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In the Name of God بسم الله

Ihaveforgotten

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  1. I have completely forgotten about God. I've been in so deep with sins... every time I try to come back to the straight path, it feels nearly impossible and utterly hopeless. I have forgotten so much, and I need to somehow relearn it all, but I'm also busy with finals (especially since I have been seriously procrastinating) It all just feels like such a monumental ask. I am overwhelmed and stressed, so I just keep sinning to heal the pain [I don't even understand what spirituality is anymore (I just can't grasp it), so I do not have this beneficial coping strategy at my disposal], instead of being productive, but it obviously just makes things worse... and I don't feel like I can stop this brutal cycle. How do I know God again? How do I regain the will to do good and to practice my Deen? Any tips on how to maintain & strengthen my belief in tawhid? It is disappearing at an alarming rate... simply through negligence of worship. What's worse is that I don't even know how I got on this path... I can't remember, but I know it's been a long time coming. I kept sinning and repenting, but my repentance became increasingly less sincere, out of delusion -- knowing that I'm doing bad things, but not grasping the weight/consequence. Any tips on how to maintain my beliefs and practices for future reference (so I don't keep falling onto this bad path)? I am bewildered. I go throughout my days without thinking about God. It's insanity. I always think that I might be able to start the next day fresh, but I can never even muster up the courage to think about God or stand in Salah (the former is mostly due to difficulty and indifference, and the latter is mostly due to embarrassment and hopelessness). I have occasionally tried watching sermons (on arrogance, for example) but it hasn't worked. JazakAllah + Wasalam
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