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In the Name of God بسم الله

Vindemiatrix

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Vindemiatrix last won the day on October 12 2019

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    Shia Islam
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    (يـا عــلــى(ع
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  1. Completely agree with this ^ And lo and behold the post directly underneath from a syed: I haven't met a single syed who isn't arrogant and discriminatory. Most syeds say their daughters cannot marry a non syed, I say good why would we want to marry people who practice something which isn't mentioned anywhere in Islam anyway.
  2. But you can't say this, what about the women who don't have children, don't have much pain during their period, don't have pain after sex and have a good husband who helps with housekeeping + looking after children? Such women do exist. Not every person is the same, some have it more difficult than others. Some men will have it easier than women and vice versa, but you can't make a general statement for the whole gender like "women have it more difficult than men" and vice versa. By the way this can happen to men too. But I can never do that and a woman can never do that for men, it's impossible to truly know what someone else is going through, both men and women lead tough lives at certain times. I respect women and their difficulties and women should respect men and their difficulties. We shouldn't argue over who has it harder, that doesn't help anything it's for Allah to decide and he will do justice accordingly. A lot of men around here will take insult from such a statement. Just saying....
  3. Could you share them? I am a student of science, I haven't studied evolutionary biology or paleontology a great deal but perhaps I can provide some insight.
  4. See, this ^ I agree with but not what you said before. To be honest I don't know if the women who insulted my appearance were being unreasonable or reasonable, I have not shared my picture here so no one knows, not even myself, I thought I looked normal but now I don't know. As for the economic situation it's average so those women would have been richer. As for the friends thing, that's nice, I like the idea. "Desires" are really troublesome and it would be nice to think of the wife as a friend for the most part, if Allah gives me a wife. So then if I have to marry a woman who has a similar level of beauty and a similar economic situation to me then they must care about appearance and how much I earn, right?
  5. All I'm saying is women have insulted my appearance and aren't happy with my average salary, that's all...
  6. But the brother can literally just say "No words can describe what men go through", his desires could be eating him alive, giving him depression, suicidal thoughts etc. The point is no else knows except for him and Allah. So it doesn't make sense to say "You don't know what women go through" when you don't know what men go through. Someone can never say that women have it more difficult than men or vice versa, no human has been born twice and lived a full life as each male and female, it's impossible.
  7. See, reading stuff like this genuinely terrifies me. You spend a over decade (for the average male) fighting your desires every second of the day for the sake of Allah, get married and all to no avail. How can you go on then? I know some difficulties remain with you throughout your life and you'll be rewarded for enduring them in the next life but I didn't think "desires" was one of them since we have been provided with the solution for it here on earth, the marriage.
  8. If that was true then there would be no single men on earth.
  9. Some amazing lectures here, they describe life before Adam and Evolution using the Quran:
  10. This is something I have been researching a lot in the past year, I think it comes down to a few main factors which I will list: 1) Lying/Deception 2) Inability to compromise 3) Viewing marriage as solely between two people 4) Being forced 5) Incompatibility Discussion: 1) In Islam the engagement period is recommended to be as short as possible, from the time of meeting the person to the time of marriage, this duration is meant to be short while still allowing for a reasonable amount of assessment. During this time both parties will be assessing the other, it is very easy to lie and conceal things from the other party during this time, this is absolutely haram. Of course then these lies may come out putting a level of strain on the marriage depending on what the lie was. There are ways to protect oneself from this including seeking guidance from Allah as well as using techniques to get the lies out before the marriage. 2) With any marriage, it is highly unlikely that the two people will agree on everything 100%. This is where compromise comes in, and you will usually start to see this after the metaphorical "honeymoon period". If one person or both people aren't compromising then there will be strain on the marriage. To avoid this, both parties should discuss common everyday compromises in a marriage and come to an agreement before the marriage, putting agreements in the contract if necessary. As always seek guidance form Allah. 3) Now this is a big problem these days. You'll find that many couples these days will destroy one or even two families with their marriage. How? They treated marriage as something only between two people and not also between two families. I am a young man, if I am searching for marriage and me and the girl are okay but the mother or the father has a problem with me then I will leave that arrangement. It's not worth it and it will cause massive problems later on. You shouldn't be so attached to that girl/boy that you can't move on if there's a problem elsewhere in the arrangement, people need to learn self control over their emotions. People then argue that it's not the parents business and they shouldn't have a say in the matter but this is ridiculous, they are actually willing to destroy the relationship they have with their parents over someone who they aren't (or shouldn't be) close with at the moment. They are willing to practice Qatr e reham over someone they aren't even married to which is a major sin in the first place but the reason why they're doing it makes it so much worse. Then they may come back and argue, "Well my parents aren't good parents, this I like this girl/boy and he/she is really good but my parents can't see that because they're evil" or something like this. Now most of the time they have been blinded by love, they are too desperate or they are bad themselves and their parents are actually good, in which case the child is at fault. Then the other scenario, the parents are actually at fault themselves in which case it is a difficult situation to get out of, not much can be done, Allah knows best. In case of the former, the children should not go searching for a spouse themselves, the parents should look and then check the requirements then if, and only if, the two children are okay with it then the marriage can take place. 4) Now this is quite self explanatory and it is very upsetting, may Allah bless the poor souls who have been forced into marriage with someone who they didn't want to be with. This practice makes me sick, it is absolutely disgusting. May Allah free all the opresssed men and women who were forced. 5) Now despite best efforts, arrangements and similarities on paper, the couple may turn out to be simply incompatible, such an instance is rare, yes, but still possible. Some people, no matter what compromise and efforts will just never get along, this is unfortunate but in most cases it doesn't happen after marriage and it is usually prevented through Allah's guidance and also each parties assessment. Now historically, most members here have disagreed with many of my points so you'll likely get some opposing arguments below. I left this website briefly as I felt isolated and alone in my thinking here but since then I have found people in person who have the same ideas as me so I'm back now to share my thoughts. Apologies for any spelling/grammatical errors, if I think of anything else I will add a new reply.
  11. It isn't just men. It's men and women. The entire human race is descending into chaos. Just take a look around there is a small number of men and women left who are able to physically, spiritually, and psychologically provide for a spouse. The only possible thing I will mention is the cost of living which isn't the fault of the average man anyway so that is irrelevant. And to turn your argument on it's head. Men are allowed to handle four wives if they can handle it. Women are only allowed one husband. According to your viewpoint the number of wives a man can have has decreased as they are no longer physically, spiritually, and psychologically capable. Well what about women? They could only have one husband to begin with, where does that leave them now? Women aren't immune to evil, they too have become less physically, spiritually, and psychologically capable. Are women living on a different earth? Have they not been exposed to the evil and corruption of this world alongside men? Of course not. Most men are barely men and most women are barely women. But all hope is not lost, there are still good people out in the world and there always will be, you just have to find them.
  12. Well I would say that largely depends on a different side of the mindset of a person, some people like to have everything set in place and in a routine and that works for them, others prefer to take each day as it comes, without so much so as a plan but just getting it done. Furthermore, neither mindset can really be said to be advantageous or "better" as everyone is simply different, the routine will work for some people quite well, for their entire lives even, however other people don't function like this and prefer to be more flexible. Overall I guess what you've mentioned is another topic altogether, whether a couple is set in stone and has a routine or whether there's a freestyle approach, however it does link in with the original point and it could definitely be put down as a 4 option.
  13. Some notes: THIS IS NOT A REAL-LIFE SCENARIO; I JUST WANT TO KNOW THE GENERAL PREFERNCES FOR THIS This poll is anonymous Scenario: -In this scenario, working means a standard 9-5 job for 7 days a week which earns sufficient money for the whole household and covers expenses such as insurance, rent/mortgage, clothes, food, water, gas, electricity, petrol, household items, Wi-Fi, phone bills, school items etc… -Cooking and cleaning also involves jobs such as laundry, ironing, vacuuming, dropping off and picking up the children at school, taking care of the children after school while the working spouse is at work etc… -Also, on the weekend and after work, the working spouse contributes towards looking after the children I had the idea to make this poll as recently I have been a lot of discussion online between young men and women. The women tend to say: "Cooking and cleaning are basic life skills, everyone should do them" "A man should help a woman with cooking and cleaning as this is the equal way" "Cooking and cleaning are the responsibilities of both people in a marriage" The men tend to say: "One person working and the other cooking and cleaning is the most logical and practical way" "Islam states it is an obligation for a man to provide financially, this should be his main priority" "Men already fulfil their half by default as Islam requires them to work"
  14. This is creepy because I literally just signed in like 20 minutes ago after several months too!
  15. Salamun `alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu, In my opinion your decision on whether to study at home or not depends on your parents. In this post, I'll explain why. First we should consider what is the purpose of going to university and the answer is simply to study of course, however what is the right environment for you? Are your parents good, is your situation at home good, was there no studying during the A levels in your home if the answer is yes then definitely study from home. I know some people where unfortunately they wait their entire lives to move out to University when the time comes because their home situation is so bad and their parents basically kick them out. I also know people with kind and nice parents who support them and provide a comfortable studying environment at home, they do not charge rent and provide food etc. Next you mention the value of experience which can be gained at University such as managing daily life, cooking etc. Now in short, the purpose of University is to learn be it for progressing onto a post graduate course, further study or a career, the sole purpose is to study. You might be surprised to know that this factor also depends on the parents you have, some parents will simply make the lives of their children so hard that they will go to University anyway as I have aforementioned but on top of that their parents will not allow them back afterwards, they will kick them out or ask for rent. However other parents will allow their children to focus on their education for the 4 or 3 years and then gradually ease them into the reality of life, such parents may have already taught them useful life skills already since they love their children so much. The summer after graduation or in between each year at University is the perfect time for parents to teach their children every possible life skill they'll need from finances, mortgage, loan, to choosing a car, cooking and so on. Overall: Good Parents: -Provide a stress free and stable environment for studying -Provide food and other expenses, don't charge rent -Will ease their children into the real by teaching them about life in between term time or after graduation -Will always be there after graduation for help and advice once in the real world for as long as they live (May your parents live a long life Insha'Allah) Bad Parents: -Will either kick a person out or make a person leave and live at University due to poor conditions -Will not allow person to live in the house after without rent -Will not provide their children with any education on the real life -Will not be there for them in life In the case of bad parents moving is the logical choice as it will provide a much better learning environment while providing a relatively safe environment to gain life experience. In the case of good parents, the answer is clear, stay at home. I would strongly recommend anyone with good parents to give thanks every single day at night for them, it is a much bigger blessing than you may realise, there are few things better than two good parents raising you up from a baby to adulthood. And to those with bad parents may Allah make your life easier and may He reward you for your patience, surely Allah is the most just. With prayers for your success.
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