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In the Name of God بسم الله

SeekingRepentance

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  1. Thank you for you taking the time to reply to message. I heard these arguments before, but they were not convincing to me. I really don't want to delve deep into these topics since I think there is more harm than benefit. I'm more or less content and happy with my belief system for now. But I'll give you my thoughts out of respect for your time spent in your message. Regarding signs, there are many videos online of christians, hindus, and other religious people who called out to their respective gods during their time of need and then they have their prayers answered. Why would Allah answer their prayers and thus affirming their belief in their fake religion? These people would become even more stubborn and reject the true message. And can you really blame them? Regarding the believing murderer/rapist vs the chaste peaceful nonbeliever monk. I am not sure what you mean by rejecting the message. If people know Islam is true but still reject it, that could only mean that they have some sort of mental illness that needs to be treated instead of being punished for it. It's illogical to disbelieve in a religion when you know that it's true and that you will suffer in eternal hell for not practicing it. These people belong in a mental institute, not hell. People with a sound mind don't "choose" to believe or disbelieve. Even though I currently believe in Allah, I will admit that there's no concrete proof that I can present. Let's say the rapist/murderer/theif never got caught and was never punished in his life but he sincerely repented and died as a muslim so now he should be destined for eternal heaven. He also cannot confess his sins since that goes against exposing one's sins which is also haram. Does that seem fair to you? Would a peaceful believer be fine in being with heaven with someone who raped/murdered someone they loved? I definitely wouldn't be happy with that. While the peaceful nonbeliever monk who helps his community goes to eternal hell simply for nonbelieving which like I said sometimes you can't help yourself with. For the sinful believers: my parents told me that Allah will be the judge in the afterlife and take from them and give to the people they wronged, but eventually they will still be destined for eternal heaven. I think I misquoted the ayat so astaghfur allah and I apologize. I know you're just speculating so excuse me for picking your brains a little . Could you really say that they're the same people if that's the case? I'm gonna get very philosophical so bear with me lol. Seeing anyone being tortured, even the most evil people, is horrific to me. If I lose that aspect of my self, then could I really say that I'm the same person? In video game terms, it seems like we'd all be NPCs losing most of the things that make us who we are. Again, also back to previous point of being in heaven with someone who committed vile things against you or your loved ones. What if these people sincerely repented to allah and regretted their actions and died as true believers? I actually asked this question to my parents and they told me that Yazid was prevented from repenting because Allah distracted him with earthly pleasures. I don't think there's any proof for this claim they told me however haha but my thought after hearing that was "Isn't that going against free will if Allah does not want a specific group of people to not repent?" I'm not asking for answers btw. I think my response would be "Allah A'lam" (Allah knows best). These are mostly rhetorical questions and I don't know how to answer them myself. And I apologize if I don't post anymore after this since I'd like to move on from this point in my life and focus on the future rather than dwell on things I've been thinking about for the past 3 years.
  2. Wa Alaikum As Salam Thank you so much for your nice comment. My main goal of posting this was to write down my feelings since I can't really discuss this openly with my family and friends. It's like a type of catharsis. I wish the best for you as well.
  3. Hi, everyone. I hope everyone who reads this is doing well. This is mainly a venting post. I'm not seeking validation or anything like that. This topic might cause some discomfort in some and I would not want that. Please don't read further if this might effect you negatively. I posted recently about how I left islam and decided to come back. While I decided to come back to Islam, I'm afraid that I am not being sincere. I feel like I am returning because just because I am scared of punishment. I feel like I am not sincere enough to myself and to Allah. Is believing in a god because you fear his punishment really belief? I honestly do not have the answer to this question and it is making me uneasy. I was born in an arabian gulf country to the most wonderful parents I could ask for. They were both shia so they taught me the shia way of practicing Islam. They taught me the importance of praying and how to do it. They taught me the importance of fasting ramadan and they made sure I did it. I could go on and on, but the point I'm trying to make is that I was raised in a wonderful household that adhered to islamic practices. All was well until I encountered some personal issues during my teenage years. These issues have had an influence on my decisions but I don't think mentioning what exactly these issues is relevant to this story. Despite these issues, I still believed in Islam. Although, I think this was the start of me questioning things. I've read the Quran fully many times as my parents emphasized the importance of that. However, I would read it without paying much attention to what exactly is being witten. I decided I needed to give the Quran a more thorough reading instead of reading it for the sake of reading it. That's when I noticed some things that I found confusing. Why in some Ayats Allah is the most merciful but also in some Ayats he will give eternal punishment to nonbelievers? How can the most vile, sinful, disgusting humans escape eternal punishment just by believing in Islam? What about the peaceful monks that remain chaste and never commit any of the earthly sins described in Islam? I must be misunderstanding something. Would I really be sitting in heaven looking down on people in hell laughing at them and not giving them any pity? I knew that's not me. If I was in hell, would my parents look down at me from hell and laugh at me? I knew that's not them. I must have misunderstood something. Why does god punish people simply for being born into a nonmuslim family? It is extremely rare for people to die with a different religion than the one they were born into. Following this was a period of my life full of depression and and existential crisis. Slowly, I started to not care. I would still pray daily but instead of doing them ASAP, I would delay them. Following personal traumatic events I just stopped caring about religion. It was not a decision I made like "Ok I'm leaving Islam now" but it was a more gradual process and I can't really pinpoint when it specifically happened. I still believed in a god, but that's all I knew for sure. I still fasted during ramadan as I enjoyed the ramadan vibes with my family. This lasted for around 3 years until just recently I decided to partake in Muharram events in person (First time since covid) because my parents wanted me to and I knew it would make them happy. That's when I realized that I missed the sense of belonging to my community. I still respected Imam Hussain's sacrifice. This is what made me decide to look at Islam in a different light. So here I am now. There are still many aspects in Islam that I find confusing. I still plan on following the way orthodox twelver shias practice when it comes to the obligatory thing such as Hajj, daily prayers, and ramadan. However, I think if I adhere to the same way of thinking I grew up on I think I'll lose my faith again. I don't think anyone can be 100% certain that the religion they believe in is the one true religion. I've heard arguments from many "debaters" and it all amounts to blind faith and what you are comfortable with. The concept of "groupthink" comes to mind here. If I was born in a christian family, I'd probably be a christian. If I was born in a jewish family, I'd probably be Jewish right now. I don't see the problem in having blind faith. Isn't blind faith that can't be explained logically the highest level of faith?
  4. Thank you everyone and may allah guide us all. @Ashvazdanghe I don't find issue in making up my fasts and prayers. The issue I'm trying to find an answer for is "Kaffarah" for not fasting the last 3 ramadans. I follow Ayatollah sistani and I found this on his website (Ruling 1657, point 2): https://www.sistani.org/english/book/48/2268/ From my understanding, since I never had the intention to fast then Kaffarah does not apply to me. Am I understanding this correctly?
  5. Thank you everyone. Yes, indeed I cannot give up on the mercy of allah. Hopefully I can be on the side of Imam Mahdi in the end of days. With that being said, I am afraid I may go back to my past. I am fighting these doubtful thoughts almost every day. I want to completely get rid of them, but as much as I try I cannot seem to do it.
  6. As Salamu Alaikum I have fallen into the sin of disbelieving. I was born into a shia family and I left Islam (Astaghfur allah) for 3 years. I realized my errors and badly want to come back being a muslim and worship Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and be a follower of Ahlul Albayt (عليه السلام). I just am so lost regarding what to do. Will Allah even accept me? What about the ramadans and mandatory prayers I did not do during the period of my disbelief? Please if anyone can help me.
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