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Aflower

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Everything posted by Aflower

  1. Aflower

    What is your goal today?

    @Hameedeh @Murtaza1 Excellent read. This quote from the book defines it perfectly: "When we hygger, we frame the moment, give it our full attention, savour and hold it, in an awareness that the moment will pass. We feel how one moment will become layered onto the next, past and present mingled together - everything falling into place, into one accord". There is so much to takeaway from this book and the concept of hygge. It truly changes one's perspective of the the world and it teaches one to value each and every moment in your life. Basically, it endorses the age-old concepts of 'less is more' and 'live in the moment'. Do let us know what you think after you've read it.
  2. Woooooow!!!! That's taking hair care to another level! Very cool.
  3. I put a small amount of Moroccan oil onto my son's damp hair and massage it onto his scalp too after he's had a shower. It is packed with antioxidants; it conditions the hair, controls flyaways, gives his hair a healthy sheen and makes his hair smell absolutely gorgeous too. Sorry to gatecrash your party lads.
  4. Aflower

    The Batchelor vs Magnificent Century

    I used to watch The Batchelor years ago when I was a student... the United Kingdom version of the show. I used to binge watch it during the holidays with my sisters, cousins, and believe it or not my aunts and mum too. Haha! We all used to guess which girl would get the guy in the end from the first episode and whoever was right would get treated to a meal by everyone else. Gosh, sounds so crazy when I think about it now. Lol. It was OK as 'timepass' as they say in Pakistan. I wouldn't go out of my way to watch it now. I have no idea what the Magnificent Century is. The only TV serials I'm currently watching are 'Silent Witness' on the BBC and an Indian chat show called Koffee with Karan.
  5. Aflower

    Ate/Eating/Will Eat?

    Strawberries and cream in Pakistan? Wow! They never seem to taste sweet to me anymore. Plus, unless you eat them on the day they are purchased, they go off very quickly. I stick to blueberries instead as they tend to have a slightly longer shelf life. Though blueberries do stain teeth. I've paid a fortune over the years to get my teeth whitened owing to black coffee and blueberries.
  6. Aflower

    Ate/Eating/Will Eat?

    Thanks for sharing. I will be staying at my parents for a couple of days. I'll ask my mother to regale me about all the seasonal vegetables that she used to consume in Pakistan. How much I miss eating out in Pakistan. My cousins used to secretly take me to eat the street food when we were kids... and my dada would get furious with them because he worried that I'd get sick because he believed that I had a sensitive 'angrezo wala' stomach.
  7. Aflower

    Ate/Eating/Will Eat?

    I've never seen a white Aubergine either.
  8. Aflower

    The Power of Habit [Book]

    I was a self-help book junkie as a student. Funnily, we now have two copies of many self-help books - one that I'd bought and one that my husband had acquired before we got married to each other. I used to write notes in mine and highlight important points with a highlighter so I'm keen to keep my copies till my kids have fully utilised them. My husband won't part with his copies because they've been gifted to him by his parents and signed by them (with a personalised message). So, they have sentimental value for him. I'm trying to convince him to take a photo of the page with the personalised messages but to no avail. I've then suggested we go 50/50 - half of his go and half of mine go - but the bargaining continues. At some point, they must all go to charity. The book you've referenced is indeed a very good read. I have the same book - but with a yellow cover - mine is probably an earlier addition. A very good beginners self-help book is one called 'Eat that Frog' by Brian Tracy. It can be read within a few hours and has many takeaways that can easily and practically be applied to everyday life. He does really state the obvious in some cases - but reinforces and drives home what we so often 'choose' to forget.
  9. Aflower

    Can we disagree with parents?

    We are originally Iranian. Ten generations ago everyone in our family spoke Farsi and Arabic fluently.
  10. Aflower

    Can we disagree with parents?

    @AStruggler The second part was intended to be a joke BTW. Please excuse my dry (or some may say bad) sense of humour. Lol. 17:23 Shakir: And your Lord has commanded that you shall not serve (any) but Him, and goodness to your parents. If either or both of them reach old age with you, say not to them (so much as) "Ugh" nor chide them, and speak to them a generous word. ^^^ MashAllah. I appreciate the quote. I will surely make sure that my children learn it rote style. The circle of life.
  11. Aflower

    Ate/Eating/Will Eat?

    Some people do actually eat the stems, but mostly they are for aesthetic purposes only.
  12. Aflower

    Ate/Eating/Will Eat?

    I believe it's called 'bengan' but I will get this confirmed by my mother when I speak to her next. Regarding the name, apparently back in the 1700s, the early European versions of eggplant were smaller in size, and yellow or white in colour. Hence, they resembled a goose or hen's egg, which led to it being named "eggplant".
  13. Aflower

    Can we disagree with parents?

    Many Pakistani parents tell their kids from the moment that they can comprehend anything: "maa baap se uff bhi karna haram hai." In other words, even uttering a sound in retaliation or disagreement with your parents is forbidden in Islam. Man, how I've been duped!
  14. Aflower

    Thoughts 2019

    IMHO the issue partly relates to the fact that 'some' women/young ladies feel a lot of pressure (either self inflicted or by other members of the family) to look the best that they possibly can, and to maintain themselves to the highest degree possible whilst they are single, in order to attract a marriage proposal. Once they have reached their 'goal' of getting married, in some instances they no longer feel the need to maintain the same levels of self discipline anymore as there is no longer a 'motivational factor' driving them to do so. I have seen so many women who lose weight specifically to find a suitor, but as soon as they get married, they pile it all back on again. However, the above is not always the only/sole factor for weight gain in married women. Please remember that a woman's entire life is turned upside down when she gets married and she is going through a huge period of change. She often needs to move to a different town and house; live with people that she doesn't know very well, adjust to a new way of life etc. etc. It is normally expected that a woman must make all the adjustments and changes to her life post marriage, and to 'adapt' to the lifestyle/customs/traditions/way of life etc. of her husband and in-laws. This can take a toll on one's emotional and mental well-being. Also, in some cases, the husband and/or in-laws never seem to approve of anything that the new bride does; there may be a power struggle within the women of the family etc. etc. All this can actually lower one's self esteem which can lead to comfort eating and hence weight gain. Often newly married couples are invited to 'dawats' (dinner invites) for literally months after their marriage. In these dawats one is served with very rich food, and the host insists that you must "keep eating" or else you run the risk of offending them. This will obviously cause weight gain. Many married couples (especially newly married couples) engage in date nights where they eat out at fancy restaurants, dessert shops etc. etc. Pregnancy can take a toll on a woman's body and it can take even the fittest and most dedicated of women months of hard work before their body bounces back in shape, if at all. I've observed that some women eat their children's left over food as they don't believe in food wastage. This will naturally cause weight gain too. But, the most likely reason is that many women are juggling so many tasks at the same time, and wearing so many hats, that they quite simply can't make the time to exercise or to make sensible eating choices. So, as explained above, there can be whole host of reasons why women put weight on post marriage. There is no simplistic or generic answer.
  15. Aflower

    Gender preference/Gender “swaying”

    BTW I'm not insinuating that the 'science behind the selection' that you are referring to doesn't work. One must adhere to a number of requisites to the 'T' to achieve the desired gender outcome, which not everyone is realistically capable of owing to a myriad of reasons.
  16. Aflower

    Gender preference/Gender “swaying”

    There are numerous books written on this topic. I know someone who tried these 'techniques' during three pregnancies (hoping to have a boy), but every time she delivered a girl. She had lost all confidence in these techniques during her fourth pregnancy, and instead, resorted to praying a lot. In any case, she had found so much happiness and joy in her three daughters that she said that she'd be happy to have a girl again. So, during her fourth pregnancy she only hoped and prayed for a healthy child. This time she had a boy. Generally speaking, I do hold the belief that Allah helps those who help themselves, but as @Reza has already stated, ultimately it comes down to the will of Allah.
  17. Aflower

    Ali’s Wedding

    @Irfani313 Good to know that this gem of a movie has been watched by quite a few people.
  18. Aflower

    Ali’s Wedding

    W/salam. I watched it on a DVD in 2017 so my memory of it is a bit sketchy. But, if memory serves me correctly, it is a lighthearted movie that is both poignant and meaningful. I do recall recommending this movie to some of my friends so IMHO it's definitely worth a watch. Do let us know what you think of it if you decide to watch it. Edit - I just watched the ad and I don't believe that it is a fair reflection of the movie. I am sure that there will be some ShiaChatters who will find the stereotypes etc. depicted in this movie as being in poor taste. If you think that you would find this offensive in any way, then I strongly suggest that you give this movie a miss. But, it is a movie within the comedy genre so I suppose this is to be somewhat expected. I do believe that it is based on a true story and it was approved by the person who is 'Ali' in real life.
  19. Aflower

    Should I leave Shiachat?

    Thank you for the reminder and reference. I'm curious to know what the unedited version was... what did I miss? Maybe you could update me by PM Irfani Bhai? JA. (P.S. That reference to 'chote se, nane se, pyare se bhai' is a quote from a Bollywood movie... me and my siblings have a habit of incorporating movie dialogues into our regular conversations. I was a huge Bollywood fan as a teenager. And yes, I know it's not very Islamic... I have different taste in movies now).
  20. Aflower

    Should I leave Shiachat?

    It's OK. I can take a joke. So pleased that you are back. ShiaChat was not the same without your banter. As I said in my PM - I am like your elder sister. I would be honoured if you referred to me as either Behen or Baji mere chotte se, nane se, pyare se Bhai.
  21. Aflower

    Does anyone play Minecraft?

    Agreed. 2 B honest I knew that it was going to be a p*** take video when I saw the flipped triangle on the minecraft image. I have no idea why I found this video so funny. I was literally rolling on the floor laughing with tears pouring from my eyes. My husband rushed upstairs thinking s'thing terrible had happened. Yes, I do laugh verrrryyyy loudly and he couldn't figure out if I was laughing or crying. Bless @Ashvazdanghe, I know he means well and has the very best of intentions. He is a good soul.
  22. Aflower

    Thoughts 2019

    How thoughtful of you. Here are a few ideas: A book with inspirational quotes Some skincare products - possibly a nice smelling bath oil A sapling to be planted in her garden A home made cake/biscuits A collection of different herbal tea Hope this helps. x
  23. Aflower

    Thoughts 2019

    IMHO yes. I can relate to your quandary. My teacher used to refer to something called 'the drip-drip effect' which nowadays is more commonly associated with the impact that mass media has on the general public. The idea is that if you repeat s'thing enough times, you reinforce the message and eventually the penny drops.
  24. I appreciate that I am generalising in this topic based on my personal experience/observations - and I am beginning this topic by making this disclaimer. Also, this is of course not always strictly true - however, in some instances I have observed that people who claim to be the biggest introverts in 'real' life tend to be the most callous and rude individuals online. They tend to be at loggerheads with, and, actively pick fights with individuals who (1) don't agree with their world view and/or (2) refuse to continue a debate with them. Thereon they 'mark their card' and hold grudges against that person perennially - waiting for any opportunity to try to catch them out or belittle them. What they fail to see of course is that via these actions they are merely serving to lose their own dignity. Most sensible online users understand, (irrespective of if they are introverts or extroverts in real life), that it is perfectly acceptable to (1) agree to disagree, (2) be undecided or conflicted on a subject, (3) not have an opinion, (4) have a very strong opinion, (5) change one's opinion based on another users narrative or (6) any other combination, (7) choose not to continue the debate altogether or with a certain individual/individuals. However, what shocks me is when people who claim to be introverts in real life are so overtly crude online. I am not singling out introverts per se, as I do appreciate that everyone can have a bad day irrespective of if they are introverts or extroverts. Also, I am sure that extroverts are as guilty (if not more guilty of this) than introverts. However, one would naturally expect introverts to be more controlled in their speech than extroverts. At least that is my take on this. To cite an example of such a person on this site, today I narrated a very personal incident that has been troubling me. A certain user who claims to be an introvert in real life has had my 'card marked' as we don't tend to agree on discussed topics. Quite simply out of the blue this user began making a personal and unwarranted verbal attack on me. It doesn't bother me in the least but it got me wondering that this same person wouldn't have the audacity to hurl such comments to a person in real life so why do it online? I acknowledge that I am on a slippery slope here and the tide is against me, as my understanding is that most people who tend to use online forums are typically introverts. In which case I appreciate that this post may appear to be a generic attack to all online users, but that is not my intention. I hope that people can respond with an open mind without taking it personally. Here are some topics relating to this that I'd appreciate feedback on: (1) Why do certain people (introvert or otherwise) think that it is acceptable to leave comments online that that they would never contemplate saying face to face (especially as this is ShiaChat and one would expect certain etiquette to be observed)? (2) Given that this is ShiaChat - a religious site - should one not be more aware of their akhlaq? (3) Do certain (not all) introverts feel more empowered online as they are not interacting with someone face to face and hence, do they feel more liberated, which in turn causes them to write loathsome/insensitive/hurtful things online? (4) The above scenario of course applies to all online users and not just introverts. (5) Do people genuinely believe that if they've had the last word they've won the debate? This is something that always makes me chuckle! (6) Why do some people insist on debating things to death? Why can't people just agree to disagree or choose not continue the debate?
  25. Thank you for your response. This post is strictly about online chat room/forum communication (such as on ShiaChat). Namely regarding conduct and bullying. It is not about any other forms of bullying such as that which occurs face-to-face. Needless to say, all forms of bullying are reprehensible and abhorrent. @notme I believe/hope that I do understand the difference between introverted and extroverted people. This of course would be a whole other topic - but IMHO, when it comes to communicating on a face-to-face basis, I don't believe that most introverted people would wish to be confrontational if avoidable, or to to arouse hostility unnecessarily. Please understand that I am not saying that introverted people don't know how to assert themselves or that they can't, or won't, take a stand. I know that they can, and indeed do, when warranted. I am tempted to continue writing but I don't want to go 'off topic'. It's almost 5 in the morning here and I haven't slept a wink yet... I hope I'm making sense. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit @notme states: "Introverted is not the same thing as quiet, shy, or socially inept". @Gaius I. Caesar defines introverts as: "..... shy or reserved". Bit of a contradiction?
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