man and that I'll forever stay alone (even though I'm still in my mid twenties) and that I'll break his heart. First of all, they set up the meeting before I could give my accord. Secondly, I only got the photo a few days before he'll arrive which is way too late. And lastly, how am I in the wrong if I'm simply not attracted to him? I couldn't care less if I didn't find a husband, but my family's pushing me and gaslighting me to accept him... I mean goodness I feel quite forced now. How do they expect me to get married even though it won't be entirely out of my own choice? Am I a bad person for this?

@notme Whoops I realized I tagged it the wrong way.

Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think that CP is hereditary, right? In my case like I said in my previous reply, I am ready to raise a kid if they've got the mild type of autism like me. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS as a kid, which meant that I was verbal but had language delay due to cognitive impairment in speaking. This would be considered autism level 2 now, but due to intervention and support like speech therapy and enrolling in special education from grade 1 to 6 I have shifted to level 1 now. Meaning that I don't need much support now other than some lifestyle coaching (like making a routine combining college and private life so I wouldn't get a burn out). I now seek help myself outside of my family ever since I turned 18 6 years ago, so I wouldn't bother my family anymore and become a burden for the rest of my life and alhamdulillah I've become independent and better at my executive functioning. I personally hate attention/standing out or being in the lime lights and prefer to just be known for my crafts and such. I've read a lot that in my case and looking back at my family history, I'd have a chance in getting neurotypical children, mostly girls though cause boys tend to be affected heavier than girls by autism. I've done this type of self research for a year now and what's what I've concluded in my chances (of course everything by Allah's will can change, even the science of genetics). I would at least want one kid (hopefully a daughter) if it meant I can become a mother. Now people would say that having one kid is cruel and selfish, but I don't. I'm trying to be careful not to overwhelm myself and find a healthy balance instead. So what if I have only one kid? I'll make sure they'll be loved so much by me and make sure they won't feel lonely. As long as they're verbal is all I hope for. Cause I genuinely struggle guessing how someone's doing if they're not upfront with me about their needs and emotions. I've followed some special needs families with autistic kids (mostly sons) who are severely handicapped in speech and communication, and you can just tell that they're mentally tired. I felt mentally exhausted just watching snippets of their life, so imagine if I were in their shoes. I'd be crying for such life to be over asap. I mean... I've seen kids being aggressive and violent towards their parents or just destroy property, their house or cause so much chaos in public. And the thing is that because these special needs families are the majority on public platforms it's harder to receive the life experiences of families who've got mild special needs kids. You have only access to the more severe or profound cases. I mean it makes sense given they're the ones who are the most desperate in finding and joining support groups or community. It's funny how they'd also come anonymous on the internet like reddit telling others how they can't comprehend religion and don't believe in Allah for that exact reason. Questioning why their lives have been ruined and how they hate having conceived children such and such. And subhan'allah... I'm so privileged and happy to be a Muslim, worshipping Allah whom has blessed me with this opportunity in life to be his servant. And so I can ask him for anything while knowing that I'm in safe hands and above all thankful. @notme mentioned how they didn't know they were on the spectrum, where as I have been diagnosed much earlier in life. And they've said that they've got kids whom are on different places on the spectrum. It has given me some hope as well as some caution. Caution as in reflecting more in how I'd communicate with a potential spouse about it as well as being realistic in what I'm able to handle. I would consider this as a privilege and an advantage in approaching things carefully. I'll continue my thing and pray I can at least get one child who'll at least be able to verbally communicate with me like a neurotypical kid would or are at the very least similar in their needs like i was as a kid (which was quiete moderate compared to now as an adult). That's all I wish for in this life. I'm more than happy just to raise one kid is all I'm saying, and it would be the most realistic in my case.

Does your son have like a comorbid type of autism 3 if I may ask? Cause I have read somewhere that low support needs type of autism is always like hereditary and genetic, while high needs autism after the age of 6 which will probably extend till adulthood is mostly caused by mutations during conception. So does your son have other conditions except for autism? For me personally I'd be okay raising autistic kids if they'd have the same type as me, as long as they're verbal. I too had a language delay but I was at least able to speak when I was around 4 or 5 years old. Had to go through years of speech therapy and attend special education at first before I was able to enroll in a public regular high school and college. I know girls are less likely to inherit autism than boys, and if they do they'd still have less severe symptoms than boys do. I do want to become a mother though, and I'd be okay with just one child if they're manageable. One child to be a mother too, as well as knowing. I noticed I'm more of a girl mom as well and dream of having one insha'allah. Btw did you know you were on the spectrum before you had your sons if I may ask?

Assalamu alaikum, So in surah al-baqarah verse 286 it clearly states that Allah doesn't burden a soul greater than it can bear, and so I have a few questions regarding this verse cause for the past few years I have been thinking about myself and my future a lot. I have gone through a really rough time and I still do, but alhamdulillah I'm still here and I still do my obligations and sunnah. I realized that this dunya while beautiful and admiring Allah's creations I've become completely detached to it. And so I don't care what type of trials I'll be going through in the future, I've already gone through some incredibly tough ones already. But there is one aspect in life I know I won't be able to bear no matter what, and that is the physical and mental health of my children. It's a topic that has made me prematurely overthink about it cause having special needs kids for me personally scares me a lot and I know that I won't be able to take it as I'm already on the autism spectrum with ADHD. It's already tough to force myself to function like the rest of society, but it's a combination of conditions that I don't wish upon my own children, cause believe it or not all I ever want in this dunya is to meet my children. I've spend days crying whether I'm even worth to have children if I already know that I won't handle a severe autistic child. It's a test or trial I pray not to ever have since I know that it's beyond my capacity. I've been exploring various social media platforms of special needs families (ASD in particular) and while I admire their strength and love for their children or siblings it's something I deeply don't want. My heart breaks for them and imagining being in their shoes scare me. I still feel uncomfortable being near mentally disabled children cause I just don't know how to interact with them. I'm unfortunately the type of person on the spectrum who really needs verbal communication in order for me to cooperate with anyone. I for example have an autistic high support needs non verbal nephew and I can't help but cry everything for him. But also because I know I wouldn't want someone like him as my own kid, filling me up with even more guilt and hate for being an awful aunt to him I bet I sound like a horrible person but I want to reach that stage of life of becoming a mother and enjoy being one. Hence why I'm praying everyday to have kids one day who won't become high support/ special needs people. Is it allowed to ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) not to give me that kind of trial or am I the problem for questioning his mercy, will or his almighty and divine powers in general? I really want to reach a high level of spirituality but wallahi there's only so much I know I'm capable off... I don't want to become a mother who hates their children because it didn't meet my expectations and image of parenthood.