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In the Name of God بسم الله

smiiley001

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  1. I like your list, it's quite realistic in my opinion. I find its a list that benefits all involved, the woman, man, their kids and the community. Most of the time what I see when an ideal Muslim woman is described only says stuff like she should be obedient to her husband, be clean, cook good food for him, welcome him happily when he comes home. Etc. I find it to be so self-centered to the husband, but yours is very wholesome.
  2. So is it that any women from ahlul-kitab that do not believe in the Prophet Muhammad, eat pork and drink alcohol, they cannot be married by a Muslim man either in mutah or permanent marriage?
  3. Salam brother, Are your parents wanting you to get married immediately or maybe they just want you guys to start getting to know eachother for the purpose of marriage? I ask this because sometimes depression can be due to loneliness, maybe lack of friends and such. So maybe they see that if you had a partner it may help with the depression. Allah, the Prophet and Ahlul-bayt always encourage us to be loyal and obey our parents. Sometimes there are things they see which we haven't even thought of. I would have a sit down with them and tell them how you feel but at the same time suggest to them that you are willing to get to know her first, nothing set and stone. Just to see if, who knows maybe it will help your situation and you might find yourself actually wanting to marry her. But, do make it clear to your parents that if after getting to know her, you don't want to move on with it, then they should respect your view as well. May Allah make it easy for us all.
  4. Salam All, I have been trying to get some information regarding this but I can't seem to find anything. I am currently going through a divorce and we had been married 8years. There are no kids involved. During the time we were married, we both worked and I (female) contributed pretty much all my income towards our needs and wants. For the most part, he paid the rent/mortgage and I mostly handled the groceries and bills. I knew he was the one responsible for everything, but it was my way of being supportive especially since we lived in a western country. Then, 3 years ago, we bought a house and we both had to qualify for the mortgage and we both put in 50/50 towards the down-payment. In fact, I put in 100% of the down-payment initially and then he paid back his half some months later. He paid the mortgage for the most part and I made payments towards food and bills. When we bought the house it was about $290,000 and now it is worth $400,000 which is about $110,000 in profit. He now says that I am not entitled to the profit/house because according to Islamic law, it is his responsibility to provide the housing. Therefore, he is going to calculate everything I put towards the house, such as the food, bills and my downpayment and pay me back. Is this correct? I don't even know where to go to get the answer.
  5. Dear OP, You can choose to do Mut'a, but you do have to be honest with the woman. The rules of Mut'a does require you to have a start and end date, and you also have to give her a dowry that you agree upon. You also need to communicate to her that after the end date she needs to do Iddah of 3 menstrual cycles where she cannot be with another man. You have to let her know all those things. If she doesn't accept any of those, then obviously no contract. If you don't tell her any of the above and you go and have a relationship with her, then it's zina, not mut'a. Here's a link that gives the full details of contracting a Mut'a: https://www.al-Islam.org/muta-temporary-marriage-Islamic-law-sachiko-murata/four-pillars-muta As for the type of permanent wife you are looking for, u are free to want to be with whoever you want. Focus on bettering yourself for Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and pray to Him that He gives you a suitable partner that is best for you, and Insha Allah you won't go wrong. May Allah make it easy for us all. Amin.
  6. If anyone has any suggestions for additional duas or deeds I should do, please do recommend. I have always given out charity, in fact I don't spend most the money I earn on myself, I've always been like that, and will continue to do so Insha Allah. My parents taught us that ever since we were kids and I've seen the benefits of such good deeds. But any other suggestions r welcome.
  7. I appreciate everyone's input. I also understand that everyone will have differing views, but that was the whole purpose of this post. Right now I'm really struggling with myself, there are times when I wake up in the night and just feel like a hypocrite, treacherous person and that Allah is so angry at me for everything I've done. I cry many times during Salat and duas because I feel like Allah is punishing me for everything I've done. When I'm at work, I'm just doing dhikr saying 'Astagfurullah' but sometimes I feel like I have gone down the wrong path and that because the lie was on another human being, even if Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) forgives me, my ex may never do so. So in a way u can say I almost feel doomed. But I continue to with the duas, night prayers and fasting as much as I can and hopefully when I relocate to my home country things will be better since I don't have any family or friends out here. It's always been just my ex and his siblings.
  8. My father was very upset with him about sending the letter, and he said maybe its his way of killing any form of reconciliation in the future between us. Anyway with regards to the Mut'a, my ex says he doesn't have or need a Marja. That he just uses logic when it comes to certain decisions. So for him, since Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) allows that he marries an Ahlul Kitab without my consent in a permanent marriage then he can do the same in a temporary marriage, because the only difference between the two is inheritance. So even Eid, he says when different Marjas have different days, he just goes with the one that is most convenient for him, so if one says its a sunday while the other says monday and if hes going on monday, he'l just go for eid sunday. In addition if its Eid-al-Adha, all he cares about is that its done after Arafat. Also, Brother Abu Hadi and all the brothers viewing this. If you were in a situation like this, where I told you the truth in 2014 about my past after 3 years of marriage, would it take you 4 years to decide you no longer want to continue, and why would that decision only come after u've met someone. That is the part I don’t understand. We even bought a house together in that time which he is now telling me that Muslim women are not entitled to ownership of property. But he didnt tell me that when I forked half of the downpayment.
  9. Yes, you may be right. But why give someone an excuse, and most importantly, he did very explicitly tell me he didnt want to marry a non-virgin. One can say hes right or wrong but the truth is that what he wanted, he made it clear and I lied, so I put myself at his mercy, something you should never do. We should always only be at the mercy of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى).
  10. I guess at the end of all this, personally I have learnt in one of the hardest ways possible that lying is very bad. Despite at the time having no ill intentions with lying and genuinely not thinking it would have such consequences, I would never do such again. At the time, I really thought that, once he got to know me, then he wouldn't even be bothered about the past. But, you can't make other peoples choices for them. I know he struggled to let go of the marriage because other than that aspect, we really didnt have much issues. Any fight we had was tied to this. Him writing the letter was definitely not right. I know it is something he will regret after all is said and done and at first I was angry and wanted to retaliate. I even began to draft a response telling everyone his own transgressions from his past, and the flaws he had during our marriage. I also thought of telling his current spouse that we have been married the entire they were together, so in her eyes he would be cheating (shes not a Muslim and she still doesn't know he was married to me this whole time, he told her we got divorced before they met). But, afterwards, I just couldn't be bothered. Even if I tell everyone, nothing is going to be done about it, the past is the past as long as a person has stopped those actions and does righteous. Then as for his current spouse, he's making the same exact mistake I made: lying, except his is worse because its hypocritical. I now find myself thanking Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) for making me go through this, because I have never felt this close to Allah in all my life. From the day this whole thing began, I just turned my everything to Allah, and honestly if it wasn't for the hope,trust and reliance in Allah, I wouldn't know where I would be right now. So even when I feel down about my situation, I just think to myself, look Allah is in control or sometimes I may feel sad thinking I may never marry a good man or even have kids, and then I stop myself and seek Allah for forgiveness and to seek His help to get away from such negative feelings, and before you know it, something takes away my attention and I forget that I even had such a thought earlier in the day. So at night, I go to bed just thanking Allah for everything. Anyway, I really hope that someone out there will learn from my own mistakes and hopefully correct them before its too late.
  11. Salam All, So, not to drag on this topic but I felt the need to give an update mainly so that people can learn from my situation. Unfortunately, we are getting divorced. But Alhamdulilah, we are trying to make it as amicable as can be and so far so good. We really were eachother best friends and this issue was the only and main cause of maybe 95% of our fights throughout the 8years of our marriage. Some events occurred that led to the talaq. I had been advised by my mother and his mother to be patient with his mut'a, just look the other way. I agreed and tried my best, all I asked from him in return was that he keep his mut'a life away from our home and that we continue our lives normally as we did in the past. He didn't really give any response to that but we started out fine and then an incident happened. I threatened him that I'd tell her he's a married man to which he threatened me with talaq. After that, I got in touch with my father told him about the issue, I didn't go into the details of what I did in the past but I did tell him I had a past which I had lied to my husband about but ended up disclosing it after marriage, and that although its been 5 years, he still wasn't over it. My father spoke to my husband, pleaded with him to forgive and leave the past as the past and to just try and focus on the positives we have on the relationship. In addition, he's free to have a second or even four wives but that he just practice fairness amongst us and that if he did that, no matter how much I complain, they wouldn't give me a listening ear. To this my husband wasn't happy with my dad because he said my dad didn't hear his side of the story, so he drafted a 6-page letter with every detail of what I did about my past plus the masturbation and sent it to my parents, siblings, his parents and his siblings. In the letter he issued the talaq, and afterwards he told me he no longer has any romantic feelings for me now, but that maybe things may change in the future. There are additional details I didn't write, I didn't want to bore you guys, but I don't mind saying them if it's going to help others.
  12. Salam All, A friend of mine questions the purpose of having children. He believes that people only have children for selfish reasons: from children helping out their parents in farms/help in income provision to the children continuing the family legacy. I kind of see his point but I feel like it's a negative way of thinking but couldn't bring myself to prove him otherwise. What do you all think? Especially from an Islamic viewpoint.
  13. Below are the prayer times for my city. For the most part, I don't join the prayers, so based on the times below, what is considered on-time/late for a prayer. So for eg. if Fajr begins at 5am and sunrise is about 6:21am, does it mean if I pray anytime from 5am to 6:21am I'm on time and after 6:21 would be considered late? Fajr 05:00 AM Dhuhr 01:31 PM Asr 05:24 PM Maghrib 08:33 PM Isha 10:02 PM
  14. I am not really sure if this is where I should post this, but I just wanted to get people's input on this. In the Qur'an there are several verses where Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) tells us to do good deeds, in some it says that doing the good deeds can even help erase some of your own past transgressions. Now, I know of giving Zakat, helping the poor and needy are along the lines of doing good, which Alhamdulilah, I do as much as I can, but I wanted to know what else I could do.
  15. I continued masterbation after marriage because it was an addiction. It's not that he didn't satisfy me but after some time, masturbation is no longer about the sexual desire, it just becomes a habit almost. You always hate urself after it.
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