WisdomAndAnswers

Salam alaikum, Thank you so much for taking your time to answer, I appreciate it. I agree with everything you had said. Inshallah I'll take each advice. Do you believe people like my brother in law can change? Do you think they would realize their mistakes eventually? I feel bad for my sister or any good person who goes through this without realizing the person they are living with for years is doing something so untrustworthy.

Wa alaikum Salam. Thank you so much for your helpful answer. I think it would only be smart to bring someone with me when I visit my sister, so you are completely right. He's a predator and been having eyes on me since I was 18. Creeping me out for many years now. I'm honestly disgusted because I have to act normal because he's my sisters husband. If he wasn't I would have fought him a long time ago and exposed him. Sometimes I wonder if he's crazy because he doesn't give up. He's a really good actor towards others for sure.

I think that's a good idea. No I don't think so. He lived in a religious small Arab village. They only wore Abayas too. And thank you for your answer

My brother in law has been creepy with me for many years now. My sister sponsored him about 14 years ago. They were having a lot of problems at the beginning of the marriage. I'm 31 years old now and my brother is law is 46. My first creepy experience with my brother in law was when I was 18. The first incident was when he insisted to give me a drive because I needed to go somewhere. My belt wasn't working so he leans forward, and comes really close to me and reaches to my right side to fix the belt. But I was so uncomfortable because his arms were laying across me as he supposedly was trying to fix the belt. I knew something was off even at that age because we should always follow our gut feeling. I sat at the back seat and he knew I was uncomfortable with him and asked why I was sitting there. The second incident was when I was 19. I was at my sisters house. I was sitting in the living room and my brother in law was sitting across me. For a weird reason, my brother in law decides to come towards me and pinch my cheek. I got creeped out and said "why did you pinch my cheek". He just mumbled something and my sister came to ask what was happening. I just told her nothing was wrong. The third incident was when I was also at my sister's house. I was leaning on the wall railings. My brother in law walks by me and pinches the sides of my stomach. I got so offended so I finally spoke up. I told him to stop doing touching me and it's haram. I told him that Allah will punish him for what he's doing. Again, he just mummbled things because he didn't expect me to defend myself and was caught off guard. The fourth incident was when I was going home after visiting my sisters house. My brother in law kept insisting to walk me home because it wasn't safe to walk at night. I told him that I am fine and I can walk alone. I tried to escape but he caught up with me. My sister lived in an apartment that time so we had to take an elevator. I really didn't want to take an elevator with him. While we were waiting in the elevator, he decisde to lay his head on my shoulder. I just stood there confused and disturbed. My brother in law stopped acting creepy for a couple of years. I thought he finally repented and regretted what he was doing. But when I was 24, I made a mistake by going on a road trip with them. During that time, my brother in law had 3 children. It was a long road trip and my nephew was sitting behind me. I was joking with my little nephew and asked if he wanted me to massage his hand because the road trip was really tiring. My nephew was 6 that time. My brother in law thought I was talking about him. He was driving, so he takes out his left hand while steering with his right hand so that I can literally massage his hand. My sister was sitting at the front with him too. I was disgusted of him because I actually thought he was changed. I spoke loudly so that my brother in law knew who I was talking to. So I was like "where's your hand" and said my nephews name clearly. He got embarrassed and mummbled something. When I was 25, my mom went to travel over seas. My brother in law would come to our house daily to inspect it like a crazy person as if he was taking care of us. He would check the fridge to see if there was food, inspect the floors if there was a mess. Honestly, he looked deranged. He then expected my brother and I to make him breakfast. My brother just goes upstairs and ignores him so I stay to actually make him breakfast. Later that week, my brother in law texts me that he's going to bring us olive oil that my mom specifically asked for. But he told me to not tell my sister he was coming. He brought the gallon of oil and asked me if I had a huge container to pour it into. I went to look for it. As I was searching in the closet, my creepy brother in law decides to come so close to me from behind as I was searching the closet. I step back not knowing how close he was to me and I step on his toes. I got really startled but I honestly regret not fighting back. I move away from him and he can tell I was not comfortable with him. I go to the kitchen to make tea, and he walks by me to get something across the kitchen, but he supposedly accidently, lightly touched my butt with his hand as he walked by making it seem like it was an accident as though there was a tight space as he passed by. I am divorced now with a son. My brother in law had stopped being really weird for a couple of years now. But a couple of months ago he was talking about going on a road trip with the kids without my sister. I knew he had an intention so I can say that if I wanted to come along. I told my whole family about his disgusting behaviors since he first started doing weird things with me. No one has ever given me an answer on how to protect myself. What I regret was not telling my sister when he first started being creepy. I just didn't want to be the reason that I was the one who broke up a marriage. And I also knew my sister would fight me and say I was lying and imagining it because I know how my sister will act. But the mentality I have now and the things I have gone through now I would never let something like that slip. I would put him into his place and there will be world war with me and him and I would expose him for what he is. Now it's too late, now he has 4 children. And I love my nieces and nephews and I would never want to ruin their lives because they love their father. I want to know, what should I do? Am I making things bigger than it is and he's not doing anything wrong? Do you think he might be just mentally insane and not right in his mind? Or is this guy just pure evil? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Would you just never visit your sister? My sister has 4 children with him and they seem happier together now. He's good to the children but I know he can be better with my sister. He used to always complain about her and be so disgrading about her to my mom. He stopped that now. Since I have a child, my gut always doesn't trust him touching my child or him picking him up. I get scared when my son is alone with him and I try to never allow that to happen. Even though he's so good to him. Please, I want some helpful answers. I don't know what to do. I always felt him having evil eyes on me if I ever got married or if I found happiness. I always sensed it. And when I got married he actually argued with me and tried to stop it. He's good with me now, but I don't trust this man at all. I believe it's all an act towards me and my son.

Would you say it was destined for someone to get married to a certain person because a child was needed to be born? Sometimes I believe that a person comes into your life that wasn't in our hands to stop it because that child had a purpose? Not all marriages were destined but some?

It is a difficult question, it always keeps me wondering. Thank you for answering

For years I stopped believing in destiny in Islam. The biggest reasons that stopped me from believing in destiny was because of my confusion about the whole concept of it. I was always confused of situations where murder was involved like when someone was brutally murdered and why they were destined to that path. Or also why sometimes good people go through the worst in life and question why their life was written that way. I only started to believe in destiny when I went through my own hardship in life. I was hoping that anyone can explain to me how destiny is real in Islam and if you can back it up with any proof. How is our life already predestined and written for us before it happening? How is the person already chosen for us for marriage? But does that also mean we can just sir around and expect things to come to us because it's already chosen to happen before even trying?

I 100 percent agree with you. You know a lot and I appreciate your answers. It honestly helped me

Thank you so much for your detailed answer. I actually enjoyed reading it all. I think he was the first type of guy, the guy who likes it when a girl turns him down or insults him. I searched really into him such as his family and background and I found out he's actually scary and not the person I thought he was. He drank occasionally, was not practicing at all and even was put into jail for drug dealing. He desperately wanted to get to know me and wanted me to be his wife, which he made it really obvious because he knew my nature and he thought I was beautiful which means nothing to me. That's all infatuation and I'm pretty sure this type of person would get bored of someone really easily and cheat based on the type of person he was. Alhamdulilah that I asked around because I would still be waiting for a response from a player like him and get tricked by his personality. My gut knew something was wrong with him which is why I felt the need to end it from the start.

That's true, but for me when I ended it I actually meant it. I didn't want him to chase me or try to play mind games. In my heart I felt it was right, but then when I went to sleep, I started to regret my decision and knew I had rushed it.

Thank you for your answer, it was very helpful

I really appreciate your detailed answer. Thank you!

I was getting to know a guy for 2 weeks. He was great to me, he always responded fast to my texts, always was the one asking to call me. He was respectful and kind to me so honestly I don't know why I ended it. I ended it for something so small and I regretted it. When we met in person, he really liked me and kept complimenting. He was smiling the whole time we were together and kept complimenting. After we left he texted me right away about how happy he met me. But yesterday I told him I wanted to end our conversations and i can tell he got really upset because of his 3 word reply. I really regretted it so the next day I apologized by sending only 2 texts telling him that I still want to continue getting to know him, but he's only read them but ignored the texts I sent. It's almost been a day now. What should I do? Should I text him again and ask him if he still want us to conintue? Honestly I'd just want him to give me answer whether it's a yes or no then i'll be completely fine with that and move on with my mistake. I just need to know instead of being ignored and just left hanging. What are your opinions on what I should do? Is he just upset and will respond back? I mean wouldn't he just block me on whatsapp if he wanted me gone?

Salam alaikum, I read and searched about iddah, but there is a couple of questions that I am still confused about. One of them is that what if the sunni husband repeatedly said divorce 3 times out of anger and didn't mean it, would you count the divorce from that time? What if the wife kept insisting for a divorce and he said it again out of anger. She had counted it as a divorce from that time, but the official divorce came a month after. So say the divorce was announced through voice message and was shown to 3 witnesses. That was in the middle of August. But she still was communicating with him because he regretted saying it at that time and was reaching out to her through text. She had to let him know that it was over and to never communicate with each other again. The official divorce came a month later though where no communication happened after that. My question is, was she already divorced in August and can she accept proposals during iddah but not yet marry?

Thank you for letting me know

I really appreciate the time you gave for your answer. He was a very toxic person. He was smoking marijuana every day, never prays, never fasts, occassionaly does drugs, and was abusive. I just pray that every good person out there doesn't go through that inshallah and marry an amazing God fearing person. But Alhamdulilah I was able to divorce him.

I was hoping someone can answer 2 questions for me. If my father is a sheikh, can he do the divorce for me? My father doesn't live with me so I would rather ask first before confronting him about it. My second question is if my husband is a sunni, can I contact a sunni masjid to do the divorce? Would it be a valid divorce?

I really appreciate it thank you.

You are 100 percent right, I was in a very toxic marriage and had to get out.

Salam alaikum, I want to divorce my husband but there are no sheikhs where I live that are helping me. I called one sheikh and he told me that it is up to my husband and that it's not in my hands to decide on a divorce. I can't find any other sheikhs because every number leads to a recording. Does anyone know any numbers of sheikhs in Canada Ontario who can give me a divorce? Or is there any sheikhs on this site who can do it for me? If not, is there any other way that I can divorce him? Thank you so much

Salam Alaikum, If a Shia woman marries a Sunni and he says divorce 3 times while she’s pregnant, is the divorce valid or does she have to bring a Shia Sheikh to make it valid?

That’s true, silence is better than debating and trying to prove your point. A lot of times it’s about actions and not words, by showing kindness and understanding. I also want to read them to feel confident in what I am following and to feel a stronger connection with Allah.

I really appreciate it, thank you!

Thank you!

I can’t thank you enough, this is exactly what I needed. I appreciate all the help you have given!