2Timeless

Salam, I wanted help finding the source for the narration that Lady Zahra gave away her wedding dress as a form of charity. Does anyone have a reliable source? I need it for a project urgently. Thanks in advance

*wakes up and smells the coffee* I agree with most of what you said, I know that alot of us are privileged and will never be put in the position of marrying a random man in the west merely for his passport. I was against the classist and discriminatory ideas your advice was built on. You believed this OP had some sort of disability or flaw, so before even suggesting that he should maybe seek help and work on himself, he should just throw himself into a marriage with a poor woman from back home. Giving the example of autistic men being taken back to Pakistan to marry a woman isn't really a great example. This presumes that women back home only deserve men with some sort of disability or issue, e.g. autistic men, disabled men, poor men etc. Basically whats left of men raised in the west, the men 'no one wants'. Firstly, this is incredibly rude and discriminatory against the men youre talking about, youre suggesting no one would ever want to marry them other than someone who would literally die of poverty otherwise. Secondly, its degrading of the women youre talking about. Since these women and their families are in such dire situations, why dont they deserve men who are considered the 'perfect bachelors' by that same society? Why don't they deserve men who have their lives together, have wealth, intellect, looks etc. My response wasn't judging women who really need help. It was judging the discriminatory and cassist ideology behind the advice.

Why do you feel so negatively about yourself? Is it that you feel guilty over past mistakes/sins? Or have you done something you regret? I don't think the issue is that you don't want alot of friends, maybe the issue is that you feel you aren't worthy of having friends? And if so, why do you feel that way? Why does it seem troublesome though? If you feel you're not educated why don't you educate yourself? You don't even have to go back to school, there are plenty of free courses online, pick something you have even the slightest interest in. And having a low IQ doesn't define your worth. Academic intellect is only a fraction of you, it doesn't define who you are. Also why do you have no career aspirations? What level of education have you reached? And how do you plan on making a living for the rest of your life? I don't mean this in a condescending way, I just want to understand more about why you're talking the way you are. Maybe you need to find like minded people, not everyone likes expressing their emotions to the whole world etc. But I think you need to tackle the issue of why you actually feel this way in the first place. Why don't you see a doctor/therapist? Youre not a rat, please explain why you feel this way? Unless you've committed some insane crime there is no reason why you should refer to yourself like this. So you do have human emotions and you do care, you're even caring about someone you've never even met yet. Jealousy/feeling protective shows that you do have human emotions and you can't just disentangle yourself from them. Well, as you've demonstrated above, you've already involved yourself in human emotions. You can't control that. I cant diagnose you, but maybe you should read more about depression and see a therapist. Talking to someone could help. And I'm sorry for assuming that you had a different outlook than what you actually do, I shouldn't have been so harsh. I hope things get better for you.

What kind of poor advice is this? I don't understand the attitude you have towards (probably) your own home country/region. So any man who seems to be having some issues should just go to a poor country and any woman would accept him? Just for his passport? Not everyone is as materialistic as you think. This whole idea of women back home being sub-par or inferior is absolutely disgusting. That's not a good thing. I don't know why you just present it like a normal characteristic, something just as mundane as your hair colour. What you're saying is that basically you have no commitment and you treat people and friends as if theyre nothing, attaching no importance to them. If you wouldn't go out of your way to do anything for anyone, that might be indicative of your selfishness or entitlement, arrogance etc. These are all bad traits and you shouldn't be talking about them as if you have no control over it. You losing friends is your own choice. If you can't even maintain 2 friendships how can you expect to maintain a whole marriage for a lifetime? And if you think you could draw up some deal like Mr Guest Advice suggested or how they do in those movies and shows, you'd be very wrong. This is the real world. Not many good women would seriously sacrifice their whole life and happiness just because you want a robot for a wife. I'm sorry if this is too harsh, but there are real issues here and you need to tackle them. Not just for the same of marriage, but for your own sake. Humans need human interaction. If you want, you could practice online over forums like these how to communicate with other people and form friendships. If you continue like this you will feel the negative impact yourself mentally and emotionally. Please do go into the reasons why you don't want a female partner. Don't worry, you already sound a little sexist, so you wouldn't be changing anything. What does "most likely slightly/moderately autistic" mean? Is that an actual doctor's diagnosis or are you self-diagnosing? If it's a doctor's diagnosis, then a wholly different conversation needs to take place and you need to see a counsellor to help you express your feelings properly (most autistic children receive this kind of help early on in most countries). But if you're self-diagnosing, this is just a way for you to validate your issues. You can't blame your flaws on an illness you don't have. Not only is that unhealthy but its offensive to the autistic people and their families. You can't go around inventing actual illnesses without any solid scientific knowledge. Start caring, stop acting like youre above emotions and feeling things, and show respect to the people who love you by reciprocating kind behaviour. See a therapist if you need one to acknowledge the importance of all these things. If you don't want to, Google the importance of friendships on a human. And then if making friends irl is too daunting for you (or not possible because of COVID) use platforms like this to get to know people. Your parents can't force you to get married, if they're pressuring you too much, pretend that you're trying to find someone and don't actually do anything because marriage is the last thing that could solve any of your issues. It would just add to your problems. So you want a woman (who has probably already built somewhat of a life for herself, with aspirations for her career) to drop everything and sit at home for you all day looking like a cute little doll, and not talk to you at all when you're home? And repeat that every single day for 365 days for probably 50 years? Do you really think that's reasonable? I'm not just talking about wanting a housewife. Each woman can decide if she wants to be a housewife or pursue a career (you don't get to dictate that before even meeting a woman). I'm talking about the fact that you basically want a live-in maid for a wife (albeit one you wouldn't even pay).

LOL love how you make the man in the situation seem oh so innocent and weak to the woman's advances. It takes two to tango, Guest Pure Poison. Sure, there's obviously issues with women who willingly and knowingly pursue relationships they know will have destructive consequences, but the married man should have made clear his intentions to remain a good, loyal husband to his wife. You're making alot of sweeping generalisations. @OP, I personally wouldn't ever consider it unless there is real justifiable excuse for him to remain married to the first woman. I'm curious, why would a man who has a wife who seems to be so agreeable want to go and look elsewhere? Is it just because the first wife can't have babies, or she has some sort of disability or illness? I can't think of any situation where I would accept becoming a second wife tbh, and I don't know any women who would. Perhaps you could clarify some context for us? Also, this isn't something you can achieve just by making a list of 'desirable qualities '. You need to think about why it is you need a second wife and what makes you worthy of not only one, but two women.

@OP: My advice to you is to try your hardest to make a better life for yourself and your son. I dont know what it feels like to go through domestic abuse, but the fact that you've acknowledged the issue and taken steps to protect yourself means you're already 10 steps ahead. Just focus on building a life for yourself and your son. If you do go back to him youre giving him a huge indication of what you feel is your self worth. @those who blamed her: I hope one day God bestows you with an actual heart and brain to help you think rationally, and freely from all the hatred and misogyny that's blinding you. If you have nothing useful to say, keep it to yourself.

Lol its really weird coming back a long while later and seeing not much change over here, other than the usernames tbh. Does anyone have any insightful fiction recommendations?

Women dont claim that wearing makeup is an innate desire they cannot control. Men claim they desire women in such a deep way but also behave like they are superior creatures. Strange considering that they can't even control where their eyes wonder.

Are you referring to the black lives matter movement?

I agree with the OP. Before lockdown, even after the fears of corona were major across the world, life was too busy, people had hardly any time to breathe. It was constantly onto the next thing, there was always something to do, somewhere to be etc. I'm sure alot of people would resonate with this, especially students, those who have part time jobs or juggle more than one responsibility etc. Although lockdown has been horrible and draining and even unhealthy (physically and mentally), things have slowed down, its like the whole world is finally working at the same pace. Theres just time to think and simply exist now. In the UK , people have been clapping for key workers every Thursday, when was the last time a nation as a whole set aside a minute of their day in appreciation for someone else? Although the gesture may be criticised for a variety of reasons, it reflects a growing sense of community that in my opinion, hasnt been felt before. Its heartwarming to see people so desperate to cheer others on and create some joy for those in so much danger. We're all suffering, but I guess the beauty is that finally we all know a type of uncertainty that others back home experience on a daily basis for years. Of course people living in first world countries would never know what it truly means to hide at home for fear of another bombing or kidnapping etc, but at least now we know what it means to be uncertain about whether we'll be able to afford the next thing, whether we'll able to hug a loved one, whether we'll able to ever live the way we did before. It is a privileged existence nonetheless, but it puts things into perspective and hopefully people become more aware of the struggles others suffer from across the globe. Sorry for the incoherence, these are just my thoughts about the positives that have come out from this situation. Lol just realised this thread may have been about the political climate and not the pandemic. My bad

Why shouldnt it be necessary? People across social media tried to take back the donations they made on the gofundme page created in Aya's name after they found out she was Shia. It's the result of the lack of unity which gives rise to ignorance that caused people to think like that.

@Northwest you really can’t summarise your spiritual journey in a series of bullet points. You also don’t need anyone to adopt you to 'reprogram' you. You don’t need reprogramming, you just need to evolve and better yourself, and that needs to come from within yourself not anyone else.

@YaAliMadad110786 have you ever considered that your parents are just worried about you? I understand how annoying and horrible it can be, I have overprotective parents too. But as I've matured, ive realised the reason why my mum waited until I was with my friends or waited for a text from me to confirm I was with them, wasnt because she was afraid I was with a guy, but because she was afraid that someone might do something to me. Parents, especially mothers, worry alot. If they want to make sure you're with your friends until they leave you, chances are they just want to make sure you're not alone because alot of horrible things can happen to you when you are alone, even in public. You think if they honestly thought you were meeting up with a guy theyd just wait till they see you with your friend? They don’t know that you could easily meet up with a guy after they see you with a girl and leave? Imo they're just worried and too over protective, like many Muslim parents. I'm not saying the way they treat you is great, but you need to rationalise it. If they really don’t trust you, there must be a reason. Otherwise, it's just fear and worry for your safety.

LOL that literally makes no sense. Just because they had no choice and were infallible, it doesn't mean we shouldn't look up to them and their morals. By your logic, I shouldn't feel too bad if I missed two prayers today, because even if Imam Ali (عليه السلام) never missed a prayer, he had no choice, so I shouldn't follow his example. The infallible were sent so we could learn from them. Not so we could sit down and moan that they had no choice and we can never have the same morals and lifestyle as them. God would never place a burden on a person if they can’t bear it. Like I said, it's about time men 'man up' and practice more self-restraint and stop crying every two seconds when an attractive girl walks by.

Also, to those who keep promoting and preaching a 'no strings attached' kind of mutah, you do realise even the Western people who partake in such relationships agree that they're very messy and 9 times out of 10 someone will end up catching feelings, right? You all sit here on a high pedestal cursing Western people who have haram relationships and become intimate with 30 odd people in their lifetimes. But what exactly are you promoting? The exact same thing. Except, what you're promoting is most likely worse since it involves a 'dowry'/payment for the relationship. The only thing that seems to make it better in your minds is some utterance that supposedly halalifies the whole relationship within a second. Before you go around preaching, ask yourself, "will I promote this to my daughter/sister/cousin, or become great friends with a guy who offers her payment in exchange of a night or two with her?" Ask yourself, would the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) have approved of such low standards for his own daughter? Would have any of the Ahlul Bayt? If you want your daughters/sisters/cousins to behave like a lady of Fatima (عليه السلام) then treat her as such. Treat women with respect and they'll behave respectfully. Blasting such disgusting things all over the internet has way deeper repercussions than just someone opposing you. You may have a hand in making a young, impressionable girl believe she is a toy thing that should just sell herself over for a night with a guy. You could be the reason for the 'honour killings' (totally unjustified) that result of that. ^This is all with regards to having a 'no strings attached' mutah.