Zainabmuslimismat

@123xo thank you so much for that, i really really needed it! Especially the hug. I will follow whatever you said. Once again thank you so so much, it really made an impact, i feel so much better♡

Salam, Disclaimer:i may talk a bit abt suicidal thoughts Last time id have written abt hating myself and thankfully i have been trying my best to love and accept myself and i will say its alot better than before but yay ive a new prblm which is something ive been struggling with the last 2 years, depression. Ive tried many ways to get out of this excruciating condition but ive failed miserably and now im finally with all the courage left in me writing abt this. (This will be long) My depression which is not confirmed by any specialist becuz i still fear to death telling any adult abt it given the circumstances nor does anyone in my close relations is aware of what a mental illness is. See they only care abt a physical illness and will call u weak or mad if you told them. The symptoms which i have been denying over time got really worse which is then when i realized its not normal to feel this way. Just to give u an assurance i will list them: extremly low energy, emptiness, overeating, migranes, lost of intrest in things i loved, negative thoughts, feeling of what would happen if i jumped off that roof, nightmares, i get angry easily, frustration, forgetting things in milliseconds, feeling horrible, forcing myself to do any activity at all, isolation, being on my phone to escape reality, i either feel numb or burst out crying. To be honest i believe that there is a cause to every effect so i will also list the few things which i think are responsible ○ moving away from home alone and living with my extended family ○ experiencing so many toxic frndships ○ feeling the loss of connection with Allah and i think i am the reason for it since my iman wasnt strong enough to handle the hardships ○ living in a toxic environment where everyone is selfish, egoist and where there seems some sort of hierarchy for everything, for instance if ur fair ur treated much much better even by teachers, society here questions each and everything you do. ○ Extended family problems, living with them is torture, school is torture, i find no peace ○ insecurites and low confidence ○ trauma which i really want to explain: From a very young age i always thought i was unworthy of love, i felt that the only way ppl would love me would be that i actually do something for them and it was strange when i heard i shouldn't be thinking stuff like this. Even with family i constantly need assurance that they do love me and i dont directly ask for it (i mean its pretty cringe) but i would do things that they like which became a burden for me later in life. I would score good grades, be behaved, wouldnt speak much, always remained a good girl, (it only led to me loosing myself) if my parents told me not to do something i would immediately put it away. I thought that maybe once, just once would they acknowledge it and give me a warm hug for it and tell me good words abt myself so i wouldnt hate me, and they did but it never felt enough because on the other side they were also constantly making negative comments on me, breaking me internally, taking away the things i loved, it was horrible tho i still really love them and they too love me unconditionally but i think they do these things unintentionally as they are also human beings so they're not perfect and also cuz they grew up in a toxic household, its the way their parents treated them so they thought it wasnt wrong when they repeated the same things to their child. As a matter of fact the parent is the first image the baby sees and it always believes what the parent does becuz they think its right ○no physical activity: i have no motivation to get up. this was something that is very personal but i have exams cming up and i NEED to score in them. I am very desperate right nowT_T. Note: im 15 also i recieved such amazing replies last time so i hope this time will also help. I am never doing this again and please tell me how do we delete these posts or u just cant delete them? thank you

@AbdusSibtayn thank you for all of this, u dont know how much i appreciate it, i will surely try my best to follow all of what i said, i literally took a ss of this so i can read it anytime i feel down

Salam, Im a teenager and i want to clear my thoughts on self loathing. To be honest i have been doing this since my childhood, i dont remeber a single momment where i took a decision or act in a certain way because i felt it was right rather id see what others were doing and followed them since i felt they were always right. I suffer making friends so im quite lonely most of the time. The so called frnds that i did make made me feel gorrible about myself and i blindly took their criticism, it came that i also copied them whether its their clothes, words, actions etc and ever since i moved for studies, im missing my familly terribly, i dont know what to do and i hate this place alot, theres no deen, no frnds, just ppl gossiping about each other, i dont even feel like it Ramadan, to top it i have exams to T_T. Everyday i regret everything i did said or acted. I feel constantly insecure when im around others. Not to mention the negative talking thats been a habit for some time. I rlly ignored this but because of this i faced alot of problems in my social life. I dont trust myself and feel like im being looked down on. No1 really likes me and i feel that im just forcing them to stay to which i started people pleasing and the results were really bad i dont even want to remember it. People around me just frown and go away and the ppl i deeply care for just dont care except for my parents tho, but now theyre far away. Since the past year it increased even more, not a day passes by that i dont have all these thought running through my head. All of this is rlly effecting my studies and i cant bear the consequences, i have make my parents proud of me, i cant disappoint them. Sooo what do i do? Is it just part of life? I fear that if i do self love then that would develop ego. I feel stupid that i have Allah to pray to but still im struggling. I cant talk to my parents about this, theyll worry. Thank you May Allah guide me

Jazakallah everyone for ur answers! I will surely refer to the refrences

Salam, I wanted to address my doubts on some masaib which are very famous among us, if u could kindly answer my doubts 1. Was bibi Zainab ((عليه السلام)) in sham e ghariba bear headed? Why would allah put this situation to the lady who is known for her hijab? How is this true? If bibi sughra is a daleel then, then a point comes from what i heard that only the niqab/chader etc was taken and the maknah remained, how is this proved? 2. In a masaib it is said that during the fire in the khaimas (camps) bibi sakina went in search of her father imam hussain ((عليه السلام)) when she heard his voice she hugged her father, my doubt is that the body was already pamal by the horses, how did she hug her father? 3. It is said that when bibi sakina had fire on her clothes a man said that he wanted to help, bibi sakina refused as she is from the ahlulbait, she said if u want to help me, than tell me the way to najaf, at that time it wasnt discovered that imam ali ((عليه السلام)) is buried there how is this masaib true? 4. When the lion haris was revolving imam hussain that no enemy would attack him, when he felt that no one attacked he went back to the jungle, how is this possible becuz afterwards imam hussain (عليه السلام) was attacked only, its so obvious that this would happen, how did harris just leave? 5. Is taboot, zanzeer zani allowed? There is no narrations of this 6. Plz give refrences of true masaibs of imam hussain (عليه السلام) Plz answer these questions May allah guide all of us Jazakallah