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In the Name of God بسم الله

Sister79

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  1. Thank you so much, I really appreciate it.
  2. I have to say the there is lots of truth in what you wrote, and it is nice actually to hear it from the man side. Firstly the loss of money highly impacted him, it has almost left us bankrupt, and I had to return to live with my family for 1,5 years with 2kids at that time we had only 2 children, in order to save money on running a home. Most of his so called friends cut him off because he was no longer in the same financial condition as them. The other thing about me, as a woman I have needs, I work very hard for our family, and I have to say for his family as well, for years I was the one who held his family together, his siblings like to fight with each other and I took the role of being the peacekeeper, so I always gathered them in my house cooked lunch, etc, anytime I was there when somone was sick, or needed help with kids. I was happy doing this. But because of his previous money troubles he got very unhappy about spending money, and our greatest enemy, our eyes are started working. My eyes started to notice, what my sister in laws got, new clothes new gold new house etc. Although I have never spoke about it inside me I was screaming, please reward me, with anything, with a box of chocolate, a flower, anything, but nothing came. I think that is the point I felt that he does not care about me. About the kids, you are spot on as well, we have 3 girls and 1 boy, so as our relation started to fall apart I looked at my girls and I made a mission of mine to educate them to the highest level, in my mind I said I will let them to have a a great degree a great job to be independent, so if they are married and their husband is not good, they have a choice to walk away. I have achieved, but it's mean that basically I am sitting and teaching them for hours. My first child is on a national register for being highly gifted and talented, but the same time, she is child with behaviour problems. So yes basically there is truth in what you wrote except, I never ever involved my family, they have no clue whatsoever, my father wasn't blessed with a son, and he loves my husband as his own, he calls him my son, I have never had the heart to tell him that actually he might not be as great as he thinks,so that part is not involved in this matter. Right know as I am looking back, I do not know how to feel anymore, very very confused.
  3. I have to say I agree with what you say, but I know that mediation will never happen between us, on my side I am happy to acknowledge my mistakes, but he would never admit his, he has done things in the past towards me, I know he would never ever would disclose that. Doing something wrong is a circle, he does something that hurt me, then I act back and it carries on, like there is a wall between us, and neither of us can break the circle. To be honest I reached a bottom low, where I even stopped to try. Everything I say or do or think is wrong in his eyes. I know we reached the end, I think we both know, I am really very sad for him, because despite of all I know he is good man who who got really lost, and while I am happy to face or pay for my mistakes, at this moment I am broken by him, while he remains strong, but I know one day he will awake and remember all the things he has done and that day he will be really broken and ashamed. Please do not get me wrong, I really do not wish for him that, every time I pray, I ask Allah to forgive him, if there are things he has done wrong, I ask Allah to guide him, that is the only thing I can do right now. May Allah guide us all on the right path.
  4. Thank you for the replies, the sad truth is that I know I am not alone in a situation like this, I know many woman who are in the same shoes unfortunately, his family knows what he is doing and told him many times that it is wrong, but he just silence them by giving them money. He will not change, and he will not discuss, I tried that, but he got so angry, so I just stopped.
  5. As Salam Aleykom, I would like to ask for advice. It is very hard for me since I have never done this before but I feel that I am no longer able to carry on. I have been married for 13 years and have 4 beautiful children, Alhamdurilla. Our family is the perfect family to the outsiders, my husband is in a highflyer job earning huge amount of money, our children are good kids, but as I said it is only from the outside. During our marriage my husband, from his own fault have lost his entire money few times due to bad business deals, and we had to start everything from zero, I have never complained and never made him feel bad about it, I stood by him, I have never married him for his money or his good looks, I have always been there thick or thin. He was someone I looked up to I thought he will guide our family the right way, but unfortunately it is not the case. He very much changed during the years, family does not interest him other than paying the school fees and buying food. He is always angry at home, verbally and physically abusive, he controls everything by money, for us he is not happy to provide, but for his siblings the funds are unlimited. But this is something you could live with if there was love or care, or even respect, but there is none, we and especially myself I am dying for my husband`s effection, But there is none, I get only the degrading words, that I am useless and worthless, slowly he reduced my confidence to nothing. He has friends whom are neither married or have been divorced, they go on boys holiday and engage in mutah with prostitutes, my husband since we are married has done this at many times as I came to know just recently, that includes the times when we were newlyweds and when I was pregnant, even during Muharram, it is absolutely heartbreaking, he justifies his actions making up stories about me to his friends, as I came to know, he portrays me as a horrible dirty person. I would have loved to feel loved by my husband I do not know how it feels like when your husband take you out for dinner, or speak to you with effection, how sad is that. From his wife he denies this but for the prostitutes he gives it freely. I have no respect left for him at all and I do not see it in me to stay, I hoped and prayed that he might change, I stayed to let my kids grow up in a family, but now I do not see any other way , other than leave with the children. But I am sad for them, they deserved better than this. May Allah give me guidance.
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