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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. I have been tolerating and ignoring it for months now. He keeps saying he’ll change and that I should help him and support him and I’ve been doing that but I’m so tired now. It’s just making me more and more unhappy. It’s like I’m only there to cater to his needs and his growth at the expense of my happiness and self respect. It will result in a broken engagement if this relationship is toxic. I’m just afraid that it’s making me toxic as well because now I’m scared of communicating as my feelings are tossed aside. We’ve been together for around 6 months now, once we got engaged, after a few weeks this behaviour of shouting, being verbally abusive and his outbursts began. There were no signs before.
  2. Thank you! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can understand how sad and painful that must have been. May Allah bless you with a better partner. He’s showing pretty much the same signs. I’ve forgiven many times and forgotten but it just gets harder and harder to forgive. He keeps making bigger and bigger promises to change every time and I just don’t think I can trust him anymore. I’ve kinda lost all respect for him and I don’t think love lasts long when there’s no respect. He keeps trivialising my feelings when I tell him his actions hurt me and accuses me of not moving on and forgetting about it.
  3. Thank you! I’ve read that a few times as well. If I’m questioning the relationship then it’s probably not great in the first place.
  4. Thank you! Everytime I picture my life with him I just visualise arguments and difficult times because that’s all that’s happening right now. That’s a big enough red flag, I know. I’m just afraid of leaving.
  5. Thank you, Ruqaya! For your help here and in our PMs. It’s so much easier said than done, you’re right. It’s a difficult step but I know I have to take it to preserve my sanity because quite frankly I feel like I’m losing my mind now.
  6. Thank you! I just looked up gaslighting and it’s definitely happening to me. If he hurts me then I’m told I’m overreacting or I’m not forgetting about it fast enough and that he doesn’t want to speak about it anymore.
  7. Thank you! I’m generally not an angry person at all and even if I do get angry I don’t let it out but he brings out this horrible side of me where I get so angry that I start speaking rudely or in a loud tone and then I feel so incredibly guilty. I’m not trying to blame him for this because my reaction is my responsibility but I was never like this before and this change in me is making me feel horrible.
  8. Thank you! I am reading up about it and believe me I’ve combed through tens of articles and discussion threads, I guess I’m just scared of leaving and cutting him off.
  9. Assalamalykum, I wanted to know from you all what you think are the signs you’re in a toxic relationship. I’m starting to think I’m in one but sometimes I tell myself I’m just overthinking. I’ve tried contacting scholars to know if such behaviour is normal but unfortunately they take too long to respond and all they focus on is “is he/she religious?” “Do they pray 5 times a day?” And frankly sometimes that’s just not enough. JazakAllah
  10. Kinda in a similar situation. Is it okay if I can send you a private message about this?
  11. Assalamalykum, So I find myself in a very difficult situation and I feel like I know what I have to do but a few months back an istekhara was taken out, not by me but my someone else who is also tied to this decision and the istekhara was good. Bear in my mind that I had not taken out this istekhara and I did not even know that this person was taking out an istekhara, this person did not consult me but just went ahead and got the istekhara done and then told me about the results. I know what decision I want to make but this istekhara is just making me hesitant. Is it okay to go against it? JazakAllah
  12. I’m in the same situation. I can’t seem to find anyone who’d have a meaningful conversation or actually discuss ideas, current events, religion, books, conspiracies, or other intriguing concepts. Unfortunately, almost every girl I meet wants to talk about what other people are up to and about make up and clothes. It’s so frustrating because I’m really not into those things so I usually have very little to contribute. This makes me a very boring person to them and so I don’t usually get invited to hang out much and neither do I wish to hang out with them much as I feel incredibly bored when I’m with them. I guess you just have to learn how to enjoy your own company. You can always send me a message if you’d like though
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