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In the Name of God بسم الله

crookedshelf

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  1. Some parents are difficult to talk to you. They grew up with the same traditions as their parents and so are very rigid to change. The thought of deviating from a traditional role to them seems like you are doing something haram. Some societies forgot that culture and religion are different. I have talked to her but she is very stubborn. I still love them with all my heart which is why I respected their decision but inshallah one day I will be able to get married because I really believe God rewards obedience to parents.
  2. Thank you so much for your kind words. My heart is aching for you. I wish all the best for you. I started to feel a lot better after doing ziyaraat ashura, I suggest you do the same. I agree, it is difficult to understand unless you have been through the same thing. I really advise that you keep yourself busy, it will be better for your mental health. You can talk to me anytime if you want to <3 I don't know if you have friends you can trust to talk about it (I don't because everyone knows each other in my community) but if you do- I suggest you ask them help you get out more and do things you have always wanted to do. I have found that doing things I had always wanted to do makes everyday a little less painful. I wish you all the best and I will always remember you in all my prayers.
  3. I told them this the first time he proposed- you would not believe how much drama happened, it was so scary. The only fear I have from my mother is that I feel guilted in that she might suffer a health issue. If that wasn't a factor I feel I might have been strong enough to do it. I talked to them but my mother's excuse would be wha would her father (my grandfather) say. It's just a cycle of kids not wanting to upset their parents in my family. It's been a very difficult couple of years because my family have seen that I am sadder and that I have chnaged but they just pretend they don't notice because they want things their way.
  4. Hello I dont want to send too much detail here is people I know use this blog. I tried to send you a private message but I couldn't for some reason. In our country- if the parents get divorced, then the children obtain the nationality of the mother, who has the same nationality as I do. My dad doesn't have a role like my mother. My mother makes the decisions and my dad supports her. It's of a cultural matter. Is it weak of me not to stand up to my parents and get married? It is just I know my mother well- she overeacts to the slightest thing outside her comfort zone and since no one in the family has married a "foreigner" before- it would be to her as if I committed blasphemy. It's very sad because many people marry "nationals" and end up getting divorced because they are cruel, disinterested and I found someone who is on my level but because of something so stupid, i am facing this issue :(( Please pray for me thank you
  5. Thank you for replying, you have no idea how much better you made me feel. I guess I have a lot of guilt feeling like I am obligated to be obedient to my parents, which is why I haven't married him yet. I am hoping being patient to satisfy both parties. Allah is kind and bless you for answering. Does there have to be anything on paper or can it be a verbal understanding between us? Thank you
  6. Hello, I just want to give a brief background on my past situation and then my current situation. Can you please help me by telling me the truth backed with sources if it is halal for me to do this? Thank you I was proposed to by a man (he is Shia) who I know to be extremely respectful, hard-working and kind (which is very hard to find in general and especially in our society to be honest). However, my family prevented and forbade me from marrying him for one reason only- and that is his nationality. In our country, nationality is as important as the sect (due to culture/traditions etc.) and I had too much respect for my parents to disobey them and I know in Islam disobedience to parents is haram. I also didn't have the heart to hurt my mother even though I have never wanted anything as badly as to get married to that specific person. Please note that I did not do anything haram with this man. I became very depressed as I am already in my very late 20's and it was my first time actually wanting to get married. The same night I cried and did ziyaraat ashura for 40 nights because I wanted God to let us be together. I found out months later that there was a very high chance he will be able to get the same nationality as I have but it will take around 3-5 years. It has been two and a half years since he proposed and we are still good friends and it is very obvious that he has the same intentions. I know you might think its easy to find someone else but I don't want to get married just for the sake of getting married. I want someone who understands me on an intellectual basis, respects me, motivates me to work harder, is not an angry person etc. and he has all those qualities. Is it possible to engage in some sort of mut'aa marriage even though I don't want to have sex (I only would do that if its a permanant marriage). i just want to feel like I am with my partner (hold hands, kiss etc.). We have every intention of getting married when he gets his nationality but the wait is just very frustrating. I feel like my whole life is on hold over a very stupid condition from my parents. I have decided that even if they do not allow me to get married when he gets his nationality- I will still get married as I believe it is something they will be able to tolerate long term. But for now I feel very frustrated that I can't marry him due to something so small and I don't want to lose him as he is the most respectful person I have ever met. Please can you help guide me if I am doing something wrong or have parental advice on how to handle this situation?
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