Sister Sakina

Alhamdilah! All the best insh'Allah So long as you trying to seek hidaya and the noor of guidance, then Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) wouldn't delay the process. As i mentioned, the issue is with this time/zaman. I'm sure if you wanted to marry just anyone you could very easily. But you deserve better and a person just as good as you! Have sabr and insh'Allah Allah will ease it for you.

Assalamu alaykoum brother, My take on this, is that during the time of Ghayba (absence of our Imam), our community will generally be very corrupt. There will be only a handful of genuine and clean servants of Allah and Ahlulbayt. And this makes marriage very hard for those who adhere to halal and stay away from haram. And even harder for those who are very special servants and work hard on perfecting their deen. It will be very very very hard, but don't give up! There are many good females out there and I'm sure if your mother looks out in mosque/Hussainya she can find one. I believe in a3mal and there are many many for marriage, but I truly believe changing yourself and bettering yourself is much more important. Why do I say this? Because insh'Allah if you meet an amazing and religious girl, you should actually deserve her and she should deserve you too. Your preparations are all good, but all for the Dunya and Allah can change all that. But your imaan and aqaeda and Islamic knowledge is much more important, as our ahadith reiterate time and time again. I advise you to take an internal kheera/istakara and ask Allah for guidance. Insh'Allah He will give you comfort if the girl is good and if not, you'll get a bad feeling. I have done this and every time I was right. The best way to stay patient is to busy yourself with valuable things, and to fast! And yes soul mates do exist! But sadly some of us marry the wrong people or mess up our relationships with our soul mates! In the end, Allah made us free through free will. Lastly, your standards are not high. You deserve a wife who is just as good as you and just as pure. So don't ever accept someone who did zina!! However, there are many women who went through bad experiences in perfectly halal situations and it would be unjust to not consider them too. Remember the great Lady, Sayeda Asma who was married 3 times and was one of the greatest women in Islamic history. In fact, there are narrations which advise and recommend marrying a non-virgin. I hope i answered all your questions and I apologise if they aren't in the correct order

Wa alaykoum al salam, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has given us complete free will, however, He often guides us through His will towards one thing. For example, if Allah wants to protect one of His servants from getting a job that will be bad for him, Allah may prevent this servant from reaching the job interview through a car accident or being late or a sickness. However, this servant can choose to overpass these obstacles and keep trying for this job. For things that happen beyond us, are all works of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). This idea is the same with naseeb. Yes it is true that there is one man that is perfect for a woman, but either man/woman or even family can make the naseeb go through their actions. In the end, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knows what state we will die, and how we will live our lives because He has this divine wisdom. But He also gives His servants complete freedom and free will. And to add, we can speed up, or slow down a particular event from happening in our lives through our choices. And this can be seen in many narrations and stories of the Prophets. For example, a person who does a good deed can have a lengthened life, or a person who treats his parents well. I hope that makes sense and answers your question

If you mean western literature, then Woolf's Mrs Dalloway and Joyce's Ulysses

Just in case I confused anyone, i wanted to explain again what I said. Khadijah married the Prophet SAW when she was 25 or 28 and she was a virgin (unmarried before). The latter I only mentioned because it was brought up. Khadijah is an argument that is often brought up when people discuss marriage when they say 'it's okay to marry a woman much older look the Prophet married Khadijah when she was 40'. Yes it is not wrong to marry a woman much older, and i will never say that, but it is uncommon. And also a ccording to Shia and even many Sunni scholars, we dont believe that khadijah was 40 when she got married. Though this is a slightly different argument, i will mention it because often it is brought up too... Aisha did not marry the Prophet when she was 9, at least this is not what Shia scholars believe. So if all of the above is true, then it would have been very abnormal and uncommon that lady nargis was 14 years older than imam al-askari. because what other example do we have of this? and are there any narrations that discuss this? i hope that helps NOTE: i only brought up khadijah because it was brought up by others

Normal according to who? And which evidence exactly? I haven't seen any proper evidence of Ahlulbayt marrying women much older them. And Allah knows best!

no-one is tip toeing around religion. But there are ways to speak when someone is asking for help. Could you please be a little more supportive because your words aren't benefitting the sister/brother? They want support and understanding. Later, when they receive the help they need, you can advise them in a way that is fitting to the sunnah of ahlulbayt peace be upon them. Our deen is our aklaaq, and being blunt and harsh doesn't always help wal salam

Ahlulbayt peace be upon them have taught us to speak to different people in different ways. Just because what you said is truthful, doesn't mean it is right. The brother/sister wants support and help, so it is important to be kinder and less blunt May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guide us all

Assalamu alaykoum I am grateful to Allah that you are feeling slightly better! I think it's important to think about why you feel this way. Is it because of something that happened in your life? Like a failed relationship? Or issues at work? Or problems with family? You don't have to answer, but maybe it's something to reflect on. You were created by Allah for a purpose and you have meaning and importance (irregardless of whether you can see this or not). Try to think about what you have achieved and what you plan on achieving. Don't forget evrry human has highs and lows. Not every day is easy but you can do it and you have the strength to be someone incredible. You're in my duas! Wal Salam

I'm very sorry for the late reply! But it's very important what everyone has raised a) about the age of Lady Khadijah when she married the Holy Prophet and b) whether she was a virgin/unmarried before that. Below I will share Shia references for what I said earlier. a) Among the Shia scholars, it is actually commonly believed that Lady Khadijah married at the age of 25 or 28. Even many Sunni historians like ibn Katheer have this belief. From a longer narration... Ibrahim ibn Ya'qub told us on the authority of Hajjaj ibn al-Minhal on the authority of Hamaad ibn Salamah from Ammar ibn Abi Ammar from Ibn Abbas as Hammad said: 'The messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny) married Khadija with 12 wakiyah (a measurement common at the time) of gold and she was at that time 28 years old.' REFERENCE: Mohammad ibn Ahmad al-Dalabi - The Pure Offspring of the Prophet p. 52. This man was a historian and had good knowledge of genealogy. حدثنا إبراهيم بن يعقوب ثنا حجاج بن المنهال ثنا حماد بن سلمة عن عمار بن أبي عمار عن ابن عباس - فيما يحسب حماد -. أن رسول الله صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم تزوج خديجة على اثنتي عشرة أوقية ذهبا وهي يومئذ ابنة ثمان وعشرين سنة الذرية الطاهرة النبوية - محمد بن أحمد الدولابي - الصفحة ٥٢ 'Ibn Abbas narrated that when Khadijah married the [Prophet] she was 28 years old.' REFERENCE: Allamah al-Majlisi - Bihar al-Anwar vol. 16, p. 12. وعن ابن عباس أنه تزوجها صلى الله عليه وآله وهي ابنة ثماني وعشرين سنة بحار الأنوار - العلامة المجلسي - ج ١٦ - الصفحة ١٢ Khaijdah was 50 when she died and it would have been impossible that she married at 40 years old because Shia and Sunni have agreed she was married to the Prophet for 25 years. And it is also known that the Prophet began his Prophethood at 40. Here are what some Shia scholars say about this. 'I say that al-Masoodi mentioned that Khadijah died when she was 50 years old.' REFERENCE: al-Shaykh Ghalib al-Seelawi - al-Anwar al-Sadee'a p. 385. 'Khadija died when she was 50 years old, and she was with the messenger Allah (peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny) for 25 years. 5 of which were before the Prophethood and 10 years after that'. REFERENCE: al-Shaykh Najah al-Taei - The wives of the Prophet and his daughters p. 31. أقول: ذكر المسعودي بعده إن في سنة خمسين توفيت خديجة الأنوار الساطعة - الشيخ غالب السيلاوي - الصفحة ٣٨٥ أي أن خديجة ماتت وعمرها خمسون سنة، قضت منه خمسا وعشرين سنة مع رسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)، خمس عشرة سنة قبل البعثة وعشر سنوات بعد البعثة أزواج النبي وبناته - الشيخ نجاح الطائي - الصفحة ٣١ 'She died in Mecca before the Hijrah by 3 years and 10 years after the Prophethood.' REFERENCE: al-Haj Husayn al-Shakari - The Mother of Believers - The Pure Khadijah (peace be upon her) p. 81. For all the Arabic readers, this is a great book about the life of Lady Khadijah وقد توفيت في مكة قبل الهجرة بثلاث سنين - في السنة العاشرة من البعثة أم المؤمنين خديجة الطاهرة (ع) - الحاج حسين الشاكري - الصفحة ٨١ b) Proof that Khadijah was a virgin when she married the Holy Prophet It was narrated by Ahmad al-Balarathie and Abu al-Qasim al-Kufi in their books and al-Murtatha in al-Shafi and Abu Ja'far in al-Taqlees that the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him and his progeny): 'Married [Khadijah] when she was a virgin.' REFERENCE: al-Allamah al-Majlisi - Bihar al-Anwar vol. 22, p. 191 and ibn Shahr A'shoob - Manqib Ale Abi Talib vol. 1, p. 138. وروى أحمد البلاذري وأبو القاسم الكوفي في كتابيهما والمرتضى في الشافي وأبو جعفر في التخليص أن النبي (صلى الله عليه وآله): تزوج بها وكانت عذراء بحار الأنوار - العلامة المجلسي - ج ٢٢ - الصفحة ١٩١ وروى أحمد البلاذري، وأبو القاسم الكوفي في كتابيهما، والمرتضى في الشافي، وأبو جعفر في التلخيص: ان النبي صلى الله عليه وآله تزوج بها وكانت عذراء مناقب آل أبي طالب - ابن شهر آشوب - ج ١ - الصفحة ١٣٨ There is also no proof in our books that Khadijah gave birth to her children at an old age. There are also many logical arguments in support of the above. We can take this to show that it was uncommon that a man would marry a woman much older than himself and that if it did occur, there surely would have been narrations that discussed this. Th issue is, we have a lot taqseer regarding our Lady Nargis so I hoped to begin a discussion about this

I agree. But there isn't a case of this (at least as far as I know). I wanted to research this further that's all

Of course I agree, but it comes down to questioning whether Nargis was actually that much older? Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) knows best of course. I just wanted to look into it

I also agree with you, but my confusion stems with lady nargis being much older (if it was the other way round it would be different)..

I agree but again there different narrations regarding the birth of lady fatimah. My issue is with the large age gap because Nargis is supposedly older

I was saying that's the Sunni narrative and not the Shia one. We believe that Lady Khadijah was 25 or slightly older (a few years).