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About Aflower

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    Muslim Shia

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  1. Aflower

    Does anyone play Minecraft?

    Agreed. 2 B honest I knew that it was going to be a p*** take video when I saw the flipped triangle on the minecraft image. I have no idea why I found this video so funny. I was literally rolling on the floor laughing with tears pouring from my eyes. My husband rushed upstairs thinking s'thing terrible had happened. Yes, I do laugh verrrryyyy loudly and he couldn't figure out if I was laughing or crying. Bless @Ashvazdanghe, I know he means well and has the very best of intentions. He is a good soul.
  2. Aflower

    Thoughts 2019

    How thoughtful of you. Here are a few ideas: A book with inspirational quotes Some skincare products - possibly a nice smelling bath oil A sapling to be planted in her garden A home made cake/biscuits A collection of different herbal tea Hope this helps. x
  3. Aflower

    Thoughts 2019

    IMHO yes. I can relate to your quandary. My teacher used to refer to something called 'the drip-drip effect' which nowadays is more commonly associated with the impact that mass media has on the general public. The idea is that if you repeat s'thing enough times, you reinforce the message and eventually the penny drops.
  4. Thank you for your response. This post is strictly about online chat room/forum communication (such as on ShiaChat). Namely regarding conduct and bullying. It is not about any other forms of bullying such as that which occurs face-to-face. Needless to say, all forms of bullying are reprehensible and abhorrent. @notme I believe/hope that I do understand the difference between introverted and extroverted people. This of course would be a whole other topic - but IMHO, when it comes to communicating on a face-to-face basis, I don't believe that most introverted people would wish to be confrontational if avoidable, or to to arouse hostility unnecessarily. Please understand that I am not saying that introverted people don't know how to assert themselves or that they can't, or won't, take a stand. I know that they can, and indeed do, when warranted. I am tempted to continue writing but I don't want to go 'off topic'. It's almost 5 in the morning here and I haven't slept a wink yet... I hope I'm making sense. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit @notme states: "Introverted is not the same thing as quiet, shy, or socially inept". @Gaius I. Caesar defines introverts as: "..... shy or reserved". Bit of a contradiction?
  5. I am not an introvert and I hope that I made it abundantly clear in my original post that I am by no means implying that ALL introverts are cyber bullies. I am not insinuating that being an introvert is synonymous with being a cyber bully. Of course even extroverts have the capacity to be cyber bullies. Most people would agree, as do you, that most introverts are rather sensitive. You yourself stated that "nearly everyone (if not everyone) is a introvert on Shiachat". It therefore surprises me that 'certain' (not all) individuals with this personality trait can be so antagonising on line - which is of course far from displaying sensitivity. I came across an article online which specified the following: Researchers have conducted studies to determine some of the common characteristics of cyberbullies (Heaton): Tend to be introverts, underachievers and underdogs May suffer from low self esteem May feel like they are victims themselves Can have difficulty expressing anger appropriately Would tend to not say to a person’s face what they can say anonymously online Uses the Internet as a means to get even with others Doesn’t tend to take responsibility for his actions (Reference: http://psydprograms.org/what-is-cyberbullying/) I want to reiterate that I was NOT stating that all introverts are cyber bullies. But independent studies do reflect that most cyberbullies tend to be introverts. These two statements do not mean the same thing. I do concur about certain people trying to get a reaction from others.
  6. I appreciate that I am generalising in this topic based on my personal experience/observations - and I am beginning this topic by making this disclaimer. Also, this is of course not always strictly true - however, in some instances I have observed that people who claim to be the biggest introverts in 'real' life tend to be the most callous and rude individuals online. They tend to be at loggerheads with, and, actively pick fights with individuals who (1) don't agree with their world view and/or (2) refuse to continue a debate with them. Thereon they 'mark their card' and hold grudges against that person perennially - waiting for any opportunity to try to catch them out or belittle them. What they fail to see of course is that via these actions they are merely serving to lose their own dignity. Most sensible online users understand, (irrespective of if they are introverts or extroverts in real life), that it is perfectly acceptable to (1) agree to disagree, (2) be undecided or conflicted on a subject, (3) not have an opinion, (4) have a very strong opinion, (5) change one's opinion based on another users narrative or (6) any other combination, (7) choose not to continue the debate altogether or with a certain individual/individuals. However, what shocks me is when people who claim to be introverts in real life are so overtly crude online. I am not singling out introverts per se, as I do appreciate that everyone can have a bad day irrespective of if they are introverts or extroverts. Also, I am sure that extroverts are as guilty (if not more guilty of this) than introverts. However, one would naturally expect introverts to be more controlled in their speech than extroverts. At least that is my take on this. To cite an example of such a person on this site, today I narrated a very personal incident that has been troubling me. A certain user who claims to be an introvert in real life has had my 'card marked' as we don't tend to agree on discussed topics. Quite simply out of the blue this user began making a personal and unwarranted verbal attack on me. It doesn't bother me in the least but it got me wondering that this same person wouldn't have the audacity to hurl such comments to a person in real life so why do it online? I acknowledge that I am on a slippery slope here and the tide is against me, as my understanding is that most people who tend to use online forums are typically introverts. In which case I appreciate that this post may appear to be a generic attack to all online users, but that is not my intention. I hope that people can respond with an open mind without taking it personally. Here are some topics relating to this that I'd appreciate feedback on: (1) Why do certain people (introvert or otherwise) think that it is acceptable to leave comments online that that they would never contemplate saying face to face (especially as this is ShiaChat and one would expect certain etiquette to be observed)? (2) Given that this is ShiaChat - a religious site - should one not be more aware of their akhlaq? (3) Do certain (not all) introverts feel more empowered online as they are not interacting with someone face to face and hence, do they feel more liberated, which in turn causes them to write loathsome/insensitive/hurtful things online? (4) The above scenario of course applies to all online users and not just introverts. (5) Do people genuinely believe that if they've had the last word they've won the debate? This is something that always makes me chuckle! (6) Why do some people insist on debating things to death? Why can't people just agree to disagree or choose not continue the debate?
  7. I support you @rkazmi33. There always two/three sides to every story. Clearly your narrative reflects your experience.
  8. Yours is a 'hypothetical situation'. One could speculate on 'what if' scenarios all day long without a conclusive answer. Irrespective of who is Person 1 or Person 2 in my narrated situation; I have narrated a real life situation from my perspective. It goes without saying that my sister may have a completely different take on the matter. As they say there are always 3 sides to every story - mine, yours and the truth. I am wise enough to know that I will probably have many 'blind spots' too. However, no-one (will necessarily) be lying between my sister and I. Memories shared serves each one differently. @2Timeless I have noted in the past that you do tend to be at loggerheads with me. I have said what I need to. With respect I won't be responding to you again on this matter as I have no wish to engage in 'message tennis' you. Read in to that what you will. By all means feel free to speculate as much as your heart desires.
  9. @rkazmi - @ShiaMan14 is not implying that Person 1 is a bully in his given scenario.
  10. I see what you mean here but people don't always choose to be someone's favourite. I am my father's favourite and always have been. My father is not only very vocal about this but he also demonstrates it rather flamboyantly with his actions too. I didn't choose this - in fact I have spoken to him many a times and explained that he is alienating my sister from me with his actions. However, after a few days he is back to his usual self by addressing me as: 'My Queen', 'My Princess', 'My Angel', 'Jannat', 'Beauty Queen', 'Gift from Allah', etc. etc. Of course this irks my sister but I did not choose this. As I am an extrovert and a people's person, I am also the favourite of all the 'Aunty jis' and 'Uncle jis' in my community since I was a young child. I didn't choose my personality and neither did I choose to be the 'apple of my father's eye', as my sister puts it. During her wedding I always wanted her to bask in the limelight and avoided centre stage at all times by attempting to watch from afar. However, invariably, as the sister of the bride, I would get called to the forefront. If looks could kill! My sister never spoke to me throughout her wedding and refused to even let me walk her to her car. I have attempted to sit down and discuss this with her on numerous occasions but to no avail. Please understand that being popular or 'the favourite' is a double edged sword. It cuts me up that despite all my efforts my sister does not want to maintain even a cordial relationship with me. Also, to try to balance the equation my mother always favours my younger sister over me in her presence, but then in confidence tells me 'it's just to make her happy'. I don't think this is fair either but I just have to suck it up. Dear sister, things aren't always as black and white as they appear. I am sure in my sisters world view I am Person 1. But, please understand that Person 1 (as per your definition) doesn't always choose to be in this position even though it may appear to be a rather enviable one to Person 2.
  11. Aflower

    Does anyone play Minecraft?

    Oopsy... just noticed that I'd confused @Khadim uz Zahra with @Khaadim az-Zahra.
  12. Aflower

    Improve your life daily

    "Arabic lessons. Practising Calligraphy/penmanship. Finally trying all those new recipes I had been bookmarking the last year. A couple of other side projects " @starlight MashAllah how impressive. You are my inspiration. P.S my mother is a Lahori (but Urdu speaking).
  13. Aflower

    Improve your life daily

    @Nevsevug Very interesting post. I have promised to 'love and nurture myself' this year. These are some of the things I 'hope' to do this year: To frequent the gym more often than I currently do To drink more water and to consume less caffeine To ensure that I eat 7 fruit and veg a day To take better care of my skin and hair To take out at least 10 minutes a day to 'just be' To treat myself to a long and relaxing bath once a fortnight (for the avoidance of doubt, of course I do shower everyday ) To not seek validation from my children's success To try to ease off from being a 'helicopter mum' To not be too hard on myself if everything in the house isn't perfectly organised, sanitised, polished, smelling great, and working like clockwork. (I couldn't sleep last night because I'd intentionally not put the washed dishes away. I was determined to push my boundaries a bit. When I couldn't sleep by 5.30 am because I couldn't get it out of my head, I finally decided to get up and put them away ) . To stop watching cleaning and organising youtube videos To engage in a major de-cluttering of our library. This will be a huge chore as my husband is a massive book lover but I guess that's why we have kindle! To make the most of living in the countryside and to go for long strolls when the weather improves. To take in the beauty of the landscapes and to listen to the birds singing To stop obsessing about the 'finer details' To not allow myself to be riled by people's negative talk To stay happy and to 'live in the moment' To be more forgiving of myself. It's OK to slip up To continue being a bit eccentric and keeping the 'child' in me alive To continue laughing out loud, smiling whole heartedly and enjoying the smaller things in life To travel more To learn to make peace with the past. Onwards and upwards InshAllah I have made quite a lot of headway on a number of these already. The last two years of my life have been cray cray hectic. I think I owe it to myself to be a little kinder to myself. Of course, I hope to maintain my spiritual and religious development too. Please pray for me.
  14. Aflower

    Does anyone play Minecraft?

    @Miss Wonderful My kids played Minecraft when they were about 7/8 years old. But don't let that put you off as I know that people of all ranges do play Minecraft. I can't give any first hand insight into the game as it was my husband who used to supervise them playing. It was 'all the rage' in the United Kingdom about 4-5 years ago. My husband is abroad for work ATM so I can't ask him about the specifics but I do recall that my kids picked up lots of general knowledge from the game too. My husband is hugely into gaming but we don't approve of the kids being exposed to too much screen time. My husband approved of the game because he said that unlike most games where the aim is to tear things apart, annihilate objects, and kill people brutally, to the contrary this game teaches one to build, construct and nurture. It also helps to develop visuospatial reasoning skills, which in turn helps with non verbal reasoning. My husband argued that this game was actually educational as well as entertaining. As @Khaadim az-Zahra has already specified, if you are a creative person then you should enjoy this.
  15. Aflower

    Who find this world of little value.

    Thank you for sharing them though - very thought provoking. Food for the soul.