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In the Name of God بسم الله

ElizabethJ

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  1. Murtaza1 and Abu Hadi- Walaikum a salam, Sincere thanks to you brothers, for your thoughtful replies. @Murtaza1 I’ve watched many, many YouTube videos and have thought some popular sheiks are walking a scary line by promoting their personal brand as much as Islam but I also know what it’s like to have limited opportunities to learn about Islam (outside of reading) other than the internet. There are valuable videos, however, on pronunciation and watching videos is how I learned how to pray. The Muslim Pro and other apps have helped me learn a few Suras, as well. I did not get offered help the 4-5 times I visited the masjid other than one young mom who could only help during the day while I was working. My ‘mutah husband’ answered questions, too, and is who led me to the Shia way of prayer, wudu, etc.. and I’ll always be grateful for the fact that he introduced me to Islam. @Abu HadiOur initial contract was not correct and that’s why I forced the issue of a ‘re-do ‘ after researching myself. I could not find anything about not having to be truthful to either wife, and I am relieved to know that his actions were not ok with this faith. I asked Allah for forgiveness for both of us and am grateful Allah Subhanahu wa t’ala revealed the truth about what I was not able to see. Thank you again. Salam, J
  2. Salam Alaikum. My apologies for this long post. I’m too embarrassed to ask any Muslims I know (mostly Sunni) about this in person. I was asked to establish a mutah marriage with a man I met who told me he was single. It began as a way for us to spend time and talk to each other as we really enjoyed being together and our values seemingly aligned. It grew into much more. I had been divorced for about 3 years when we met and he claimed he was divorced for 18 months. I found out he was married when I accidentally called his home phone (Alhamdulillah my wireless system in my car dialed a number I never used) and his wife answered. That evening, I was on my way to the masjid for the Thursday dinner and program for the first time - which was my idea and he had invited himself when I told him I’d arranged for a visit. We had been in a relationship for 5 months, and I was deeply in love with him. I felt terrible for his wife and believed I was tricked into being adulterous which was horrible to deal with. He had mentioned Nikah marriage, moving away together, and I thought we were perfect for each other. His excuse for not letting me visit him in his home was that he was raising his daughters (because his ex wife lived in a different house and his daughters didn’t want to change schools) and he was not ready to tell them about us. I, however, introduced him to my family, my grown children (we are both in our 50s) and was so happy. We had a break up that I’m not proud of in things I said out of anger. We’ve made peace now but we could never be together and he will never find the courage to leave his unhappy marriage. They live in separate rooms and rarely speak. A month before I found out, I had asked for my mutah ‘time back’ when I read that our contract was done incorrectly (no end date stated) and he hadn’t paid my request in over 4 months, which was a weekend away together. We re-established the contract with a 3 month end date and a small amount of money as the ‘dowry’. We never made it to the end as I found out shortly thereafter. I was a believer in One God before I met him- forever really- and was raised as a Catholic (with many questions). He introduced me to Islam and once I started reading about it I couldn’t stop! I’ve always searched for truth and prayed to God for guidance and discernment. Those have always been my prayers. This man I was with did not initially know the level of my interest in Islam and my quest for learning more. My journey towards prayer, recitation and adopting Muslim practices- which is still ongoing- is another story, however. Im grateful that I was introduced to the Qur'an, even by someone who continually lied so I would not break up with him. He is sorry and I believe him. The whole thing caused so much pain and betrayal but I’m not his judge and I need to focus on my own path right now. I’m now moving out of state to be closer to my family and doubt that we will ever speak to or see each other again. I have questions about Islam and the details around mutah is one of these questions. Is it Islamically ok for a man to deceive a ‘mutah wife’ like this? He made it sound like it was a ‘prequel’ to a real marriage. I’m trying to separate my disappointment in him and my interest in Islam. I’ve learned that Allah is my only true ‘love’ and now see this experience as a valuable lesson but question how it could be allowable to hurt someone through a mutah marriage, regardless of religious affiliation. He insisted that ‘everything was Islamically correct’ so my concern around committing adultery was unfounded. I feel like he used me. Does Islam allow this? Thank you and Salam to all of you!
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