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In the Name of God بسم الله

SuddenlyShia

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  1. If your mother was oppressed by your father , she may not feel good about herself for allowing herself to be oppressed.... and with his passing she can no longer have the day when she wins and is victorious, I know that in say the case of sexual abuse, the victim feels often times more guilt than the perpetrator. there is also undeniably a period of grief that comes from losing a family member. I think you should push for open dialogue with your mother. Maybe it could start with you getting her to react to your own outpoor of heartfelt feelings about past and also his passing . For sure, I know that mothers rise to the occasion ....make her feel needed, it will do both of you good. Get her up and moving and involved even if you have to invent something , find something that needs her urgent and focused attention. Dont give up or give in. this is definitely a battle you can win claim it
  2. Please don't be so hard on yourself. I believe it is true that many more than admit, have dealt with this. None of us are perfect, and all of us have areas in which improvement is definitely needed. I have issues with losing my focus in salat, but I will not let it beat me. We are on the right path and whether we are moving by leaps or small steps , we are progressing. I feel because you are a servant of Allah, Shaitan tempts you, trying to derail you from siratol mustaqeen. There is often the battle with good and evil and it can sometimes feel like the two are fighting over you , I know you are indeed a good person and you do not want Shaitan to win these small battles. Consider yourself not a free man to make these frivolous wrong choices but a humble slave to Allah., and proud to be so. Also, perhaps there is some area of weakness something that troubles you that makes you not feel good about yourself. Where you have an existing weak point is where these harmful habits enter, they sneak in at the broken link of the chain. if there is something bothering you, your body image ? your social status with your peers ? your living up to your parents expectations ? Whatever it is that makes you feel like this less than honorable befits you, work on fixing this. could be the masturbation is not the problem , but the symptom. It is my humble opinion that when you are happy and feeling good about yourself and your life , you will not want this practice to shade the light that shines from within you. believe in the fact that you are better than this. Another thing to consider , would you want to marry a girl who had this habit ? so then do not come to your future spouse as a man with this habit . Anyway, I am certainly no expert but, the fact that you are acknowledging the problem means you are on the way to fixing it. It is an age thing, but try to be chivalrous, resisting in the trying years is admirable and holding on to your character and integrity will one day make you proud... InshaAllah...
  3. I am 50, I converted from a strict Christian faith to Islam 5 years ago. After 1 year I accidentally attended Muharram . I was overwhelmed and began researching. I am now a follower/lover of Ahlul-bayt. I am divorced and now all my children will be in Universities. Although since divorcing long ago, and thinking I would forever stay solo, I want to marry. It is difficult to meet someone and I have been patiently waiting. Thru an acquaintance, I have been introduced to a Sheikh that is divorced and would like to marry. After a few short phone conversations, he has proposed. I am unsure, for several reasons. I have no Muslim friends(Shia community is difficult to be accepted into) so, I have no one to talk with. 1)He is much older than me and I worry I will lose him and be alone again ( i guess that sounds selfish) 2)He is a scholar and I am convert....I am not sure I will be the best reflection of him... I fear inadequacy 3)How can he know he wants to marry me so quickly and easily 4)Now that I decided I want to marry again , I may be silly , but I really believe in head over heels love, will he be silly and romantic with me ?)Anyone out there married to a Sheikh or know one really well ? This is silly and ridiculous to most of you I am sure, I want my marriage to be everything and to death do us part...I was somehow hoping I would meet someone and with me as his wife together we would become deeper in our faith... closer to Allah...you know "behind every great man is a great woman" I hoped to do Hajj ...walk to Karbala...visit Shrines..even study in Qom. I have a dream of my home as an Azadari . I would like to travel and speak (free of course). I feel intimidated and not sure if me being myself will be enough for him ? He says he is already sure, and just tells me to ask him whatever I want to know about Him so I feel comfortable.. Does anyone have the answer ? Is it just me because I am American and a convert. Should I just trust and make this work ? I actually feel very honored and fortunate, I study Islamic history and read everyday, I want to know everything possible I pray for knowledge.. maybe he is perfect for me?...
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