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In the Name of God بسم الله

Carlzone

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  1. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from habib e najjaar in Women’s bodies and their choice of dress   
    I agree with most of what you're saying. 
    I came to Europe as a small small child and I went to kindergarten and school and university here. All western ones. And I basically didn't have Muslim friends growing up. 
    My parents didn't allow me to go swimming, dancing or travelling with the other kids. They didn't allow me to go to parties or anything like that. I didn't even know what alcohol smelled like until some years ago when I was on a boat travelling to another country and westerners were smelling weird. That is how I found out what alcohol smells like. And the country I live in has amongst the highest alcohol consumption levels in the world. 
    As for TV - it's very dangerous as it brainwashes us without us realizing it. I abandoned TV perhaps 9 years ago and I don't think i would allow my kids to watch TV freely. I'd check what they want to watch. I'd encourage them to watch religious channels. Or just spend quality time together instead of being glued in front of a TV.
    As for raising kids, personally, I would be a stay at home mom and not allow them to go to kindergarten, because I have worked there myself and seen what they brainwash kids with. For instance that girls and boys are the same (which I myself was taught and believed for a long time), homosexuality in books as something ok and natural etc.
    I would not want westerners to get to my kids minds and belief systems before me. 
    Anyway, my point is that you can stay away from all of those haram things if you want to, even in fasadspreading places. Yes, it's more difficult. And if you have the option of moving to an even better and less fadadspreading country then of course that is better. 
    In the end I believe that what is most important is to live by Islamic standards yourself and to have a good relationship with your kids. Coz then they'd want to be like you. 
  2. Sad
    Carlzone got a reaction from PureExistence1 in Women’s bodies and their choice of dress   
    @IbnSina
    It's not possible for everyone to move back home.
    I've been in Iraq quite a lot lately, each time getting deeper into the Iraqi society. Honestly, the fasad and filth I came across there (in our holy cities!) were much worse than what I have come across in Europe. Now I'm thinking that it's safer to have my future kids grow up in Europe rather than in Iraq. Very sad, but true. 
  3. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    You are right about it being wrong to judge before hearing both parties. Counsellors are taught to never make this mistake. 
    However, sometimes, just by hearing certain parts of a story one can tell if it's wise to continue or not. In this case it's very clear, as her deen is weakening when she's with this guy. 
    Our souls are the most valuable thing we have. No one on this planet is worth losing our soul for. 
  4. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    God bless you for being so clear sighted! 
    Sometimes the weird (or quite frankly retarded) thought patterns that are pervasive within certain cultures in the shia community are themselves the root causes to people being destroyed in abusive marriages. 
    Females are taught to accept abusive disrespectful males as husbands. To have "sabr". These men are not going to change. And those poor girls are expected to make up for the faults of these abusive males.
    Girls need to be taught to value themselves and to never ever accept an abusive or disrespectful husband. And when these abusive men see that no female wants to marry them and that only the good guys are getting accepted - then they may find motivation to change for the better coz they will be losing out if they don't. That is how a community creates change and not by sacrificing poor innocent girls. By the way this is partially the girl's fault as well coz she accepted a man with characteristics that go against Islamic recommendations. If he has bad deen or akhlaaq she should say no immediately. 
  5. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    @Ralvi
    Protect your sisters and teach them about male psychology. Most females are naive and get taken advantage of because they don't know how the male psyche works. 
  6. Haha
    Carlzone got a reaction from Zulfiqar1472 in Showing body parts after proposal   
    Ok, so now we need to cover up from women too. Hijab 24/7 and wearing abayas at parties. Great.
  7. Partially Agree
    Carlzone got a reaction from Zulfiqar1472 in Showing body parts after proposal   
    It's also a matter of a female's sense of dignity and selfworth. You can be certain that you are very attractive and have loads of suitors desperate to marry you yet still feel very uneasy being treated like cattle. I think it's a matter of self respect. 
    At the same time there are females who aren't particularly attractive at all yet they are willing to show everything to anyone. 
  8. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from notme in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    You are right about it being wrong to judge before hearing both parties. Counsellors are taught to never make this mistake. 
    However, sometimes, just by hearing certain parts of a story one can tell if it's wise to continue or not. In this case it's very clear, as her deen is weakening when she's with this guy. 
    Our souls are the most valuable thing we have. No one on this planet is worth losing our soul for. 
  9. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Zulfiqar1472 in Showing body parts after proposal   
    Many women are not at all comfortable with showing themselves without hijab to nonmahrams. Let alone to creepy unknown men who feel that it's ok to violate his eventual future wife that way. 
    I don't like the dishonest way of doing it behind a female's back. If you value a genuine, authentic and honest relationship, then a man who is ok with doing something like that is not an appealing man in terms of marriage.
    Also, if the female will say no to 99% of men, why should they see her without hijab? 
    It's more reasonable to check if she's even interested before random dudes that she'd never consider are seeing all her beauty.
    When a man does get married to a female, will he be comfortable knowing that God knows how many men have seen her without hijab?
    Besides, a momin should want for others what he wants for himself. Is he ok with random dudes checking out his sisters or daughters? If not, then he shouldn't do it to other people's sisters or daughters either.
    Also, it could even be haram as some sisters are married without telling others. I know several such cases. So if a stranger woman takes a picture of them and shows it to men while the sister in fact is married  - then that is a violation of both that sister and her husband. 
    It's better to man up and talk to the sister and see her IRL in a normal environment without hiding in a bush. If they don't find eachother attractive, then that's that. No one dies. Life goes on without dishonest methods. 
  10. Like
    Carlzone reacted to Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    The parents are in the wrong here. Men are supposed to be the providers in a marriage. She is being a husband and wife at the same time, did she agree to adopt this man child? 
    Why are her parents being unreasonable here and supporting the boy rather then their daughter? Are they Muslims? Is she a revert? 
    I feel so frustrated and sorry for her  
    cant they move near her? The parents are being stubborn for no apparent reason
    or will they wait until he has knocked her up and he has siphoned all the funds? There is no reason to believe he will not be a deadbeat. And after he has completely ruined her? And what if he leaves after that? It’s not impossible i have seen it happen. Can we remember a Nikah is a contract with stipulations for both to be met. She shouldn’t have to tolerate this. This is the rest of her life! Not a small matter in the least. 
    Sorry I sound mad it’s cause I’m mad for this young lady. I’ve got siblings and I would be just as mad if this happened with one of mine. 
    Is she an only child? 
  11. Completely Agree
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    @Ralvi
    Protect your sisters and teach them about male psychology. Most females are naive and get taken advantage of because they don't know how the male psyche works. 
  12. Completely Agree
    Carlzone reacted to Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    I tell you my mother was an anomoly. But eventually it even got to her
    life can really do a number on some souls 
    man you’re pretty much right on about everything. That’s why Iam so anxious for my little sisters. They’re naive and who knows what- they will fall in ‘love’ with and choose the tv romance rather the realistic one that requires family consideration and objectivity. 
    Girls mature earlier true. But they are very naive and are very susceptible to peer pressure especially from the ones they care about or hang around. Women have great power but many don’t realize it without someone being a guardian over them or atleast they either overcompensate(and hurt others) or have  low self esteem(and also hurt others lol) That’s why careful consideration and instilling of self respect and love of Muhammed and ahl Muhammed is tantamount to young girls and the world too. If we don’t teach our girls well then how can you expect the future to learn or for the boys to learn? Motherhood is easily the most important job and if we have made our women to be debilitated self hating creatures then what?! Their children will easily be manipulated and turned into pawns
    ok ok I could go on forever about this lol
    A women is easily a double edged sword :-)
    a man can wield that power for benefit or it can turn on him haha
    a man is easily a very manipulated creature too, so he has to be careful of those female who are beasts in sheeps clothing lol but he’s got to be a man before committing to a relationship with another human for the sake of Allah
  13. Completely Agree
    Carlzone got a reaction from Murtaza1 in Showing body parts after proposal   
    No woman should ever do such a thing, sis. I know many women are extremely naive, but that should never happen. Men are like wolves.
    How disrespectful. So your husband was discussing your body with other people? 
    I'm glad you got rid of him. 
    If he was unhappy about something he should have encouraged you to work out or pay for plastic surgery in worst case scenario. 
    If you ever want to get married again you must be very observant. If the guy shows the least bit of disrespect towards you throw him in the rubbish bin. Coz that's where he belongs. 
  14. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Murtaza1 in Showing body parts after proposal   
    Thank you! 
    Faith in mankind restored. 
  15. Completely Agree
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    God bless you for being so clear sighted! 
    Sometimes the weird (or quite frankly retarded) thought patterns that are pervasive within certain cultures in the shia community are themselves the root causes to people being destroyed in abusive marriages. 
    Females are taught to accept abusive disrespectful males as husbands. To have "sabr". These men are not going to change. And those poor girls are expected to make up for the faults of these abusive males.
    Girls need to be taught to value themselves and to never ever accept an abusive or disrespectful husband. And when these abusive men see that no female wants to marry them and that only the good guys are getting accepted - then they may find motivation to change for the better coz they will be losing out if they don't. That is how a community creates change and not by sacrificing poor innocent girls. By the way this is partially the girl's fault as well coz she accepted a man with characteristics that go against Islamic recommendations. If he has bad deen or akhlaaq she should say no immediately. 
  16. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    If he weakens your religion, isn't the answer quite obvious? Leave him. 
  17. Completely Agree
    Carlzone reacted to Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    We must quit thinking that a woman has to be a mans stress ball or punching bag in order for him to mature or be a man. But it seems such is an excuse for many women in such relationships 
    at someone’s else expense someone will mature? How awful
    the parents fail now the stranger(the wife) has to fix things. It’s a bad mix especially since some women make their whole lif out of ‘trying to fix him’. Then the abuse and the cycle continues 
  18. Sad
    Carlzone reacted to rkazmi33 in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    His behavior has nothing to do with long distance relationship. I was told the same thing that all problems were due to long distance, infact this excuse was used by my ex-husband. But he became even more abusive when we started living together. I don't understand why would a woman get punished for getting a divorce when divorce is halal. 
  19. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from rkazmi33 in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    After all this mistreatment and she wants to support him financially too? That will probably make things even worse. He will learn that he doesn't even have to provide for her. I have seen couples like this. Absolute disaster. 
  20. Completely Agree
    Carlzone reacted to Ralvi in Husband doesn't take marriage seriously   
    @Mahdiyya
    shes young, her fear is understandable especially since she is inexperienced and naive
    but it’s established that this man has posed as an obstacle between her and Allah. Viewing it from that angle it becomes clear what must be done.
    removal of said obstacle.
    Maybe a reward will be in order? Who knows? Only Allah sustains and is merciful 
    And anyways, Women are not here to make men out of boys. That’s something for this child to do himself. Likewise marriage will not make boys into men who are not self obsessed and care for others. It’s not a magic spell despite how much brown people think it is lol XD
  21. Like
    Carlzone got a reaction from Ashvazdanghe in Women’s bodies and their choice of dress   
    Wearing a black abaya in the west does cause attention, especially if you only study or work with westerners. It's much easier if you're a stay at home mom or woman. Then you can wear whatever you want without worrying about colleagues etc.
    If you can make it work with a black abaya, then that's great, but for most sisters in the younger generations it doesn't work. And at some work places you're not even allowed to wear it, for instance at hospitals.
    There's nothing wrong with wearing loose "normal" clothes/dresses. But still that can be difficult for curvy sisters to pull off as even that sometimes shows something. 
  22. Like
    Carlzone reacted to Laayla in Ate/Eating/Will Eat?   
    kafta and potatoe stew with 
    white vermicelli rice
     
    smileygirl230 picture

  23. Like
    Carlzone reacted to ShiaMan14 in Ate/Eating/Will Eat?   
    Godiva Cheesecake Sundae - vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, Godiva Cheesecake and toasted almonds.
  24. Completely Agree
    Carlzone reacted to PureExistence1 in Women’s bodies and their choice of dress   
    @Ralvi Yes, it makes me really sad when i see little kids, im talking LITTLE,mostly girls, at the masjid, running around with tiny shorts that barely cover their nether regions, and super short  sleeve  or no sleeve shirts..people dont realize that by dressing their daughters this way, it is eliminatinng their haya and the element of shame of exposing their bodies to strangers. It teaches them to be comfortable baring their skin, then, when theyre teens, theyve lost their sense of discomfort and it will be very difficult to get them to act differently after having lost that haya:(
    W/s
  25. Completely Agree
    Carlzone reacted to PureExistence1 in Women’s bodies and their choice of dress   
    As salaamun aleikum,
    No matter how modest a woman dresses, even if she maxes it out with a chador and a niqab, the wind will ALWAYS be her enemy:/ 
    There are not enough hands on a womans body to sufficiently keep the wind from causing whatever material you are wearing to hug your body and curves, no matter how much or how little of a body and curves you have. Beyond a certain point, there is not much that can be done.
    To stress out on it and to make your life and mental state intolerable and a literal living hell by attempting the impossible, would actually become counter-beneficial and possibly enter the realm of haram.
    I personally dont wear chador or abaya outside the masjid programs because as mentioned above, it attracts WAY more attention in my area of the world. When i HAVE worn abaya in public, its gets REALLY uncomfortable, all the weird stares and looks ive gotten, to the point where ive wondered if i was going to find my tires slashed when i came out to my vehicle:/ Fox and CNN have been VERY successful in my neck of the woods, unfortunately:/
    What i wear everyday, which is modest, loose fitting regular ol clothes, is much for fitting for the society i live in...plus, i always trip and stumble when wearing an abaya--.-- I dont know how you sisters pull it off, but props! They be carrying a baby in one arm, two bags of groceries in the other, and walking up a flight of stairs FLAWLESSLY, and I'm over here like, " I can't even do that minus the baby and the grocery bags" :/
    Its really up to each  man and woman to get real with themselves regarding if theyre honestly doing the best they can, and to keep to it real, lets just admit the truth, that we men AND  women, are all at different levels in how we present ourselves and in our modesty. In sha Allah we all keep moving forward in developing deeper levels of inner reflection, self honesty, and determination in our submission to Allahسُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى
    Side note: No amount of outside pressure will be able to force someone into deeper levels of practice, that is a point the individual needs to reach in their own practice and path, however, that approach is GREAT for fostering bitterness, resentment, anger, and halting spiritual progress,lol.. In short, these things need to be inducted into children from the beginning, and/or hashed out before marriage, not imposed upon someone in the name of "husband/wifes rights" AFTER marriage, because even though these rights definitely do exist for men and women, let's be honest with ourselves, when has forcing someone to do something actually been of any benefit? In fact, quite often, it works the opposite way. There will always be exceptions, but thats not what im addressing here. 
    (...just sitting here waiting for the push back,lol)
     
    W/s
     
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