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In the Name of God بسم الله


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Everything posted by Zellali

  1. Aoa I've een looking for the past half an hour and maybe I can't find the right word. Please guide me. Jazakallah Khair
  2. Gosh this is so annoying. What the hell does it mean the country stops the woman from divorce? That's ridiculous. It's a right from Allah, not government. This is why Islam is viewed so disrespectfully. Again, I'm sorry for the situation you are in maybe one day one of you kids can grow up and take your mom to another country and get a citizenship, and then file for divorce through that government?
  3. It should be, shouldn't it? But it's not. Not where I live at least, and never in my family.
  4. I agree. This sounds very wholesome and true. I believe that it is an agenda. However there's a pressure to never leave here, "till marriage". And honestly that messes it up for alot of young women. Also the situation where it's like your a cattle(women) in between hyenas (men) is impossible to over turn unless we stand up for it together. But I don't see that changing in the next decade either. I'm from the south east.
  5. Exactly the same here. I'm from Pakistan but this situation can also be related to other South Asian or even Western countries where Muslims live.
  6. Kind of made me laugh. From Pakistan. By magic I don't mean Hocus pocus. But I think you know what I mean when I wrote what he said. Exactly. It's so easy to say, ignore them. Be patient. For what? Till they stop saying " I fear Allah and that's only the reason why I don't go further, or else" and actually end up finishing 'or else'? Thank you. For understanding.
  7. 1. Yes I know. I couldn't do it here anyways. It was a very emotional and quick decision to think of such a solution but I couldn't ever carry out with it. Mainly because of the reasons you've named. 2. Nope. We live in one of the best cities of the country and I don't have any close relatives in the other major cities. 3. Yes. I have been ignoring. For 18 years. It's so easy to say "let them handle it" it's what my best friend tells me. It's not easy to see your mother's reputation be dragged through the mud by someone who you look like, by someone whose own flesh and blood you are. It's not easy to see her walk out of the washroom pretending she didn't just silently cry her heart out in there. It's not easy to see her do everything right, and much Much much much more, and still be treated like a donkey. Even they're respected and given rewards. All she's given is pain. He does this openly infront of us, what does he do behind closed doors? 4. Yes I have time. I always have time. Please post it
  8. Mashallah. I'm so proud of you. I know this might sound a little silly coming from a young person, but honestly I am so proud of you. Its not easy, at first. But like the truth is difficult to say in the beginning, but later it brings peace, getting out of a bad situation is difficult at first, and then it only brings you peace. I hope you and your children live happily ever after, and that they all have bright and happy futures. I completely agree about the fact that you could have lost your sanity. And not only yours, your kids would be loosing theirs too. Happy to hear your situation,❤️❤️
  9. For my mom it's both, for me it's financial. And yes of course I do work on myself. I'm not a perfect Muslim but I try my best. I'm even thinking of starting to wear head covering. (I wear a dupatta sometimes on my head). The point of the post was that sometimes we are Allah for help through prayers, but we can also ask for help in other ways. Like you know how some aunties are always reciting something and then they ask for dua. Just like there are duas for marriage, or success, I meant is there something specific like that for my situation. Because I'm not the first nor the last one whose going through this. And I agree wholly. We love to cut and paste and follow the new way we've created. For me, for years I kept telling myself I feel more confident without a headscarf, but it wasn't confidence, it was more about the insecurity I felt towards the rest of my body and I felt like my hair could cover that. I changed my mind very recently and agree that head covering is difficult but important to a part of our growth. The problem in our culture or countries or societies is no one is ready to learn. Everyone listens to reply, not to understand and learn.
  10. I'm so sorry for what happened. If you don't mind me asking, why can't she divorce him? I strongly urge my mother to do so after my youngest is done with his studies. I don't want her to suffer anymore. I don't care if it seems like we're just using my father for financial benefit. It wouldn't be like this it her were a good honest person. I honestly wish my father wasn't so religious, so I had something to back me up when I tell my friends or family members of this situation.
  11. Thank you. It means alot. I will keep praying. And shiachat does help. However I'm a female and here females don't go to the mosque. It's just school or the house. It's so dukl
  12. He's a religious man, in a stereotypical way. He reads namaz and Qur'an e paak daily. And it would be amazing to see what you mean by evil eye from my mom, since it's so amazing her evil eye is causing him to disrespect her. Amazing. Blame it on some mystical thing while the man does wudu everyday. Not saying I don't believe in evil eye, but there's nothing my dad is better at than my mother for her to look at him and feel anything that would give him evil eye. (Where I live, it's usually because someone is jealous or greedy and look at people with wrong intentions). From his sister, we really think it's her. She keeps pushing and pushing saying that her son is some "Pir" (reads verses and rids of evil eye) and that our house is in dire need of it. Before she started saying this everything was fine and then suddenly everything went down hill. That's also one of the reasons why he thinks my mom is doing something to him. Of course, the woman who even after suffering so much, tells her kids to respect and obey their father, who doesn't show to her kids how he treats her, is the wrong one in his eyes.
  13. How did you get through it? How did you end up leaving him? Did you have any kids? What happened to them or how are they now? I have accepted the reality. But I wanted to give it a shot.
  14. Assalamualaikum, My dad's been sick for two weeks. The day he got sick, one of my moms co-workers was getting divorce because her husband is leaving with another lover. (Yes this is relevant please keep reading) She was devastated so everyone was comforting her. Another one of my mom's coworker friends called her to see where she was because she wanted to go to the lady and console her. My mom said she was in the car with my dad. Of course dad asked who it was, what they wanted, what happened (in a negative tone, the usual ) and then when my mom told him, his answer was "that's what happens to women who care more about their social life than their home life." (I partially agree but only towards this one lady, because I remember her son used to be in first grade and all the time his nose would be running, he would be wearing old, torn uniform, and his hair would be disheveled, and they're bloody rich so it wasn't an issue like that (her job is apart of her social life. She only does it for her friends. Which is completely fine but it's not fine how she treated her kid and ignored his needs)) Anyways, my mom didn't reply. However, this gave him a chance to of course bring her into this saying all these women working in this particular place, this is how they turn out to be ( of loose character) , blah blah. The husband is leaving, not her. Shes devastated. He's abandoning his kids too so how is he any better? He kept spewing ill words to the work place (my mom is a , teacher. A teacher. Of first graders. ) Of course my mom didn't take that for long and asked him what he meant. Causing the fight because "he's never wrong". Now he says" I got sick on the day of the fight. Means I got sick because of you" (at my mom) saying my mom has done black magic on him because they had a fight 2 weeks ago. I'm done. Honestly, I don't know how she can talk to him straight face. I'm so done. I hate him. I don't care what he provides for, what he does, because he does it as a "religious duty" From God. Not because he's our father, I'm sure he believes he loves us, but I don't want this love. I'm done because this is honestly a normal thing to happen every 1-2 months. Im sick and tired of it. After all this, nawozobillah, if my mom were to actually do something wrong, I wouldn't even care. I'd still side with her. He doesn't deserve her. At all. I've taken this for 18 years. Came in between when it used to get physical till I was 14. It only stopped being physical not because he started fearing God or because he thought he was morally wrong but because my brothers started calling him out on it and he got scared they might spill to someone out of the family or worse, leave him in old age. If he thinks they're going to keep him in old age, he's in for one hell of a ride later. But Im done. However my mom can't leave him due to financial issues. I'm 18, I have three younger brothers (13, 10 and 9). And here divorce is "ASTAGHFIRULLAH HOW DARE SHE". So, is there any way that I can read something, and secretly pray that actually works and changes him. Anything anyone has actually seen work? Like we're asked to read "nasrum minallahe wa fata un Kareem" when we want to be successful or repeat some specific word. Can someone tell me something for my situation? Jazakallah Khair.
  15. Well I guess the trash takes itself out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. just kidding Thank you for this response though. It really helps in decision making. I couldn't find posts about these kind of questions in a Shia forum so I'm hoping it helps someone else too and this response was a perfect way to put everything in perspective before a decision.
  16. Yeah but is it allowed to separate from your parents without their permission? If you're earning enough to pay for rent and basic needs? Her argument was based on this question we came across the internet, https://www.seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-an-unmarried-young-woman-live-alone/ Except here the two sisters are moving out together, so is it okay even if it was just one of the sisters moving out on her own. And after what age can this be done? How was the response of the person on the website (Sunni). Can someone site sources to say it's okay to do this?
  17. I'm an 18 year old female, and in the future I might be living away from home for university and then maybe a job. One of my friends (also Shia) says that after a certain age of maturity we should be able to live our own life without asking our parents for permission and burdening them. That we should get a job and move elsewhere (even during university or for university). I don't have an issue personally (neither do my parents) on that part, but they believe that if only I'm going abroad for my studies it would be fine. And I know alot of you are going to say that that's not allowed for a girl either, okay I get it. But that's not the topic at hand right now. I don't know how to answer her. Like is it allowed to live independently? Does it have to include your parents permission? If the guys can do it, why can't the women? (I'm not saying this out of "EQUALITY FOR ALL", because I know why there can't be complete equality and it's ridiculous to believe so. It's more of a "why" the difference) Also, what if you come from an abusive household and leaving there is better for you to keep your sanity. Should the girl still stay? And no, no family member is willing to help, no community people, no marja. Just you. So what then? Just endure it, like they've endured it for the rest of their life, until marriage? (I'm so against the enduring part, the "have patience" part. I've seen so many women in my life suffer for no reason. Literally they could get out, but there's no support other than themselves. So I'm really hoping no one says that)
  18. Definitely you're right. I was being curious, not trying to set a ground for which Prophet to believe in. Jazakallah khair.
  19. I'm actually not black. I'm , tan? Haha anyways the question was as in inquiry since a friend asked. I was being a curious person since there seem to be a lot of movies about Prophets (even in Arabic) and theyre white. Just curious, don't worry I'm not being discriminatory. No needto take it so negatively. Jazakallah khair
  20. No I don't. I was wondering because a friend asked. I never said anything and cetainly don't mean it in a racist way. lol. Why would you even think that??
  21. What do you think? The mothers going to let it be like that? I strongly urge that she gets evidence of her mother's ugly side and shows it the rest of the family. If she doesn't cut ties, the grandmother won't hesitate to take over the kids and since OP is so distressed, she might succeed.
  22. Sorry I didn't read the part about you leaving your husband. But I would strongly suggest you get away from them and get a khula.
  23. Found the mom. (It's a joke) For God's sake stop spreading this message. You'll be the reason for their unhappiness and even more distance from religion. For OP, PLEASE don’t GO BACK TO HER. Also, your husband has failed you. Just like your mother. You seem educated, enough that you previously had a job. Get back at it. (I'm hoping you already work since your husband was in debt? If not, find a way to save up money for rent. File for khula soon and leave the husband. He doesn't deserve you. You have this right for a reason. If you stay in this marriage, it'll cause you harm, it'll make things worse. I would even suggest counseling but it's not for free, so id suggest getting away from this whole situation first. Also please take your siblings and other family members into confidence. I'm Hoping that they support you, but if they don't, forget them. If they won't respect your decision to save yourself they don't deserve respect from you. This is coming from a child of an abusive household. I tell my mom Everytime, if she'd left my dad when he showed signs of emotional and physical abuse when I was young (everything that I also witnessed) I wouldn't have ever questioned her decisions, knowing fully well how I used to scream as a 3 year old child to let my mother go when my father would do this. I'm scared it might get abusive. I'm hoping you have the courage, never forget there are other people who don't need to be blood family, but can become family. May Allah help you and give you courage (not sabr, because that gets you no where in situations like these. No one changes, not even after a lifetime).
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