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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by SyedaNaqvi1

  1. Assalam O Alaikum, anyone with successful marriage reconciliation story after separation ?? Was there any time when you felt that things will never be the same and were completely hopeless ?? Just looking to hear some stories .
  2. Even if it was for the sake of residency, I do know many of his relatives who are in Canada already and not only Canada but US and some other countries too . And they all came on their own without the support of any one else. If that is the case then obviously I will try my best to kick him out and defame him so that he never does this to any one. But I will stay positive for now since I don’t want to rush into anything. I have got 2 years to do it . Obviously I will not let him stay that long but for now I will just wait and pray that he realizes what he has done and fears Allah and the day of judgement. May be he needed some time and space . I want things to get better . Let’s hope for the best
  3. We are still going to reach out to his mother . If I did not have a kid involved , I would have done it long ago. Divorce is the last option even though I feel like doing it after all that has happened and I've been put through I still don't feel like rushing through it. I still want to give it a try. Obviously without him humiliating any of us anymore especially myself. Won't be compromising on my dignity and honour anymore . But these families need to talk first and then come to a final decision. Nikkah has always been the first thing anyone would think of. My family was never into the idea of engagement , it may sound backward, but that is how it is. I won't say it was wrong since we did our research before saying okay. I mean he is educated and had a good job . Well mannered and was never into a bad company/habits. Never knew the families wouldn't be able to understand each other and that would affect us. Nobody wanted it that way. Atleast I can say that for myself and my family. My parents did not demand for anything at the time of wedding when it came to mehr/gifts/gold/cothing etc. I was quiet in the beginning when my MIL used to abuse my family . I was quiet because I was expecting my husband to realize that I am not liking any of this behavior and to make his mother understand that this can lead to something that we don't want ourselves to get into. I started speaking for myself after some time when she would accuse me for everything like pumping her son to misbehave with her or be rude to his siblings. I wanted to take him away. I never did any of that and my husband knew this already. I did not even ask him how he was supporting his family financially or whatsoever thinking it was not my business and it is his responsibilty to support his family no matter what. I never asked him to move to a different place even though I was not able to live in that environment. I LITERALLY ASKED FOR NOTHING BUT RESPECT. I don't know what went wrong and where .
  4. I am trying my best to focus on my career and my daughter who is my first priority now. I also want him to come back but only if he is ready to be respectful, understanding and caring towards us. I am not asking for much that I know for sure. This is certainly a test from Allah and hopefully my daughter and I will get through this just fine Insha-Allah. Remember me and my daughter in your prayers that is what we need the most.
  5. We've had weddings in our family before , there were times when we didn't like the clothes that were given to us by the brides' families but never had those sent back or insulted the bride's family. Instead kept them as a gift. And the boys who have dominating mothers and are too weak to even support their wives when needed , why do they get married in the first place. Marriage is all about compromises, sacrifices and to stand for one another when required to do so and that is a two way thing. Why do these men don't realize that it is their responsibility to have their families respect their spouses equally . Why can't they be fair and just. And then again if they are not capable of doing that why do ruin someone's life.
  6. We had our nikkah first and all of this was within a week after meeting through a common friend who knew both the families for years .I got my PR when I was residing in Pakistan and my husband's family was informed about it before nikkah took place and my husband was already applying to come to Canada as a student . We started talking right after nikkah . The main reasons behind the tension that was buliding up were his mother not being able to digest anything said or done by family members even if it was meant to be a joke. And by saying I mean A JOKE . She would always complain saying things like I didn't like one of your relative saying this to me, I did not like the father saying this to me and bla bla. And my family would get frustrated listening to her bcoz she did not have anything good to say. Then my family started responding to her in the same manner and became less tolerating. My relation with my father was just as normal as it could be. I wasn't craving for anything. Or was not desperate to get married. I had to educate my family when they were wrong and the same was expected from my husband too. It was his responsibility too. . My MIL's relation to her in laws and her sisters and their families was just ok. They would definitely meet, visit one another in every two or three weeks. But I have them hiding things from one another. She never brought any of her relatives or friends when she came to our house for the first time. She never asked for their opinions or anything. This was completely the opposite of what I had seen in my family. My mother's side of the family is too close to one another, share everything no secrets kept. My Father in law passed away when he was young so he was never in the picture.
  7. I have tried everything that I could. But making someone realize is not an easy thing. Especially convincing somebody who is already under the impression that whatever he is doing right and could never go wrong. He changed completely and he justifies this by saying that I was not very good with him and his family. He does not realize that I was supposed to be equally respected by him and his family and that lack of respect did not let me love his family. Like I said in the beginning, I belong to a very good well-off family and my husband just had a normal job and not even a house of their own. But I did manage to live with him and never made him realize how I was at my father’s place. Never asked for anything. No gifts or anything . Never interfered how he was helping his family financially and did not want to know either as it was not my business and I had no problem with it.
  8. He is my husband. Allah had sent him to me . He is a father of my daughter. Why wouldn’t I like him. I am in love with him and will always be . I don’t want anyone I cannot even think of anyone other than him. He loves me too . But to him his mother/ego/anger is of more importance. And these things hold a great value in his life that he was okay walking out on his wife and daughter.
  9. I have asked him multiple times if we could see a marriage counsellor. But he refuses saying he doesn't need any counselling. He always has the guts to say I was not good enough for him and his family. I am sure he must be having his side of the story too which I understand but I expect the same from him which is to understand me his wife. I want to be respected the way he and his family demands. Whatever feelings our families for each other this shouldn't have affected us but it did. I have been going to psychologists to prevent myself from going nuts just for the sake of my daughter who needs me more than anyone in this world.
  10. I am doing everything that I could when it comes to dua/nawafil/hajat/ziyarat/surah everything. I tried contacting him but he is such a coward to even respond. He won't answer my calls or even read my messages. He has done this before as well. He wouldn't talk to me for months and don't even realize he has a daughter. Can a man be that cruel and heardhearted towards his wife and a daughter? and what about his mother ? Why did she not tell to go back to the wife and daughter since we are a family and just for the sake of ego he is willing to leave us . He may move on with life as everyone does nobody dies but still is he ever going to realize what he has done to us . I think I am going mad . There are days when I find myself strong and confident and ready to accept that is how it is going to be and to move on. And then there are times when I just feel that its over . How am I going to deal with my daughter who is going to be without a father ??
  11. Assalam o alaikum, Sorry for the long post . I am from Pakistan ,27 yrs old and have a daughter who just turned two. I got married to a guy in 2016 . It was an arranged marriage and our families met through a common friend. I was a permanent resident in Canada and was supposed to move to Canada the same year. we had our nikkah first in august 2015 and then the rukhsati took place in may 2016. After nikkah, there was some tension built up between both the families as my husband's mother is not very good at tolerating things done/said and so are people at my end. So basically, two egoistic families started to have problems. I somehow convinced my family that rukhsati should take place before things become even more worse and had the courage to tell them about the things they were wrong at. Anyways, after rukhsati my mother in law right on the second day after the wedding said I wanted my son to divorce you but just because I have a daughter too I did not want to get into that. I started to panic and I was never afraid of anyone but this lady who was now my MIL. she started to say abusive words to my family/parents and everyone she knew in my family. She had returned the clothes that my family had given to my husband's family and relatives saying they were outdated. Nobody from my family came to fight or argue with her or anyonee My family stopped talking to my husbands family as my MIL would always use foul language and my family never had to deal with such words/language/ attitude with anyone before. Anyways, my husband would always keep quiet and would never care if I was hurt or not. I was never approached by my husband saying things to me that would make me feel that someone at his place atleast cares for me. All he said to me was that he doesn't need words to express anything since our relation is more of an intimate and this should be more than enough for me to understand/realize that he is there for me. He never respected my family and was not on talking terms with any one of them. I never said anything to him about this and never made this an issue even though it would hurt me seeing him behave that way but I still never brought this topic up. I was never of a type to demand anything. I have never asked my husband for anything in this 3 years of marriage. Not even for our daughter. whenever we would have quarrels at home, my Sister in law and mother in law would side each other and I had to deal with both of them. this had been going on for 4 months and then in october 2016 I moved to Canada. I was not on talking terms with his family . We applied for his sponsorship which all got approved in may 2018 and he came to Canada in sep 2018.I was working all this time to support myself financially even though my father would do it for me and my daughter but I did not like asking him for money.Ever since the application was approved, he was a completely different man. He wouldn't show love that he used to show or say/do things that he would . It became even more worse after coming to Canada. We would have arguments he would go days without talking to me or even look at me. I would always ask him to forget about it and move on as we had a daughter who would notice all these things and this was certainly not a good thing for us as a family. He would not meet my parents and I also started working since I did not want to do two jobs to keep up with the expenses and even if he had to support his family it will be easier for us. I was never the one to have any issues with husband if he wanted to support his family in any way . Still he would not appreciate and would hide things and do things behind me. Whenever we used to go out, he would be on call with his mother back home. and I would be alone whether it was for grocery or shopping or whatsoever. I have felt myself alone even when he was there with me all this time. And finally on eid , we got into a huge fight and he just left home . He went to stay with his brother in a different province without realizing how my daughter and I would live and how am I going to manage all the expenses. As I was the one paying for grocery, car insurance and other bills as well . He was just paying the rent. I don't want any financial support from him and never wanted as you have read in my post. All I wanted was the emotional attachment, understanding and care from him. I want to be with him but at the same time I don't want to spend my life making or begging a man to care or show some respect and love towards his wife. I need some help please. I need to know what should I do.
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