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Justme123

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  1. This has left me emtional honestly, especially after the last 4 paragraphs you have wrote, thank you so much brother, what you said is absolutely beautiful
  2. Thank you brothers and sisters! I feel like I’m getting the perfect amount of support from everyone! I appreciate it so much! The past few days we have been good Humdlilah, I strained my neck and he came past after finishing work late to drop me medication off. His being nice to me so far, but today mentioned how his doing what I like, but I’m not doing what he likes... which he didn’t explain properly, he just said when I go out I be stubborn about the time to come back home, and when I say to him “why don’t you accept that I’m like this”. I told him I see our relationship getting better these past few days, and he agreed (weird) and said yeah! We should do something and not waste eachothers time (like get married ASAP). But knowing me, time is always the key, because worried if his going to change straight away. when I say his good, I mean it in a way, like his personality is good, his religious and has taught me new things(but gets upset when I don’t do it which that upsets me because his not understanding much towards me), his nice around others, he has respect for my family, if I ask for anything, sometimes/most times he’ll get it. I’m also sticking around because the Qur'an khiri turned out really well. And one day I opened the Qur'an randomly and his name came up. This was before we met and a little after our Fatiha (when everything was good) I feel mixed emotions constantly.. and feel like it’s extremely hard to leave because I feel like I’m going against Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). I feel like it’s hard to talk to anyone, that’s why I’m taking a lot here.. because when I talk to someone they agree with him more but again I don’t elaborate on things because worried if they go against him 100%, and won’t accept him. So on shiachat I’m being 100% honest, but to others I’m defending him too much. And also worried if everyone is going to think it’s not a good enough reason to leave someone... Should I elaborate more to my sister? Why am I so afraid of losing him even though I’m not happy most times I feel like I sound confusing, but I sound like this (kind of defending him) when things are going well. If your sister was going through this... what advice would you give her in this situation that I’m currently at... I’m so sorry that I keep going... but honestly this is where I feel most comfortable.. I feel like all of you are beautiful people who care about their Muslim brothers and sisters, and give advice from their hearts.
  3. He has also said that he wanted to break it off, but he feels he should be STRONG and make it work. I know I sound like a negative person, but I’m only stating what has been happening and how I’m feeling. I told him there’s going to be a day that I’m going to just break, and shut down. This worried him at the time, and whenever I act distant to him.
  4. And his also admitted that he can be more with me, emotionally wise. Also when I speak to him about emotionally things that’s happened in my past, sometimes he just ends it with okay and says nothing. Once I was cutting onions and he called and I was pretending I was crying to see his reaction, he didn’t even care I told him “I’m crying” and his like “okay, did you get the answer for this...?” He was being selfish and thought about what he was thinking about, and didn’t care less that I was “crying”
  5. His mother lives over seas but is here at the moments. His mother is very nice, and has a healthy relationship with her husband. BUT, I feel like she jokes with criticism with me. She always says how I don’t speak Arabic and how it’s good that the only word I know is “Humdlilah”. The thing is I’m too shy to speak Arabic because it’s very broken, but I understand it nearly fluently and she doesn’t believe it. She has put me down “unintentionally” about my weight also.
  6. Thank you all for your help and opinions! Really appreciate it so much! Maybe I should elaborate on his actions, and on my actions. An example would be, our work hours a different, and he also works on the weekends. I could sleep in on the weekends but I make sure that I wake up early to wake him up, and speak to him on the phone while his on his way to work, but let’s say days that I start early and he starts late, he would never do that for me, and has never offered. I feel like everything is based on his timing, on my break if he doesn’t have work and is out with friends he wouldn’t talk to me, but if it’s vice versa, I would pick up on his calls no matter where’s I am. Whenever he does come over and if I need anything he would get it for me, which I show so much appreciation to it. But before he used to just come with stuff that he thought I needed, now when he knows I need something he wouldn’t get it, or keep forgetting and when I remind him he still forgets, now I just don’t remind him anymore (I’ve lost my license, soon getting it back). He also used to come after work sometimes when he finishes late and we would hang out for a bit, but now he doesn’t do that anymore, only if he finishes before 9. He used to come around and bring me food (I’m a full time student and worker so I can’t cook everyday) but now when I say I’m hungry he would say “go make food”. He also tells me that I should be getting close to my religion more, which hurts, because I feel like I used to be more closer to Ahlul Bayt and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), but because he pushes me everyday “do this sala, read this Qur'an aya, read this dua” and if I don’t because I’ll Be too tired and in bed already, he gets upset, but once or twice, I asked him if he done the sala, and he said “no, I’m really tired” and I didn’t say anything to him, because I’m understanding. Sometimes I feel like when I give him less attention he comes back and try’s more, when I go back to normal, he doesn’t try as much (which I never change, I’m the same from the beginning until the other person starts treating me like that, that’s when I change without) they say to to keep a relationship happy and healthy you need to be the same as you were from the beginning, no relationship/marriage should feel like the other person is not bothered for them, or feel that the relationship is one-sided. These small stuff matter. His an amazing guy, but his comfortable side was not what I expected, because my comfortable side is not much different to my non-comfortable side.
  7. Salams brothers and sisters I have been engaged for the past 5 months. The first 2 months went perfectly smooth, everything was perfect and I found that my fiancé is someone I would tick all the boxes for a future husband. Although, after 2 months I felt as though he was showing me less attention and affection, I noticed the change in his voice (excitement wise) and noticed that he would spend less time talking to me throughout the day, his happiness was different, and then I felt lonely in the relationship. I would tell him how I would feel and wait for changes from him. He would argu back and say that he isn’t doing anything wrong, but would agree to change his behaviour towards me. He would change for a day or 2, then go back to sounding as though speaking to me is a chore. Im a very sensitive person, and very observant, so I picked up on his change of behaviour and felt very hurt by it. We then went through arguments nearly every 2nd day. I feel like his annoyed with me, not excited anymore, and is becoming stricter on me when it comes to outings, I feel like whenever I mention topics to me he goes against me and always has something to say back. He gets annoyed when I mention his change of behaviour. Although when I change my behaviour and show less attention to him, he starts saying things like “you’re not excited to see me anymore” “you don’t want to talk to me” etc. honestly it’s so weird and I’m getting emotionally drained. It’s like his the one who needs the attention and I don’t. I personally believe that time, affection and attention is really important in a relationship/marriage, and emotional support, especially when your significant other is understanding and caring from their hearts. And I feel like his doesn’t have any of that towards me anymore. The things we fight over is so silly but it’s making both of us pull away. We have spoken to eachother about fixing it so many times but has never worked out and is getting worse. I feel like sometimes I really want to leave him, because I believe that I put too much into this relationship and not feeling like I’m getting the same effort back, but deep down for some reason something is stopping me. And he also feels the same way as we discussed this together, because we’re worried that our marriage life is going to be based around fighting constantly because of our different mindsets and emotions or are we going to end up understanding and accepting our differences? Has anyone ever gone through this? What should I do? Thank you! Wsalam
  8. Salams, I'm new to this website, I've always wanted to ask but felt ashamed for some reason I am 22 years of age and never been engaged and no proper proposal has come through the door. All my sisters has at least gotten engaged at 17, and I just feel as though there is something wrong with me. I do want to get married and want someone who will better me in my religion inshallah. Although, I feel my self esteem is lowering majorly due to my hand not getting asked for at all. I know I sound silly, I have done dua and have asked during my trip to ziyara, but nothing. I am patiently waiting, but like I said my self esteem is making me feel insecure about myself, and doubting Allah's love towards me. If there are any dua's for marriage and Duas for patients or any advice at all, it would be help full. Please and thank you, salam
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