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In the Name of God بسم الله

touma86

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  1. Like
    touma86 got a reaction from AbuHope in Divorcing infertile husband   
    Brother @Abu Hadi and @shia farm girl thank you for your kind replies, they made me feel better. Just to note, I did not say I have been married for 19 years. I got married when I was 19 and now I'm 32 so that is almost 13 years of marriage which is still a lot I know, but as good as he is, the pain I went through with IVF and all these years of waiting and waiting have almost made me crazy. I love my husband and yes we get a long perfect but I can't accept my life without having bio children and having my own family telling me I have the choice to stop suffering also confuses me. Dear sister @shia farm girl I'm very very sorry what happened to your ex that is really heart breaking and thank you for your words, I wish you a wonderful life.
  2. Like
    touma86 reacted to Ashvazdanghe in Divorcing infertile husband   
    For having child
    Dua'a for Child birth-Pregnancy-Delivery
    http://www.duas.org/matri3.htm
    Imam Sajjad (as) :first recite
    فَقُلْتُ اسْتَغْفِرُوا رَبَّكُمْ إِنَّهُ كَانَ غَفَّارًا ﴿١٠﴾  hen I said, Ask forgiveness of your Lord, surely He is the most Forgiving: (10) يُرْسِلِ السَّمَاءَ عَلَيْكُم مِّدْرَارًا ﴿١١﴾ وَيُمْدِدْكُم بِأَمْوَالٍ وَبَنِينَ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ جَنَّاتٍ وَيَجْعَل لَّكُمْ أَنْهَارًا ﴿١٢﴾ http://tanzil.net/#trans/en.shakir/71:10 He will send down upon you the cloud, pouring down abundance of rain: (11) And help you with wealth and sons, and make for you gardens, and make for you rivers. (12) He will send down upon you the cloud, pouring down abundance of rain: (11) And help you with wealth and sons, and make for you gardens, and make for you rivers. (12) then recite 70 time رَبِّ لَا تَذَرْنِی فَرْداً وَ أَنْتَ خَیْرُ الْوَارِثِینَ وَ اجْعَلْ لِی مِنْ لَدُنْکَ وَلِیّاً یَرِثُنِی فِی حَیَاتِی وَ یَسْتَغْفِرُ لِی بَعْدَ مَوْتِی وَ اجْعَلْهُ خَلَفاً سَوِیّاً وَ لَا تَجْعَلْ لِلشَّیْطَانِ فِیهِ نَصِیباً اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّی أَسْتَغْفِرُکَ وَ أَتُوبُ إِلَیْکَ إِنَّکَ أَنْتَ الْغَفُورُ الرَّحِیمُ Ya Allah, do not let me alone, and you are the best heirs, and make a successor to me that would make me good in my time and, after my death, seek forgiveness for me, and grant him a healthy creature, and do not share the devil with him. Ya Allah! I ask forgiveness for you, and I will return to you, because you are generous and kind or read dua 1 time and say استغرالله* 70 then  70* سبحان اللهthen  Imam Sadiq (as) اللَّهُمَّ لَا تَذَرْنِی فَرْداً وَ أَنْتَ خَیْرُ الْوَارِثِینَ وَحِیداً وَحْشاً فَیَقْصُرَ شُکْرِی عَنْ تَفَکُّرِی بَلْ هَبْ لِی عَاقِبَةَ صِدْقٍ ذُکُوراً وَ إِنَاثاً آنَسُ بِهِمْ مِنَ الْوَحْشَةِ وَ أَسْکُنُ إِلَیْهِمْ مِنَ الْوَحْدَةِ وَ أَشْکُرُکَ عِنْدَ تَمَامِ النِّعْمَةِ یَا وَهَّابُ یَا عَظِیمُ یَا مُعَظَّمُ ثُمَّ أَعْطِنِی فِی کُلِّ عَافِیَةٍ شُکْراً حَتَّی تُبْلِغَنِی مِنْهَا رِضْوَانَکَ فِی صِدْقِ الْحَدِیثِ وَ أَدَاءِ الْأَمَانَةِ وَ وَفَاءٍ بِالْعَهْدِ http://wikiporsesh.ir/دعا_برای_بچه_دار_شدن https://www.yjc.ir/fa/news/5552548/زوج‌های-نابارور-برای-بچه‌دار-شدن-این-دعا-را-بخوانند http://namnak.com/دعای-بچه-دار-شدن.p15640
  3. Like
    touma86 reacted to Almuslimah in Divorcing infertile husband   
    Salam! You have received many good advices mashAllah. I also would say dont divorce. Think about how much your husband cares about you. He also seems to have had (might still have) strong desire to have children. He also hurts. He might feel quilty and deep sadness. I bet he feels sad for both of you.
    But you two have mashAllah strong marriage. Fertility treatments are not easy and only strong ones keep up and can support themselfs and spouse, just like your husband mashAllah did. You have been married for long time. You have been walking all this way together in hard and easy times. I understand that you want to be mother. Think about adopting. 
    If you would get divorced it wouldnt be guaranteed that you would even get married again. Atleast not with a man as good as your current husband. Think about all the good things in your marriage. How much he loves you. This hard road of infertility has only made you two even stronger together. We plan but Allah is the best of planners (Quran 8:30).
    Marriage is half of deen and your husband can be your ticket to Jannah. Hold on to that because in Jannah you can have everything you want, even children. Therein are brought round for them trays of gold and goblets, and therein is all that souls desire and eyes find sweet. And ye are immortal therein (43:71)
  4. Like
    touma86 got a reaction from Islandsandmirrors in Divorcing infertile husband   
    Thank you everyone. I hope Allah rewards you all for helping me. I feel much better. @Islandsandmirrors sorry if by my logic I made you feel bad. Thanks for the perspective and I hope you will have a very happy life. I will talk to him more about adoption. I hope he agrees and Allah makes it easy for us.
    Pray for us brothers and sisters.
  5. Like
    touma86 got a reaction from Khudi in Divorcing infertile husband   
    Thank you everyone. I hope Allah rewards you all for helping me. I feel much better. @Islandsandmirrors sorry if by my logic I made you feel bad. Thanks for the perspective and I hope you will have a very happy life. I will talk to him more about adoption. I hope he agrees and Allah makes it easy for us.
    Pray for us brothers and sisters.
  6. Like
    touma86 reacted to Ashvazdanghe in Divorcing infertile husband   
    Salam do you tried Iran for IVF ,Iran is one of the best countries for IVF & other methods  you can contact with below link
    http://www.royaninstitute.org/cmsen/index.php?option=com_contact&catid=12&Itemid=103
  7. Like
    touma86 reacted to Khadim uz Zahra in Divorcing infertile husband   
    May I ask exactly what his concerns are with regard to adopted children growing older?
    If the issue is about issues related to being mahram, then a very simple solution is for you to adopt a very young baby, who is male. This way your husband will have no problems with being his mahram, while you may breastfeed the child to become his mahram. While I wasn't sure about this, a quick Google search reveals that a woman may stimulate lactation artificially without pregnancy through the use of hormonal therapy. From what I know, as per Islamic fiqh, you only need to breastfeed a baby once to become his mahram. Of course, I would suggest you consider an Islamic scholar in order to properly vet if such a thing is allowed, and if there's no problem with stimulating lactation artificially.
    If your concerns relate to the how the adopted child might react, after they grow up, to the fact that they were adopted, I don't think anyone can foretell what that experience might be like but if you raise him well, and with love, I don't imagine he would hold it against you.
    As Brother Hadi said, if your husband is compatible with you, I really don't think you should divorce him. Moreover, put yourself in his shoes. What if you were the infertile one among the two of you, would you not feel betrayed and dejected that your partner of 13 years is willing to just leave you behind after being together for so long?
    Ultimately, as brother Hadi said, you have to react to the hardships in your life as best as you can. If you have an alternative, such as adoption that allows you to both get the children you want, and be with the man you love, then why not take it, instead of being bogged down with potential problems in the future that may or may not ever occur? It would be truly unfortunate if you choose to live in misery from your fear of future problems, instead of making the right decisions in your present that are certain to make your lives better.
  8. Like
    touma86 reacted to Islandsandmirrors in Divorcing infertile husband   
    It is heart wrenching to read this. 
    I have been recently diagnosed with Vaginismus being newly married. We can’t consummate our marriage because of my medical condition and body shuts him out. It’s treatable however. And hopefully, I’ll be able to have children someday. 
    Imagine the pain that your husband feels for not being able to give you want you want (and what he wants.) This is something beyond his control. Imagine if my own husband said he wanted to leave because we can’t have normal intimacy? By your logic, he should leave me, right? Because, you know, sex is a part of marriage.  
    Why would you want to leave your husband? Your husband that is willing to sacrifice his own happiness for your own? Divorcing him is out of the question. He is good to you, and good for you. You don’t just leave just because things don’t turn out exactly as you want.
    There is no certainty that you will get remarried after your divorce. Don’t throw away a gift that Allah has given you. Many women wish they could have understanding and patient husbands like yours. Why are you so ungrateful for what you have?
    Why don’t you want to adopt? You are being stubborn. Allah perhaps closed the door on you having children right now because he either wants you to be patient, or is saving you from a calamity (like having an evil child). Try to understand the wisdom behind this test. You need to try to become open with the idea of adopting. Your adopted children might turn out to be more pious and more loving than if you were to have any biological children. 
    Imagine how heartbroken your husband will be if you leave him. Even if you do have children with a different husband, he might be the worst out there.
    the grass isn’t always greener on the other side.
  9. Like
    touma86 reacted to Qa'im in Divorcing infertile husband   
    This type of thinking is toxic. You're justifying throwing him away because you assume he would do the same. Have you asked him what he would do if the shoe were on the other foot?
    Your family seems to be pretty hell-bent on getting you two divorced. This is surprising, considering the possibility that things can go terribly wrong. What if you can't remarry? What if you don't love your second husband the way you love your current husband? What if he too is infertile? What if you get a child with a birth defect, or in the example in Surat al-Kahf, an evil child? There may be a wisdom to his situation, and perhaps adoption can save a person's life, while divorce can very well destroy yours.
  10. Like
    touma86 reacted to Islandsandmirrors in Divorcing infertile husband   
    OP: do not divorce him. I repeat, do not divorce him.
    You’ll be making the worst mistake of your life.
  11. Like
    touma86 reacted to Gaius I. Caesar in Divorcing infertile husband   
    I know you're feeling the pressure to have a child but just because some men leave a woman for being infertile,  does not mean you should divorce your husband. Not in this situation, I'll echo what others have told you: Don't divorce him, he has been supportive of you for thirteen years. You may not find a man as supportive of you as he is, I urge you  to reconsider, Touma.
  12. Like
    touma86 got a reaction from PureExistence1 in Divorcing infertile husband   
    Brother @Abu Hadi and @shia farm girl thank you for your kind replies, they made me feel better. Just to note, I did not say I have been married for 19 years. I got married when I was 19 and now I'm 32 so that is almost 13 years of marriage which is still a lot I know, but as good as he is, the pain I went through with IVF and all these years of waiting and waiting have almost made me crazy. I love my husband and yes we get a long perfect but I can't accept my life without having bio children and having my own family telling me I have the choice to stop suffering also confuses me. Dear sister @shia farm girl I'm very very sorry what happened to your ex that is really heart breaking and thank you for your words, I wish you a wonderful life.
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