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Afsar

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  1. I think I really received some very useful advices and support from my fellow members. It was just a pain that I had in my heart that I wanted to share with someone. When I share it with my parents they say that u yourself brought this trouble on u. I don’t have any friend at my current place so the only other platform where I think I could have shared what I m going thru is this forum. i know for a person like me who thinks a lot such as I should have this or I could have done that, there is a long way to go before I forget all this and the worst of all she still comes in my dreams and make sleepless nites for. thank u so much all of u for support, may u people always stay together with your beloved spouses. i guess the moderators can close this thread
  2. Again I would like to clarify that I never used any violent method. By force I meant being less lenient. Even her parents complained that why were you not being strict and accused me had u handled the situation intelligently we didn’t have to face such humiliation. We were outside our country of citizenship as I work abroad away from my family and her family. Her parents knew that their daughter is not will to have any sort of marital relationship with me and she even went on to say that do it by force and there is no such thing as marital rape in Islam. But I didn’t do that because I was of opinion that this one of best things that happen between spouses and it should happen with consent. again people can assume that I was violent, but I couldn’t hurt the girl that I loved so much. When I found out that she was still cheating even after marriage, I asked her what should I do to u now shall I beat u for which she herself said yes beat me I deserve punishment but I opted not to and ask her that if u want to continue tell that other guy that u are not breaking this marriage. She called in front of me telling that she has to continue this marriage for her family honour for which that guy kept on saying no u can’t now leave me and I will die while I kept on saying that if u want to continue tell him that u wanna continue for your husband, u wanna continue for the relationship which Allah has made for man and woman, and u wanna continue because u know that breaking your marriage for someone else is the path of shaitan. But it seems that she could not say such and such to him because she didn’t wanna break his heart. Eventually she decided to end this marriage and leave. i knew that violence would not have taken me anywhere even though as per my understanding if any time in marital relationship sura 4:34 was applicable that might be the time but still I was trying to win her with love and out of that love I lost her. @Islandsandmirrors I never said anywhere that I beat her so how can u be so sure sister that I used violence. I said I wish I had used force not that I used force and even I explained what i meant by force. @Gaius I. CaesarIf u see your child is deviating towards wrong path u use force by blocking all of those means that are taking him there so why couldn’t a husband who Allah has made the head of the household do this with his wife. Even though I didn’t use those means, I said I wished I had but again knew this wouldn’t have done any good. The only way I thought to made her love me is by loving her and forgiving her mistakes and hope that one day this forgiveness will make her understand but unfortunately I failed miserably
  3. I know dear. If ever I had to use violent methods to bring her on the rite path I would have use for this occasion and even at this occasion I showed compassion and after the initial arguments I didn’t behave rudely. I told her that your parents want u to stay, your ex wants u to leave and what i say I say take your decision from your own heart with a hope that Allah will change her heart but it want changed.
  4. Lack of u understanding was never a issue. If u read my earlier posts, the engagement stayed for .more than a year and for 8 months she was very happy. Then then all of sudden her ex who was working abroad lost his job and came back and when a boy who got nothing to do no work, no household duties and only a cell phone what he ends up doing. I even suggested her to have isthikhara done but she begged me not to and promised me that she will always remain committed, sincere and loyal to me. She even swear by her heart patient father that her ex is no longer in his heart and I end up making a mistake of trusting her. And believe me when I was ready to forgive her after I came to know that she still in contact with her ex. Upon doing so her heart started to come towards me for a brief and she first time realized her mistakes but unfortunately that provoked some sort of nerve damage in her bf brains (I don’t know did it really happen or not) and that made her takingbthe decision of ending this marriage. anyways thanks for your advice
  5. And that’s what I ended up doing without using force, without using violence. I had other means to hurt her such as taking her self phone that had her lovers messages and showing those to all of her relatives. But I ended up keeping it a secret and except her parents no other relative of her knows how exactly the marriage ended. They are of opinion that mentalities didn’t match
  6. I guess you were quick to label me as a wife beater. By force, I meant took away her cell phone from her, try to explain her the importance of marriage and making sure to cut her contacts with all those friends of her who were poisoning her mind trying to drag her in the same boat as they all were in. I hope u take your words back for labelling my mentality as pathetic and not deserving a wife. Moreover, I was not planning to ever hit her but isn’t it mention in sura 4:34 that how man was granted a rite to disciple his wife and use force as s last resort. I just hope no one relationship ever end up going that way
  7. I don’t know I was never in my whole life got involved with any woman in relationship. Then she came we started having chat we met couple of times outside and feelings developed overtime they became very strong. She too was happy with that engagement and then out of nowhere her ex came like a shaitan and took her away from me. When I knew about her affair she cried and they way she did it completely melted me and I end up forgiving her and that was the start of my demise
  8. I don’t know I was never in my whole life got involved with any woman in relationship. Then she came we started having chat we met couple of times outside and feelings developed overtime they became very strong. She too was happy with that engagement and then out of nowhere her ex came like a shaitan and rookie her away from me. When I knew about her affair she cried and they way she did it completely melted me and I end up forgiving her and that was the start of my demise
  9. Parents especially her mother in my opinion did ask her that see if u can’t marry your fiancé refuse him. But it at that time according to the girl she can do that but later when I started touching her she didn’t like and thought she made mistake and then she started asking for divorce even though she wasn’t saying I want to go back to him. That escalated tension between us. She kept her contact with that guy and that gave him some encouragement and from there he kept on texting her and she kept on giving him response until I found and under the strong emotional state I eventually bow down to her wishes and sent her back to her parents. Her mother kept on saying that she was only 21 and very mature u should have corrected her and I ask her to come back but she opted to end this marriage. Eventually Khula seegha was issued
  10. Thank you so much for all your support
  11. Yes these were the mistakes i made and sometimes get the feeling that I made more mistakes than her. I should have used force to discipline her. Anyways thanks a lot for your advices hopefully this will help in my future marriage
  12. Thank u everyone I wish I had discussed this matter over this forum. Too bad this thought didn’t cross my mind
  13. That’s the only problem I never shared this with my family or friend and sorted out between the girl, her family and myself. Both mother and daughter assured me that was her past and I forgave her and we r grateful to u for saving us from this embarrassment. I was actually very close to her mother as welll and she used to say that I am her elder son and she regards me higher thn her own sons: I didn’t inform her family because I forgave her and letting my family know about that matter would have ended this engagement right away. Neither I shared with my friends becuz I thought when in future I will make her meet their wives what wud they think about her
  14. Yes I don’t have any kids. Marriage only lasted 25 days, she didn’t let me enter in her every time I tried to use my right granted by sharia. I let her talk to her bf only becuz I was hoping that eventually she will refuse him. By holding her back and forcing my marriage upon her wouldn’t have lead me any where in my opinion
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