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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About confusedandannoyed

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  1. I think we, as an ummah, need to dispense with the idea that skincare and hairstyling are only for women and/or are “feminine.” I assume if our Prophets didn’t use ittar/fragrance, you’d also consider that to be feminine. Wonder how you feel about using deodorant. But in your defense, I will assume you are either living in the Middle East or South Asia, where such things as putting wax in your hair might be seen as “feminine.”
  2. Thanks a lot for responding and for the recommendation. I’ve also heard good reviews about that particular product so I might just try it out.
  3. I have asked my hairdresser and he did recommend some products, but the issue is always the water-barrier thing. That's why I wanted to ask my fellow Muslims who probably use products that don't interfere with their wudu. And wow, you must be such a manly man to not even be using shaving cream. Epitome of masculinity! MashAllah! Takes a real man to be disgusted by men's skincare products
  4. Salam! I am looking for a hair styling product (wax, pomade, anything pretty much except hair gel or hairspray please) that I'd be able to have on my hair but that would still allow me to do wudu on my head. I've used products such as hair gels where I have to take off the gel and dry the front of my hair before doing wudu, which was quite cumbersome. That's why I'm looking for hair products that I won't have to remove to do masah, meaning they won't create a barrier for water to get through to my hair. Please make your recommendations. Ideally, I'd like to be able to order it off Amazon. I'm located in the US. Thank you. Jzk Edit: fixed grammar
  5. Absolutely they should. Mental health is similar to physical health, where the symptoms of mental illnesses can cause great difficulty in everyday life, and can lead to worsening of symptoms if left untreated. As a Muslim, I am very comfortable in talking about my mental health needs with a professional, although just as with doctors, there are certain counsellors that might not be a good fit for you depending on what your issue stems from. For example, stress/depression caused by exams, abuse or fertility issues can be appropriately discussed with mental health professionals who aren't Muslim, or even South Asian, as these stressors are universal and they don't require particular cultural sensitivity when it comes to dealing with them. However, discussing with Western, non-Muslim counsellors about your stress caused by doubts in wudu or prayers, might not be appropriate because they will not understand the cultural or religious sensitivities necessary to help you successfully navigate through these situations. For that reason, it is better to speak with someone who is knowledgeable about the issue (and has the requisite knowledge of Islamic jurisprudence on such issues) so they can appropriately guide you on how to respond to these. I don't believe there's an inner conflict when it comes to seeing counsellors. The field of mental health and Islam are not mutually exclusive -- meaning, you can go through counselling and still leave your mental well-being in the hands of Allah. Obviously, you'll want to make sure you communicate to your counsellor if there is anything they recommend you do that might be against your religious beliefs. In doing so, they will respect your beliefs and will offer alternatives. However, despite all this, I feel not going to a counsellor for fear that seeking counselling signifies that yo do not believe in Allah's power of healing you, is very similar to saying "I will not undergo chemotherapy for my cancer because undergoing treatment means I do not believe in Allah's power to heal me." Obviously it is possible to pray to Allah for recovery alongside undergoing a treatment plan, as long as your treatment plan does not entail consuming haram products (although there is an exception to that rule and you can engage in haram behaviours because it is the only way you can save your life -- this is a very narrow exception though). So what I am saying is basically, that you are able to see a mental health professional for your problems, while at the same time, praying to Allah and believing in His mercy. He has the ultimate healing power, but it is up to you to go through the steps needed in order to work towards a recovery. Counselling has helped me tremendously in gaining a unique perspective of my problems and in helping me find ways to cope with my stressors. I hope it works for you as well.
  6. I did not say nor imply that the West has no such problematic culturally-imposed limitations on expressing emotions. The West is just as bad when it comes to suppressing emotional responses, especially for men.
  7. Just wanted to add, conversations with others help you gain benefits, such as a unique perspective on your emotions, that writing in a diary might not.
  8. I definitely agree with you. Society tells men that they must hide their emotions, and culture tells us that it is too feminine for a man to sob, except on certain occasions (like during a Majlis). I would reckon that because of this cultural restraint on showing emotions, men grow up to have poor emotion regulation and end up “lashing out.” This is obviously just my own perspective. Though there are some studies that show that those who bottle up their emotions tend have poor emotional regulation. However, I think there is a great amount of utility in having friends you can share stuff with. It is important to have friends you can lighten your load with by sharing about your stressors, your issues, etc. This goes not just for women, but also for men, though men are unlikely to open up to their male friends because of the stigma of looking weak or “girly.” As a society, we need to work towards normalizing conversations about our emotions, especially about those things that bring grief or sadness. We need to let people, especially South Asian people know that there is nothing wrong with opening up about yourself and seeing a counsellor if that is what you need to lighten the emotional burden.
  9. Seems like you’re fine to walk while doing wudu. Not sure exactly how many steps is considered “a few steps.”
  10. Thank you for your response, and for the wealth of information about the divorce process in Shia Islam (and its Sunni counterparts). However, my question still remains regarding the rule I quoted in my original post, that is, about the woman having to marry someone else and consummate the marriage before the first husband is able to take her back following three divorces. Can you please explain that within the context of nikah halala in Sunni Islam. Thanks in advance.
  11. Salam all, Watched the documentary "Three Seconds Divorce" last night, which focused on Indian-Muslim women's plight when it comes triple talaq, and the concept of Halala. I searched on ShiaChat, and it sounds like Halala is not condoned by members here (based on their responses to such topics). I understand Shia Islam doesn't have the concept of a triple talaq. However, there are rules of returning back to your wife after a third divorce. However, this is what Sistani (my marja) has to say on the issue of a third divorce: Can someone explain to me how this is different from Halala? Or is it the same thing, where a woman must marry another man, consummate the marriage, then get divorced in order to be reunited with her first husband. Thank you.
  12. I wholeheartedly agree with GD41586's post above. The term ALM is NOT equivalent to Islamophobia. Although they are both all-encompassing slogans used to advocate against hatred/discrimination, ALM has been used to disempower and undermine the BLM movement. Instead of understanding that black people in Western countries, especially America, have been targets of racism throughout history, ALM is used to cover up the issues faced by Black communities by saying "yes, I know Black people get murdered by cops, BUT WHAT ABOUT PEOPLE FROM OTHER RACES WHO ALSO DIE?" Although it is very important to raise awareness of discrimination against any group, the conversation with BLM is focused on BLACK PEOPLE'S LIVES and their struggles. The conversation should be about brutality against black people, rather ALM is used as a slogan to move the conversation away from black people's struggles. I think a better analogy would be if someone in Pakistan was protesting the ill-treatment of minorities, especially of Pakistani Christians at the hands of people in positions of power in Pakistan (almost always Muslims), and Muslims instead used the term "ALL LIVES MATTER" to include themselves in the narrative of being discriminated against by non-Muslims abroad. Ok, we understand that Muslims receive lots of hate, and we do and should stand by them, but the topic of conversation is NOT about Muslim people being targeted, but rather, Muslim people's ill-treatment of Christians in a Muslim-majority country. The term ALM here just takes away from the importance of raising a voice against ill-treatment of minorities in Pakistan, WHICH IS THE CURRENT TOPIC AT HAND. Hope that was clear.
  13. In Toronto, Canada, Eid will be tomorrow, Sunday. Eid Mubarak to all who are celebrating tomorrow.
  14. I'm not a scholar but: 1) Usually, just to be on the safe side, I use the water I have left to rinse my left hand in the toilet bowl after washing my anus but before doing istibra. If there is anything on your hands, you can wash it off this way. After I see I don't have anything on my left hand, I perform istibra. 2) From my understanding, you don't need to drench your head/feet with water. I believe if you use your hands to wipe your arms with water, there will still be some water left on your hands, which will be enough for the massah of head and feet. If for whatever reason, your hands do not have enough water on them to wet the amount of area required, I believe according to Sistani, you can take water from the rest of your body (face, arms, etc) to wipe the head.
  15. Correct me if I'm wrong, but by comparing sinning to having diabetes, you are implying that the likelihood of criminal behaviour/sinning in illegitimate children is genetically passed down to them from the parents, just like any physical disease.
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