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Maria Shah

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    Shia

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  1. Got into the wrong crowd when younger due to tough family life. Committed zina, drunk alcohol, ate haram food...can my sins be forgiven if I turn my life around from today and for good? I have begged mum to find me a boy and I want to get married soon as. This life has depressed me and made me sick to the point it’s affected my mental health and I ended up in situation I couldn’t get out of and took me on the path far from deen. I want to change I want to be a good Muslim and I want a good akhira, can I ever be forgiven for my sins?
  2. Thankyou so much for your response, inshallah it has opened my eyes abit and maybe I need to just stick to what’s important besides him and family and that’s only Allah and do what pleases him and atm non of what I’m doing will please him whether or not I had every intention to marry the guy, what I’m doing isn’t halal so I will act on it in the best way possible no matter how difficult it is. I would also like to Thankyou for your understanding in your response as it was already so difficult for me to open up in a social site like this but I didnt know where else to go.
  3. Salam, thankyoy so so much for your response. It has cleared my mind by a lot and provided me with clear guidance on how to do things step at a time and I have every intention of making it halal. It might sound stupid but I wasn’t aware of all these options of me islamically which is why I was struggling so much. Thankyou very much
  4. Thankyou so much for your advice. You’ve reassured me a lot. My first step will be talking to him. I just wanted to say dad is a really aggressive and controlling man and will disown me in a second and probably try to hurt him, he’s really extreme. Mum however is more understanding, would you suggest after speaking to the guy telling my mum? I know she won’t take it lightly either but she’s more likely to understand. Thankyou so much again for the help you made it seem so simple which is what I needed. May Allah bless you eternally.
  5. Ameen. Thankyou so much for your reply. Yes it has been very hard without a dad all my life. He recently came back into my life after my brother passed away however, he is constantly causing me distress. He is depressed himself and has always been an aggressive man and quite controlling and he is still is that today. I can’t miss a call off him or take a few minutes to reply to a text before he jumps down my throat for purposely ignoring him. My life has been so hard growing up and I still don’t feel I have gotten a break. You’ll probably see more detail in my replies to others but it’s not been easy. I have tried counselling however I did not feel it helped much and was rather a temporary relief. All the genuine therapists that may help are so expensive and time consuming that no matter how desperate I am to seek advice And help I just can’t even freely do so without either having to pay or some terms and conditions or waiting list.
  6. I just wanted to say Thankyou so much for such a sincere, understanding and genuine reply. I have found so much peace in just reading your reply. I felt suffocated in my own deeds and felt like there was no way out but your reply has provided me with so much understanding so thankyou. I just wanted to talk to you about a few things and see if you could provide some further guidance for me. First thing is i’ve Discussed with him about marriage and he said he would convert for me and will recite shahadah however I’m afraid he’s more doing it for the sake of being with me than believing himself and I wouldn’t want that as he is from a Christian family but he doesn’t believe in god fully himself he is unsure sometimes he says he believes sometimes he questions any existence. I am in such a dilemma I have kept it all to myself in secrecy for so long I have dug a huge home that I cannot escape and the only peace I find is when I’m with him. I know for certain he would stick by me no matter how many excuses I’ve used to leave him he’s always come back checking on how I am. He’s even changed habits in him that I didn’t like and it’s all to keep me happy. Explaining and showing you are two different things and I wish I could tell you how we felt about one another. Im just afraid. I know my family will disown me in seconds and I also know that no one will match up to him ever. I’ve never been more certain on someone yet I can’t do this to my family I just really need help because this is making me so depressed. I just want to do what’s best now by my religion and Allah, I have done a lot of bad and I have admitted so but now I want to do the right thing. I have even spoke to my mum about getting me married within the next year, I just want to do the right thing but I can’t do all this to him and then just leave him when I feel like it. I’ve just created such a big mess hiding and I don’t know how to clear it. I have been through hell in my life and some things I can’t say on here no matter how open I’ve tried to be as it would shock you all, but I’ve been through any woman’s worst nightmares. I have a large family of 4 brothers (now 3 as one passed away) and two sisters. I constantly do what I can for all of them. My older sister only been in my life for 7 years and I feel like I do everything for her, she has three kids and although I’m doing a masters at the same time I cook for the kids get them ready in the morning feed them etc. Like I go out my way all the time to keep her happy however I feel like whenever things go wrong she takes it out on me. My mum has made some poor decisions in life one major one where it was evident she chose her husband over her kids in a situation I don’t know how any mother could. I still do what I can for mum and respect her. These are just minor things I’m describing to you in a large picture but what I’m trying to say is all my life my family have had big issues and they’re still going on. Being with this boy brings me so much peace. He understands and does what he can for me always and no matter how much I’ve pushed him away, he’s always come back and been there for me. He brings me more happiness than I’ve felt all my life and all I can see in my future is him and that is only where I see myself truly happy. I’m just so scared to make a step hence why I’m having thoughts of just running away. I just don’t know what to do, only Allah knows how difficult this is for me and an every minute battle in my mind.
  7. I have not engaged in any other just him. I did not want to but I also really need help on my situation as I’m struggling so much with deen and him. I understand how this will be but I can’t project my emotions clearly over the internet all I can say is it’s a mess I’ve created but I just want advice on how to do the right thing because I’m losing my mind over it and don’t know where to go for help
  8. Thankyou very much for your answer. But it’s just so complicated. I would love it to be so simply but it will be a huge thing for my family and everyone will disown me. No one will speak to me and I will get kicked out. First thing is they won’t take it seriously and if I tell them how long I’ve been with him they’ll hate me for hiding from them. I don’t know who to contact without being judged but I’m in such a mess and don’t know what to do. My family will never accept him. My mum and dad aren’t together (they split when I was younger due to an abusive relationship), and my dad is very aggressive and an angry man but also blindly follows Islam in these things and won’t stand for anything of the sort. He can’t even stand it if I go and see a friend without swearing and shouting at me. So as you can see I’m so afraid it’s unreal I don’t know what to do but also never been more certain on a boy in my life. I just want some advice on what’s best to do and the right thing because I’m driving myself crazy thinking over it.
  9. I am from Pakistan originally but grew up in the Uk. I love my parents immensely just as they love me. But they are not together, they separated when I was very young due to abusive relationship. He does not really follow a religion but family is Christian.
  10. Thankyou so much for your reply. First thing is i’ve Discussed with him about marriage and he said he would convert for me and will recite shahadah however I’m afraid he’s more doing it for the sake of being with me than believing himself and I wouldn’t want that. I am in such a dilemma I have kept it all to myself in secrecy for so long I have dug a huge home that I cannot escape and the only peace I find is when I’m with him. I know for certain he would stick by me no matter how many excuses I’ve used to leave him he’s always come back checking on how I am. He’s even changed habits in him that I didn’t like and it’s all to keep me happy. Explaining and showing you are two different things and I wish I could tell you how we felt about one another. Im just afraid. I know my family will disown me in seconds and I also know that no one will match up to him ever. I’ve never been more certain on someone yet I can’t do this to my family I just really need help because this is making me so depressed. I just want to do what’s best now by my religion and Allah, I have done a lot of bad and I have admitted so but now I want to do the right thing. I have even spoke to my mum about getting me married within the next year, I just want to do the right thing but I can’t do all this to him and then just leave him when I feel like it. I’ve just created such a big mess hiding and I don’t know how to clear it.
  11. I am afraid to tell my mother about it all as I feel she will disown me. She has been through a lot herself in her life and this will break her as she won’t see things for how they are but rather that I’m simply doing wrong and this is why I’m too scared to face and want to just run away
  12. I have discussed this with him before and he is willing to convert recite shahadah for the sake of being with me but the one thing I’m afraid of is he does not truly believe and is rather doing it to just simply be with me.
  13. I have been in a haram relationship for five years now, all behind my families back. The guy is non Muslim but we have been through everything together. He’s done a lot for me and same with me for him. There’s no doubt about my love for him and his love for me people have constantly commented on how much passion we have for each other (friends), I tried splitting up with him a couple of times to get back on track but we always find a way back to each other whether it’s months later or whatever. I feel so much peace with him that I can’t get anywhere else. I have had a very tough family life, mum and dad split when I wasn’t younger and he used to abuse her. My younger brother passed away 2 years ago to a car accident at 16 years so it has been very tough and he is a sense of escapism from all that. I have considered just running away from my family changing my number and everything and staying with him and leaving them a note about what’s being going on. I just see my future with him we’ve made so many plans and I have been awful to him but he’s always been there no matter what. We have slept together as well and planned on getting engaged in summer before I split up with him out of fear. He thinks my family know about us but they don’t. I just don’t want a future unless it’s with him and I don’t know what to do. Please can I get some advice and no negative comments please as I am already fighting a battle in my head and genuinely really am seeking for help, as everyday I just want to run away from home.
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