WisdomAndAnswers

Thank you for your answer. Wallah I appreciate everyone’s answers here. It means so much to me. He’s been applying online but hasn’t been lucky for a few months now. He said he’s going to apply for a full time construction job. He does have a job now but it doesn’t pay much.

You have a kind and caring girlfriend mashallah. I think I’m a selfish and mean person to be honest. I should change the way I think.

I agree with you, I am starting to think I don’t have strong faith in Allah. I’m not putting my full trust in Him, may Allah forgive me.

Thank you for your answer, I appreciate it. You gave me a lot to think about.

Thank you so much sister. Your answer is amazing. It gives me something to think about. God bless you.

I really appreciate your answer. It means a lot. I feel like there wasn’t much thought put into the engagement. It was all rushed, not just about what they didn’t bring. I also felt like they didn’t care about the whole situation like they wanted it to be done with. My fiancé of course cared but I just don’t trust his family. I know we are married in Islam but I would rather end it now then regret things later in the marriage.

Salam Alaikum, I know this is probably silly to ask such a serious question on an Islamic site. I am really confused and I have no one I can really ask. My brother gave me very useful and wise answers but I just need other people’s answers on this serious topic. I am engaged to a man who has no income or money. He hasn’t finished his studies but does say he may go back to college. He still doesn’t have a stable job or any future plans on how he would provide for me. Yes I did accept him knowing he didn’t have much. I am not a materialistic person who cares about money or fancy things. I cared about personality and someone who had a good heart. But I went into the engagement without thinking about important things more clearly. I did end it once before the engagement but his sister kept asking me to give it a second chance. What really did hurt me was during the engagement party the family did not bring me anything. The only thing that was given to me was two pieces of cheap gold and a 100 dollar worth of an engagement ring. They didn’t bring a cake or anything with them. I understand that they don’t have much and their father doesn’t live with them or provide for them. I just wish that maybe just flowers or cake would have been okay with me. The mother told me that during the wedding they will be bring me so much more. I feel like his sister and mother are selfish and only want to have fun. The guy is really nice and kind. I love him and it really makes me cry to know that I might end it with him. I just worry that I would spend my whole entire life with someone who might just work at a minimum wage job with no ambition. He told me that for now when we marry we would stay in housing that is supported by social services. I told him that I would prefer just to rent with no support by the government but I don’t know if he can have enough money to do that. I don’t know what to do and I feel like I am about to break someone’s heart and it hurts me to know that. He’s a really good person and he has gone through a lot in the past. I just don’t feel confident in what I am getting myself into. I hope inshallah I can get answers that can help me in this overwhelming situation.

Thank you for your answer. I do really appreciate it. It saddens me that people view things like this when everything is completely halal. My mom was saying right after her cursing words that I should be getting to know him rather than going to their house like some extremely bad person who has no morals. I wish I can marry now and move in with him but his family are going to travel soon so we have to wait for them to come back. When they come back we should be getting married inshallah. I pray that no one goes through what I am going through because it really hurts. But thank you again!

Thank you! You don’t know how much happier I am now because of your kinds words. I appreciate it so much

Thank you realizm. It’s hurts to have my mom treat me like this. God bless you for you kind words. I feel better now, thank you!

Salam alaikum I want other people’s honest opinion because right now I feel really down and hurt and I just want comforting answers that can help me out. Basically I am newly engaged, the sheikh came and did everything so that it can be 100 percent halal. I have known him for 3 months but just got engaged recently. I have been going out with him and we have become really close and loving towards each other. I clearly remember my mom telling me before that we are basically husband and wife now. The family invited me for dinner at a restaurant. I accepted and told my mom. At first my mom got annoyed and said “ you keep going out with him, it’s enough.” I told her “ momma we are engaged and he has every right to see me as much as he wants.” My mom accepted it and allowed me to go. Normally I would always listen to her but now I am engaged and I have the right to spend my time with him. My fiancés mom asked me if I can come over to their place so I said okay and thought my mom was completely fine with it. I stayed at their place and watched a movie in their living room. I realized the time and it was 1:00 am. I also forgot my cell at home so I didn’t call her letting her know. I thought since we are an official couple, it was not needed to let my mom know constantly like I used to. I forgot to mention that I am 28 years old so I am not a teenager or anything. I told him I had to go so he drove me back home. When I came home my mom started to curse at me and say such horrible words at me. It hurt me so much because I know I didn’t do anything wrong and I’m not a child. She was telling me how I can trust them so quick and go to their place and how would I know if they would drug me and that she might as well kick me out. I just don’t understand where she gets these ideas from. It hurt me beyond words and I just feel depressed at the moment. I just hope I can get kind answers to let me know I didn’t do anything. I feel so sad and I shouldn’t because I am newly engaged and at this time I should be so happy. But everyday there is always different problems thrown at me by my family. I wish I can feel better but I only feel depressed and sad.

Thank you so much for your answer, I appreciate it!

When would be the last day for it? Thank you

Aww thank you Jannat786, your words truly made things better!

Thank you, that was a really beautiful answer, I really appreciate it. I don't think it will get any better because I think I hurt him unintentionally. I thought I would make it work by being open with my thoughts and explain to him why I acted the way I did so that he can know that I am not boring in real life. He expected me to act the way I was through text. I told him how much I cared about him and that I would never want to hurt him. He knew I was caught off guard by his weight and that worried him so much. I didn't even thank him for the dinner after I went home because I had so many thoughts going in my head. I think I ruined it because he's extremely sensitive, and what you mentioned is exactly how he is. He has extreme low self esteem because his sister told me how he never wears short sleeves for that reason. He always wears a hat and sunglasses to hide his looks. I can tell he's going through depression and so my explanation hurt him. I was hoping it would have worked because he had such a great personality. Looks fade so that shouldn't make me deny him.

Thank you Aflower, that’s so kind of you!

I wasn't really because I was concentrated on how skinny he was. I couldn't connect, but he was so nice in general. Maybe it was because I felt awkward of his other sister.

Yes I was attracted to his personality through text

Hi Aflower, thank you for you answer. I really appreciate it. The sister said it when we were alone, when he wasn't around. I thought it was extremely rude to be honest because she had no right to say that

Awww Ruqaya, wallah you are so kind, thank you. God bless you

Thank you Ruqaya, I was thinking the same way. I asked my sister and she told me that I don't have a good heart for denying someone because of their looks. I think it's best to ask about his weight. Thank you so much!

Salam Alaikum, I am in a complicated situation and I don't know what to do. I just recently met a friend that I hadn't seen for years. In our conversations she mentioned if I would ever consider her brother. We are both Shia and from the same country and he is 7 years older than me. I have seen his pictures and to me he looks alright. I can tell my friend truly loves him and cares for him. She tells me that he's a good guy who is caring and loving. She said she would speak to him about it if I am willing to say yes about him. Of course he was happy that she found a good person for him. My friend had never recommended a girl for him because she wanted to find the perfect one for him. So, plans were fixed for us, we were to meet on the weekend to see each other. Of course his sisters would come along to make it more proper. However, to me I thought it would be best to text each other before meeting so that we know more about each other and have a better image of what to expect. Through text, hes the most amazing guy you can ever talk to. He's not like other guys who keep you waiting for their texts, and apologizes for something so small and unnecessary. He's a good guy with a pure heart. I connected with him through text and I enjoyed every moment with him. A day before our actual meeting, he sent me a video of him so that I expect what I see when I see him in person. In the video he looked kinda sick, like he was overly skinny. But I shrugged it off and I thought maybe the video just makes us look worse than what we really are. Finally, when we met in person, I was sooo caught off guard. Wallah he was extremely skinny, almost homeless looking. Also, he didn't have a nice haircut because they way he did it emphasized his weight even more. I felt extremely awkward, but still I didn't want him to know that. We talked and walked by the river. We then went to a restaurant to eat. He told me that he wanted to wear his hat but his sisters wont let him. To me I felt like he wanted to hide behind the hat because he felt self conscious of how he looked and it made me sad. And his eyes for some reason showed so much sadness. He has such a great mind set and he's so respectful and kind, so I just don't know what someone would do in my situation. And when I say skinny, I literally mean really skinny, like it's not normal. To me he looked unhealthy skinny like hes stressed or something. I know that his sister is also skinny, so it could be genetics. But he just looked like he doesn't eat much. I know that he smokes and works literally everyday, no days off. He was talking about his family, and mentioned a funny story. I started laughing and the way he looked straight into my eyes, like a connection and happiness for a glimpse moment. I asked him if he thought I would be different in real life. He told me that I am more conservative in real life, but that I am so beautiful. And that now he has an image of me when he texts me from now on. When the meeting was over, one of his other sisters, not my friend, came up to me and told me "I am going to be honest with you. I am the type that is very open about my thoughts. You are a good person, you are pretty and kind....but I feel like you are not telling us something, like you are hiding something. We don't know much about your family even when we had asked. My brother is an open book so you can know almost everything about him. But you, well don't know anything." I felt so disrespected because clearly me and her other sister know each other so why say that. And I had mentioned everything to them. She thinks I am a shady person that would hurt her brother. I also thought it was not right to say that her brother was an open book and I am not. She went on about wanting to know more about my family and I just felt disrespected. I am the one that should be extra cautious of the situation, not her. When I went home, I thought maybe I would receive a text from him saying how much he enjoyed his time. But there was nothing. I didn't care as much because I was thinking of telling him that I don't think it would work out. But that would hurt me so much because I don't want to hurt someone as kind as him. I feel like he's not texting me back because he's worried what I thought of him and my reactions towards it. I need help because I don't know what to do. Girls, would you deny a guy who is unattractive but has a pure heart? Maybe there is a chance to make him healthy again and happy looking. Would you say no and feel so guilty that you judged it entirely on looks. Because clearly if he was a good looking guy a girl would't think twice about it because he was such a good person. Please help me with this situation of mine because I am stuck.

Makes sense, thank you so much for your time and answer.

Yes, or if someone who believes in one God but doesn't define themselves with any religion. So my question would be based on both

I know this is an obvious question, but can you only marry someone who is Muslim? What if they believed in one God but don't define themselves as Muslims?