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In the Name of God بسم الله

Justme123

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  1. Salams all. I sent this message to a shiekh but still haven’t gotten a response, I haven’t edited properly my apologies. I can’t keep this post up for long due to extremely personal issues and I’m in need of seeking Islamic advice. Roughly 5 years ago I’d say, I suffered from major depression and anxiety, Humdliah I over come it without the use of medication, and got closer to Allah which helped out a lot also, going to Iraq in 2017 helped me out completely as my 9 years of anxiety was and still is 100% cleared Humdliah. I used to also be a very angry person, which also with a lot of hard work went. I don’t want to complain or dwell honestly, but this year Allah has tested me with a lot, I was engaged to someone who at the end was really controlling and put me down a lot, 2 weeks after breaking it off we found out that my father Allah yerhamo was diagnosed with lung cancer and then further diagnosed with myeloma, 3 months later he passed away from septic shock multi organ failure, which was 1 month ago. during these times, I felt as though I had not much support, I live alone with my mother which is a very neglected environment, my sisters called once every 2-3 days, although I was mostly physically alone. My oldest brother who is now ‘responsible’ for me I find is not suitable, as he is addicted to the drug codine, and after my fathers passing has tried and accomplished of stealing medication of my mother and other brother who is disabled. (Even before my fathers passing he would sneak in, although now it’s getting bad and his taking it infront of me). He has honestly caused me so much more stress, as he sneaks into the house to take the medication, and has actually ‘playfully’ attacked me the other day to get the medication which was hidden under my jumper, at the time I didn’t get effected until after I couldn’t get it out of my head that he would do that. I know he is my older brother and sirit raham is very important in Islam. Due to all the stress my anger has come back extremely aggressive, I have now kind of cut contacts with my family members and blocked my oldest brother because I was really sick and over his phone calls and silly messages. My anger is causing me to isolate myself and wanting to be alone always, I’m not usually this type of person what’s so ever, but I find that no one really cares or loves me, as silly as it sounds... I even feel as though Allah is very upset from me. My emotions are all over the place, I’m not married but classify myself as kind of independent, I look after my self, work, pay for my own things, the only thing I don’t do is pay rent, I really cannot stand the thought of him being my “responsibility”, I feel like just getting married just so I can have that out of my head. Because I live with my mother, my brother would always call to see if I’m home, or what I’m doing, he would message and send jokes about medications, which I currently cannot handle anymore. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore, I feel bad and embarrassed for the rest of my family, but at the same time don’t feel the need to be around them because I feel as though they don’t care... when they figured I was ignoring them, some got offended, which I don’t understand why, if another sibling was acting the way I was/am, they understand and not get angry, I just feel as though I get treated differently, and I don’t know if this is because I’m the youngest. I’m sorry if this sounds silly, but honestly for some reason suicide thoughts are creeping in every now and then for the past 3-4 days, although I can tell it is getting better Humdliah . I don’t know who to speak to as I don’t want to shame my brother, and know that a sheikh will keep things completely confidential. I’m so sorry to burden you once again, but really in need for advice and guidance.
  2. Wasalam, so when it comes to a human being angry, what is the Islamic way to go about it when someone feels as though they cannot control themselves?
  3. Salams What did Imam Ali used to do when he had gotten angry? I heard he used to scream into a well... but can’t find any sources? Thank you
  4. Yes ofc, but Sistani says that if you had no knowledge or didn’t know the gusul is void, so that means if the gusul is void wouldn’t the sala be also? :/
  5. Salams brothers and sister how are you all? I had just found out last night that I have been gusul wrong my whole life :/. Do I have to repeat ALL my sala? That’s 13 years of sala :/ I follow Sistani but can’t find his fatwa. Please help. Thank you. Wsalam
  6. Humdlilah you have gotten everything done! And inshallah Allah continues to bless you and your business. Humdlilah for every test that I have received in life. But I feel like this is way different to others, inshallah I continue to keep my hope towards Allah and he guides us all to His light. Although, I feel lost with my patience especially and finding it hard to get back to my old self. But kheir inshallah, keep me in your Duas inshallah wasalam
  7. Thank you! But how do you know you’re a mu’min? Would this go to a regular Muslim? Sorry for the questions, but I’m going to depth as this topic was mentioned once, and I was saying how Allah forgive the biggest sin if the person repents, although I wasn’t too sure about answering if the sin was repeated
  8. Salams, just a question that popped up in mind What happens to those who stopped a sin, and then a few years later done that sin again? And they are finding it hard to stop it, and repent after stopping it, but do it again? And then what would happen if they stopped once again, but then without intentionally ina few years do that same sin again, or maybe they never do that sin again Allah is most forgiving, but what about in this kind of situation? This can relate to any sins, but mostly major sins wasalam.
  9. I had forgotten to add also, that I feel that Allah doesn’t love me, not because of the test and trials as I have been through other tests but still felt that happiness towards Allah, that He was happy with me but now for some reason it’s just in my head and heart that He doesn’t.
  10. Salams brother and sister! Before beginning, I just want to wish everyone a Ramadan Mubarak and inshallah all your Duas and amaal gets answered and accepted in the spiritual nights of laylatul qadr. If you have read my last post, I was engaged to someone who had completely made me feel as thought I was not worthy enough, who always complained that I needed to change, had put myself esteem down completely. Humdlilah, when my mind had finally opened up and I had enough I left him. Although I felt a relief in some sort of way, I feel like the scares were/ are still there. I still feel unworthy, unwanted and completely unloved by everyone around me. During the last 3 months of my engagement, my actions and behavior changed completely, I had more patience, I was not as opinionated, and was not angry. Now I feel like no one is understanding where I’m comming from and everyone is taking me the wrong way, I try to voice myself now, and because it’s an unusual thing from myself, people tend to get defensive with me which could and sometimes does lead to a misunderstanding or argument. The other problem was, a few weeks after I broke it off, We had found out my father was diagnosed with cancer, and all these problems started happening within my family which took my mind off the break up. After a little over a month, my dad had a cardiac arrest, but Humdliah survived. All these problems came in one big hit, and I felt as though my close “friends” were not as supportive, everyone was moving away from me because obviously everything that was going on effected my happy mood and I was just constantly stressed, and upset. It’s like they got sick of me in a way. Now that Humdlilah my dad has gotten better, I’m also getting better in life Humdlilah. Although, I go through times we’re I feel like I’m not okay, that I’m not worthy etc, I feel like I’m just angry at everyone and annoyed from everyone and that life is just tiring. I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t really allowed myself to heal from everything, that I try to avoid the hardships that I had faced. Or if it’s because I feel like no one really cared or took into consideration what I was going through, I didn’t get the proper support that I would do for them. it seems that I’m still that opinionated, aggressive, angry person and I’m so sick of myself being like this, I miss my old self, when I had this relief and happiness constantly. Is is there any advice that may help me? Has anyone gone through this? I feel like I’m going to stay like this forever :/ sorry the the story is jumbled up, but I honestly don’t know how I can explain it in another way. Wasalan.
  11. This has left me emtional honestly, especially after the last 4 paragraphs you have wrote, thank you so much brother, what you said is absolutely beautiful
  12. Thank you brothers and sisters! I feel like I’m getting the perfect amount of support from everyone! I appreciate it so much! The past few days we have been good Humdlilah, I strained my neck and he came past after finishing work late to drop me medication off. His being nice to me so far, but today mentioned how his doing what I like, but I’m not doing what he likes... which he didn’t explain properly, he just said when I go out I be stubborn about the time to come back home, and when I say to him “why don’t you accept that I’m like this”. I told him I see our relationship getting better these past few days, and he agreed (weird) and said yeah! We should do something and not waste eachothers time (like get married ASAP). But knowing me, time is always the key, because worried if his going to change straight away. when I say his good, I mean it in a way, like his personality is good, his religious and has taught me new things(but gets upset when I don’t do it which that upsets me because his not understanding much towards me), his nice around others, he has respect for my family, if I ask for anything, sometimes/most times he’ll get it. I’m also sticking around because the Qur'an khiri turned out really well. And one day I opened the Qur'an randomly and his name came up. This was before we met and a little after our Fatiha (when everything was good) I feel mixed emotions constantly.. and feel like it’s extremely hard to leave because I feel like I’m going against Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). I feel like it’s hard to talk to anyone, that’s why I’m taking a lot here.. because when I talk to someone they agree with him more but again I don’t elaborate on things because worried if they go against him 100%, and won’t accept him. So on shiachat I’m being 100% honest, but to others I’m defending him too much. And also worried if everyone is going to think it’s not a good enough reason to leave someone... Should I elaborate more to my sister? Why am I so afraid of losing him even though I’m not happy most times I feel like I sound confusing, but I sound like this (kind of defending him) when things are going well. If your sister was going through this... what advice would you give her in this situation that I’m currently at... I’m so sorry that I keep going... but honestly this is where I feel most comfortable.. I feel like all of you are beautiful people who care about their Muslim brothers and sisters, and give advice from their hearts.
  13. He has also said that he wanted to break it off, but he feels he should be STRONG and make it work. I know I sound like a negative person, but I’m only stating what has been happening and how I’m feeling. I told him there’s going to be a day that I’m going to just break, and shut down. This worried him at the time, and whenever I act distant to him.
  14. And his also admitted that he can be more with me, emotionally wise. Also when I speak to him about emotionally things that’s happened in my past, sometimes he just ends it with okay and says nothing. Once I was cutting onions and he called and I was pretending I was crying to see his reaction, he didn’t even care I told him “I’m crying” and his like “okay, did you get the answer for this...?” He was being selfish and thought about what he was thinking about, and didn’t care less that I was “crying”
  15. His mother lives over seas but is here at the moments. His mother is very nice, and has a healthy relationship with her husband. BUT, I feel like she jokes with criticism with me. She always says how I don’t speak Arabic and how it’s good that the only word I know is “Humdlilah”. The thing is I’m too shy to speak Arabic because it’s very broken, but I understand it nearly fluently and she doesn’t believe it. She has put me down “unintentionally” about my weight also.
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