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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by confusedandannoyed

  1. Salam all, I share a flat with a non-Muslim who eats chicken and beef that are not Halal (but he does not eat pork). Often times, he will use my plates to eat his meals and then he will put them in the sink to soak before washing them. I was wondering whether him using my plates and/or utensils to eat his non-Halal meat makes them najis? I looked on Sistani's website and non-Halal meat (with exception of pork) is not one of the forms of najasat outlined on his site that require several washes. Does this mean that a single wash will render the utensils tahir/pak again? Even if he stops using my utensils/dishware to eat his food, I'm worried him using the same sink as me renders our entire sink najis from the non-Halal meats. Can someone confirm whether this really does make my sink/plates najis and how many times I'll need to wash my plates/utensils to render them pak again? Thank you.
  2. Can you please explain how monotheism is explained by natural reasons, as opposed to, let's say, polytheism or atheism?
  3. As some of you might know, a prominent lecturer/academic in Pakistan, Junaid Hafeez, was recently sentenced to death for committing blasphemy, in violation of the anti-blasphemy law in Pakistan which carries the death penalty as a consequence of a guilty verdict. What do you all think about blasphemy laws and the death penalty for such a crime? Do you think it is justified? Do you think it should be reduced? If so, what is an appropriate penalty for this? Please vote in the poll. I'd like to hear what members think about the law and its attendant consequences.
  4. I expected a failed impeachment to have the opposite effect: it will signify to voters that because the House impeached him, there must have been something really egregious that he did while in office. Although the Senate might not vote him out, it does signal to the electorate that he was found by one legislative chamber to not be fit for office. That's my hope!
  5. Can't help myself but feel bad for his future wife. This will be OP right after nikkah:
  6. Wow another post from you about women and their shortcomings? You must really consider yourself the guardian of ALL women for you to be this concerned about Muslim women all around the world.
  7. I get having that protective type feeling for your mother, sisters, aunts, (I.e., women who are your family and friends). You shouldn't have to hold the burden of needing to protect women you don't know and who don't know you. It's unfair to yourself to carry that weight.
  8. I completely understand your point about the need to be a little flirtatious to get someone interested in you. Trust me, that's not what I meant with my earlier comment. The double standard came when you said women don't need to flirt because men are in excess supply. Us men, just like women, are smitten by someone giving us attention. Women flirt too, and sometimes they need to flirt in order to engage us. Your point about women not needing to flirt but men needing to was the double standard. "I NEED to do it as a man but women SHOULDN'T because they don't NEED to"...Don't lie to yourself. You also don't NEED to, but you choose to because we all know flirting yields better results.
  9. That's fair. Do you feel the same unpleasant feeling when you see Muslim brothers drinking and partying? What about when they are flirting with other women? Just trying to understand whether your unpleasant feeling is based on jealousy or if you genuinely feel disappointed when you see Muslims, regardless of sex, shying from what Islam has ordered them to do (or in this case, ordered to abstain from).
  10. It is extremely unwise and ignorant to assume that the moral compass of atheists is determined by the concept of 'anything goes.' This implies that atheists are unable to grasp fundamental ethical concepts such as kindness, compassion, virtue, love, honesty, etc. only because they don't adhere to a religious deity. There are law-abiding atheists and there are thieves, terrorists, and rapists who supposedly adhere to Islam. Just putting this out there.
  11. In that case we should advise men not to take advantage of the vulnerable situation of these women, rather than telling women, who have no intention of using their family issues to look for new suitors, not to seek advice on this forum. I understand, my apologies. I assumed you were talking specifically about the sister who posted about her husband's deteriorating mental wellbeing. Asides from this though, you are right in that husband and wife must have each other's backs and trust each other, but unfortunately some spouses (women included) do not have the requisite conflict resolution skills to be able to work things out between themselves.
  12. No it doesn't make me sad or annoy me because it is none of my business. As much as the Muslim ummah loves to be the Haram Police, I actually have my own personal flaws I should be working on, such as making sure I wake up for Fajr every day. I don't have the time nor the energy to criticize everyone, especially sisters, on how to best go about following their deen.
  13. Salam all, I am travelling with my family to Turkey for a couple months later this year. We will mostly be in Istanbul but will want to explore other regions such as Antalya or Ankara. I was wondering how safe are these places for Shia Muslims? Reason I ask is because in America, I often venture into a nearby Sunni mosque to pray by myself if I don't have enough time to make it to a Shia mosque. I have never had any issues praying in a Sunni mosque. Can I do the same in Turkey/Istanbul? We're originally from Pakistan and I know there are some sectarian issues there and we were advised against praying in a Sunni mosque there so wanted to see if Istanbul or northern Turkish cities were the same. Thank you all.
  14. Salam brother. You sound so entitled that it's actually worrisome that you will drag a woman into this mess. As others have mentioned before, perfect hijab isn't the be all and end all of a perfect wife. There's a chance she may do proper hijab but hates your parents, or she does proper hijab but doesn't want to do any household work (or asks you for money to do them as is her right). How would you feel then? You need to realize that humans aren't perfect. You sound very naive and I feel you're not emotionally ready to be a husband.
  15. I tried to PM you this but I am unable to send messages as my account is relatively new. First and foremost, I'd like to apologize. I am sorry that you had to go through something like this. No one deserves this kind of sexual abuse, especially a child who doesn't know better. You should know, and I can't stress this enough, that this is NOT your fault in ANY way. You did not say or do anything that could have led him to do this to you, and if for a second you believe that you had even a 0.05% hand in what he did to you, then let me tell you very confidently that you do. No blame of any kind will ever be imparted on you, even if you feel your silence led to its occurrence. Now, I'd like to advise you to seek psychological or psychiatric treatment if you aren't already. I know in our society this is not taken very seriously, but sexual abuse of any kind is very damaging to our psyche and causes lifelong emotional upset. I speak from experience as I too was sexually abused at a young age, and it has damaged my psychological well-being. I seek counselling on an interim basis (when things go bad) though I feel I have a better grasp of it now. I also didn't tell my parents because I was ashamed and thought I had something to do with it, but my therapist made me realize that I was blaming myself for something that was effectively beyond my control. You need to realize this too. You also should find a therapist who you feel you can speak freely with, as open, honest conversations are key to gaining useful insight into your life and your psychological well-being. You don't have to bring it up to your brother, and neither do you have to feel shame when facing him. He probably remembers what he did, and may or may not feel regret over it and is likely not willing to bring it up either due to the shame. You do not owe anything to him and unless you feel YOU will be better off confronting him, YOU do not need to confront him.
  16. I take issue with your advice here. Usually, the users complaining about their masturbation addictions are in their late teens, early 20s (or even late 20s maybe). The last thing 19-year-old males should do right now is get married just to satisfy their sexual desires while they're entering university where they probably won't have time for their spouses, they won't be financially independent, and will probably not be able to carry out their responsibilities as husbands. What they need right now is advice on how to best combat this issue and be able to expend their energy on more productive things, like coursework, Islamic studies (I.e., strengthening their imaan), working out, etc. Also, you pointed out that you are surprised by how easy it is for men to be publicizing issues of masturbation on a public forum which is frequently visited by females. My question to you is: what is a better alternative for them? To ask their parents how to combat their masturbation addictions? People come here to express their love for Allah, for Ahlul Bayt, to laugh, to vent, and most importantly, to seek advice. This is a platform for Shia Muslims to come and gather opinions from Shia members across the world who may have dealt with/are dealing with similar issues. This is what I like about this community. If we are going to shun these younger men because their issues are taboos, then they really don't have anywhere else to turn. This is why I encourage posts where people are dealing with issues and need someone's guidance/opinion. They also help me depending on the issues discussed, and I'm sure they help other members on here too. Masturbation is swept under the rug as a taboo topic in our society, and vilifying those who express their frustrations and seek guidance on this issue on a public forum will reinforce the cultural norm to ignore it and pretend it doesn't exist.
  17. "Muta is misreported as prostitution and these documentary you mention are unreliable." I mentioned one documentary which explores pedophilia in Pakistan. Please do not tell me that you are characterizing pedophilic sexual relationships between a prepubescent child and an adult man a form of "Mutah" that the media just "mischaracterizes as prostitution", and thus, is unreliable. My uncle was in a government position in Pakistan, and thus, I grew up with his police guards around him all the time. The police guards themselves told me stories about how they (and other police officers) would often find out about open prostitution on the streets and would go and order the women to have sex with them or get handcuffed and be taken to jail (since prostitution is illegal). Can you also explain to me why you are focused solely on male-female sexual relationships, and why men having sex with transgenders is viewed differently by you, and possibly, as less severe than heterosexual prostitution?
  18. Salam brother. You are completely oblivious if you don't think that open prostitution happens in Pakistan. In fact, let me tell you something more shocking, go on Youtube and search for a documentary titled "Pakistan's Hidden Shame" there you will find real-life examples of people who have sex with young boys (those who haven't even hit puberty yet) in exchange for drugs or money. Prostitution is very common in Pakistan, and I have even driven by female prostitutes in Karachi. In addition, lots of transgender women (male to female transgenders) are reduced to nothing but begging and prostitution because of our backwards culture which prevents them from actually getting respectable jobs. Thus, these transgendered women have sex with men so they can have money to eat, house, and clothe themselves. I can not believe your holier than thou attitude in claiming that Pakistan is a morally/Islamically chaste country where prostitution isn't a problem. What is even MORE worrisome is you stating that you're not interested in what men do, but wish to focus solely on what women do. How about instead we focus on BOTH genders, as it takes two to tango, meaning sex is a two-person job and one of the parties is often-almost a male. Let's focus on that part too instead of just thinking "boys will be boys but we need to teach morality to these girls who are out of control." Classic misogynist.
  19. "Yeah that pedicure and manicure for men, that's just too much" This is toxic masculinity. There is nothing wrong with men wanting to look after themselves and have clean nails and feet free of calluses. Not for you? Great, don't get it.
  20. I'm assuming they both speak English with each other in the UK. It's the parents and the guy that don't have any languages in common
  21. Would just like to point out: No where in original post did the author mention that adultery is accepted in the Western culture. Instead, OP was talking about pre-marital sex and having children out of wedlock (and later getting married) as things that are common in the West, which they are. It isn't OK to commit adultery in Western culture, and I can't find where the OP said (or implied) that it was.
  22. I would argue that false guilt is a LOT worse than false innocence, given the stigma associated with a finding of guilt. Yes, someone getting acquitted for a crime they obviously committed is very bad, and hinders the goals of justice and restitution, it is 10x worse in my opinion to find someone guilty for a crime they did not commit. They will have their freedom impinged if they are incarcerated, and will be looked down upon by society for having been convicted of a crime.
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