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In the Name of God بسم الله


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  1. Inshallah there is justice hereafter. That is the only thing that is keeping me a little sane. I wish there was a switch which I could switch off and I would forget about what he has done but there isn't and I am sure time will heal. I know I am repeating myself but I am raging aswell as crying over the idea that he played with my emotions for 10 years. 10 years of my precious life in which he claimed to love me. And then after wasting those just walking out without any accountability and be able to switch off all that "love" and "care". It's unbelievable. Inshallah I will overcome this but the way things are around me right now hinder things for me. I live in a small town, I have finished university, the Muslims here are either too out of hands (drinking and indulging in haram things) or too extreme. I am considering going away for a masters degree to get out of this place. Being in the same place is really achieving nothing for me. He kept me in a bubble by promising me me marriage. He made sure I believed that he will fulfil his promise of marrying me no matter what so I planned my life accordingly. But as he abruptly left me, here I am not only hurt but completely clueless about life and what I want to do. I do talk to my mother and my father but over the years they have seen me cry a lot. Since the age of 22 when he spoke to his parents I have cried and shouted a lot. 3 times he told me he is sorting this marriage out, and then it didn't happen, I cried a lot to the point I was breathless. He disappointed me a lot and made me beg him and the finally 2 years ago his parents made the promise to my parents that's when I stopped crying. And when this whole istikhara thing came I cried too and I shouted to the point that my parents got too worried. I can't keep on doing this, my parents are getting older, my mother has a heart condition and my father is diabetic I don't want them to see me cry and make their health even worse. The person I truely want to talk to are his parents but they won't talk, they won't answer my calls and they have just decided to walk away without any accountability. I am the one left oppressed with no voice. The only one who can hear this pain is you all and ofcourse Allah. He is watching all this. That guy has blocked me and is moving on with his life now. He posts on a gaming website and is trying to apply for jobs and here I am trying to move on but it's getting difficult. I agree, the situation you have described above is true care. Unfortunately mine isn't care. It was just use and abuse, then dispose off the individual. I thought his parents would atleast show some level of care but I think they are the ones to mainly blame for this all. I just imagine if I married him they would have done a lot worse so maybe I am glad Allah has saved me in a way. Thank you for your support, your kind words really comfort me in this awful time. It could have been a lot worse I appreciate that. But this is really hard. If it wasn't for Shia chat I don't know where I would be right now. Thank you
  2. and when I say human interaction I mean it in a sense to let these feelings and emotions out. Clearly he couldn't even call me because the Internet connection in Pakistan according to him is really bad. And that his dad broke the internet router when he got angry seeing him talking to me. My family have heard about all this enough I don't want to make my parents sad anymore. My brother doesn't live with us anymore since he has got his own house and my younger sister is at uni. I have no one to actually talk about all this apart from you all. I wanted to talk to his parents but they never answered and even if they did I doubt they would have any sympathy for me
  3. @Intellectual Resistance Thank you so much for this compilation and going out of your way to help me out. May Allah bless you and give you everything that you desire in this life and after. I am just watching the video now.. I have to be patient because Allah works in amazing ways. it is very hard to be patient right now but I am trying my best. All thanks to your help
  4. Exactly! Real care is when you love someone enough to commit to them islamically and not show "love" and "care" when it suits them. He kept saying I tried for 10 years to get married to you and when the istikhara came out bad it's not my fault. What kind of joke is that! Using 10 years of my life and then putting everything down to an istikhara. Since when did istikhara become a condition for marriage and if it was that important than why not do it earlier. When I asked him that he said I didn't know. That I didn't know answer would not bring back my time and the emotional investment I put in this whole thing. I remember the amount of times I tried to convince his parents. It was a joke. I am so hurt that words can't even explain. When I blocked him the next day after that he blocked me aswell and my family. Clearly he doesn't feel responsible. I am sad that he will get to enjoy his life, be able to get married but I will be left with nothing in the end. I am so lonely right now. I know I have Allah with me but I also need human interaction which I don't have anymore. How can someone leave another person like this. This is cruelty. He was very immature in the way he handled everything in life. From his career to me. i feel used and when the "istikhara" came bad he threw me away like o am worth nothing. Today has to be the worst day. I feel sick and I am really angry. I do agree that it could have been a lot worse but I just want Allah to serve justice for all the pain he has given me. If there was a court in this earth I would take him there and make sure he faced consequences for his actions but there isn't because he kept me in a haram relationship for such a long time by promising me marriage everyday and there I was being stupid and believing his lies. He manipulated me and took advantage of my good nature and my trust.
  5. yesterday I cried a lot because one thing about him was that he was loyal to me and he was always there when I was upset and now I have no one. I never thought that out of everyone he would deceive me like this and give me the biggest pain in my life. What hurts me the most is that he took 10 years of my life trying to convince his parents. I just wish I didn't allow him to do that. He changed a lot in the end and it felt like he didn't want this marriage or someone was pressurising him on this istikhara. This whole situation was abusive and it was done to silence me. i invested too much time to be left like this. Today I had another dream about him and when I woke I checked my phone and saw a missed call from his father? I am really confused why is his dad calling me? Maybe he called me by mistake or something but I was a bit shocked to see a missed call from his dad. That call made me even more upset and I am wondering why he is ringing me now? I am trying to move on but it is really tough. You are right.. Maybe if I stay strong like this, Allah will give me something better. I literally had to beg him to sort this marriage out. He never took care of my needs. Everytime I would mention that his mother doesn't talk to me he would make me feel it was my mistake in wanting to talk to her and as if I was making a stupid demand.. When all I wanted was a bit of love. They never valued me, nor did he value me. They never realised my worth. I am not arrogant or anything but Allah has blessed me with a lot of qualities but they would never value them. They just hated me because I was not their choice. It would be nice to find someone like the way you are describing. Someone who would value me, someone who won't make me beg for things to happen. Maybe I am just being a little impatient but I want it to happen soon. I am so tired of this. Everytime I see someone else getting married I get so upset and think when will my time come. I never thought marriage would become such a hurdle in my life.
  6. Not all nandos (in the UK) are halal. The ones that are halal are advertised as halal when you go into the resteraunt or on their website.
  7. Wasalam, i can't stop crying today. The fact that he has ruined my life chances and wasted 10 years of my life is killing me. I could have been married to someone else, had a family by now but I spent all that time waiting for him to convince his parents and in the end leave me empty handed. I keep seeing him in my dreams and when I wake up I feel more upset. I want to forget it all but I can't forget or forgive what he has done to me. My precious time that has been wasted will never come back. The opportunities I missed or the proposals I got won't come back. I declined everyone for him blindly and all that for him to stab me in the end like this. I am angry at myself for allowing someone to do this to me. The last conversation I had with him, he was disrespecting me and saying to me that I am scared and not trusting Allah and I have no faith in him because I was not happy with him doing the istikhara. That has left an even bitter taste in my mouth and I don't want to talk to him but today I am really upset. Also I have not been doing anything today apart from being at home maybe that's why I am feeling like this. I really have no friends left who I can talk to or feel comfortable talking about this situation. thank you @Intellectual Resistance for your constant effort trying to help me out. I won't be contacting him. I was very close to unblocking him and writing my feelings on Watsapp but I am gonna leave it. Thank you for keeping me in your duas. Really means a lot in this tough time in my life. He was my only friend and now I have no one but you all here to talk to about this.
  8. Salam everyone, hope you are all well. Guys today I feel really broken, I think my strength is wearing out now. I do not miss him but I feel so betrayed and mistreated. I feel like unblocking him today and telling him how he has mistreated me and asking him, why did you do all this? After I gave him 10 years of life because he promised me marriage no matter what. When I showed him that istikhara was not mandatory but still he manipulated it in a way that he could use it as an excuse to leave me. After all these years when I thought finally, I can breath in peace at the very last moment he blew everything apart for me. All these dreams I had and he left me empty handed and not feel responsible for it.. I want to ask him why he followed me when I left him at the age of 22 when his mother was not agreeing to this marriage. He called me 100 times a day to get back with him because he would marry me immediately. His parents asked for my proposal but do not even feel accountable from the promise they broke? He promised me marriage and doesn't feel accountable for anything. I know contacting him will not achieve anything. But I want him to know that he should feel responsible for all this. He should not be allowed to move on and live his life happily when he has wasted so much of my time. I am so lonely now. I have no friends left. Praying is not helping me either
  9. Thank you! Definitely not old but you know what, I imagined myself to be married by 25 but someone wasted 10 years of my life by leading me on. I am just annoyed that what I had planned for myself, which was to be married in mid 20s didn't happen. Also, I live in the UK, there are hardly any decent people here that I would consider getting married to. That is the only reason why I am getting worried. I live in a small town here. Also, my friends just got recently married so I feel left behind. Please keep me in your duas, I am sure everything will be okay in the end.
  10. That's true! The best thing to do is to wait for the right person.. at the moment I need to work on myself. You are right, better be alone than to be with wrong person. Life is too short to live in tears.
  11. I am speaking from personal experience, if his parents don't agree right now, they won't agree later on and will create problems for you. I went through the same thing as you, the guy wanted to convince his parents so he took 10 years of my life and in the end his parents still a manged to break everything. I strongly advise you to not waste time and distance yourself before you get too attached.
  12. I am 28 right now, was meant to get married this year but the guy played a big game by bringing it down to an istikhara at the very last moment after promising me marriage for 10 year. Worried now because I feel like I am too old to find a decent man now. Hopefully want to get married before the age of 30
  13. Salam, Thank you brother for your support and wise words. I came on this forum just to ask one question, thinking it would help me and him out because he was making it out to be that istikhara was mandatory and he didn't wanted to do it but he had no choice. But you all helped me not only by answering my question, but by providing me emotional support along with ways to get out of this situation. You helped me identify the main problem and his true intentions. Thank you. Everytime I feel sad I just come on Shia chat, type how I feel here and someone comes in to offer support. Thank you. May Allah bless you all. You are always in my prayers. Allah is witnessing you all helping someone who you don't even know to such an extent that they can think rationally. May Allah reward you all. I may have my faults as no one is perfect but one thing was for certain that my intentions to marry him were pure. I have learned a great lesson here and I will not be repeating the same mistake. Just keep me in your duas. That's all I need. I can't believe how fast I am recovering from this. I never thought I would let go of him, esp after 10 years. But he was toxic and kept me in a lot of pain. It was painful listening to promises of marriage each and every year and I had enough. Atleast that phase of my life is over. I wish I walked out of all this a long time ago, but I was a lot younger and naive. I did walk out when I was 22 but he persuaded me that he will marry me and then Led me on for more time and then used religion to make himself not feel guilty about doing all this to me. I hope this doesn't happen to any girl. No one deserves this. I strongly urge people to not get involved in haram relationships no matter how innocent they may seem and how genuine the other person is. If he isn't married to you, you shouldn't be speaking to him.
  14. Ofcourse not, I know you have the purest intention when you say this. It is the truth. I think every girl should read this thread who is in a non Islamic relationship and thinks that the guy who claims to "love" her is guaranteed to marry her. He can walk out of your life any time because you are not married to him, and until you aren't you shouldn't be attaching yourself emotionally to a non mehram. In my case unfortunately when my parents found out about him it was too late. Even when his parents and my parents got involved there was no guarantee. As you can see he walked out after 10 years, obviously his parents also had a big part to play. They shouldn't have promised my parents about the marriage by formally calling my parents and then breaking it down to an istikhara. Until you are married , they can walk out of any sort of commitment. It's easy for people to break promise these days. I remember when his parents called my parents to Pakistan to talk about the marriage but instead humiliated them, they said let him and her talk and be "friends" they can marry other ppl. Nothing wrong with being friends. That's the kind of of mentality his parents had. I am glad Allah saved me
  15. Thank you for sharing such a wonderful video. Made me feel a lot more positive. I can over come this pain inshallah and I hope Allah rewards me for those 10 years that have been wasted. i am so grateful to Allah for all his blessings. I'm so grateful for being a Muslim and having Muslim brothers and sisters like yourself who help each other in the time of need. I am truly blessed. Thank you
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