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In the Name of God بسم الله


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About Aflower

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    Muslim Shia

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  1. A miserable one. But the man is a control freak and will not let her go at any expense. He’d rather be in a sexless marriage than let her live her life. The woman has no support from her family with this regards - naturally so because they are the ones who forced her into consenting against her will. They have a child together (the marriage was consummated) and this is their only binding factor.
  2. In this situation the marriage was forced upon the woman; the woman despises her husband and is denying any sexual connection. The husband respects this decision but will not divorce her either.
  3. Someone told me that in Shia Islam if you are not intimate in your marriage for more than two years then it is automatically void. What if a couple haven’t been intimate for a decade and are in a loveless cold marriage? Could the respective partners automatically remarry without the need for an official Islamic divorce?
  4. I have a friend who is divorced and single. She is a good Muslim and doesn’t believe in casual dating etc. She came across a man whom she really likes. She thinks he likes her too but it’s hard to tell because he keeps giving mixed messages - but I’d say there’s most definitely something there. Would it be inappropriate for my friend to tell this man that she has feelings for him? The man is over 40 so they are both mature adults. She only believes in marriage so could this freak the guy out? Also, they hardly know each other but she doesn’t want to let this ship sail. What would be the best way to handle this? Would appreciate responses from the wiser and older men too. Would you judge a woman if she was so forward?
  5. @WisdomAndAnswers If you were my friend I'd say to you; His loss is someone else's gain. Chin up - you deserve much better anyway. Allah has someone special in mind for you, and as the age-old cliched adage goes: Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince. You are of course my sister in Islam so the above totally applies to you. PS. This post was written in response to a post submitted by the OP, which she has now deleted.
  6. Sister, I agree with you to some extent. If your sister meets a likeminded person who also thinks along those lines then that is fantastic. But that is not how most people roll in today's day and age. I agree that money can't always make one content, but it definitely allows you more options in life. Many full time housewives that I know go completely stir crazy when their husbands are at work. As soon as the husband steps through the door, they want to go out for entertainment or to engage in conversation. Working (even if only part time), allows a woman to feel fulfilled and it helps to exercise her mind/brain. It is also a nice way to make some friends. But as I said, it's horses for courses. You just have to find a like minded person for your sister. You can't force a man to change his whole ideology/outlook towards life. You just have to seek out someone who shares the same values and thoughts as your family.
  7. I have to admit, I attempted to read the words 'cursive' and 'healing' many times over but I couldn't make out what you'd written. But don't feel alone in this. I myself am so accustomed to typing on my MacBook pro or recording memos on my Applewatch that I literally never write anymore! The only time I put pen to paper is when I sign something!!! I realised this when I attended a day course a week ago and I had to write my notes on a whiteboard and present it to everyone present. I literally froze for a brief moment as I thought that I'd forgotten how to write! I kid you not! It's a sad world we live in! I was sharing my experience with some family members and they exclaimed that even doctors and dentists compose prescriptions on a computer now (3/4 of my family are in the medical profession). It's no wonder that beautiful handwriting, creative lettering and calligraphy is a dying art.
  8. *expenditure. Sorry, I can't edit the above post and I've noticed a spelling mistake. I also wanted to add that being a stay at home mum is considered to be a real luxury in the west (in the scenario that only the husband is working and you are not claiming any benefits). I home-schooled one of my children for a while and I know that many of my friends exclaimed that they wished that they "could afford to do that too". There was definitely a bit of envy (but not in a bad way - they just wished they could do the same for their children).
  9. Dear Sister @arch1027116, I haven't read all the responses so my apologies in advance if I am repeating what others have said. 1, In today's day and age most guys that I know/am acquainted with, (from the United Kingdom, Holland, America, Pakistan, Dubai and India), would like to have a wife who can supplement their existing income. This is irrespective of how much money the guy is already earning. 2, Work gives people's lives discipline, structure, and order. It also enables people to develop interpersonal skills. These same crossover skills need to be applied when managing a home, house, and family - namely timekeeping; budgeting, scheduling, communication skills, etc. My house runs like clockwork with a place for everything. I have a timetable for my kids summer holidays, I maintain a food diary for every one of us to ensure that we are meeting our specific nutritional requirements, and I've creating databases/charts to monitor our income/expensidture/ investments/savings, etc. 3, An educated wife and/or a wife who is working or has worked in the past, can instill the above skills in her children. Furthermore, she will find it easier to educate her children or support that process. 4, A working wife will have more empathy for a working husband and the stresses/challenges and issues he may face in a day. The above are some reasons why men may prefer a potential wife who works. I've only listed these out because you've asked the question 'why'. There are no doubt tremendous merits associated with being a full time stay at home mum IF the woman dedicates her time earnestly to her family life. I am sure that there must be some guys who would prefer a wife who doesn't want to work and wears a headscarf. Just be patient and InshAllah the right proposal will come your way inshAllah.
  10. @WisdomAndAnswers I can not fathom why he wouldn't communicate with you after the meeting - especially given that you had a healthy and frank way of communicating before the meeting. You are making huge assumptions for why he hasn't responded. From where I come from, if either party doesn't respond then it indicates that they don't wish to proceed any further. Yes, it's a rude way of handling things but unfortunately, that's just the way things are. Has your friend indicated/communicated anything to you that would make you think differently?
  11. @Ruqaya101 To me it seems that the OP has many doubts. I was answering the question in the context of the whole scenario presented. So, to answer the question in isolation: No.
  12. @WisdomAndAnswers, Walaikum Salam. Sister @Ruqaya101 has a completely different take on it to me. Are you looking for a husband/partner or a project? Firstly, you should not marry someone out of sympathy or as an act of charity. You should marry someone because they tick as many boxes as is possible and because you like/care/love/respect them for whom they are RIGHT NOW. Never marry a guy with the hope/intention that you can change/fix him. What if he is happy with who he is/the way he is and doesn't want to change? What if he wants to change but is unable to? Furthermore, what if he has a chronic illness/disease that he is hiding from you? Even if it is depression, don't assume that you can heal him with love. Depression consumes not only the person who is suffering but also all those who are around them. Also, just because his sister said he is an open book, it doesn't mean that he is. No one is completely transparent and open. I'm not being cynical, but everyone has a skeleton in their closet - irrespective of what they tell you. It takes months to get to know someone before the mask starts to slip. The question is, do you still want to be with that person after you have seen them on a bad day? Furthermore, I'd be concerned that his sister spoke to you abruptly and that the guy didn't intervene and try to diffuse the situation. If he can't say anything to his sister now, it doesn't bode well for the future. Personally, I would not proceed with this any further. You are trying to fight against your intuitive instincts to defend him! Don't. When you meet the right person you will now - follow your instincts and follow your gut feelings. Good luck!
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