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About aleena1904

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  1. Salam, i have to agree with what you have said. And it’s such a valid point that I think a lot of people glance over it. Iv had a few moments over the last few years about exactly that. We take a lot of things as gospel and don’t question or really think about it. My family are very open and encourage us to speak freely - that way we have a personal understanding of the religion and (in my experience) become a lot more devoted and a true believer. My most recent discussion was regarding culture and religion. The differences between them. There ranking etc. Obviously as a Muslim, religion comes first however for example if someone wanted to marry a non-muslim/ a revert it can become a little tense. On religion side it’s brilliant and if anything it’s encouraged because you are spreading the name of Islam however in some cultures it’s not seen like that. I don’t believe you can be born into a religion. It’s far too personal for that however some people just go with the flow, don’t question, don’t research. They just agree and believe what others say. I think it’s a duty to research and throughly know our religion and history. That way we have our own thoughts and feeling on it Sorry if this comes off like a tangent but it’s so good that you’ve brought this up.
  2. This may sound completely islamicly wrong but here me out. Leave her to it. But try and get her to go to as many places as possible with family. Whether that be having people in the house or going out to restaurants. Seeing everyone else around her dressed modestly and her being the only one dressed differently. Plays a lot on a 17 year olds mind. Peer pressure is a horrible thing but in some cases it helps. Shes at the age where she doesn’t necessarily want to spend time with family especially a concerned brother. And people pointing things out and trying to convince her otherwise isn’t going to work. She needs to figure out on her own what she deems as modest. Other than is she still practicing Islam? I don’t want to be too intrusive so you don’t have to answer that. Bless your heart brother, it must be really hard for you
  3. I understand the fatwa but it can’t be put above medical advise. Especially when it comes to such a sensitive area of the body.
  4. @Abu Hadi as for your valid reasons. Especially point number 2. Women don’t only bleed for 10 days. There’s is a reason why women use disposable pants during this time. In an ideal world it may be 10 days however in reality it can last for 6 weeks. It all depends on the woman. What happened during birth. Did she rip, cut etc was she stitched. This is an area also likely to be infected during this time. I am including spotting in this. The women needs a minimum of 6 weeks for the area to heal hence why doctors request couples to wait longer than this. Not only is a women going through body changes in this time. She also has a new life to look after. She has to get to know the child and vis versa when did marriage become less of a partnership and more of a possession??? Did prophet demand such things from his wife’s? Even if you take religion out of the equation human rights such as respect should be more prominent in this situation Sister however you refer to your partner is dependant on your relationship/ marriage. If your in a western culture they may not understand mutah. My advise to you would be to sit with your other half and talk everything through. I understand your tired and everything is new and stressful but you need to work on this as a team.
  5. Normally you would wait until it expires and do another one for whatever duration you choose.
  6. Google is good however you have to ensure it’s from a credible source. If you can’t afford to buy books look in library’s. Also generally talking to other Shias and Muslims or people from other religions is really good. That way you get the first hand experience and knowledge.
  7. I would advise anyone who is looking to marry their 1st cousins to be wary of genetics. Unfortunately in the U.K. the marriage between cousins in general has a high number of disability spectrum children. More recently people are taking gene tests to check before marriage. However if your not interested in marring her you need to be honest. You don’t want her waiting for you or your parents waiting for you to say yes.
  8. Both parties have to be awareness of how things change once you have a child and how hard it can be. You shouldn’t have a child just because your other half wants one. You should discuss why the person doesn’t want to have children. It could just be worry with no real reason behind it. Or it could be they don’t feel they are ready or have the financial ability for the child and family to live comfortably. You never know there may be a physical issue at bay Many people have children when they don’t feel they are ready and pregnancy is a time used to get ready. That’s when the paternal and maternal instincts start to come alive as such.
  9. Sister, the difference between mutah and nikkah is simple. Mutah is where your in a temporary marriage, so it essentially has an expiry date. It allows you to have physical contact in a halal way with him. This is sometimes done before marriage. however the nikkah is a permentent marriage. It’s the ceremony. However you need to remember that this is an Islamic ceremony only so here in England for example you would still want to have a civil ceremony so to the government you are marriage. And have all the benfits, titles etc of being his wife. As a woman I can understand your pain. You want to do everything for your other half however you body has gone through a lot and your priority now is the baby. You should speak to him about it. You are going to find it difficult to adapt to your new life. He needs to be more supportive and sex with him is the least of your concerns. Any relationship or marriage is a team effort. He needs to pull his weight too. Try and speak to him. Maybe ask him to look after the baby while you have a few hours for yourself. Some people don’t understand unless they have to look after the baby themselves to see how tiring it can be. Stay strong sister x
  10. I do believe we have ‘soul mates’. I say that in the plural. I don’t believe there is just one who is perfect for you. Otherwise the chances of find the one would be nearly impossible. When a women likes a man there for things she looks for. Same as for a guy to a women. It’s about finding the person who ticks those boxes and you can live with their flaws and vis versa. But you have to look. You have been meet people you can’t expect others to do that and be happy. I wouldn’t say celebrities are the best example. Divorce happens in all reglions and cultures across the globe. If the youth are looking at couples like Blake lively and Ryan Reynolds that’s a good thing. They are a beautiful couple who have brilliant morals and values. However the couples that you are referring to are just superficial couples. They essentially married for looks, maybe money, status, to further their career. Who knows. I believe Social media has caused a lot of issues for society and people especially. Everyone is trying to compete and prove something. It’s giving everyone false ideas of what marriage is. Men and women are both hard work. You’ve just got to find someone who’s worth it essentially.
  11. Salam sister, its not Haram for you to marry a Sunni however you would need to discuss the future in more detail with him. Such as: children, mosques, values, history of Islam for the children, how each family will react. All of these questions are what each of your family’s will ask and you need to be sure your on the same page. I don’t want to sound horrible but I feel that every marriage has its compromises and both of you need to be sure that you have a route you will follow in terms of the future. For example going to two different mosques and Majlisis may work now but about when you have children. How will they pray etc. It would be better for him to convert to Shia however this has to be a personal choice not influenced or done for another person.
  12. Women have a few ways to figure out what is it that a guy likes about her. No woman likes that a guy only likes her looks. She would want a guy who appreciates her point of view and her personality. she would try her hardest to find out if there personalities match; at the end of the day if she is looking at marring him she needs to know who/ what he’s really like. So don’t worry the women will know lol Both the girl and he guy have to have some form of physical attraction but it shouldn’t be purely based on this
  13. Why is it you feel polygamy is the answer? @Xaahraa I feel unfortunately a lot of people get married too quickly. It is really important that they are a good Muslim but you also have to ensure your personalities don’t clash. Your goals and inhibitions have to be aligned with one another. I know a fair amount of people who have got divorced. Sometimes it is due to family’s but a lot of the time it’s because they Truly didn’t know the person they were marrying. They were told one thing about one another when in truth they were very different. Maybe mutah would be a process which couples go through first to see if they are compatible. Because once the honeymoon phase is over you are left with the raw human beneath.
  14. Can you give me your views on someone being born on 10th Muharram ? What does it mean for the person to be born on the day of Ashura ? I would like to think my Islamic history is pretty good so I know a lot about what happened on this day, the tragedy of Imam Hussein, Prophet Ibrahim parting the sea and saving the children from Pharoah. So I’m interested in what would feel about a birth on this day and what you feel spiritually, mentally and religiously about it
  15. Vulgar language isn’t essentially a crime but it can come under profanity and harassment. There prob is some form of law against it but it’s more than likely only used when one person pressed charges against another. It’s not deemed ‘right’ in public however when in a home there isn’t anything against it. I don’t think it’s right however in your circumstances I feel it would be better to speak about it with them. From your parents view they prob don’t want to hear about or speak about it and that’s a horrible situation to be in.
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