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In the Name of God بسم الله

smiiley001

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  1. I continued masterbation after marriage because it was an addiction. It's not that he didn't satisfy me but after some time, masturbation is no longer about the sexual desire, it just becomes a habit almost. You always hate urself after it.
  2. Thank you all for the responses. I just wanted to clarify that he says it's not so much I wasn't a virgin, it was the deceit that he couldn't stand. He says even before we married, had I eventually told him the truth before the wedding, he probably would have continued with marriage because everything else was fine between us aside from that. he claims it's the deceit that he couldn't stand and that I continued with the deceit when I wouldn't tell him about the masturbation, which I can understand, and that's the only thing that makes me feel like maybe this is Allah's punishment for my actions, and I'd rather face it here than in the hereafter. I've prayed, begged, cried for forgiveness for all my actions, and although I love my husband, I also realize sometimes you just have to learn to let go. I also want to add that I told him about my past in 2014. At the time I begged him for forgiveness, and initially he said he wanted a divorce, but he didn't go through with it bcoz he said, he couldn't fault me in any other aspect during our entire time together. So we continued our marriage, and to be honest it was as if nothing had gone wrong between us. Then a year later he reconnected with an ex-gf of his, and all of a sudden he changed towards me and started to bring up the past, but I just ignored him. They communicated for a few months and then it stopped and then he was back to normal with me. Then he met a second girl, and again the attitude change and complaining about the past. Eventually that also didn't work and we were back to normal again. So for 2 years things were good between us, in fact 2 weeks b4 he met this third lady, he told me that I was the best thing that happened to him and that things were really good between us, better than ever before. Then the week he met this lady he's doing mut'a with, his attitude completely changed and I knew it was only bcoz he met some woman. Lo and behold, a day after she agreed to do mut'a with him, he told me he wanted some space from me. So u see its been 5 years since I've told him the truth, and the only times we have had issues/arguments or him bringing up my past r when he starts to communicate with other women, then he starts to resent me, but otherwise if and when u see us, ud swear we r the happiest couple.
  3. Salam Everyone, I will try and keep this as short as possible. I have been married 8years now to a person I deeply love. But, by the time I met him, I had been sexually active (not mut'a). We met, and we both felt our personalities were perfect for eachother. He told me about his sexual past, which he had, but I lied to him about mine and told him I was a virgin, I did this because he insisted that he only wanted to marry a virgin. To this day I regret that, because I now realize how so much hurt could have been avoided. Anyway half way into the marriage, I confessed everything, he was of course devastated. In addition, throughout the marriage, he found out on his own that I masturbated, even during times when he was home. It was an addiction I developed even before we got married. Note that all this happened within the same period. He was very broken, because he really felt he was in a marriage filled with trust and so much positivity. after finding out about everything, he told me he needed me to be very open and honest moving forward especially with regards to the masturbation and he wanted to know everything about my past. I tried to tell him in the beginning but at times he would get really angry and say some hurtful things to me, so I just stopped. with regards to the masturbation, it has always been my goal to just stop it completely because I know its against the deen. so I worked on myself and over the past two years, ive done it maybe 5 times, unlike before. so far this year, I havent done it at all, and I pray to Allah that I continue this way. so when I saw that I had reduced the times I would masturbate, I stopped telling him, but he figured that I was still doing it and was just not telling him. so that just made things worse. Eventually all this led him to a sort of depression, he had already come into the marriage with some negative baggage from his extended family and his father, so this just made things worse. He started seeking other girls that he could establish that kind of trust which we didnt have, and in turn that made me jealous and we fought over it alot. again, that just made him feel so much negativity. Finally last year, he told me he could no longer continue with the marraige, and around the same time he went into mut'a with a lady, shes non-Muslim and he says she makes him extremely happy. they have developed an understanding and trust and that he feels very much at peace with his life. he says right now he feels he prefers to live his life surrounded by only people that make him happy, anyone that will bring negativity, he doesnt want. so right now he spends 3-4days a week with me at home and the other days hes with her. but, the only reason hes with me is because his mother advised him to not divorce me. she has also told me to be patient, everyone goes through different hurdles in life and that one day we will look back and laugh at all this. when I talk to him, he seems very happy with this other lady, he takes her out to dinner, they do alot of stuff that we don’t do and havent done in such a long time. when hes going to go see her, he makes sure he showers, wears cologne, he shaves every few days. whereas when it was just us, he'd go the whole day without showering, I would have to beg him sometimes to shave. and when I told him that, he said, he is now filled with so much positive energy thats why. that when hes with her, hes at peace. but that for now he doesnt plan to spend the rest of his life with her because he has other goals in life he wants to achieve and he doesnt think shel fit in. for eg, he eventually wants to move back home, and he doesnt think shel fit in, whereas, il fit in back home but not so much here. right now, we sleep in separate bedrooms, we only have sex when he wants to, since he gets it from her. ive found condoms and some of her underwear in his room, which I asked him about and he said she stayed with him for a bit when I was away. im just so confused now because hes at a point where his source of happiness is not from me. I guess id like to know, especially from the men and maybe people that have been married long, is there really a way to rekindle this. is this really too far broken and I should just walk away? im trying to maintain peace and positivity between us at all times, but im not sure if he sees/appreciates anything I do anymore.
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