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In the Name of God بسم الله

Guest101

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  1. In my case he must've learned about it in sex education at school and I was just his test monkey. He did reach puberty by 13 because he was well developed and it's very luck I didn't get pregnant from him because I had my first periods around the same time. Because he definitely did ejaculate.... it while inside. That was the most disgusting part looking back on it. (I've mentioned this all in previous responses)
  2. But I'm only 17 and I'm not allowed out of the house on my own.
  3. Can anyone advise on how to see a therapist/go to counselling without anyone finding out?
  4. @Diaz As for what my brother thinks, I don't know...
  5. I can't talk to a counsellor as I'm still under the guardianship of my parents who have no idea about the whole thing...
  6. I know, I did something really bad and disgusting and I'll never forgive myself for letting him do it to me, I just hope that my punishment is bearable. Yes, at the age of 13 he was fully.... grown and.... developed..... I had my first period at about 9 and as I said before he did finish... So who knows what could've happened.... I couldn't stop him, I was in too much pain and he was way more powerful than me, like I said he had already reached puberty by then.... Probably something genetic with my family.
  7. I actually had my first period at 9 but I don't remember if it was after or before he did it. And after the incident I was bleeding from both entrances, but he said that it was fake blood and part of the game. My Mom never saw it because he made me clean myself after.
  8. I'm about 17 now, I don't think I'll be getting married even if I will be I'm scared as I don't know if I'm a virgin or not, because then the rumours would start about me being promiscuous and no one would believe me. But like I said I just don't know about my virginity. My parents are both alive, healthy and working alhamdulillah.
  9. It's just that no one would even imagine he would do such a thing but if I told my parents I'm sure they would believe me...
  10. Yes, I don't think I'll be getting married...
  11. Salaam, I've just created this new account for identity purposes. If the mods think this is too inappropriate then I guess it will be removed... This is the first time I've ever told anyone about this. Straight into it. When I was about 9 years old, my brother was about 13. One day he called me into my parents bedroom and he locked the door. He told my Mum that we would be playing a game. But no. He lied down on the bed and removed his clothes and told me to take mine off. He was my older brother and at the time I didn't see anything wrong with it, so I did. He then told me to start touching his pe*is and basically give him oral sex. I didn't want to but I just thought it was a game. Then after sometime he made me lie down and said he was going to lick me as well. But when he did, I started laughing and told him that it was tickling me, he stopped obviously so no one heard me. Then the worst happened. He told me to go on all fours, then he penetrated me. It hurt so bad, I said that I wanted to go downstairs but he said that he would give me sweets if I stayed, so I did again I just thought it was a game. He started again and it hurt me but I didn't say anything. Soon he asked "Can you feel anything wriggling". Remembering this now is so disgusting. I said no. But eventually he finished. After he said not to tell anyone because it was "our secret little game". But he never did it again. So for a few years I didn't tell anyone anyway. But somewhere along the line I learned what he was actually doing to me. So the reason for not telling anyone changed. I felt embarrassed, ashamed and dirty. I was scared that I would be punished for not telling anyone before. Ever since I learned that it wasn't a game we played I've felt uncomfortable and really impure, anxious and sick around him. There wasn't really enough space growing up and me and him shared a room, God forbid he ever did anything to me while I was asleep. Fast forward today and I still haven't told anyone. Now I know if I told someone then he would basically get disowned. But I haven't been able to bring myself to do that. It would destroy everything my parents have worked for and that would be selfish. My parents would be mentally destroyed. So I'll just keep this with me for the rest of my life. My question is, has anyone been through or known anyone who has been through something like this? I've been finding it really hard to cope recently, I just feel so ashamed around him now. He must know that I still remember but I don't know if he even remembers still... What should I do?! PS: Mods I understand if this does not get approved but if there is a way with censorship then please censor away...
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